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The question was simple enough, and definitely one Steve should have seen coming. But he didn’t, and now he’s wildly unprepared to answer it. It was only a matter of time until Bucky wondered about his orientation.
“Steve?” Bucky questions when the silence stretches out too long. “Is that… wrong?” He shakes his head like he’s confused himself. “It… doesn’t feel wrong.”
“No, you’re…” Steve takes in a steadying breath which does nothing to calm him. “You’re right. You… you tested submissive. You’re registered. But, Buck, that’s not… that’s not why…”
“I know,” Bucky interrupts. “I’m a submissive. That doesn’t mean I didn’t fight against Hydra.” His expression darkens. “Is that what people said? Because I was a registered sub I just…”
He doesn’t go on with his question. He doesn’t need to. Steve can remember the first headline that splashed the papers that suggested such a thing. That Bucky had been easily manipulated into the vice grip of the Winter Soldier because of his orientation. Articles that questioned the “liberties” of submissives, yet conveniently left out all the torture and brainwashing and abuse that Bucky suffered at the hands of Hydra for seventy years.
Some traditionalists used it as a campaign to reinforce old, long-since-abolished laws that would reduce and restrict submissives to little more than glorified slaves. Steve wasn’t hearing it. Wouldn’t let Bucky’s name -- or the group of people he then represented -- be tarnished by some ludicrous, outdated thinking that subs were too fragile to handle themselves on their own.
The Avengers had been in full support of Steve’s rally against it -- as if Steve didn’t already have a full plate tracking down dead ends and dry leads trying to find Bucky. And Tony, as one of the world’s most successful and famous subs, stood in the frontlines to help. As luck would have it, Bucky turned himself in. Began an intense and remarkable recovery. The articles slowly came to a stop. And after two years of hard work and setbacks and relapses, Bucky’s now a welcomed and celebrated Avenger. It’s taken so long and so much perseverance to get this far, and Steve is not going to let some old-fashioned set of thoughts hurt Bucky now.
“We took care of it,” Steve says. “You don’t have to worry about what a group of fanatic traditionalists have to say.”
Bucky twists his lips and scoots a little bit closer to Steve on the couch. “I… wasn’t. I wasn’t worried about that. I…” He stops and Steve can see the slight flush to his skin. “You were…” Steve’s stomach clenches. “You were… my Dom, Steve. I was your sub. Right?”
There’s this nervous, but hopeful grin tugging at the corners of Bucky’s mouth, and Steve’s belly falls to his feet.
“Well, yeah… you… were… ” Steve clears his throat. “But now…”
The words dry up and shrivel away when Bucky’s face falls. He looks at Steve like Steve’s reached into his chest and crushed his heart. Leaving it between his ribs for him to try to fix and mend himself.
“Did you… you terminated our contract?” Bucky’s voice splintered and falls away.
That wouldn’t be the most unusual thing. Bucky, as far as Steve and the entire world was concerned, was dead. Death is one sure way to terminate a contract. But that’s not what Bucky’s worried about, at least, Steve doesn’t think so. Contracts cannot be changed without both parties present except in the case of death. All those years ago, they signed a contract to be just with each other -- a monogamous pact.
Steve can see the thoughts running through Bucky’s eyes. Names and faces going through his head. Did Steve terminate their contract so he could sign with someone else? Before letting Bucky’s thoughts get away from him, Steve rests a hand on his shoulder.
“No, Buck,” he says. “I didn’t terminate anything.”
Eyebrows pulling in, Bucky glances down at his lap. “Then… why…”
“Bucky, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“What’s not a good idea?”
Steve pulls his hand back. “It’s just… it can’t be good for you anymore, Bucky. After everything Hydra did to you and all the things they made the Winter Soldier do? I just wouldn’t feel right.”
Silence stretches between them for a long time. Longer than Steve is comfortable with, but he can’t bring himself to say a word. Not while Bucky has the chance to play with what Steve’s just said to him. Once again, Steve can see the wheels turning. Bucky’s expression going from confused to blank to… angry.
“So am I just supposed to pretend to be something I’m not?” Bucky snaps. “I can’t help who I am, Steve.”
“I know that, Bucky, but--”
“Is that what you want me to do?” he interrupts. Face burning and breaths starting to back up on him. “Are you… are you mad at me?”
