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“It’s just porn,” Eddie says to himself as he slams the lid of his laptop down and looks around his bedroom furtively. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
He stares down at the mess he’s made of his boxers, not even having managed to get a hand around himself before he’d come, and sighs.
“Nothing at all.”
By the time Chris gets home from Robotics Club, Eddie is showered, and the kitchen is cleaner than it’s been since the day they moved in, but he’s still filled with anxious energy. He’s scouring the already pristine stovetop when Chris manages to sneak up on him.
“Why are you scrubbing the stove?” he asks, making Eddie jump and drop the scouring pad in surprise. “We barely even use it.”
“Shit,” Eddie says. “When did you get home?”
“Swear jar!” Chris teases him, even though it’s been years since Eddie has bothered with the thing.
“Ha ha,” Eddie deadpans, before crossing the room to pull Chris into a hug. “Missed you. How was robot class?”
Chris pats his back awkwardly, firmly in the ‘too cool to hug his dad’ phase of life, and wriggles until Eddie releases him.
“It was fine,” Chris says, pausing just long enough that Eddie knows it definitely wasn’t fine.
“What’s up, kid?” Eddie asks, leading Chris to the couch so he can take a break from his crutches and sit down.
“I really wanted to go to Jenny’s birthday party,” Chris says after a few minutes of stubborn silence sitting side by side.
Eddie turns to look at him and frowns.
“Does Jenny not like you or something? I thought all the kids in the club were pretty cool.”
“Jenny is the coolest,” Chris says, sighing, and Eddie has to fight the urge not to laugh at the tribulations of young crushes.
“Then what’s the problem?” Eddie asks.
Chris looks down at his knees, glasses slipping over his nose, before answering.
“Her mom said I couldn’t come because it’s a pool party and she didn’t want “a liability” there,” he says in a small voice.
“What the fuck,” Eddie says.
“That’s what I said!” Chris says, looking back up. “I mean, uh.. I said what the heck.”
“It’s fine,” Eddie says. “I mean, please don’t cuss at other adults, but this is definitely a what the fuck situation.”
“I told Jenny I could sit by the pool while they swam,” Chris says. “I’ll even wear the stupid floaties that I hate. But her mom wouldn’t even let her talk. She just told me I needed to have ‘more reasonable expectations’ and dragged Jenny away.”
Eddie always thought the phrase “seeing red” was an exaggeration, but hearing the casual cruelty a grown woman had thrown at his thirteen year old is enough for the blood to rush in his ears so loudly that he fears for a moment that he might blink and have her face under his knuckles.
“Ok,” Eddie says, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself. “Do you have this lady’s phone number? We need to have a chat.”
Chris groans.
“Nooo,” he says. “I don’t want you talk to her. She still won’t let me come to the party and then Jenny will be weird to me, too.”
“Mijo, I can’t just let her say shit like that to you and not say anything,” Eddie says. “She can’t just be such a c… crappy person, and expect everyone to be fine with that.”
“Please, dad,” Chris says, giving Eddie his saddest eyes. “Can you at least wait until after the party?”
“Fine,” Eddie begrudgingly says. “But I’m not happy about it.”
“I know,” Chris says. “I guess I have to get used to people like her, though.” He shrugs as he says it, trying to look unaffected, but Eddie knows his son.
“No, you don’t,” he says, firmly. “There are always going to be assholes who look at you and only see your condition, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. Never allow someone to treat you like that, ok? I don’t care if you’re 40 years old, if you need me to fight with you, all you have to do is tell me where to be.”
“You’re so dramatic,” Chris huffs, but he gives Eddie a watery smile. “Thanks.”
“That’s my job, bud,” Eddie says. “Now decide what you want for dinner before I make you hug me again.”
“Oh!” Chris says, “I forgot to ask. Can I go over to Ben’s for the night? His parents said they don’t mind as long as you’re ok with it, and they’re making homemade raviolis!”
“Have I met them?” Eddie asks. “I don’t want you spending the night with people I’ve never met.”
“You can meet them when you drop me off?” Chris says, “please?”
Eddie sighs, already knowing he’s going to give in.
“Ok, ok,” he says. “Go get your stuff ready, I’ll drop you off. But if I think they’re weird, we’re turning right back around.”
“Yes!” Chris says, grinning and actually letting Eddie help him up off the couch without complaint for once.
Eddie just rolls his eyes fondly. Teenagers.
