Archive of Our Own

Tommy’s first few days on board the new ship have been great… mostly.

Don’t get him wrong, Tommy loves it here! Tubbo and Ranboo treat Tommy way better than his old crew. In fact, in just the first week of him being there Tommy’s instincts had already claimed them both as his flock.

And that’s the problem.

Because Tubbo and Ranboo… don’t seem to share the sentiment.

Tommy’s tried everything, from doing extra jobs around the ship to giving them shiny tokens to put in their nests. But they don’t seem to take the hint.

He’s considered just telling them how he feels, but immediately shut the thought down. Tommy doesn’t need to bother them with his instinct problems. He doesn’t want to come across as needy, or worse, as a burden.

So he just keeps his problems to himself.

It’s fine if Tubbo and Ranboo don’t actually like him. Tommy is just here to help them with their jobs after all.

It’s fine…

…

Tommy wakes up cold.

His eyes slowly blink open, and he frowns.

No, not cold. The temperature is fine. This feels more… internal.

His nest feels so empty

There’s a sudden tickle at the back of his throat.

Tommy clears his throat, but it doesn’t seem to do anything.

No matter, he probably just needs some water.

So, after stretching his wings out, Tommy gets changed and goes out to the kitchen. Ranboo is already there, sitting at the bench and typing something on their pad.

Tommy smiles when he sees them. “Morning, Ran!” he greets.

The enderian jumps, then turns to face Tommy, multi coloured eyes blinking. “Oh, hi, Tommy.” They let out a quiet warble before turning back to their pad. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

Tommy skips over to Ranboo, wings flapping as he peeks over their shoulder. “Whatcha writing?” he asks, trying to read the cursive words on the screen.

But Ranboo quickly switches the pad off, hugging the device to their chest before turning to face Tommy. “N-Nothing!” Ranboo stammers, ears perked from being flustered. “Just some, uhm… reports. Seriously, you don’t need to worry about it.”

Oh.

It’s clear Ranboo’s lying; they’ve never been good at it. But whatever it is, the enderian doesn’t want Tommy to see.

The rejection stings, more so than usual.

His throat tickles.

“Oh,” Tommy says with a small cough, plastering on a fake smile. “Ok. No worries.”

Ranboo goes back to their writing.

Tommy tries not to show his hurt as he busies himself with breakfast, getting himself a plate of gapples and some grains from his home planet, as well as that glass of water he needed. As he sits down, their third crewmate enters the room.

Tubbo’s body fluff is dishevelled and his wings buzz with excitement as he hurries into the room. One look at the apid and it’s clear he did not get any sleep, most likely caught up in one of his projects.

“Ranboo! I just found the perfect-” Tubbo’s excited ramble is abruptly cut off when he sees Tommy, wide eyes staring him.

“Oh.” Tubbo stops his buzzing, looking like a fledgling who just got caught eating something they shouldn’t have. “Hi, Tommy.”

Strange. He had a similar response as Ranboo. Or perhaps he's looking too far into things. Tommy mentally shrugs it off, giving the apid a smile. “Hey, Tubs,” he says. “What were you so excited about?”

Tubbo’s antennae stiffen. “Oh, nothing,” he says, trying to act nonchalant. “You wouldn’t get it.”

Tommy dons a mischievous grin. “Try me, bitch.”

Tubbo splutters. “Well- It’s- You see…”

Ranboo, who had been watching the interaction with (oddly) tensed shoulders, pipes up. “Just something to do with the ship’s engineering maintenance,” they say, shaking their head with a forced chuckle. “It’s boring stuff.”

“Y-Yeah!” Tubbo exclaims. “You’d get bored before I even began explaining.” Tommy doesn’t miss the grateful look Tubbo gives Ranboo.

He's definitely not imagining things. His crewmates are acting weird.

Are they… keeping a secret from Tommy?

Tommy’s wings droop behind him. “Oh.”

Of course they wouldn’t want to tell him anything. Tommy’s not important enough to be involved.

Something is lodged at the back of his throat.

Tommy coughs, but that only makes it worse. Something scratches his throat, and he’s suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

Tubbo and Ranboo look on in concern. “Are you alright?” Ranboo asks.

Tommy’s coughs subside long enough for him to speak. “I think I just got a grapple stuck in my throat,” he rasps. The chair scrapes against the floor as he hurriedly stands. “I’ll be back.”

Tommy sprints out of the kitchen and down the hall, trying to hold his coughing in. Once he makes it to his room, he slides the door shut, locking it behind him. Once that’s done, Tommy’s body is wracked with coughs.

The avian falls to his knees as he hacks his lungs out, his wings trembling behind him. There’s something wedged inside his throat, making it hard to breathe. Eventually, whatever it is lands on his tongue, the taste of iron and something sweet accompanying it, and Tommy is quick to spit it out.

Tommy can finally breathe again, and he takes a few moments to gulp down air. Once he’s no longer gasping for air Tommy turns his attention to whatever it was he coughed out.

They're… flower petals, both a bright yellow and a deep purple in colour, though he isn’t sure of what kind. Drops of blood stain the petals and the floor around it.

Tommy looks at it with confused dread.

Why were there flower petals in his throat? What does this mean? Is it something serious?