“No!” Steve exclaims. “No, baby, I--”
“Then what?” Bucky growls. Tears fill his eyes. They don’t spill over, but they’re there. “I’m not just gonna change. You know I… I…”
“Bucky, please, please, hear me out,” Steve implores. Takes hold of Bucky’s hands as they curl into tight fists. “I don’t want you to change. I know you can’t change, just like I can’t change. But… how can I live with myself to do the same things to you that Hydra did?”
“Fuck you, Steve,” Bucky hisses. “Fuck you. That’s not even close to the same thing, and you fuckin’ know it.” He’s infuriated. Tear-filled eyes narrowed at Steve and nostrils flared, he heaves in angry gasps of air. “Hydra took from me, Steve. And if I can remember orientation classes, I bet you can, too.”
A submissive serves, a Dominant gives. That’s what he’s talking about. What he’s getting at. Hydra took from me, Steve, Bucky said. That’s not what Steve would be doing. He’d be giving Bucky something he physically and mentally -- even emotionally -- craves and needs -- dominance. So much more than that though. Dominance and trust.
And yet all Steve can think about is the files he read. The beatings and the drugs and the experiments. All in the name of making Bucky a blank, docile slate to be used for Hydra.
Steve hangs his head. “I’m… I’m sorry, Bucky.”
Grinding his jaw, Bucky lets out a frustrated growl and shoots off the couch. He shoves all of Steve’s sketchbooks off the coffee table before storming out of the room.
Well… that could’ve gone better.
Steve sighs and drops his head into his hands. That was not the way he wanted to have such an important conversation. He should’ve thought of this more. Should’ve… talked about it with Bucky a long time ago. It’s just that things have been going to well. If Steve does anything to disrupt Bucky’s recovery he’d never forgive himself.
The thing is, like Bucky being submissive, Steve has needs as a Dominant. And he misses it. Misses it so badly it hurts. He’s been holding back urges and instincts. Giving Bucky -- his sub, contracted legally years and year ago -- orders and praise and just the right touches. There’s an ache inside of him. If it’s this bad for Steve, he can’t imagine what it’s like for Bucky.
Hydra took from me, Steve A submissive serves, a Dominant gives.
Regardless of where they go from here, Steve is still legally Bucky’s Dom. It’s still his job to take care of this. He gets up and goes after his sub.
Bucky’s in the kitchen. Hovered over the table with his back to Steve. Steve can see the unsteady rise and fall of his shoulders as he still tries to right his breathing.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” Bucky whispers without turning. “I just… I wasn’t… prepared. For… rejection.”
The word is like a kick to Steve’s gut. That’s what he’s just done to Bucky. He’s rejected him. He hadn’t meant to, not like that, and yet that’s what he’s gone and done. Steve tries to put himself in Bucky’s shoes. How would it feel if Bucky pushed him away? A lot like it had in the beginning, probably. Head spinning and stomach turning. Only worse.
“If you… if you wanna terminate our contract…” Bucky shakes. “I’d understand. I’m not the same person I was so… if you wanna find a new sub. I mean I could… try to find someone else.”
“Someone else.”
That tastes foul and rotten and wrong as it comes out of his mouth. Someone else. The thought of someone else commanding Bucky -- earning his trust and touching him and calling him their good boy -- it leaves dirt in his belly.
“I won’t stand in the way of what you need, Steve. I know you have needs, too. I…”
“James.”
Steve’s voice slices through Bucky’s comment like the strike of a whip. He can see the instant change in Bucky’s posture. His breath catches. A tremble runs down his spine as he straightens up. Bucky turns. Wide-eyed and slack-jawed.
There’s no telling how much Bucky actually remembers, so Steve starts with something simple. An easy hand symbol to interpret no matter what as he curls his finger. Whether Bucky knows or not that it’s a legally issued command doesn’t matter. He gets it, and steps towards Steve.
“Kneel,” he says when Bucky’s right in front of him. He does. It’s not the fluid, graceful way he would have so long ago, which is odd given the way he moves like water over rock in most other ways. Bucky doesn’t quite get the position right either, but he’s on his knees, resting back on his ankles, in front of Steve. Steve tests. “Kneel up.”
There’s just a moment of struggle there before Bucky pushes up on his knees. Steve touches Bucky’s chin, coaxes his gaze up to his own.
“What are you feeling?” Steve asks. “Right now. Don’t even think about it.”
“Right,” Bucky says. “I feel right, Steve.” His eyes close softly. “Sir.”
