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Patrick pulled away for the second time, looking up at Pete indignantly. "What the fuck, I told you I don't like having my hair pulled on when I'm fake going down on you--who do you think I am, Joe?"
Joe, without looking away from the television, or pausing his button mashing, raised his voice to be heard. "Hey, I take offense to that."
Andy snorted, also not pausing to look away from the screen. "You take offense to something that's true?"
"No, just the way he said it."
Pete huffed. "Can we get back to the matter at hand?" He complained. "Patrick, stop bitching about me pulling on your hair when you're fake going down on me. This needs to look authentic. And both of you shut up, you aren't in this thing yet."
Patrick sat back on his haunches, glaring up at Pete as he rubbed his head. "It'd look more authentic if you didn't yank on my hair--and why the hell are we making a fake porno anyways? Don't we have better things to do with our time?"
"No, no we don't," Pete said, sort of chipper. "Now can we please get back to the task at hand?"
Patrick folded his arms and shook his head. "Yeah, no. Not until you stop trying to pull my hair. You wanna do that, get Joe to give you a fake blowjob."
Pete frowned, and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well," he mused, "I suppose that would be an unexpected angle for this--maybe a jealousy one, and you come in and get mad at me for cheating--"
"Hey! I don't wanna be the home wrecker in this scenario, and I'm not gonna fake blow you."
Pete's voice turned wheedling. "Please? What if I pull on your hair while you're doing it?"
Joe didn't even have to think about it. "No."
"What if I pulled your hair while you were for real blowing me?"
"Oh, yes, that's exactly what was wrong in that scenario. Please, Peter, oh please, I've always wanted you to yank on my hair while I sucked your cock."
Patrick and Andy didn't even bother to hide their snickers.
Pete huffed again. "Fine, what would it take for you to do it then?"
"Five hundred dollars an hour," Joe said immediately. Pete's mouth dropped open.
"Seriously? We make the same amount of money though!"
"Yeah, from the band. But I'm not the one who wants to do this, and I'm not the one in charge of a record label--or an old fashion line. Take it or leave it dude."
He had finally taken his eyes off the game to look at Pete, who still looked shocked.
"Ugh, really? Fucking--three hundred an hour."
"Four."
"Three fifty is the most I'll give you."
Joe shrugged. "Guess you don't wanna make this porn after all."
"Fine, four hundred it is. Get your sweet ass over here so we can do it."
Joe cheered lazily, finally looking away from Pete. "Awesome. Just lemme finish kicking Andy's ass at Mario Kart and--hey! Andy you cheater, you unpaused the game!"
Andy grinned at him smugly. "No, you just never paused it in the first place, so I did what any good winner would do and finished--so sorry you lost."
Joe kicked him, looking petulant. "That's not even fair, I want a rematch."
Pete coughed. "You can have your rematch after you get over here and blow me dude. C'mon, times a'wasting."
Joe and Andy promptly ignored him. "I'm totally gonna kick your ass for doing that--"
"You can't even beat me in Mario Kart, how are you gonna beat me in real life?"
"Yeah Joe," Patrick butted in, "Andy can literally deadlift more than what you weigh. I think you'd lose."
Joe huffed. "Fuck all of you, I could totally kick Andy's ass. I'm like a foot taller than him, and he's a pacifist."
Andy put his controller aside and stared at Joe. "You sure you wanna make that bet? Because we could find out, right now."
"No, no, don't make that bet until after we do this," Pete whined. "Joe, get over here so we can do this already. We're running out of time."
But Joe was ignoring him, instead putting his controller down as well before he tried to surprise Andy by tackling him.
It...wasn't a fair fight, after that. Patrick was cheering them on as Pete sulked, although the fight didn't last long enough for him to get worked up properly. It was maybe five minutes of Joe and Andy tussling, before Andy had Joe on his back and was sitting on him, while Joe made offended noises and tried to buck him off.
"You cheated," he said indignantly. "I wasn't ready."
"You're the one who tried to tackle me without warning. I'd say that's pretty ready to me."
Joe squirmed underneath him, although all it served to do is make Andy clamp his thighs around his middle more.
"This still isn't fair. I want a rematch," he muttered, pouting a bit.