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Tommy?” Tubbo’s voice calls. “Are you alright in there?”

Tommy clears his dry throat. “Y-Yeah!” Geez, his voice sounds so raspy. He swallows. “I’ll be right there.”

Tommy snatches the petals up, ignoring the blood now staining his hands, and shoves it under the blankets of his nest. He’ll clean up the blood later.

He doesn’t want to bother Tubbo and Ranboo with something like this.

Everything will be fine.

Tommy is officially bored.

He’s done all of his jobs for the day, so now he has some free time before dinner. Though sitting in his nest by himself like he’s been doing the past few days doesn’t sound very appealing right now.

So yeah, Tommy’s bored. And a bit lonely too, he supposes.

Not like he’d ever admit it, though.

The avian lets out a small cough (no petals this time, though he finds it a little harder to breathe for the next few minutes) as he makes his way through the halls of the ship.

He’s off in search of some company.

Tommy has been able to hide his weird illness from his flo- achem, crewmates , by keeping his distance from them. Even though hiding in his room, alone, seems to make the coughing more frequent and painful (or perhaps thats just the illness getting worse?) he tells himself he hides in his room so he doesn't bother Tubbo and Ranboo with his coughing.

Tommy has no idea how he would explain this if they ever found out. Besides, they don’t need to worry about him.

The first one Tommy finds is Ranboo, who is just standing in the middle of the hall, back facing him.

Tommy’s wings ruffle with joy. “Heya, Ranboo!”

Ranboo’s ears flick in Tommy’s direction, before their head swivels to face him. The enderian blinks, eyes unfocused. “Huh? Oh... hi.”

They seem a bit dazed. “Why are you standing in the middle of the hallway?” Tommy asks with a little concern.

Ranboo lets out a warble, eyes distracted. Tommy doesn’t think they heard him.

They slowly outstretch their arms in front of them, before Ranboo drops them to their sides, shaking their head. “S-Sorry,” they groan. “I… I’m not… myself today…”

Tommy lets out a noise of concern. “Do you need to rest?” he asks. He steps forward. “Here, lemme help you get to your room.” 

Claws suddenly touch his wing, feather-light in touch.

Tommy’s mind goes blank.

Hmm. This is nice.

When was the last time someone gently touched him like this? When was the last time a flock member preened his wings for him?

Tommy can’t even remember.

This touch is everything. All Tommy has ever wanted.

It’s over in less than a second.

Tommy’s mind cries out from the lack of contact.

Ranboo jumps back as if they’d been dunked in water, claws clutched to their chest as they let out a noise of distress. They seem a lot more alert now. 

“Sorry! I’m so sorry!” Ranboo cries out, genuinely distraught. “I don’t know what came over me!”

It takes a few moments for Tommy to quiet his own instincts so he can form a response. “No, it’s fine-”

But Ranboo was already taking a few steps backwards, particles forming around them. “Sorry, I’ll just go-”

They disappear in a flurry of particles.

Tommy blinks, wings drooping in disappointment.

A pit of loneliness forms in his chest.

It’s fine. It’s fine! Ranboo accidentally touched his wings when they clearly didn’t mean to, it’s no big deal. It was Tommy’s stupid instincts for making him act the way he did. He knows Ranboo doesn’t see him the same way, he knows this.

The coughs that wrack his body echo through the hallway as flower petals fall from his lips.

It takes a while for the coughing to die down and to get his breathing back to normal, but once he does Tommy throws the petals into the trash bin, has a drink of water, and goes on his way.

He seeks out Tubbo next.

After some wandering around he finds the apid in his workshop (Tommy honestly should’ve checked there first), tinkering away at something or other.

“Heya, Tubbo!” Tommy greets loudly, the action scraping on his sore throat.

Tubbo spins around in alarm, but his features smooth out once he recognises Tommy. He sighs in exasperation, wings buzzing softly. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.” Tubbo turns back to his work. “Is there anything you need?”

He doesn’t want you here, he doesn’t want you here. Tommy banishes the thought from his mind as he recalls the events from earlier. “I mean, I just wanted to hang out,” Tommy says, “But also, um, something’s up with Ranboo.”

Tubbo stops at that, turning to face Tommy with concerned features. “What do you mean? What happened?”

“Well, I ran into them earlier and they were acting all weird,” Tommy explains. “Seemed really out of it, they were just wandering the halls, but they teleported away. They seemed pretty stressed.”

Tommy doesn’t mention why Ranboo teleported. Tubbo doesn’t need to worry about that.

Tubbo’s features relax in understanding. “Oh, I see. Yeah, this happens.”

Tommy tilts his head. “What happens?”

Tubbo puts his tools down. “Ranboo’s instincts go a bit haywire every now and then,” Tubbo explains as he takes off his gloves and apron. “It’s a bit unpredictable.”

Huh. Well that explains the increased enderian noises and slow speech. But there’s one thing that confuses Tommy. “Wait, so how do you, like, deal with it?” he asks, unsure.

Tubbo’s head tilts in the equivalent of a shrug. “We just run it through its course,” Tubbo responds. At Tommy’s obvious confusion Tubbo elaborates. “Don’t worry, it’s not anything serious. It’s the same that happens to all of us; Ranboo’s is just a lot more intense, for some reason. Instincts, yknow? It happens.”

