Chapter Text
Some nights it feels as though I didn’t actually make it out. I can still hear that bastard’s maniacal laugh, as the crowbar made contact, over and over again. Honestly, if Aunt Harley hadn’t broken away from him when she did I might not be here right now. I still remember how ready I was to give up, after enduring the pain, after all my mistakes got me there that night. I went looking for answers about my past, next thing I knew I was heading off to a warehouse in Ethiopia without backup or any semblance of a plan.
Well maybe there was half of a plan, because I did tell Aunt Harley that I was heading there, I guess that counts as backup. I knew that if anyone would respect my desire to find out more about myself and my family, it would be Aunt Harley. She’s always been the strongest amongst us, I mean putting up with that clown and his abuse as long as she did, makes her already stronger than any of us could ever hope to be. They always say leaving an abusive relationship is the hardest thing, the day she walked away and came to the manor will probably be the strangest thing to happen whilst I was Robin. I still find it absolutely hilarious to think Bruce was a medical school dropout or that he and one Harleen Quinzel were best friends during their shared time studying. Watching her stand on her own, and create a life for herself with Aunty Pam (she hates being called Aunt Pamela, she says that it makes her sound ‘elitist’) genuinely makes me so happy, she deserves all the happiness in the world.
But I guess she’s not the only one I owe my life to, if Bruce had been any slower things could have gone a lot worse. He came for me even after all the arguing and spiteful words I threw at him, he still came for me. He got me out of there, although I still think we should have left the Joker in there to go up in smoke with the warehouse, but Batman doesn’t kill.
Recovery was a long road, months of doctors appointments, surgery, follow-up appointments, occupational therapy, physical therapy, and loads of psychological counselling for the emotional and psychological injuries from the incident. I wasn’t exactly ecstatic about the counselling, but looking back on things, if Aunt Harley hadn’t dragged me there kicking and screaming, who knows where I’d be right now. Although there's still a long road ahead of me, physically I am all healed and back in-action, but mentally and emotionally those scars run deep, and are still healing thanks to Dr Allison (i.e. my wonderful psychologist courtesy of one Dr Harleen Quinzel’s research and former medical connections).
Even though I made it out that night, I could never go back to being Robin again, it felt too suffocating like a part of me was still trapped there in that suit waiting for it all to be over. It felt as though I was back to being there that night every time I put that suit on, waiting to escape from the Joker. But I guess things always have a way of working, as Alfred is so fond of reminding us all whenever things get tough, Steph came into the picture a year later, she needed an outlet and stability, so I didn’t mind passing the torch, although she does make an awesome Batgirl now. Also I mean not to give too much credit to my own design capabilities, but the Red Robin suit is way better, it's less traffic light looking and most importantly it has PANTS, like seriously the original Robin suit is like the worst design ever no matter what others may say, namely one Dick Grayson.
That being said, I wish I could go back to when I was Robin for no other reason than to get away from the overbearing and helicopter-parent behaviour from Bruce, whenever we are out on patrol. I mean I understand where he is coming from, I almost died that night because I thought I could handle myself out there, and he had to come save me before it was too late. However, I was also fifteen years old and thought I was ‘the shit’ when it happened, so I think I believe I deserve a little consideration, for fucksake I'm now twenty-four, I am a wholeass adult. I honestly don't need my dad following me around because he thinks I'm gonna get hurt if I’m out of his immediate eye-sight for more than ten minutes. It's exhausting and suffocating, I can't do anything without him turning into a full-on interrogation about what I was doing. I would be okay if he did it with all of us, but unfortunately that's not the way the Bat works.
Dick stays in Bludhaven and only has weekly check-ins, so that Bruce can make sure he’s up-to-date on gear and still has a roof over his head. Cass is ‘no-communication’ most days, which is understandable given her situation, but even then Bruce doesn’t try too hard with her, which sucks because Cass is awesome. Damian doesn't really need to be followed, the kid came into the manor and our lives with elitism ingrained into him, although nowadays he’s become more down-to-earth and less likely to decapitate someone.
Babs isn’t really someone Bruce checked in with regularly, but I guess he kinda does hover a little when asking questions before patrol, but that's more due to the guilt about her position as Oracle. Steph kinda has to check-in given that the Wayne-Foundations Further Education Programme is funding her degree, which she still tries to insist on paying back to no avail like honestly she should know better than to try and argue with Bruce, she was the third Robin after all. Kate doesn’t really have check-ins because it would honestly be really awkward if that happened, given she’s Bruce’s cousin and all-that. So I’m the odd duck out in this family, or more like the odd Robin out.
Honestly, I wouldn’t mind it if he was only checking in over comms during the nights I go out on patrol, but deciding to randomly come check-in with me in-person makes it really annoying. This is currently one of those times, maybe that's why I am reminiscing so much, it has to be my life flashing before my eyes. Why does he have to be so damn overprotective? Tonight isn’t even a difficult or dangerous mission, I am literally just watching and taking pictures of a small-time gang trying to negotiate with a dirty cop about how much to pay as a bribe. I’m not even doing a take-down, although that pig of an officer deserves it, honestly I swear the only good cops left in this damn city work for Gordon. I really, really don’t need Bruce to grapple across the city to come check-in on me. Especially since I am technically supposed to be doing this mission solo.