When Eddie drives up to the nice but not ostentatious house the GPS leads him to, he’s surprised to see Ben waiting for Chris in front of it, flanked by a middle aged man on both sides.
“Ben has two dads?” Eddie asks as they park. “I didn’t know that.”
Chris shrugs.
“I guess,” he says. “Are you gonna be weird about it?”
“Why would I be weird about it?” Eddie asks, frowning slightly. “Do you think I’ll be weird about it?”
“Abuelo..” Chris says hesitantly.
Eddie groans. Damn his father and his old-school homophobic attitude.
“Abuelo shouldn’t be spewing bullshit around you,” Eddie says. “We know better, right?”
“Right,” Chris agrees, “now can we goooo?”
They finally make their way to the little group and Eddie offers a friendly smile as they reach them.
“I’m Eddie,” he says, “Chris kinda sprung this sleepover on me, so I figured I should at least come say hello.”
“Anton,” the tall man with icy blue eyes says, before tilting his head towards the other man. “That’s my darling husband Jake. Who also didn’t tell me we were having a guest.”
“Daaad,” Ben whines. “Don’t scare Chris’ dad.”
“It’s fine,” Eddie says with amusement. “I’d be more worried if your dads weren’t hesitant to have a surprise extra kid.”
“See?” Jake says, “it’s all good. Eddie doesn’t seem like a serial killer, and we already know Christopher.”
“I suppose we do always make way too many raviolis,” Anton says, giving his husband a fond look. “Fine. Sleepover allowed! But you boys have to be asleep by 11, ok?”
Eddie snorts before he can help it.
“I have to at least try,” Anton says drolly. “Even though I know it’s a losing battle.”
“Can we go play x-box now?” Ben asks, bored of the conversation.
His dads waves him off, and he heads towards the house, Chris hesitating for a moment and looking at Eddie.
“Have fun, kid,” Eddie says. “Be good. If you want to come home at any point, you just call me, ok? Otherwise I’ll come get you around 10 tomorrow if that’s ok with Ben’s dads.”
“That’s fine,” Jake says, “our plans tomorrow are football and snacks, we’ll be around.”
Eddie tamps down on the surprise his dumb brain has at the idea of gay men enjoying football just like straight men do. He really needs to work on unlearning so much from his childhood.
“Ok, bye dad!” Chris says, shuffling off after Ben as quickly as he can, leaving Eddie with the dads.
“I’ll let you get back to your ravioli,” he says. “Chris obviously has my number if anything comes up.”
He gives a little half wave and starts to turn around, before Anton stops him.
“Would you like to have dinner with us?” he asks, to the apparent shock of Jake, if his wide eyes are any indication.
“Sorry,” Jake says, smoothing out his expression. “He just doesn’t usually invite people to dinner of his accord.”
“The poor boy looks like he needs a friend,” Anton says, shrugging. “I’m allowed to be nice.”
“It’s really ok,” Eddie says, wondering how Anton managed to sniff out his loneliness with apparent ease. “I won’t intrude. Chris would probably think I’m embarrassing him anyway, and he already barely puts up with my affection.”
“Our oldest was like that, too,” Jake says. “He’s 20 now and has come full circle. Seeks out hugs and everything. Chris will come around eventually.”
“Benny has always been a cuddle-bug,” Anton adds, and Eddie has to stifle his delight at the intimidating looking man saying the words cuddle-bug.
“Well, there you go,” Jake says, “have another kid. Unlimited cuddles!”
Eddie laughs.
“I’ll get right on that.”
“Sure you won’t join us?” Anton asks, and Eddie shakes his head.
“I appreciate it though,” he says. “Maybe the next sleepover, if Chris doesn’t drive you nuts.”
“We’ll pack you up some leftovers, then,” Anton decides, reaching out to clap Eddie on the shoulder before spinning around and heading towards the house.
“Nice to meet you,” Jake says, warmly. “You get used to him.”
“You too,” Eddie says, shaking Jake’s hand and then heading back to his car.
He thinks about the interaction the entire ride home, about how the men weren’t anything like the stereotypical gay men he’s been taught to expect. About how even though they hadn’t even touched, the warm fondness between them was as apparent as any happy couple Eddie had known. About how it had all just seemed so…normal.
Cursing his childhood indoctrination once again, Eddie shakes his head of the thoughts and focuses on the road.
The problem with suddenly having the night unexpectedly free is that now the laptop Eddie had fled from earlier seems to be mocking him from its place on his bed.
“Nope,” he says, pointing at it. “That was just a weird fluke. I didn’t even know what I was clicking on.”