Tommy is genuinely confused.

“But isn’t it inconvenient?” He wants to ask. Because instincts are inconvenient. They make you clingy and needy, and people don’t want to be around you because of it. Isn’t it better to shove them down so you don’t bother others?

But Tommy doesn’t voice these thoughts, because he remembers.

Ranboo is Tubbo’s hive. Tubbo is Ranboo’s haunting. They’d do anything for each other.

But Tommy isn’t a part of that.

Tubbo and Ranboo may be Tommy’s flock, but he isn’t their hive, or their haunting.

And it’s that thought that keeps Tommy quiet.

“Which is why I should go find Ranboo,” Tubbo says, still standing by his desk. “I might be gone for a while,” he adds with a tone of regret.

Though, despite his words, Tubbo doesn’t make any immediate move to leave. He just stands there for a few more seconds, sending quick glances to Tommy.

Tommy doesn’t see this though. He just hears the message for what it is. I’ll be gone for a while, so don’t bother waiting. Tommy clears his throat, trying to get rid of the sudden tickle in his throat. “All good,” he says. He lets out a small cough, moving towards the door. “I’ve just… got some stuff to do in my room. I’ll cook dinner tonight.”

Disappointment flashes across Tubbo’s face for an instant before he quickly schools his features. It’s so quick Tommy believes he imagined it. “Sounds good, boss man.” 

And with that Tubbo takes off down the hall.

Tommy heads the opposite direction to his room. As soon as he’s inside he locks the door and proceeds to hack his lungs out for the next hour.

Yellow and purple petals and flower buds covered with his blood lie innocently on the bedroom floor.

“We’ve got a new commission,” Tubbo announces a few days later.

The three of them are in the meeting room, which isn’t a usual occurrence. Meetings are only ever called when it’s job related, like now.

“Figured,” Ranboo snorts, a playful twinkle in their eyes. Tubbo rolls his eyes with a small smile. “What’s the job?” 

“Delivery,” Tubbo says, looking at something on his pad. Tommy can see glimpses of documents, most likely from their client. “They haven’t exactly specified what it is we’re delivering, just that it’s important.” Tubbo jerks his head to the side in a quick shrug. “They’re from Nether, so the pay will be good.”

Ranboo seems thoughtful. “Hmm, I don’t know,” they hum in worry. “I’d rather know what it is we’re getting ourselves into before we accept anything. I mean, what if it’s illegal or something?”

“When has that ever mattered before?” Tubbo laughs.

“...Fair enough,” Ranboo relents. “Where are we delivering to?”

Tubbo taps the screen. “Arctica. Some small town called Snowchester.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely not shady at all,” Ranboo snarks playfully. “Also, isn’t that pretty far?”

“Yeah, I bet it will take a week and a half to get there, two if we’re unlucky.”

“Are we gonna stop for supplies first…”

Tommy tunes out Tubbo’s and Ranboo’s conversation. It’s all boring shit anyway, so he can’t help but let his mind wander. Besides, it seems they don’t really need his input.

He doesn’t really feel like talking anyway. His throat feels like shit.

Tommy’s strange… illness, whatever it is, has only seemed to have gotten worse. He’s no longer coughing up petals, but they’ve changed to full on flowers, from the buds to fully bloomed ones, all purple and yellow in colour. His coughing fits have become more frequent as well, and his breathing is always accompanied by slight wheezing.

His throat has been scraped raw. He’s started sneaking health pots from the med bay to hopefully alleviate the pain, or better yet, make the flowers go away. Wishful thinking. All the potions do is heal his sore throat, which only lasts until his next coughing fit.

Tommy’s starting to worry this might be more serious than he thought.

He still hasn’t told Tubbo or Ranboo. And why would he? Tommy doesn’t need to bother them with something like this, especially when they have much more important things to worry about. 

His throat tickles. Tommy has gotten good at holding the coughs back until he can hide himself away in his room. It’s just like holding back his chirps.

“What do you think, Tommy?”

Tommy snaps back into the conversation. “Huh?”

Tubbo and Ranboo look at him expectantly. They don’t seem impatient, or annoyed at the fact he clearly wasn’t paying attention. “He asked if you’d be up for this job,” Ranboo patiently replies.

It makes sense why they would ask. This is Tommy’s first big job with this crew. He might not be ready for it yet.

But Tommy worries it’s something more. What if they don’t think he’s up for the job? What if they don’t think he’s a good fit for this crew?

Tommy puffs his chest out in faux confidence. “Of course I’m up for the job!” he boasts. “I’m a big man!”

Tubbo and Ranboo exchange the briefest of looks, eyes full of concern, before turning back to Tommy. “Cool!” Tubbo cheers.

Tubbo gives out some jobs for the three of them. Tubbo will be finalising some stuff with their client while Ranboo sets course for Nether. Tommy, meanwhile, will be left to make a list of all the supplies they may need to restock.

Tommy seriously hopes Tubbo and Ranboo don’t doubt him. Of course he’s up for the job!

It’s just delivery. What could go wrong?

A lot of things could go wrong, it turns out.