Now, I need to figure out how quickly I can hide away a full-person, even though said person is being exactly zero-help in this situation and would rather turn this into a game. The name of the game is ‘How riled up can I get my Red Robin before his dad gets here?’, I think he does it just because he can, then again what else should I be expecting he is Stray. The only reason he’s even here is because I asked him to meet up, knowing that he’s also after dirt on this cop. Maybe it might have also been, because I missed seeing him, but that’s not really important right now.
It takes roughly twenty-five minutes for Batman to get from the Diamond District to the edge of the ‘residential’ area I am currently in, and it’s been eighteen minutes already, so that means I have seven minutes to hid someone who Batman regards as a ‘dangerous criminal’ or watch Stray be sent to Blackgate. “Dammit! Tim, you are not making thinking any easier by trying to seduce me right now”, I exclaim, frustrated with the damn cat. He has the nerve to look all sheepish, whilst saying “I have no idea what you’re talking about babe. I am trying to find somewhere to hide.” “Oh really, because the smirk you have, the hand currently in my hair, and, oh yeah YOUR MOUTH ON MY NECK SAYS OTHERWISE”,I say raising my voice slightly won’t change the fact that Batman is now five minutes away, but maybe it will get my point across. Stray merely lets out a sigh before backing away and saying ,”Fine, I have had my fun for tonight, although it would be nice to spend time with MY BOYFRIEND, without being cockblocked by his overprotective dad.” “I know…”,I say, whilst avoiding eye-contact, I don’t know what else to say or do in this situation, it’s not like I want Stray to leave. Especially not with that heartbroken look in his eyes. “It’s fine Jay. I know you can’t control his ridiculous behaviour anymore, then I can stay aways from pretty birds”, he says, with nothing but adoration behind his words. The chaste kiss on my cheek, that he gives before he makes his escape, by backflipping off the edge of the rooftop whilst giving his usual two-finger salute, only makes me feel worse about the situation.
I can’t help but feel a dull-ache in my heart, as I turn to see Batman making his approach by grappling across the adjacent gargoyles (I still think they're creepy looking). He would never approve of this, asking Stray and Catwoman for help on missions is something that Batman can occasionally justify whilst grinding his teeth and swallowing his pride. However since Selena and Bruce split for good, and she started seeing someone new permanently, team-ups are few and far between. I know that their relationship is messy, but seriously he needs to grow the fuck up about this, for crying out loud he’s also in a somewhat serious relationship as well. I honestly think this is stupid along with his opinion on Stray, and yet I still haven’t told him about Tim, I still keep my relationship a secret.
I guess the saying is true, like father, like son. I am keeping my relationship secret just as he is, honestly I wouldn’t have known he was seeing anyone if Tim hadn’t asked me about it on one of our off-nights at his place. “Everything alright here Red Robin,” Batman asks, now being right in front of me. I would like the record to show that I in no-way was shocked and I most certainly did not jump slightly due to him being so close, contrary to what Oracle or the video feed Tim managed to get his hands on shows. “Everything's fine here Batman, I got all the evidence we need”, I say in an ‘even’ tone. The raised eye-brow I get beneath his cowl, questioning me honestly just annoys me. This never happened when I was Robin, but then again Stray wasn’t around, and I only had an older brother then. I guess not everything is bad, but his constant hovering makes me wonder if I truly am better. Some days I may just be putting on a brave face to hide the scars and fear that I can’t escape from, but it’s gotten easier with time and with the support of those around me.
“We should end here for tonight,” Batman says, not even looking at me. “Yeah…let’s do that,” I say, not really carrying much. I can see him remotely signaling the Batmobile to our current location. I honestly don’t know how to feel about that, being a vigilante is dangerous , it’s in the damn job description, I know what it means when I put the mask on and go out on patrol. I know after what happened with the Joker, I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to continue being field-active, mainly out of fear of it happening again. However, that was nine years ago, I have been active as Red Robin for the last seven and a half years, it’s not like I can’t do this job.
I guess my frustration must be more evident than I would like, because Batman just gave me a look instead of focusing on driving. Which further irritates me, I get the whole overprotective parent schtick works for some parents, but it doesn’t translate well for vigilante partners. I mean this whole time I have only referred to him as Batman, because I know the second the cowl and masks go on it’s time to be serious and focus on the mission. Maybe I just needed to destress or vent to someone about all this, bottling this shit up won’t be good which Dr Allison likes to constantly remind me, although in much nicer words.
“I’m gonna hit the showers and then head upstairs to get some hot chocolate, before turning-in for the night. Before you ask, I'll have my mission report submitted before I actually go to sleep tonight,” I tell Bruce as I jump out of the Batmobile. His cowl is already off, the second we got to the cave so it's back to Bruce. “Okay, ‘night Jaylad,” he says as I walk off towards the showers. “Night, old-man,” I responded as I started the shower. I want to get done quickly so that I can hopefully grab some hot chocolate, one of Alfred’s homemade cookies, and hopefully call my boyfriend to apologise at least a hundred times for tonight’s bullshit.