He groans to himself, feeling crazy. He’s talking out loud to a laptop for heaven’s sake.
The laptop, predictably, says nothing.
“I was just pent up,” he mutters. “It’s not my fault there didn’t happen to be any women in the video.” “God, Anton was right,” he says, “I really do need more friends. Instead of talking to a fucking laptop.”
He considers calling Chim or Hen, or even Bobby, but nixes that idea almost as quickly as he has it. No way is he telling anyone on his team about his weird accidental porn adventure that has spurned an entire internal breakdown.
“I know,” Eddie says suddenly. “I just need to prove it was a fluke!” He paces around the room before heading towards his bed with determination. “I’ll just watch another video, and nothing will happen, and then I can be done with it. And hopefully stop talking to myself.”
Eddie pulls back up the website he’d been on and purposely chooses the first video he sees under the Gay section, sticking his crappy wired headphones in, just in case.
“This will be fine,” he says, as the first man comes into view. Eddie gulps.
The actor is handsome, Eddie supposes, in a kind of douchebag bro way. He’s sitting on an ugly couch, legs spread wide, and wearing nothing but a backwards baseball cap and a pair of snug boxer-briefs. The camera zooms in on his hand as he rubs his bulge slowly, clearly more for show than anything. Eddie watches silently as another man enters the scene and immediately crawls into the first mans lap and kisses him. This one is fully nude already, dick hard against his belly, and Eddie is almost instantly just as hard.
The scene changes then, and suddenly the men are full-on fucking, the second man bent over the ugly couch with the first one pounding into his, still wearing the stupid baseball cap. Eddie watches, enthralled, not noticing the video is coming to an end until it goes black and then flashes with a message that says “See Full Video Here!”.
He’s clicking on the link before he can even think about it, and is brought to a fancy looking but definitely still extremely pornographic site filled with pictures and clips of men fucking.
FREE TRIAL beckons him from a little pop up on the corner, and Eddie thinks with slight hysteria that he’s never been one to pass up a free trial. He enters his credit card information by memory, giving the terms and conditions only a cursory glance before he accepts them and the page lets him click on the video he’d be watching again.
An hour and so many impossible looking positions later, Eddie’s abdomen actually hurts from coming so hard and so many times in quick succession, and he’s pretty sure he needs to burn his sheets.
“Fuck,” he says when he finally shuts the computer down.
It was definitely not a fluke.
The next month is a special kind of hell for Eddie. He finds himself in a vicious cycle of jerking off to the videos whenever he has the house to himself and then spending the next few days wracked with guilt and shame. What’s worse is now that he’s realized that he finds men attractive, it’s like he can’t noticing them.
“Hey, handsome,” a twenty-something guy says to him as Eddie wraps up his busted ankle. “If I knew they’d send their hottest firefighters, I would’ve fallen down the stairs sooner.”
From a few feet away, Hen laughs, but keeps her focus on the other man who had tumbled down the stairs thanks to bad timing and a minor earthquake.
“Uh,” Eddie says, freezing. He’s been hit on before, by people of all genders, and he’s never had a problem just laughing and moving on until now.
“That was a joke, by the way,” the guy says, giving Eddie a concerned look. “Well, not the hot part. But I assume you own a mirror. I definitely didn’t fall down the stairs on purpose.”
“Sorry,” Eddie says, “just spaced out for a minute. You should be ok, but you should follow up with a doctor if the swelling doesn’t go down by tomorrow.”
“You can have my number if you want,” the guy says, giving Eddie a hopeful look. “If you want to check up on me or something…”
“Oh, bud,” Chim laughs, coming up to stand by where Eddie is crouched. “You’re barking up the wrong tree. Eddie here is straight as an arrow.”
The guy looks at Eddie for confirmation, and Eddie manages a shrug of what he hopes is agreement.
“Damn,” the guy says. “Well, thank you for patching me up, even if you are tragically heterosexual.”
Eddie laughs as he stands up and nods.
“No problem,” he says. “Use the handrails from now on, ok?”
He walks away before the guy can do more than nod, and they’re thankfully off to the next call before he can think too hard about how he had almost accepted the man’s offer.
It’s a long day.
When Eddie gets the reminder email that his free month of Holes 4 Bros is coming to an end, he breathes a sigh of relief. He can unsubscribe and hopefully take back some control of his life and his libido.
“No no no,” Eddie says, scrolling through his account and menu frantically. “Where’s the cancel button?”