Everything was completely fine before this point! They had left Nether a few days ago, after they loaded up the goods they’ll be delivering for their client, and restocked and refuelled their ship. Everything went off without a hitch.

But then everything went wrong.

Pirates have attacked their ship.

Tubbo had tried steering their ship away, but the pirates were sneaky. They managed to connect their ship to the Bee ‘n Boo, and now they’re on board.

The captain, a tall feline with a chunk taken out of her ear, did the whole “hand over anything valuable and we might let you live” speech. Tubbo, of course, refused. 

Now a fight’s broken out.

And the flowers in Tommy’s lungs picked the absolute perfect time to start playing up.

Tommy had run down one of the ship's halls, blaster in hand, as he’s pursued by two of the pirates, but he’s quickly starting to regret his decision.

Safety in numbers and all of that.

Plus it feels like literal vines are squeezing his lungs, making his already heavy breathing even more difficult.

A shot is fired. Tommy flinches instinctively as a laser flies over his head. Tommy flaps his wings to go faster, not even daring to look back. 

Tommy pants, doing his absolute best to hold back his coughs, knowing they will only slow him down. 

He shouldn’t have separated from Tubbo and Ranboo.

Another shot fired.

Tommy screams in shock and pain as his left leg suddenly burns and he trips, dropping his weapon in the process. Landing hard on his wing he hears a crack as pain explodes in the feathery appendage. Yep, definitely broken.

No sooner does he hit the ground then he feels a pair of webbed hands on him, claws digging into his arms as he’s forced to stand on his uninjured leg. The nozzle of a blaster rests against his temple, and Tommy shoves his talons up in surrender, breathing heavily.

The flowers continue to suffocate him.

The pirate who isn’t holding him, a Phantom, approaches Tommy with a look of cruel mirth. “You put up quite the chase, little bird,” she sneers.

The Mer behind him shifts, jostling his broken wing. Tommy gasps in pain, gritting his teeth together.

“Aww, did I hurt you, birdie?” the Mer says with mock sympathy. He moves again, deliberately bumping Tommy’s wing this time, and Tommy can’t help but yelp in pain, leg almost giving out under him. 

Unbidden, a small twitter spills from his mouth, scared and calling for help.

The pirates only laugh at his pain. The Phantom has a thoughtful look on her face. “How willing you think they’d be to hand over their stuff for this one?” she asks her partner.

Tommy’s heart drops.

They’re going to take him as hostage. They’re going to force Tubbo and Ranboo to surrender just to keep Tommy alive. 

He never wanted this to happen! Tommy is going to be their downfall. Why is he such a burden to everyone he meets?

Would they even surrender for Tommy's sake? Or would they let him be killed?

Tommy chokes on the flowers in his throat.

The Mer hums. “Think it’d be worth a shot,” he agrees.

Vwoop.  

The room is momentarily filled with angry, purple particles. An Enderian appears behind the Mer, looming over him, ear grating static filling the room.

With a terrifying and deafening screech, and jaw unhinged, Ranboo descends upon the pirate holding Tommy. The avian falls to the ground, and unable to hold back the flowers, he starts coughing.

There are shouts of fear, blaster shots, Ranboo’s cries of rage. But Tommy’s too busy trying not to fucking suffocate.

Fully bloomed flowers, yellow and purple, litter the floor.

This time feels worse, somehow. Like there genuinely is no room for Tommy to breathe, every occupied space in his lungs filled with blooming flowers.

Tommy manages to stop coughing for a few minutes, though it still feels like there’s something in his throat. Ranboo stands over the Mer, who is lying in a pool of his own blood. Tubbo is there (when did he arrive?) blaster in hand as he faces the Phantom.

“Your captain is dead,” Tubbo announces, voice stone cold. Tommy has never seen Tubbo like this. It’s honestly terrifying.

Tubbo takes a step forward. “You dare to hurt my crew. ” He lifts his blaster. “Any last words, fucker?”

The Phantom seems scared shitless as she cowers against the wall. “Wait-”

A shot is fired. The pirate falls to the floor with a thud, a searing hold in her head.

Tommy tries to stand, making sure to hide his injured wing. He doesn’t want to be even more of a burden to them.

But Ranboo is there before he can blink, paws gently holding his arm to steady him. Kind red and green eyes look at him with concern, very different to the angry purple just moments before. “Are you ok?” they fret. “Are you hurt?”

Tommy pulls away from the Enderian’s hold, ignoring how his instincts scream in protest. He not so subtly leans against the wall for support. “I’m fine,” he goes to say, but is cut off by more violent coughing.

Ranboo’s paws are on his shoulders, unsure what to do. Tubbo, who has been literally hovering behind the enderian, looks at the ground with confusion and horror. “Tommy?” His voice shakes. “What are those?”

Ranboo turns to where Tubbo is looking, stiffening when they see them.

The flowers, covered in Tommy’s blood.

Tommy tries to step away, but he’s hurt, and a little weak, and the coughs wracking his body make it difficult to move much.

The gig is up.

A purple flower sits in his mouth. Tommy spits it out, the flower splatting on the floor.

Ranboo is there when Tommy falls, scooping the Avian into their arms. There’s a flash of pain from his wing, but Tommy is too busy coughing to focus on it.

“Tommy, what’s going on?” Ranboo sounds panicked.

