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“Jesus, Wade,” Peter grumbled as he shoved his boyfriend away from the couch. “You’re bleeding all over the cushions again."
Wade swivelled his head back and forth trying to see behind him. “I haven’t even done anything, why am I bleeding?”
Peter held the bloody shirt away from Wade and closely inspected his scarred skin until he found a small hole. “This can’t be a bullet wound, it would have healed up by now.” It wasn’t just blood coming from the hole either, it was actual tissue and blood clots. “I’m trying not to freak out, but is it possible that your skin is coming off?”
“I bleeding on my stomach too…”
Sure enough, there was an identical hole on Wade’s stomach. “How do you feel?”
“Like making love,” Wade sang his answer with the accompaniment of an air guitar.
“Answer in the form of a coherent, adult man.”
“Sore and a little weepy,” Wade admitted.
By the time Peter took pictures and upload them on Instagram Wade had grown three more bleeding holes and was curled up in the fetal position.
“Oh my fucking shit fuck!” Peter exclaimed at his phone. “Dr. Strange just texted me, he says you’re growing vaginas… Menstruating ones.”
Wade uncurled himself enough to look Peter in the eye and slowly, painfully reached out to him as he said, “you totally have to fuck me in one of them before they close up.”
Peter pulled away before he got any more of the period on him. “That’s gross, dude! And stop fingering yourself!”
Wade stretched his hand far enough to get his forefinger and pinkie in separate holes. “Make love to me, Peter, I want to make a baby.”
Peter had never been so disgusted and yet so turned on in his whole life.
“All right,” Peter palmed his erection through his pants, “but we’re going to plug a morning after pill into each one of those when we’re done.”