When he finally finds the instructions to cancel, he feels the blood drain from his face. “Call our toll-free number to cancel your membership!” the website proclaims.
Eddie decides that maybe $50 a month isn’t really all that bad, actually. He’ll just have to work on better impulse control.
He lasts two more months before he realizes he really needs to cancel the membership. The novelty has worn off enough that now he only goes on the site a few times a month, and he just can’t justify the ongoing cost. On his next day off that Chris is at school, he steels himself, sits up against his headboard, and calls the 800 number.
“Thank you for calling Multimedia Missives,” a male voice answers after a few minutes, “my name is Buck, how can I assist you today?”
“I need to cancel my membership,” Eddie says, “to, um, to one of your websites.”
“Ok,” the guy says, before dropping his voice to less cheerful tone. “Can you confirm your name and last four of the card number?”
Eddie does, and the man takes a moment to go over the details before he hums.
“Alright, I have your account here. Looks like you’re signed up for our very popular Holes 4 Bros subscription. Can I ask why you’re ending your membership?”
Eddie hesitates, not wanting to dump his queer revelation trauma onto a perfect stranger.
“It’s just a little pricy,” he decides on. “Can’t really justify it anymore.”
“That’s understandable,” Buck says, murmuring sympathetically. “I see you’re based in Los Angeles, right? The cost of living is insane these days.”
“It really is,” Eddie sighs. “Plus, teenagers are expensive.”
“Uh,” Buck says, suddenly quiet.
“Oh god,” Eddie says, realizing how it had sounded. “Not for porn!” he explains. “I have a teenager, and he never stops eating or growing out of his shoes!”
“Oh,” the Buck says, sounding relieved. “Ok, good. And as a reminder, all of our models are at least twenty one years of age at time of filming.”
“That’s good,” Eddie says quickly, “great, even.”
“How about this,” Buck says, and Eddie hears rapid typing. “You keep the membership for the next month, but at the discounted price of $25.”
“I don’t know,” Eddie says, hesitantly. “I really don’t use it enough to be worth it.”
“If you change your mind within seven days, you can call back and get the month refunded,” Buck offers, and Eddie finds himself nodding along despite himself.
“Yeah, alright,” he says, shrugging. “But this is the last month. I’ll be calling back in 29 days to cancel.”
“Completely up to you,” Buck says, and Eddie swears he can hear the amused smirk in his voice. “We’ll be here.”
Eddie disconnects the call and stares at his closed laptop before sighing.
Might as well make the most of his day off.
“Thank you for calling Multimedia Missives,” a familiar voice answers, “my name is Buck, how can I assist you today?”
“Oh, hey,” Eddie says, cringing at himself. Of course this agent wont remember a man he spoke to a month ago. “I mean, hi. I think I got you last month.”
“I remember you,” Buck says, his chipper customer service voice dropping down into something more natural sounding. “You were the one with the kid who keeps growing out of shoes.”
“I can’t believe you remember that,” Eddie says laughing. “He’s almost as tall as me now, it’s crazy.”
“Oh yeah?” Buck says, like he’s genuinely interested. “Well I guess that’s actually only impressive if you’re not like, super short.”
“What, your little file doesn’t tell you my height?” Eddie cant help but tease, grinning when Buck laughs brightly.
“Nope,” he says. “I can probably suss out your kinks if I really tried, but it doesn’t tell me a thing about your actual being.”
“Oh god,” Eddie groans, “please don’t tell me you guys go through our video history for fun.”
“I mean…” Buck says, before laughing. “Don’t worry, we don’t have access to all of that. Just the billing.”
“Good,” Eddie says. “Not because I’m into anything weird, it’s just, I don’t know, personal I guess.”
“Nothing’s weird unless you make it weird,” Buck says, and Eddie is oddly soothed by it.
“Thanks,” he says. “I really need to cancel this membership though.”
“Do you now?” Buck asks coyly. “Seems like you’ve been enjoying yourself, I’d hate to see you go.”
And listen. Eddie knows it’s a sales tactic. All an act. But god damn it if he doesn’t enjoy the way Buck’s voice dips low and suggestive with the words.
“I do,” he says, trying his best to sound firm.
Buck hums thoughtfully and Eddie waits, wondering what offer he’ll pull out next.
“How would you feel about the next month being just $30,” Buck asks, “but with an additional included membership to our Gaily Matinee site. It’s mostly movie parodies, to be honest, but the production value is surprisingly good.”