“Medbay. Now,” he hears Tubbo say. “I’ll take care of this mess.”

The mess Tommy made. 

The vines squeeze.

Tommy gasps for air, black spots dancing in his vision.

He might actually die here.

The thought doesn’t scare him as much as he thought it would.

There’s the momentary vertigo that comes from an Enderian’s teleporting, and next thing he knows Tommy’s being gently laid on a bed.

Tommy’s throat, lungs, wing, legs, fuck, his entire body hurts from the force of his coughing. 

It shows no signs of stopping.

Ranboo’s tail wraps itself around Tommy’s arm as they frantically search something on their pad. 

“Please don’t die on me, Tommy,” he hears them mutter. “ Please don’t die. I can’t lose you.”

The flowers loosen their grip just the tiniest bit. Tommy spits out another flower. 

There’s a few long moments where the only sounds are Tommy’s coughing and Ranboo’s claws frantically tapping on the screen.

Tommy’s coughing grows weaker. Black spots fill his vision.

Big paws, familiar, grip onto his arms.

“Tommy, I love you. Please, stay alive. I love you.”

It’s a little bit easier to breathe. Tommy hacks out more flowers.

There’s the sound of buzzing wings.

“Is he ok?”

“Tell him you love him!”

“What?”

“Tommy’s dying! Trust me, Tubbo! You have to let him know you love him!”

“Of course I love you, Tommy! Why the fuck wouldn’t I? You’re my best friend!”

Does he truly mean that?

Tommy spits out flower buds and petals. Though it isn’t completely gone, he isn’t gasping for air anymore. Finally he can breathe a little easier.

As soon as Tommy catches his breath, he slumps into the bed and passes out from exhaustion.

Tommy wakes up slowly.

As he blinks his eyes open, he feels the sheets underneath him.

Huh, that’s weird. This doesn’t feel like his nest.

He sits up in mild alarm and confusion. Tommy winces as a spike of pain goes through his wing.

He’s lying in one of the beds in the medbay. His leg is bandaged and his wing is in a brace. There's a breathing mask on his face.

Tommy isn’t alone either. Tubbo is pacing in front of his bed, wings twitching with worry, and Ranboo is sitting nearby, looking thoughtful and solemn. At Tommy's movement they both turn to him, attentive and concerned.

The memories from before come flooding back. 

They know about the flowers.

The familiar tickle in his throat is the only warning he gets before Tommy starts choking.

Tubbo and Ranboo immediately come to his side. Ranboo quickly removes the breathing mask, and as Tommy hacks up his lungs to get rid of the flowers Tubbo places a supportive hand on his back, right between his wings.

Tommy finds himself calming at the touch, despite the flowers choking him. It’s… nice. Not what he’s used to but… nice.

The coughing doesn’t last as long as it usually does, but Tommy’s throat is still scraped raw by the end of it.

As if reading his mind, Ranboo gives Tommy a glass of water. The avian downs it in a few gulps, and once he’s done, Ranboo takes the glass back.

The room descends into a tense silence.

Ranboo and Tubbo haven’t said a single thing yet, and that terrifies him. They keep looking at Tommy with pity and… something else.

Tommy breaks the silence. “Why are you guys staring at me like that?” he laughs nervously. “I’m not dying or anything.”

Ranboo intakes a sharp breath, a few particles forming, and Tubbo takes a step back (removing his hand from his place on Tommy’s back. He nearly chirps sadly from the loss of contact), a look of what seems like self-loathing falling across his face.

Tommy’s faux smile drops at their reactions.

Fear. That’s what that second emotion is.

There’s silence for a few seconds more, before Ranboo speaks up.

“Tommy,” they begin, tone serious and a little… sad? “How long have you had Hanahaki?”

Tommy blinks. “Hana-what?”

“Hanahaki,” Ranboo repeats. “It’s a rare disease that causes flowers to grow in the victim’s lungs. It’s… It’s what’s happening to you.”

Hanahaki…

Ranboo repeats their question. “How long have you had it?”

They look like they almost don’t want to know the answer.

Tubbo stands off to the side, uncharacteristically quiet.

They’re both acting so stiff and serious. Tommy doesn’t like this.

He should’ve told them about this earlier. Maybe he could’ve avoided this.

But would they have cared?

Tommy tries to think back on when this… disease started, forcing down a cough as he recalls. “Um… I think about… a month-ish?”

Please don’t be mad.

Tubbo lets out a muttered curse. Ranboo’s eyes widen, a look of fear, sadness, and regret falling across their face.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

Tommy winces, feathers fluffing up. “I didn’t wanna bother you, ok?” he says. Just like he is right now. Tommy feels the need to be defensive. “Besides, I’m fine! It’s no big deal.”

“‘...No big deal?’” Tubbo mutters, voice calm. Then, louder, disbelieving, “‘No big deal?!’”

Ranboo sighs, as if expecting this. “Tubbo-”

The apid ignores them. “You have flowers in your lungs, Tommy. Fucking flowers! Do you not care that you almost died?!”  

Tubbo’s entire body shakes with rage. His eyes have a wild, scared look to them. “I couldn’t do anything as you were suffocating!” he yells. “I had to watch as my friend nearly died right in front of me!” He suddenly deflates, all of his energy seeping out of him at once. The next thing Tubbo says comes out as a whimper. “You nearly died because of me.”

