Chapter Text
It's been a month since the news came out. It kinda calmed down with the gossip and stuff, but people still leave things at his locker.
Of course they would, a lot of people are regretting not telling him about their feelings when they had a chance...well, he would have rejected them either way.
The music distracts Till from all the other people, he's always listening to music. He said Till's songs were bound to be recognized someday.
Suddenly, a hand taps his shoulder.
"Till, where are you going? Our class is this way..."
It's Mizi. Her hair is long and beautiful as always, but Till doesn't get too excited anymore. *He* always looked sad whenever Till was staring too much at Mizi or talking too much about Mizi.
"Yeah, you're right. Sorry, it's just—"
"No, it's alright. I get it."
They walk together. It's a bit awkward, they used to be a really big friend group. But everything changed after he died.
The last time they saw Sua was at the funeral, Luka has been saying he's too busy to hangout and Hyuna...who knows what she's been up to. She skips school pretty oftenly ever since it happened.
Their online groupchat has also been left untouched, the last message being of him.
It was so late and they had a test the next day, so nobody was awake. And they had stopped texting there ever since that happened last year.
Oh, last year. If only things could as perfect as they were back then.
It was their first year in highschool, a dream come true.
Mizi was happy since would finally get to see Sua, her girlfriend, everyday and Till was happy that he and Mizi were finally going to study together again.
Mizi and Till have been best friends for years now, but even so...
While they were walking down the hallway to go meet Sua, there was a boy just like her. It was Ivan.
"Till?"
A sweet voice calls his name. He notices he was staring at Ivan's locker, full of heart letters and flowers.
"Sorry. I'm coming."
Their walk is silent and painful. Their friendship hasn't been the same ever since Ivan died so suddenly, nobody was expecting it.
Ivan was healthy, rich, popular...there was no reason for him to pass away. That's why Till started to blame himself, even if he won't admit it.
Once they arrive at the classroom, they sit together. They never seated together before, Mizi would sit with Sua and Till would seat with Ivan. And once Sua comes back, Till will have to seat alone.
Or not.
Hyuna is there, right behind them. Staring at Till like her life depends on it. He slowly turns around to face her, a bit scared.
"Do you need something from me...?"
"You've been awfully quiet. You didn't even notice Mizi is wearing gloves, which, you know, would have been a big ass event for *you*."
It's true, Mizi really is wearing gloves. They suit her delicate hands.
It's pretty. It's marvelous.
But it's not the same.
"...so? I don't need to turn everything she does in a big event."
"That's what I'm talking about. Till, you're different."
"Hyuna, leave him alone..."
Mizi says in a quiet voice, also turning around. So, the teacher calls their attention and they all go back to paying attention to class. Hyuna keeps staring at Till for a while, until she decides to take notes down.
Till can't help but think of her words though. What does she mean by "different"? He isn't different. Not at all.
He can't write any notes down, his hand is too shaky and his mind is way too full of thoughts for that.
So, he closes his eyes. Eventually falls asleep.
Mizi wakes him up once the bell rings, and they go to p.e.
Nobody really wants to run laps...except for Luka, showing off his beauty once again. He looks at where they're all seated and winks at Hyuna.
"Ew." — Till spits out automatically, Luka is all sweaty and smelly, who would find that cute?!
The woman blushing beside him, I guess.
They don't talk. Afraid that the conversation might go in the wrong way. Mizi is texting Sua, Till doesn't dare to look at what they're talking about. He knows what it's about, actually.
It's Ivan, obviously. Sua is the one that most suffered with his death, she was the one to find the body and the one to arrange the funeral (they all helped, but she still did most of it). The sounds of her crying while hugging his coffin will haunt him forever.
Till doesn't remember much from the funeral aside Sua crying. He remembers wearing the suit he wore when Ivan brought him to a fancy ass restaurant since it was the only all-black clothing he had
He also remember Ivan's face, it was...sad. Just sad. Nothing else. It didn't look like Ivan, he wasn't smiling.
Maybe Till regrets not talking to him sooner, Ivan wasn't perfect, but neither is him. What would have happen if Till saw Ivan's text that night? Would he still-
"Till."
This time, the voice is a soft male one. Not like Ivan's, but like Luka's.
"You might want to leave."
He comes back to his senses. He's crying. Hyuna and Mizi aren't there by his sides anymore.
"Where's-"
"God, don't ask about Mizi in a situation like this. Are you still going to pretend it never happened?"
