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Being in love with four of his best friends isn't as easy as people'd suppose. Because, yes, Niall is sure they all really love each other, and they do want to be together as often as possible, but.. it doesn't change that Louis is loud and attention-grabbing, which can be incredibly exhausting. It doesn't change that Harry is crazy and has no sense for boundaries, and having another person glued to your side and petting you is hard when all you want is to watch a film undisturbed. It doesn't change that Liam will push carrots at you, and fret about vitamins and work-outs and "Are you sleeping enough? Should we go sleep now?" It doesn't change that Zayn is quiet, too quiet, when all Niall wants is to hear his opinion.
They work it out, as they do. Niall will push Harry over to Liam, for whom physical reassurance is like chocolate milk. Louis will drift over to Zayn, trying to make him laugh more, getting actual words out of him. And Niall, Niall will munch on the carrot and lean back to see how that story pans out. It's not always easy, but they try.
They sleep in twos and threes now. Nobody can bear to sleep on their own any more, they're that codependent. Sometimes Niall wonders how he'll deal when the tour is over and they'll all go back to their respective apartments, but he pushes that thought away as soon as it comes up. They have another few months, it'll be fine. It's easy enough to convince the coordinators to give them rooms on the same floors, so sneaking over to Zayn's is easy enough. Niall collapses on his bed when Zayn comes out of the bathroom, still a little wet from his shower, with a towel wrapped around his hips. He smiles, softly, and doesn't say anything when Niall attempts to get out of his jeans without getting up. Zayn puts on shorts and comes over, outright laughing now. It's a delightful sound, that bright chuckle. He grabs Niall's ankles and pulls at the trousers, until they're off, and then on the floor, then crawls up between Niall's legs, kissing as he goes. "Oh, are we having sex now?" Niall asks, unsurprised.
"Yep." Zayn grins.
"Okay, okay, yeah, that sounds good.." Niall trails off when Zayn kisses the spot on his hip where his underwear ends and the shirt begins, starts to ruck it up until it's stuck under Niall's armpits. Zayn, Niall learns, likes to leave marks on him. It's not something he does when the others are there with them, and Niall hasn't seen them bearing the tell-tale blue shapes on their skin after being with Zayn, so he figures it's something just between them. The others know, of course. Liam tuts and kisses the places Zayn's bitten, and Harry will grab Niall's hips extra tightly when sucking him off, leaving bruises of his own. Louis will just smile, and kiss Zayn over their moving bodies and mock Niall a bit for blushing whenever somebody touches them. He'll bite Zayn's neck where it meets his shoulder, and Zayn will make a keening sound.
But right now, Zayn is tracing his belly button with his tongue, kissing his way up to his nipple and pulling it between his teeth, and Niall, Niall's not above begging. He really isn't, but his voice is stuck in his throat because he gets it. They all have things they don't share with the others. Zayn has this, bruises that feel so good in the making, that Niall will press down on when the crowds get too much.
Liam doesn't leave visible marks, but he kisses a lot more, kisses Niall open until he feels like Liam can look inside his soul. Everything Liam does feels like that, like his touch is just another way of communicating "I love you. You are everything." And it changes Niall, makes him feel better. Like a better person, a better human, a better Niall, really. He thinks, sometimes, that sex with Liam is just as visible as sex with Zayn, to the others at least.
Harry is forceful, making decisions where Niall can't make them for himself. It's another kind of caring, he thinks, when Harry holds Niall's wrists down, pins him against the bed and covers him until Niall can't breathe but can breathe better. Harry makes tension drain out of Niall's body, and he hopes the others feel like that, too, when Harry pulls their head back by their hair and kisses them, careful and a bit controlling and so, so good.
Niall is convinced that Louis is what keeps them all together. Louis pushes and binds and makes them spill their deepest, darkest secrets. He's perceptive on an intuitive level, like Harry, but unlike Harry, he doesn't just make you because he knows you want to. Louis would never grab you by the back of your neck and lick down your throat, Louis will make you say it. "Say what you want," he smiles up at Niall, and smiles more prettily when Niall does, lets him, breaks all his guards down.
They're each other's unmaking, but they also make each other, build each other. Bruises and kisses, secrets and desires, they bare it all. And Niall wants nothing more than to be.
He draws Zayn up, up from where he was placing kisses on Niall's chest and neck, and says "I'm ready. Fuck me, okay?"
And Zayn looks confused, confused by the suddenness of the decision, probably. Because Niall's been holding out on him, on the others, since that morning with the pancakes when they all decided to become something bigger than band mates and best friends. But also happy, definitely. He sits back between Niall's knees and pulls Niall up with him, drags his shirt over his head and then hugs them together tightly, skin against skin. It feels like their hearts are touching.
"Okay," he whispers against the skin of Niall's neck "I'll call them over."