No, no! What? Why is Tubbo blaming himself? He has nothing to do with it!

(Right?)

Ranboo sighs. “Tubbo, we don’t know-”

“Who else is on this ship, Boo?” Tubbo yells, arms spread. “It could literally be no one else!”

“In that case, it was both of us, so stop beating yourself up.”

Tommy frowns at their words. “What are you talking about?" he asks in bewilderment. “It’s not like you gave me this disease!”

Tubbo and Ranboo exchange tense, fearful looks.

Tommy's frown deepens as he looks between the two.

“...What aren’t you telling me?”

Tubbo crosses his arms, giving Ranboo a long, serious look. A look that says ‘You tell him.’ The enderian lets out a long, resigned sigh.

“Hanahaki is caused by-” Ranboo seems to choke on their words, expression filled with extreme guilt and regret. “By feelings of unrequited love.”

Tommy’s heart drops.

Oh.

Ranboo’s face is filled with so much guilt, sadness, and regret. “Tommy, is it-” And perhaps just a little hope that they might be wrong. “Is it us?”

Tommy thinks of all of the times his instincts had called out to them, the cold of his empty nest every morning, the constant feeling of loneliness even if they’re in the next room over.

Everything clicks into place.

He should've known.

Tommy doesn’t know if it’s the flowers or the tears that he chokes on as he answers. 

“Yes,” he whispers.

Ranboo bows their head with a pained expression. Tubbo squeezes his eyes shut.

But Tommy isn’t done. “And, look, I get it, ok?” he begins, eyes fixated on the bed sheets in front of him, refusing to meet either of their gazes. “You don’t love me, and it’s alright! I already knew that, I’m not mad. I mean, how could you love me? I’m… me.” He huffs out a weak laugh. “I’m loud, and annoying, and clingy, and selfish and- I’m… unlovable.” A scoff. “It’s just a fact, innit? Everyone leaves me in the end.”

A flower crawls up his throat.

Tommy wraps his arms around him in an imitation of a hug, uninjured wing curled around him. The room is silent for a few moments, save for the few coughs he lets out, petals landing on the bed sheets.

There’s a small buzzing of wings before a light weight settles on Tommy’s right. He looks up and meets Tubbo’s teary eyes.

He's never seen Tubbo cry before...

“Whoever made you think that...” Tubbo says, voice breaking. “Well, they’re wrong, ok?”

Tommy is about to protest when Ranboo speaks up.

“He’s right,” they say, sitting down on the bed on Tommy’s left. “Yes, you can be loud, and annoying at times-”

“But that’s just part of your Tommy Charm!” Tubbo adds.

“Yeah!” Ranboo agrees. A small, yet gentle smile forms on their face. “There’s so much good in you, Tommy. You’re kind, and funny, and loyal to a fault. You’re thoughtful, and very considerate of others.”

Tommy frowns. He just wants to be useful. That’s all there is to it…

“What they’re trying to say,” Tubbo says. “Is... you are lovable, Tommy. We love you.”

“And we’re sorry there was no one in your life to show you that,” Ranboo finishes, before adding, "We're sorry we failed."

You are capable of being loved.

Tommy’s believed the opposite for so long. He’s believed that no one will ever love him, that others just tolerate him at best, and he let that belief grow like a weed in his garden, wild and unchecked. All it took was for an apid and an enderian to come into his garden to uproot that belief, to get rid of that weed that has been allowed to grow for so long. All it took was a few words, and the weed is gone.

Hearing their words, something inside him breaks, and Tommy cries.

But unlike all of the other times, Tubbo and Ranboo are there to comfort him.

Tommy wails as Ranboo and Tubbo hug him on both sides. Amongst the cries, everything comes spilling out.

“I’ve seen you guys as my f-flock for the- the longest time,” he cries out in between sobs. “Basically ever s-since I got here.”

Ranboo lets out a wounded noise, and Tubbo clings on tighter.

“We’ve felt the same way,” Tubbo says. It sounds like he’s also crying.

“We’re so sorry , Tommy,” Ranboo stresses, voice quiet and emotional. “We didn’t know how to express it, and we didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Tommy looks between the two, wide eyes blurred with tears. “So, you see me as-?”

“Yes,” Ranboo whispers, letting out a warble. “You are my haunting, Tommy.”

“And my hive,” Tubbo completes.

Tommy almost can’t believe his ears.

Tubbo and Ranboo see him as their family. They have all this time.

Tommy’s sobs continue, but he lets himself relax into his flock’s embrace. Although he’ll continue to have doubts, he now knows Tubbo and Ranboo would do anything for him. He now knows they love him, just as he loves them.

And he can finally breathe a little easier.

They make it to Snowchester by the end of the week.

Nothing else eventful happened. They were able to complete their commission with great success.

During the last days of their commission, and in the weeks afterward, Tommy recovers.

The wound on his leg is healed within days, which means he won’t be bedridden for all of his recovery, much to Tommy’s delight. His wing will take longer though, about three weeks thanks to a regular dose of regen pots.

The hanahaki, on the other hand, hasn’t completely gone away.