Luka knows. Everybody knew, but Luka KNOWS. Till told him, he didn't say it to Mizi, Sua or Hyuna. Only Luka, because Luka is irritatingly smart.
"Listen, you're going to get up and we'll go to the bathroom. We're going to talk."
He does as Luka says. Once they're alone, Till washes his face. Nobody uses this bathroom, it's on the last floor of their school after all.
"You have to talk to Sua."
"What."
Talk to Sua? Ivan's sister? The one was crying at his funeral?
"...I don't have nothing to talk about with her."
"You do. And you know you do."
"And don't you think YOU should talk with us? You just- left!"
"..."
Luka stays quiet. He knows it's true and it's annoying him. But even so, he smiles. Unlike Ivan's smile, Luka's is...sickening.
"Till. I'm not the one who smashed Ivan and then left. Sua is wondering what the fuck happened for her brother to suddenly leave like that."
"He wouldn't have done it because of me."
"Of course not, he wasn't stupid. But you might have been the last trigger."
Oh
He hadn't thought about that
"...Sua will be pissed if I tell her."
"She should."
"Right."
She has the right to be mad.
After school, they're all back to their houses. Sua is probably alone, now that Ivan is no longer with her. He knows how close they were. It makes him-
Ding.
It's a notification sound. For THAT groupchat. The one they abandoned a month ago. Well, it was abandoned even before that anyway. The one who sent a text is Luka. Of course it's Luka.
"Hello guys! We're all meeting at Sua's." — the message says, and right above it, it's the last message Ivan sent.
"When?" — Sua herself asks.
"Right now." — Luka sends a sticker of himself right after that. Till gets up and starts putting on a more decent shirt than the one he's wearing.
He's late. So late. They probably think he ditched them, but that's not true. He just didn't have to courage to text in that one groupchat.
He knocks on the door of the apartment and takes some time to breath, he came running. Sua opens the door.
"Till! We thought you wouldn't be coming!"
She looks...devasted. But better.
"...yeah."
He enters once Sua invites him inside. He knows exactly what this is about. And he's happy with it. Luka waves at him, he frowns. Luka knew Till is too much of a coward to talk to Sua, so, he did this.
"Sua. Till needs to talk to you about a little something~"
"Oh? Alright!"
Till sighs, running a hand through his hair.
"...privately."
They go to Sua's bedroom, Mizi didn't mind, which makes Till feel a bit better.
"So...you know how me and Ivan were hanging out together last year?"
"Mhm, I know. He wouldn't stop talking about you."
"I may or may not have dated him I secret."
"We know that too."
"And then I left him."
"..."
"..."
They stay quiet. Sua is a bit confused.
"Well...Ivan did get a bit sad whenever I asked about you two but..."
"No, Sua, you're not getting it. I insulted him and broke his heart, left him alone in his cold ass bedroom and went to my house. I never answered his texts and would avoid him in school. I was the one that makes him sad."
"..."
Sua is trying her best. She hugs Till.
"...it's not your fault."
It is his fault. He told Ivan he was horrible. He said all kinds of things when he shouldn't. Fuck, Ivan was so desperate and he still wouldn't answer his calls or texts, Ivan just wanted to know why.
Till eventually hugs her back and they cry. She isn't mad, she's just...like him. Mourning.
"Ivan didn't hate you, at all...the last day before he...did it...I saw him going through all your photos. He doesn't hate you, Till. He doesn't...and neither do I."
Those words hurt. But they also bring comfort. It's a strange feeling.
They eventually go out of the room, with their eyes red and puffy, Mizi hugs Sua and Hyuna pats Till's head like a puppy.
And then, they hang out. Just like last year, but Till is sitting alone on the couch now, Ivan isn't there to annoy him anymore.
"Hyuna!~ you're attendance is so bad! You really should be concerned you know, you're a third year!"
"Ehhh who cares! It's BECAUSE I'm a third year that I can skip classes like that, you know?"
"Pfft! Since when did it work like that???"
Sua laughs. She laughs.
It brings Till comfort, she really isn't mad at him.
And then, Luka sits beside him. Ugh.
"See? It wasn't that bad."
"Not doing it again."
"You don't have to."
Luka is a weird ass guy, but Till is happy that at least he's on the good side of this weirdo.
They eventually fall asleep. Just like last year.
It isn't perfect, but it's...nice.
Ivan would have liked it.