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Stan sat beside Kyle's hospital bed, the monitor slowly beeped as Kyle took shallow breaths. The room had been cleared of nurses and family to allow Stan some final time alone with his boyfriend. He looked out of the hospital window at a loss for words, the sky was a light grey, the town was wrapped by a heavy, saddening fog, as though everyone was already mourning Kyle. The dim lights of the other buildings that seeped into the otherwise dark hospital room gave the room a slightly yellow glow, Stan stood to close the curtain, he didn't want to think of the world continuing without his Kyle.
"Don't" He heard the soft voice behind him as he crossed the cold hard floor, "I like it." Kyle added. Stan nodded, walking back to his seat, his head low as he laced his fingers with Kyle's, which were laying limp behind him; he often couldn't find the energy to move his arms nowadays. "I'm sorry." He breathed, turning his head to face Stan, "it wasn't meant to end like this."
"I know." Stan smiled softly, looking up at him through his lashes as he held back the tears that had been threatening to pour down his cheeks the second he heard about Kyle's illness. "It's not your fault dude, it's not like you asked for this." His hand squeezed Kyle's, sadness radiating around them. "Let's not talk about it just now, I want to remember the good times. Remember Coon and Friends?" Kyle laughed, which turned into a cough, which turned into wheezing and a request for water. Once he had stopped coughing he smiled at Stan,
"Cartman was fucking insane, teaming up with Cthulhu, but I want to remember something else." Stan nodded his head, encouraging Kyle to continue. "Do you remember when we were wrestling at my house? You pinned me down like it was nothing, after-all you did play football, you were fucking built, like damn." As Kyle's voice grew weaker Stan continued for him,
"And then I leaned down, and we kissed. Trust me, I'll never forget how scared I was of losing my super best friend, especially just before college. I'm so glad we did though, that night, it was just amazing. Your hair was heaven to tangle my fingers in, and you smelt like strawberries."
"And you smelt like sweat." Kyle interrupted, laughing softly,
"Not my fault I'd just had practice." Stan protested smiling, "Besides, by the end we both smelt like sweat, among other things." He giggled quietly, Kyle doing the same. Kyle let go of his hand and shuffled over to his right, Stan understood and helped Kyle all the way to the right before climbing in next to him and lying on top of the covers.
"Can you roll me over?" Kyle asked, Stan nodded, turning him so that they were facing each other, their foreheads touching, and their breaths mixing together. Stan ran his hand through the short curls that were starting to form on Kyle's head again after the therapy, a sad smile settling on his face as he stared into Kyle's gentle green eyes.
"Do you miss it?" Kyle asked suddenly, breaking the sad silence,
"Miss what?" Stan raised an eyebrow, looking away from Kyle's eyes to take in all of his other features, his hollow jaw, his collarbone that jutted out, and his altogether frail body.
"Being able to do those things, to fuck like rabbits like in college, to share food and not worry about getting sick, my curls." He smiled a sad smile, squeezing Stan's hand lightly. Stan felt a lump rising in his throat,
"You know I love every moment I get to have with you, I don't care what we're doing. Plus your curls are coming back, soon they'll be at full force." He chuckled softly.
"You know they wont." Kyle said sadly, "We need to face facts properly Stan, next time I fall asleep I'm not going to wake up."
"Don't say that." Stan hushed, pressing a kiss to Kyle's nose, "You don't know that."
"Yes, I do, Stan, and you do too. The chemo was poisoning me, and on top of that the cancer is still there. My kidneys can't handle this, and the Doctors said I shouldn't live for much longer. I can feel it, I know it's tonight."
"But I don't want it to be." Stan said almost too quietly for Kyle to hear,
"We don't get a choice." Kyle soothed him, "Lets just savor this, I'm glad I get to spend my last moments with you." Stan felt the lump in his throat tighten as a tear trailed down his cheek, followed by another and then another, Kyle's tears soon following suit.
"You know, you've taught me so much, and I love you so much. You showed me how beautiful the universe is, and how amazing it is to exist. You made me feel like the stars were put there for me and me alone, and I can't thank you enough. You've just been so good to me, said so many wise and kind things, I just wish I could hear you say more." Stan whispered, drawing Kyle as close as possible.
"Thank you, Stan, I love you, and please, don't forget about me, and keep going, okay?" Kyle whispered in return,
"I don't know how I will, I don't know how the world will keep turning. It's like it was made just for us, just for us to meet and fall in love." Stan chocked back a sob, closing his eyes, "When you're gone it should all end, its served its purpose, you lived a happy life and I got to be part of it, there's no other point."
"Just keep going, I'll watch and take care of you from Olam Ha-Ba, I promise." It was Kyle's turn to choke back his sobs,
"I want to go with you." Stan sniffed, "I'll miss you."
"We'll see each other soon enough, my muffin, soon enough." He smiled softly, "Could I have a glass of water?" he asked quietly. Stan nodded, rolling over to get him another glass before helping him sit up to drink it. When he was finished Stan put the glass back beside the bed and lowered him back onto his side. He kissed Kyle's cracked and faded lips tenderly, pouring all of his love into it. Kyle kissed back, but as his breathing struggled they were forced to part.
"I love you, Stan." Kyle said quietly, his eyelids drooping.
"I love you too."
"Don't forget me." He said softly,
"Never."
As Kyle drew his terminal breath Stan hugged him to his chest, his sobs finally escaping. He sat them both up and held Kyle against him, his crying drowning out the flat-lining of the machine. He rubbed Kyle's back, whispering how much he loved him and how much he'd miss him. He remained numb as the nurses and Kyle's family rushed in, all of Kyle's family chocking out thick cries, huddling together around Kyle.
Slowly Stan was pulled away from Kyle to allow the rest of the family more time with him, even though their final goodbyes had been said hours earlier. Stan pulled Ike close to him as they cried together, watching Kyle's parents hold each other crying, as the beloved boys body laid still surrounded by white sheets, an almost comforting peacefulness permanent on his features.