Yeah, it’s certainly a lot better than before, almost similar to when he first got it. But Tommy still has those lingering coughs, his throat is more often than not scraped raw, and there are still days where breathing is harder than normal.

But Tommy… still has his doubts.

Though Tubbo and Ranboo both do their absolute best to dispel those doubts.

Their behaviour has changed, that much is obvious. They are a lot more affectionate. Tubbo will sometimes tap Tommy with his antennae in a fond manner, the same way Tommy has seen him do to Ranboo. And the enderian will sometimes wrap their tail around Tommy’s arm, and there is increased eye contact, kind and fond looks thrown his way. Both have also been buzzing and warbling more, and Tommy has found himself responding with his own chirps.

He’s starting to feel safer with them. Like he can trust them.

Like they truly love him.

Though the doubts still linger at the back of his mind, especially on the bad days. Are they only acting this way because they pity him? Once his hanahaki is gone, are they going to go back to how they were before?

Tommy stamps down on those thoughts with vengeance, and does his best to hold back the flowers.

Tubbo and Ranboo love him. Tommy can (almost) be sure of that.

One day Tommy is laying in his nest. The splint for his wing came off a few days ago, and both wings are sprawled behind him as he lays on his stomach. Even though he’s completely recovered Tubbo and Ranboo still insist he take it easy, which is why Tommy’s in his room, idly scrolling on his com. Soft music drifts through the room through his speaker, creating a peaceful ambience. 

His nest still feels cold. Empty. Which has become familiar at this point.

Tommy coughs, rubbing at his chest with a frown. His hanahaki hasn’t been too bad lately. He hopes it doesn’t play up again.

He gets a message on his com.

Tubbo: come tot he living room 

Tubbo: the*

Tommy blinks at the screen in confusion, before he types his response.

Tommy: did smth happen?

Tubbo: no

Tubbo: important tho

Ranboo: its good we promise :)

Huh, ok. They both need Tommy for something, but what?

Tommy gets up from his nest, turning his music off before he exits his room, making his way down the halls towards the living area.

When he gets there, he is not prepared for the sight that greets him.

The room is crudely decorated with lights and streamers, making the area a lot more colourful than it normally is. There is a big banner hung at the back, with words written in New Avish, a language from his home planet, that say “six months!” Standing underneath that banner are Tubbo and Ranboo, both of them looking at Tommy with various degrees of eagerness, happiness, and excitement.

Tommy is stunned as he takes in the sight before, at a loss for words. Finally, he says, “Wha- What’s all this for?”

“It’s been six months since you’ve joined our crew!” Tubbo explains, as if it were all that simple. “We wanted to celebrate the occasion!”

Tommy is silent as he slowly steps into the room, peering around at all of the decorations, and the banner! New Avish is a mostly oral language made up of chirps, clicks, and whistles, so it is very hard to translate into written words. Tommy has no idea how the two of them managed to achieve something like that.

It would’ve taken them a long time…

Tubbo and Ranboo seem to take his silence as a bad thing, their excited expressions slowly falling. Tentatively, Ranboo asks, “Do… you like it..?” 

Tommy scoffs. “‘Like it?’” he says. “This is…” the avian turns towards them, a blinding smile split across his face. “This is fucking amazing! Oh my prime, I absolutely love it! You guys didn’t have to do any of this.”

Tubbo and Ranboo smile at Tommy’s happiness. “But we wanted to!” Tubbo says. 

“I know we probably could’ve waited until the one year mark,” Ranboo shrugs. “But we were too excited! We’ve been planning this for a while.”

“I can tell,” Tommy chuckles. Unbidden, tears spring in his eyes as he suddenly becomes emotional. He’s gonna blame that on this hanahaki. “It’s just… no one’s ever…”

No one has ever done something like this for him before.

Tubbo and Ranboo both smile softly at him. “We’re really glad you like it, Tommy,” Ranboo says with a warble.

“Gifts!” Tubbo suddenly shouts, eyes perked up with excitement. “We got you gifts!”

Tommy can not believe what he’s hearing. “You got… gifts?” he asks, excitement building.

“Yep!” Tubbo buzzes, as he turns around to something behind him. Ranboo’s tail swishes happily. “Avians are big on gift giving, right?” the apid asks.

“Yeah, we are,” Tommy chuckles, stepping closer eagerly. “But I’ve got nothing to give to you now.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ranboo assures, presenting a decorated box held in their paws, Tubbo with a smaller one in his hands. “Just you being here with us is enough.”

Tommy can’t help the shy grin that appears on his face, touched by their words and gestures of love and kindness. They had been planning this for a long time, likely way before Tommy first got hanahaki…

“I… don’t know what to say,” Tommy says, feeling nothing but love and adoration for his flock, and feeling nothing but love from them in return. “You… You guys are the best.”

“Don’t start getting all sappy on us!” Tubbo jokes, all but shoving the small box in Tommy’s talons. “Just shut up and open the present!”

“Wait, Tubbo.” Ranboo steps forward with their present. “I think Tommy should open mine first.”

Tubbo dons a thoughtful expression. “Good point.”

Tommy laughs, placing down Tubbo’s present as Ranboo gives him theirs. “Does it matter what order I open them?”