“What kind of movies?” Eddie asks, unfortunately intrigued.
Buck chuckles warmly and Eddie accepts defeat.
“Some of our more popular titles include “Missionary Impossible, The Fast and the Furriest,” Buck says, “that one is a big hit with the bear community. And of course, for our history buffs, “Indiana Bones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull-Fucking.”
“Jesus Christ,” Eddie wheeze with laughter, “that last one cannot be real. You’re messing with me.”
“I assure you I am not,” Buck says with delight. Eddie wonders briefly if his smile is as pretty as it sounds.
“Alright,” Eddie says when he stops laughing, “you win this one. I need to see these stupid movies. I’ll take it.”
“Excellent,” Buck says.
He types some more and Eddie confirms none of his details have changed, and he’s about to hang up when Buck speaks again.
“I guess we’ll hear from you in 29 days?” he asks, and maybe Eddie is imagining it, but he swears the man sounds hopeful.
“Definitely,” Eddie says. “Before y’all bankrupt me in the name of high production values.”
Buck is still laughing as Eddie disconnects the call, and he thinks about the sound of it for the rest of the night.
“Ok,” Eddie says one weekend when Hen has him and Chimney over for brunch while Chris and Denny play video games. “If I tell you guys something, you need to promise not to make it weird.”
“Oh, now I need to know,” Karen says, settling down in her chair next to Hen and grinning over at Eddie.
Eddie sticks his tongue out at her and she returns the gesture along with two middle fingers raised at him.
“Love you, too,” Karen says, and Eddie huffs a laugh. He can never stay annoyed at her.
“Can you be cool?” Eddie asks, looking between Hen and Chim.
“As a cucumber,” Chim says, before taking a long sip of his mimosa. “Lay it on me.”
Eddie looks to Hen, who raises an eyebrow.
“Am I not always cool?”
“Fair enough,” Eddie says, before taking a deep breath to address the group.
“So,” he begins. “I’ve been doing a lot of, uh, learning these last few months. And I think. Well, no, I know, at least like 75% sure that I’m uh, gay. Actually like super gay, really.”
“Oh,” Chim says, looking relieved. “That’s all? I thought you were gonna tell us you were dying or something.”
“Only my soul, according to my parents,” Eddie jokes, and it only hurts a little bit.
“That’s some bullshit,” Karen says, giving him a stern look. “You’re perfectly made, just as you are. Whatever your sexuality. Your parents can kiss my ass, frankly.”
“Babe,” Hen says, laughing. “How many of those have you already had?”
“Don’t worry about my drinks, lover,” Karen says. “Reassure your friend you love him, he’s scared of losing you despite the fact that we’re literally lesbians.”
“How did you…” Eddie asks, incredulously.
“Lesbians know everything,” Karen says sagely, and Hen and Chim nod in agreement.
“I’m proud of you,” Hen says, reaching over the table and placing her hand on Eddie’s. “Seriously. I know how hard it can be to accept it, even after you’ve figured it out. Of course we still love you, you’re stuck with us forever, got it?”
“Got it,” Eddie says, throat tight with emotion.
“Cheers for Eddie!” Karen says, raising her mostly empty glass. They raise theirs to match and drink, and Eddie finally feels like he can breathe again.
“So, Eddie,” Chim says a little later. “Are you seeing anyone?”
“Like a therapist?” Eddie asks, more than a little tipsy at this point.
Chim cracks up for a minute before shaking his head.
“No,” he says, “like a guy. A boyfriend, or partner, or whatever term you wanna use.”
“Oh,” Eddie says. His tipsy brain flashes to Buck’s warm laugh on the phone, and he flushes pink, hoping he can blame it on the alcohol.
“No,” he says, shrugging. “I think I just needed to figure this all out for myself first, you know?”
Chim nods, before clapping Eddie on the shoulder. “Smart man! Knowing thyself before throwing thyself.”
With that, he spins away in search of another mimosa and Eddie is left watching him with an amused smile. His friends are all ridiculous, but god he does love them.
Late that month, Eddie calls to cancel his membership, and even though he tries three different times, Buck doesn’t answer. Feeling slightly insane but doing it all the same, Eddie disconnects the call and accepts the fact that he’ll just pay whatever they charge him until the next month when he can try again.
The thing is, he actually rarely uses the site anymore. He’d come out to Chris shortly after his friends, and he’d accepted it without issue, as if Eddie had told him something as innocuous as his favorite color changing.