“Look at me, Bucky.” Bucky’s eyes fly right open. “We’re going to take this slow. Very slow. Understand me?” Bucky nods. “And you’re going to tell me, no matter what, how we’re progressing.”
“Yes, yes,” Bucky agrees.
“Up,” Steve commands, and when Bucky’s on his feet again without any hesitation, Steve says, “Kiss me, Bucky.” He does. Sweet and a little needy. “Someone else,” Steve grumbles as he pulls Bucky into his arms. “Like I’d ever let you go. I’m sorry, Bucky. I didn’t… I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, Steve,” Bucky whispers, snuggling against Steve’s chest. “I love you, punk.”
Steve chuckles. “Jerk. I love you, too.”
***
They do take things slow. Bucky’s rusty, even if he remembers the basics of orientation courses. It really doesn’t take long for him to pick up on and remember the way Steve likes things.
“Oh wait…” Bucky says the first night Steve has him bathe him. It used to be one of Bucky’s favorites. To be able to gently wash Steve down in the shower. Of course, their bodies had been so different then, but Steve’s preferences haven’t changed. So when Bucky first goes to lather up a washcloth with soap and stops, Steve knows why. “You… my hands,” he murmurs. “You like it with my hands.”
Steve smiles as Bucky puts the cloth down and instead lathers up his hands to wash him. The second he touches his soapy hands to Steve’s skin, Steve pet him.
“Good boy,” he whispers, and Bucky lights up with a fantastic glow.
He does try to get frisky though, fondling and teasing at Steve’s cock and balls. But Steve takes hold of Bucky’s wrist to stop him.
“I didn’t give you permission to do that.”
Under the spray of warm water, Bucky blushes and nods. Says softly, “M’sorry, sir.”
Bucky’s easily frustrated by not executing positions correctly and, despite his anxious agreeing, still tries to push to move forward quicker than Steve’s prepared for. Within weeks, Bucky claims he’s ready to take their reestablished roles public. Steve, however, is not.
“Why not?” Bucky presses.
“Hey,” Steve scolds, and Bucky’s skin flushes with just that small amount of chastising. “Behave. I said I’m not ready.”
Bucky takes in a deep breath. “Okay, sir.”
The first time Steve spanks him, Bucky almost comes from that and that alone.
He shakes and squirms across Steve’s lap. Rising in anticipation and shuddering away at the same time. Steve is holding back, though only slightly, and Bucky’s ass is hot, tender, and cherry pink after only five slaps.
“M-more…” he mutters, face buried in the pillows under him. “P-please, sir… more…”
Steve whacks his hand down right over him again. Feels the tingle flare across his palm as Bucky yelps and jerks up. Bucky’s erection presses into his thigh and he’s attempting to rub against him to get some more friction.
“Stop that,” Steve says. “Stay still.”
Whining, Bucky does what he can to do as he told and keep from moving. The following slap has Bucky pleading.
“Oh please!” he shouts. “I wanna come, sir… please…”
“Not yet,” Steve replies, warm and soft. “Behave and you’ll get a nice treat, okay?”
“Mm.” Bucky take in some deep breaths to get control of himself. “Okay, sir.”
After being so good for the last few slaps, Bucky does earn that reward. Steve takes him into his mouth and moves nice and easy and slow until Bucky unable to keep himself from climaxing. Which is fine. Steve gives him the permission and swallows him down.
***
They move onto everyday rules within three months. Rules that are easy to follow. Bucky is to keep warm and eat three meals a day. Bucky is to let Steve know his expected schedule if they’re not going to be together. Bucky is to make Steve aware of any changes as soon as he can.
Sometimes Steve picks out what Bucky should wear, and Bucky glows every time. Even more so when Steve praises him. Which Steve does as often as possible.
***
Bondage was always something they both enjoyed. Steve insists they start even slower with that. Starting with only one limb tied and then his hands tied together behind his back when he’s as he gives Steve a blow job.
By the time they work up to tying Bucky down completely, Bucky’s overjoyed. Especially when Steve takes out the first toys to be used. A vibrator and a blindfold.
“Oh fuck, Steve!” Bucky shouts as Steve pushes the vibrator in and out of him. He tugs at the restraints, his head rolling back and forth. “Feels… oh feels so good…”
“Yeah? You’re not gonna be bad, are you? Not gonna come without permission?”
“Mm-mm…” Bucky’s shuddering and gasping and moaning. “I… oh please, can I?”
“Can you come?”