Patrick snickered again, and crawled closer to them, patting Joe's head. "Don't do it. Now you've got him all worked up and he'd do it again, easily."
Pete, not one to be ignored, strode over as well, crouching down next to Patrick. "I suppose I can work with this," he mused. "We could have a fake spit roast, with Joe in the middle."
Joe turned his head and leaned in to bite Pete's hand, making him yelp, and pull away, rubbing his hand indignantly.
"What was that for?"
"I don't wanna get spit roasted, fake or not. That's more Patrick's thing."
Patrick tugged on his hair, making Joe whine. "Shut up, it is not."
Pete made an annoyed noise, and stopped rubbing his hand. “Yeah, well, now it’s your thing, seeing as you’re down on the ground like that. So Patrick, if you’ll get out of the way we can do this thing.”
“I don’t wanna be spit roasted,” Joe said again, insistently. “I just wanna pretend to blow Pete for four hundred bucks an hour, and then go back to kicking Andy’s ass at Mario Kart.”
Andy snorted. “You couldn’t beat me even if my hands were tied behind my back. And this is Pete’s fake porno. If he wants to see you get spit roasted…”
“Then he can pay me more money. I was told I was only gonna have to fake blow him, not get fake fucked too. Why do I have to be the one who takes it up the ass?”
Andy patted his back sympathetically. “Because you’re the one who’s already on the ground. Maybe if you had won you’d be the one fucking me, but since you lost…”
Joe made a distressed whining noise, and dropped his head on the ground, which only made Pete tsk, batting Patrick’s hands away so he could thread his fingers through Joe’s hair himself.
“Don’t worry, I’ll treat you right, promise. It’s gonna be the most gentle, best fake sex you’ve ever had.”
Patrick rolled his eyes, and dropped his voice to a mock whisper. “Don’t believe him, he said that to me and I think he tore chunks out of my hair.”
Pete straightened up, looking offended, although he didn’t release his hold on Joe’s hair. “I did not. You’re just a baby--”
“Yeah, well. I’m already bald enough, I don’t need to lose more hair before it’s time.”
Before Pete could reply, Joe butted in. “Yeah, well, I feel the same way. Can you let go of my hair now? And Andy, get your ass off of me, my back hurts.”
Andy rolled his eyes but got off of him, and Joe sat up carefully, making a face when Pete didn’t let go of his hair. “C’mon dude, lemme go. Bother Patrick instead--everyone likes some peterick, am I right?”
Patrick scowled and thumped his shoulder. “Don’t be a dick dude. You know I hate people talking about that.”
Pete made a kissy face at Patrick, and grabbed his face, pulling him in to plant a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “But honey, I love youuuuu. Don’t be like that. You’re just upset people like arguing about if you fuck or get fucked. But this porno will change things, I’m sure of it.”
Patrick pinched his side, making Pete squeak. “No, I don’t wanna do a fake porno anymore. I wanna just relax and play Mario Kart.”
“We only have two controllers dude, so--”
“So you’ll let Patrick play while you fake blow me? Awesome, you’re the best.”
When Pete pulled on Joe’s hair again, he yelped. “Red dude, red. I don’t wanna do this. Just give it up, no one wants to do a porn. Let’s just all relax and pet dogs or play video games or something, please?”
Pete immediately let go of Joe’s hair, and looked remorseful. “Sorry, Joe. And Patrick too, I guess. I won’t bring it up again, okay?”
Andy rolled his eyes and stood, dragging Patrick to his feet, as Patrick straightened out his shirt and huffed.
“Apology accepted, but you owe us both. No more talking about the porn and we get to do whatever we want in bed.”
“I’m thinking spit roast, myself,” Joe said, sitting up and stretching out his back. “Just cause you mentioned it.”
Pete groaned. “Seriously? I hope you mean one of you in the middle, because I’m totally a top, dude. Even the fans say that.”
“Yeah, well, we’re not the fans, now are we? So stop being a baby and agree so we can go back to video games and movies, please.”
Pete narrowed his eyes, but nodded, semi-reluctantly. “fine. I accept your terms, or whatever, but next time it’s a free for all, got it? And I’m gonna own your asses.”
Andy hauled him to his feet and patted his back sympathetically. “If you say so, Pete. But c’mon. Mario Kart time.”