“You sure you don’t want to talk more about it?” Eddie had asked, and Chris had just shrugged.
“Lots of my friends have queer parents, dad,” he’d said. “It’s no big deal.”
He’d even allowed Eddie to hug him for an entire minute, and press exactly one kiss into his hair.
It was a good day.
Before he knows it, the month is almost at an end and Eddie finds himself calling Multimedia Missives once again.
“Thank you for calling Multimedia…” Buck’s voice appears, and he stops suddenly. “Oh hey, it’s you.”
“Hey,” Eddie says, before realizing he has no idea how to follow that up.
“I’m surprised you’re still subscribed,” Buck says, and Eddie can’t help but notice how tired he sounds.
“Yeah, well,” Eddie admits, “you didn’t answer, and I uh, I didn’t want to deal with anyone else, honestly.”
“Sorry,” Buck says, quietly.
“You ok, man?” Eddie asks before he can stop himself. “I can call back if you’re sick or something.”
“No,” Buck is quick to say, “I mean, don’t hang up, I’m ok. It’s just been a rough few weeks, is all.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Eddie asks.
“No,” Buck says firmly, before sighing. “Our calls are recorded,” he explains. “Thanks, though, that’s, um, that’s actually really nice of you.”
“Yeah, of course,” Eddie says, feeling at a loss. “I watched the Sherlock Holmes parody,” he says, trying to lighten the mood. “It really was surprisingly well done.”
Buck gives a little huff of a laugh at that, and Eddie grins.
“Shercock Hose?” Buck asks, and Eddie joins him in chuckling at the ridiculous title.
“Him living on 221 BBL Street was a nice touch,” Eddie muses, and Buck snorts.
“I’m glad you called,” he says after a moment of comfortable silence. “I know that sounds kinds of crazy, but our conversations have been one of the only bright spots in my life lately.”
“It’s not crazy,” Eddie says. “Or if it is, I’m crazy too. I’m the one that hung up on three other agents because they weren’t you. You know, this actually does sound of crazy, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Buck says, before pausing. “Can I ask you something? It might get me fired, but honestly that might be an improvement.”
“Go for it,” Eddie says.
“Tell me about you?” Buck asks. “Nothing too personal, but maybe what you look like? I can see your age, but that’s all it tells me.”
“Oh,” Eddie says, thinking. “Ok, sure I guess. I’m about 6 foot tall, brown hair and eyes. Kinda built, but for work, not like bodybuilder buff or anything. Nothing all that exciting, really. I’m really just some guy.”
“I knew you’d have brown eyes,” Buck says, and Eddie can definitely hear the smile now.
“Because my last name is Diaz?” Eddie laughs.
“No,” Buck says, and Eddie imagines him shrugging. “I don’t know, I just heard you talking and pictured these warm brown eyes. It was comforting. God, I’m being so weird, I’ll shut up now.”
“Don’t shut up,” Eddie says, “I don’t mind it. Will you tell me about you? It’s been driving me crazy not knowing, honestly.”
“I guess that’s only fair,” Buck says. “I’m a little taller than you, and a little younger. Blue eyes. People have different opinions on my hair color, but I guess it’s like light brown or dark blond. I’ve been working out lately, but I’m still kinda lanky. I’m working on it.”
“You’re perfectly made just as you are,” Eddie says, before groaning. “I’m sorry, that was so cringey. My friend said it to me when I came out to her, and I guess it just sounded like you needed to hear it.”
“Thanks,” Buck says, quietly, as if he’s unsure of what to do with kind words. Eddie sort of wants to punch his way through whoever made him feel unworthy of kindness.
“We should probably figure out what crazy compromise we’re gonna make this month for the videos, huh?” Eddie says, smiling softly when Buck gives a choked off little laugh.
“Actually,” Buck says. “I think that since we were obviously having some bad technical issues last month when you tried to call, you qualify for a month free, on us. We’re terribly sorry for the inconvenience.”
Eddie laughs.
“I was terribly inconvenienced, it’s true.”
“What do you do, anyway?” Buck asks, once he’s set up the free month. “You mentioned being built for work.”
“Oh,” Eddie says, debating lying for a moment, before shrugging. There’s millions of people in Los Angeles, after all. “I’m a firefighter,” he says.
“Of course you are,” Buck sighs wistfully. “And I bet you look so good in your uniform too. Do you wear those little suspenders?”
“I…” Eddie gets out before he hears scrambling and Buck’s voice flipping back to customer service friendly.
“Thank you for calling sir, have a great day!”