“Yes, yes… please, can I come, sir?”
To answer that, Steve turns the vibrator off and ignores Bucky’s whines when he takes it out.
“Stop complaining, sub,” Steve says as he lines gets ready to line himself up. Of course, with the blindfold still on, Bucky doesn’t know that. “No coming,” he orders as he pushes on in.
“Fuck!” Bucky yells as Steve thrusts in and out of him. Each shudder of Bucky’s body tells Steve that he’s hitting his prostate over and over and… “Steve! Sir, oh please! I need… I wanna come!”
“Not yet.”
Bucky’s jaw crushes in frustration. He looks so sweet -- all sweaty and breathless and fucked out as he pleads with his body to listen and not come without permission.
“Come, Bucky,” Steve demands when he feels himself tipping over the edge. “Come for me, right now, sub.”
His own body lights up with the feeling of Bucky coming undone beneath him. Of his hole fluttering around his dick and Bucky’s shout of his name on his lips.
White lines of semen spurt all over Bucky’s stomach, and Steve scoops some up with his fingers to have Bucky lick it clean for him.
“What a good boy you are,” Steve murmurs as he unties his beautiful, spent out sub. “Always so good for me.”
Bucky smiles lazily as Steve scoops him into his arms so he can carry him into the bathroom where he plans on getting him into a nice warm bath. He’ll have Bucky wear his clothes tonight too. Just because.
***
A punishment.
It makes Steve stomach turn knowing that he has to do it, but Bucky’s broken a rule and as per their renewed contract, it’s up to Steve to punish him for it. Bucky’s to treat everyone with respect with few exceptions. Being annoyed at his Dominant for having to work later than expected and hanging up on him -- then refusing to answer each and every call after that -- because of it is not one of them.
Steve sees the remorse on Bucky’s face the second he walks in through the door. He’s greeted by his sub already on his knees. Naked and waiting. Semi-hard because despite the shame of being punished, having control exercised over him is arousing. Bucky’s not ashamed of that. Neither is Steve.
They talk about it first.
“It hurts my feelings when you do something like that,” Steve says. “I’m not trying to upset you when things don’t go your way.”
“I know,” Bucky whimpered. “I’m sorry, sir. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why am I punishing you, sub?” Steve asks.
“Because I broke a rule, sir.”
The sound of Bucky’s small voice, timid and sorry, makes Steve’s heart twist. But this is part of the role he’s taken. Bucky expects to be held up to Steve’s expectations. And Steve needs to enforce that. Otherwise, what’s the point?
“Right. And when you break a rule, there’s a consequence to that, isn’t there?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Are you warm, Bucky?” He nods. “Have you eaten?” He gets another nod. “Okay. Crawl to your corner. Stay there until I say to move. Remember your safewords.” Always. “If it’s too much, you tell me.”
It isn’t too much. The hour and a half that Steve has him there proves very effective. Steve can feel Bucky let himself go and crumble in all the trust that Steve will put him back together again. Which he does. When he pulls Bucky into his lap and lets him weep.
“You’re a good boy, Bucky,” he murmurs as he runs his hands over his head. “Such a good boy. I’m not mad anymore. You were so good for me.”
“I was…” Bucky hiccups. “I was good for you, sir?”
“So good, sweetheart. My perfect, sub.”
Bucky smiles through his tears and Steve pulls him in even closer to kiss him. They make love that night. Steve laying Bucky out comfortably on the bed and opening him up gently and slowly. He eases his way in and just takes his time as he moves in and out, feeling every inch of Bucky’s body with his fingertips. Mixing sweat between them and grabbing his lips for as many kisses their lungs will allow.
***
“No more, sir…” Bucky pants as Steve whacks him again with the leather belt. He twists and squirms on the mattress, struggling against the ropes as he grinds against the blankets. “No--”
Steve slaps his ass with the leather again. He hasn’t said Red, not their safeword. Steve knows it’s okay to keep going. Only his wrists are bound today, so his legs fly across the mattress as he attempts to follow tonight’s rule and not push up on his knees.
“Who tells you when there’s no more?” Steve asks, trailing the leather along the small of Bucky’s back. “Hm?”
“You… you do, sir.”
“That’s right.”
Steve lays the belt over Bucky’s back and shoves his legs even further apart. Just enough that he can hear Bucky grunt with the strain. The first stroke of his tongue over Bucky’s hole has Bucky crying out. Steve grabs hold of his thighs, firm enough that his fingers will leave bruises for the next few hours over his skin, and doesn’t let up. Not when Bucky starts shaking. Not when Bucky starts pleading. Not when Bucky starts crying.
