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Soft sunlight shone through the windows, the morning golden rays casting a warm but soft glow around Lockwood’s room. Lucy woke with a sinking feeling in her. She could tell it wasn’t going to be a good day for her. Sometimes, she’d be okay and wake up feeling fine. Other times it felt as if the weight of the world were upon her shoulders, weighing her down.
Today was one of those days. There was a heaviness, something almost tangible. Something she could reach out for, grab it, yet falling short when she tried. It felt like a giant rain cloud hovered over her, casting shadows over every thought and feeling.
She rolled onto her side, not surprised to see the spot next to her empty. Lockwood always woke before her.
Lucy let out a long sigh, turning her back to the sunlight streaming into Lockwood’s room. She threw an arm over her eyes, groaning slightly at the thought of facing the day.
Softly, Lucy heard a knock on the door. Followed by a soft, “Lucy?”
“Yeah?”
Lockwood slowly pushed the door open, already dressed for the day and with breakfast in hand. He smiled his brightest smile at her, not the one for clients, the one only for her. His tie was askew and his shirt sleeves were rolled up to his forearms. It felt as if the room got a hundred times brighter.
“Good morning, Luce,” he said, setting the tray of breakfast items on his nightstand. Lucy smiled softly at him, although not meeting his gaze. Lockwood was quite good at reading Lucy and how she was feeling. She didn’t want to worry him with her emotions this morning. He noticed anyway.
“Is something wrong?” he asked, trying to duck his head and meet her gaze.
“Just a bit tired, that’s all,” she said. Lockwood frowned, not believing her, concern clouding his gaze.
“Luce, I know when you’re actually tired and when you’re hiding something from me. What’s actually going on?” he sat down on the bed beside her, gently slipping his hand into hers. Lucy opened her mouth, as if to say something before shutting it, seemingly looking for the words.
“I’m not sure,” she admitted softly, looking down at their entwined hands. “I woke up feeling so…heavy. Like I wanted to do nothing and just sink into the bed and not wake up again. It’s as if there’s this dark heavy cloud above me, casting a shadow.
I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I guess today everything just caught up to me and I’m feeling the brunt of the emotional toll. Do you ever feel like…you’re a mirrorball? Like you feel as if you have to be a different version of yourself for different people?” Lucy’s voice slightly quivered at the end, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
Lockwood frowned slightly at that. His thumb traced small patterns onto her hand, as soothing to him as it was to her. She still avoided his gaze, instead turning her gaze to the floor.
“I do feel like that sometimes, actually,” Lockwood said after a moment. “I understand what it’s like to put up a facade of someone you’re not. It’s going to be okay though, Luce. You can be whoever you want to be and not care about how other people perceive you.”
“But I work so hard to be accepted as an agent, without me pretending to fit in I’m not sure where I fall. It’s like I’m on a tightrope, looking upon people still trying to get them to respect me. It’s exhausting.”
“Luce, you’re the best Listener out there, and you’re an excellent agent. You’re talented, funny, and quick-witted. Not to mention you’re absolutely beautiful,” Lockwood winked as Lucy turned a bright shade of scarlet. “Even if some snobby agent doesn’t like you, I’ll run them through with my rapier.”
Lucy snorted at his comment, earning an even brighter smile from him and a kiss on the forehead.
“If you keep changing yourself for other people, Luce, you may lose sight of what makes you you. I like you as you are, flaws and all. I know you try to be the best version of yourself for everybody, always trying your hardest, feeling as if you could break any moment, and still trying. You should be proud, Lucy, I know I am.”
Lockwood smiled at her as he finished up his little speech. Lucy finally met his gaze and saw all the love and admiration he had for her swimming in his eyes. Suddenly, like a dam had broken Lucy felt small prickles at the corners of her eyes. The prickles turned to aches, before long, tears were cascading down her face. She wiped frantically at her eyes, sobbing softly.
“Darling, why are you crying? Did I say something?” Lockwood asked, anxiety lacing his voice. Lucy let out a watery laugh. It came out sounding like a strangled, wet noise.
“No, you didn’t do anything. You just know exactly what to say when I need to hear it, you podge,” she said, her insult held no heat though, affection glowing in her eyes.
Lockwood simply grinned at her, tugging at her hands to bring her closer to him. He wrapped an arm around her waist and the other against her shoulders, drawing her to him. Her head settled gently on his shoulder, her hands gripping into his shirt. Lockwood rested his head on top of Lucy’s, sighing contently as he held her against him.
Lucy didn’t know how long they stayed like that, sitting on Lockwood’s bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. Lucy even began to doze off, listening to the gentle beating of Lockwood’s heart. All her sadness and heaviness seemed to melt away as she nestled closer to him. His arms were warm and a solid presence round her body, grounding her. Lucy decided that she wouldn’t mind staying like this forever. Softly, she felt Lockwood’s voice rumble through his chest.
“I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight, Lucy,” he murmured.