He disconnects before Eddie can protest, and he assumes Buck’s boss had gotten a little too close for them to continue their casual conversation. Smiling dopily at the phone in his hand, Eddie thinks about how he can hardly wait until next month.
“Alright guys,” Bobby calls out as they reach the scene of the smoking building. “So far the fire seems contained to the east section, and all of the employees are accounted for, but we need to do a walk through just in case. Eddie, Ravi, you’re on the hoses. Hen, Chim, do a sweep.”
The fire is contained and eliminated fairly easily once they actually get access, and the sweep assures them that the building has no stragglers. All in all, the employees got extremely lucky. There’s still a whole crowd of them watching from nearby, a few being treated for minor smoke inhalation, but Hen doesn’t seem worried, so Eddie isn’t worried.
It isn’t until he and Ravi are packing up the hoses that he notices the shiny black sign on the side of the building.
Multimedia Missives.
Eddie nearly drops the hose in shock, and Ravi gives him a concerned look.
“Sorry,” he says. “Just slipped.”
Ravi shrugs and nods, continuing his work, eager to get back to the station and finish their shift.
He tries not to look, but curiosity compels him, and Eddie takes a moment once he’s back on the ground to stare into the large crowd of employees. He’s not even sure what he’s looking for really, Buck’s description could be a thousand men, but he needs to try. He’s almost given up when he notices a man seemingly scanning the firefighters the way he is scanning the crowd.
Taking a step forward before he can stop him himself, Eddie meets the man’s gaze, and he just knows it must be Buck. The man grins widely, and moves like he is about to run over before remembering where they are, and that he absolutely cannot come any closer per orders.
“Let’s go, Diaz!” Bobby calls out from the truck, and Eddie grimaces. Before he turns around, he raises his hand in a wave to the man he’s almost positive is Buck and then extends his fingers to the classic “call me” gesture, bringing it up to his own ear and then pointing it towards him.
The man grins and nods, returning the gesture.
Eddie hops back into the truck, the rush of adrenaline coursing through him having nothing at all to do with the fire.
Despite his excitement, Eddie doesn’t have the chance or privacy to call the center until a few days later, but is relieved when Buck picks up the phone.
“Eddie, hey,” he says, not bothering with the customer service voice at all.
“Hey,” Eddie says, jumping right into it. “That was you, right? Tell me I didn’t imagine that.”
“Yeah,” Buck confirms. “They have us in a temporary building. Jesus, I can’t believe that was actually you!”
“Same,” Eddie says, brain fairly buzzing with the information. “I’m sorry I had to run, my Captain called me back.”
“It’s ok,” Buck says. “I was just glad to finally get to see you. Also, you said you’re nothing special? You are literally the hottest guy I’ve ever seen.”
“That can’t be true,” Eddie says, laughing. “But I’ll take it if it means you maybe want to go out with me some time?”
“Yes,” Buck says, immediately. “I really really do.”
“When do you get off work?” Eddie asks, knowing Chris will be going to Ben’s for a Friday sleepover after school.
“Six,” Buck says.
“You have my address in the system of yours?” Eddie asks.
“I do,” Buck says, repeating it off to him just to be sure.
“Good,” Eddie says. “Come over.”
He hangs up the phone before he loses his nerve and changes his mind, and only hopes that Buck understands. After all, he has a date to get ready for.
The doorbell rings right before 7 o’clock, and Eddie is so nervous that he very nearly hides under his covers and pretends to not be home. Anticipation wins out eventually though and he goes to the door, opening it to Buck’s equally as nervous looking face. He’s clutching a six pack of some fancy looking craft beer against his chest, and worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, but grins when Eddie opens the door.
“Hey,” he says, “I, uh, I brought beer? My sister says I shouldn’t show up at someone’s house empty-handed, so I panicked and bought the bougiest looking beer the closest store had.”
Eddie is immediately charmed.
“Come on in,” he says, taking the beer from Buck and ushering him in, closing the door behind them. “I’ll stick these in the fridge.”
Buck trails him to the kitchen, looking around briefly but attention mostly focused on Eddie as he takes two beers from the pack before putting the rest of them in the refrigerator.
“So,” Eddie says, once they each have a beer in their hand. “This is kinda weird, right?”
Buck shrugs, taking a long sip from his beer before putting it down on the counter he’s leaning against. “Maybe,” he allows, before moving over to Eddie and taking the beer from his hands and putting it on the counter next to his. “But it’s only weird if we make it weird.”