“Sir! Oh, sir, please! Let me come! For fuck’s sake, sir!”
All that gets him is a pinch on his hot and tender ass. Bucky yelps and surrenders even more to Steve. He goes completely pliant on the bed and just when his voice tapers off to just the softest blow of wind, Steve pulls away just long enough to give Bucky permission.
“Come, sweetheart. Let go, sub.”
The second Steve is sticking his tongue back into that sweet ass of Bucky’s, Bucky shouts and shudders and grinds into the mattress -- coming all over the blankets and smearing it all across his own belly.
Bucky’s barely settle down from that before Steve is pulling the knots open and flipping Bucky over, letting his back rest in his own mess. Steve drives on home and fucks into him, long and hard and within seconds Bucky’s getting hard again.
“Oh fuck!” Bucky’s yelling. “No more!”
Steve grabs hold of his waist. “Haven’t we been over this, sub?”
Bucky whimpers and groans and tosses his head from side to side as tears escape the corners of his eyes.
“You’re gonna come with me, Buck,” Steve tells him as he thrusts forward, watching Bucky jerk about when he catches his prostate again. “Don’t hold back. You come when I tell you.”
Nine months. That’s all it’s taken to get here. Nine months and patience and talking and hugs and kisses, and when Steve pulls out and says the words come, sub, Bucky does. Untouched. Unhelped. His body floating away on Steve’s voice alone as Steve empties out over his belly.
“Hey,” Steve whispers when he sees the spacey, fucked out look on Bucky’s face. “You with me, Buck?”
“Mm.”
And that’s probably the best he’s going to get out of him now, but Steve’s heart soars to new heights as he realizes what’s happened. Bucky’s drifted into subspace. He’s let go. Given Steve the reins and let himself float off, trusting Steve to be the anchor to guide him back.
“Okay,” Steve murmurs as he uses his discarded shirt to wipe Bucky down. He gently rolls him over and clean his other side as well. “Let’s get you under the covers.”
Bucky’s body is very noodle-like right now, but he still manages to gives Steve a bit of help as he gets them under the blankets. Steve holds him in his arms. Kisses his head and pets him and kisses some more.
“I love you, you know,” he says. “You’re so good. Such a good boy. Take all the time you need, baby. You come back when you’re ready.”
It actually takes a good thirty minutes before he regains any real coherency. Steve knows things have been getting through to him by the small gestures he’s made, but now his eyes are open and he’s smiling this huge smile.
“Hi there. Back yet?”
Bucky grins some more and shrugs. “A little.”
“Okay. That’s okay. Are you up for a bath?”
He thinks on that for a second. Lips twisting and feet tucking between Steve’s warm legs. Then shake his head.
“Not yet.”
“Alright. But I have something for you.”
Bucky’s eyes light up at the prospect of a gift. After all, being a good boy makes him all warm and fuzzy -- so he says, and Steve believes -- but being spoiled by his Dominant just about makes his day.
“You’ll be okay if I leave you for a second? Just to go across the room.”
Taking in a deep breath, Bucky nods. “Yes, sir.”
“‘Kay. Just one second.”
He plants a kiss over Bucky’s forehead and hurries out of bed. It’s time. He knows it is. They’re ready and when he comes back to the bed with a box in his hand, Bucky eyes him curiously. Steve hands it over when Bucky sits up. When Bucky lifts the cover off, his jaw drops.
“Steve!” he exclaims with joy as he pulls the collar out of the box. “Really?”
“Mhm. I’m ready, Buck. I’m sorry it took so long, I just… I wanted to be… us. Whoever we are now. I wanted to be us.”
“I know,” Bucky whispers. Puckers his lips and Steve never denies him that. They kiss. “I love you, Steve. I always have. Will you, put it on me?”
“Yeah. Of course, I will.”
Bucky’s hair is getting a little long again. Enough that he instinctively lifts the back of it away from his neck so that Steve can lock the leather collar in place. Steve’ll have him cut it a little soon. Just a little. He likes to run his fingers through that hair.
Fingers touching at the leather hugging around his neck, Bucky lights up with a huge smile. Ready to greet the world again with Steve. And Steve, is ready to greet the world again with Bucky. Together -- as Dominant and submissive.