“Yes,” Tubbo and Ranboo answer in unison. “And you should open mine first,” the enderian adds.

“Ok,” Tommy says with a laugh, turning his attention to Ranboo’s present. It’s rectangular, with neatly wrapped coloured paper, and a neat little bow on top. Tommy carefully opens the present, using one of his talons to cut through the thin paper, revealing a black, sort of old looking device of some sort. And when he says old he means old. Like, this thing looks like it would’ve been outdated at least a century ago, with its clunky buttons and wire inputs. Upon closer inspection it seems to be Terra made (hence the outdated technology, he supposes), and it has a slot at the front of it, clearly made with the intention to insert something into.

Tommy tilts his head as he studies the gift, curious and confused all at once. He has no idea what this is, but his flock gave it to him, and that’s enough to make it special.

Tubbo leans forward with anticipation. “Open mine next!” he says.

So Tommy places down the old device on a table nearby, picking up Tubbo’s gift. This one is a bit smaller than Ranboo’s, wrapped with similar coloured paper, though not as neatly wrapped. There’s a crude ribbon tied around. Tommy opens this one the same way as the last present, revealing a pair of black containers(?) with tapes in them, also Terra made. There are words written on each of them; one says “Cat” and the other says “Mellohi.” 

Unlike with the device, Tommy instantly recognises what these are, and the purpose of Ranboo’s gift becomes clear. He lets out a small gasp, staring at the vhs tapes in his hands with wonder and reverence. “I thought they didn’t make these anymore!” 

“We saw that you really enjoyed music, so we got these!” Tubbo says, a look of pride in his eyes. Ranboo seems similarly pleased with Tommy’s reaction. “They were really hard to find,” the apid adds. 

“Yeah, but we managed to find a seller back on Nether,” Ranboo explains with a pleased smirk. “I slipped away while we were there for that commission. I’m surprised you didn’t notice!”

Tommy looks between his two friends, a fond grin appearing on his face. “You sneaky bastards,” he says light-heartedly. He looks at the tapes in his hands, then at the vhs player, excitement filling his chest. “Can we set these up?” Tommy asks.

“Sure!” Tubbo says, Ranboo nodding with an excited warble. “Let’s do it in your room!”

So the three make their way to Tommy’s room. And it’s then that Tommy realises neither of his flock have ever been in his room before. He lets out a small pleased coo when his flock enters his space.

Tubbo and Ranboo help Tommy set up the vhs player (it takes a little while, why are there so many wires?!) before slotting in the “Cat” tape. The cheerful melody fills the room.

Tommy ruffles his feathers contentedly. This is nice. He actually feels… happy, and so appreciative towards his flock. He feels loved.

He looks at his flock. Tubbo is hovering in the air with a quiet buzz, a big smile on his face. Ranboo sways in tune with the music, ears perked and tail swishing happily.

His flock are happy to be in his presence. And that makes him happy.

Tommy slowly looks over towards his nest, his instincts starting to chirp persistently inside his head.

Flock inside nest, flock inside nest.

Tommy finds himself slowly reaching out to the nearest flock member, who happens to be Ranboo, lightly grabbing onto their arm.

Tommy stops himself before he can embarrass himself anymore, but he’s already gotten the enderian’s attention. Ranboo looks down at the avian with friendly, inquisitive eyes. “Hm? What’s up, Toms?” they ask with a warble. Tubbo peers over their shoulder.

Tommy feels his feathers fluff up in embarrassment, whether at being caught or at the nickname, he doesn’t know. “Um…” This is Tommy’s chance, but he finds himself at a loss for words. He lets out a needy chirp. “Nest?” he asks, tentative and hopeful all at once. He glances at Tubbo, still hovering in the air. “Both of you?”

Ranboo and Tubbo both seem surprised by his words. “You want us to go in your nest?” Tubbo asks.

Tommy nods. He must be in a right state, with his feathers fluffed up and pupils for sure dilated. 

But Tubbo and Ranboo seem touched by his invitation, which makes sense. Avian nests are special, never to be intruded upon. Only flock members are allowed inside. The two of them give Tommy fond smiles. “Sure,” Ranboo breathes.

So the avian gently tugs the enderian towards his nest, the apid following close behind. Tommy steps inside the ring of soft blankets and pillows, and at Ranboo’s hesitance, Tommy pulls them all the way in with a chirp. Tubbo joins them a second later.

Tommy allows his instincts to take over for a little bit, as he starts rearranging the blankets. This is his flock’s first time in his nest, after all. He has to make sure they’re comfortable. Once he’s down Tommy lays down with Tubbo and Ranboo on either side of him, letting out a happy coo as he wraps his wings around his flock.

Tubbo giggles. “Aww, Tom,” he coos. “You look eager.”

“I wonder how long he’s been wanting to do this,” Ranboo says idly.

Oh, far too long.

Tommy has never been happier. Both of his flock mates are finally in his nest with him. The music playing on the vhs tape comes to an end, but Tommy doesn’t notice, too busy relishing in the presence of his two favourite people in the universe.

He feels Ranboo’s tail softly wrap around his foot, lovingly, and Tubbo lets out a small hum through his wings.

“We love you, Toms,” they both whisper to him.

And Tommy believes them.