And suddenly he’s kissing Eddie, wrapping his arms around his back to pull him close and press him into the counter at the same time. Eddie freezes for a moment but only a moment before moving his own hands up Buck’s back and gripping him by the shoulders to hold him in place as he kisses back.
It’s not so different from kissing any of the women he’s kissed in the past, Eddie thinks, except for how it’s already a million times better. He has to tilt his head up just slightly to reach Buck, and the novelty of it all makes him a little dizzy with giddiness. Buck has just a hint of stubble going on and it scrapes against Eddie’s own short beard with electrifying friction. They’re pressed so close together that Eddie can feel the gasp in Buck’s chest against his own when he bites down on the pouty lip Buck had been worrying earlier. He can also feel Buck’s growing hardness pressed hotly against his hip, but ignores that for the moment to avoid having a mental breakdown if he thinks too hard about it.
Buck however, doesn’t seem to have the same concerns, and he pulls back just enough to give Eddie a devastatingly debauched look.
“You wanna show me your room?” he asks, brushing his thumbs against the skin of Eddie’s waist just under his shirt.
Eddie hesitates for just a moment before nodding, but it’s enough for Buck to pause and give him an assessing look.
“Hey,” he says gently. “No pressure. We can just keep doing this, this is awesome. Or we can just watch a movie or something.”
“I,” Eddie says, blushing hotly. “This is so embarrassing, fuck.”
“It’s not,” Buck says, rubbing Eddie’s skin soothingly where he holds on. “You’re not. Not everyone can just jump into bed right away, there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I really want to,” Eddie says, gripping Buck’s shoulders in emphasis. “I just never even kissed a guy until now, and I’ m fucking terrified if I’m being honest.”
“Nothing to be scared of,” Buck says, “pretty much everyone I know says I’m just giant golden retriever, you’re safe with me.”
“I know,” Eddie says, giving him a small smile. “It’s insane because we barely know each other, but I do feel safe with you. I just need to not psych myself out about the rest of it.”
“We have time,” Buck says, leaning in and giving Eddie a syrupy sweet kiss. “I just want to get to know you, whatever that looks like. We’ll get to sex eventually, if you want it.”
“God, I do,” Eddie says quickly, and Buck grins widely.
“Good,” he says. “And if you’re worried about not knowing what to do, I’ll do all the work the first time. All you’ll have to do is lay there and let me ride you.”
“Jesus fuck,” Eddie whimpers, squirming against Buck with pleasant anticipation. “You can’t just say things like that.”
“Sure I can,” Buck says, easily. “But only if you like it.”
“I love it,” Eddie assures him. “Kiss me some more?”
Buck does.
“Thank you for calling Multimedia Missives, my name is Buck, how can I assist you today?”
Eddie smiles at his boyfriend’s voice, knowing today’s the day he’s putting in his two week’s notice in order to start at the Fire Academy next month.
“Hey, baby,” he says.
“You’ve had my number for almost a year, Eds,” Buck laughs, “and we cancelled your membership just as long ago.”
“Yeah, well,” Eddie says, “maybe I just wanted to hear your voice. Asshole.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be picking Chris up from school right about now?” Buck teases. “What will the line moms think when you’re late.”
“I’m in the car you menace,” Eddie says, “we’re having Ben over for dinner, by the way.”
“Ooh,” Buck says, “Ben with scary but hot Ukrainian dad? He should come, too.”
“His husband might object,” Eddie says, dryly.
“Nah,” Buck says, “Jake will understand.”
“You’re an idiot,” Eddie says, shaking his head in amusement.
“But I’m your idiot,” Buck says gleefully. “You gave me a key and everything.”
Eddie spots Chris and Ben heading towards the car and gives them a little wave before focusing back on the conversation.
“Yeah, yeah,” he says. “Let me go drive, I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“You called me!” Buck says with fond exasperation.
“Yeah, well,” Eddie muses, “historically, that’s worked out really well for me. I think I better keep doing it.”
“You better,” Buck says, and then he hangs up on Eddie, clearly for dramatic effect.
“Love you too, brat,” Eddie says to the phone, just as Chris and Ben reach the car.
“Buck has no clue,” he tells them as they pile into the car. “You guys ready to go help me pick out a ring?”
“Yes!” Chris says, pumping his fist in the air. “Buck’s gonna cry like a baby, it’s gonna be so great.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, thinking less about the engagement and more about the entire rest of their lives. “I think it will be.”
The End