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april 8th, 1985
natalie had only been seven years old when her dad first hit her. before then, he had only screamed at her for trying to defend her mom.
not only did he hit her, he grabbed her hair and threw her up against the wall. when natalie thought he was going to beat on her, he walked away and went to the kitchen for a beer.
she made a break for it out the back door. her eye was purple and bruised and she could barely see, but she didn't stop running. she didn't know where she was going. there was a forest the kids at school always talked about. maybe she could try there.
after about twenty minutes of going east, she found herself at a tree-lined yard. on the top of a hill, there was a decently sized house. two stories, adorned with christmas lights. it was april.
she ignored it and continued past the trees. there was one particularly bigger tree, and she ran to it, sinking to the ground, head in her eyes. tears streamed down her cheeks and a broken sob escaped her throat.
she stayed like that for a few minutes until she heard footsteps. pulling her hands away from her face, she looked up.
nat's face felt hot, heart beating fast.
it was a girl in her grade with wild, curly blonde hair. she had brown eyes and glasses. mitzy, or something? she didn't know. she didn't care.
she had caught her crying.
"hi," the girl said, stepping up to her. "this is my forest."
"so?" nat asked, her voice raspy. she took a deep breath and wiped her eyes frantically. "how can it be yours? you can't own a whole forest."
"no, but no one comes out here, and that's my house up there. so that's makes this place mine." she had a big grin on her face. "i'm misty, by the way."
"um, okay," nat mumbled. she turned away.
"why are you crying?" misty asked, and natalie looked back at her. her curls bounced as she took big, dramatic steps.
"none of your business."
"oh." she rolled her eyes, and natalie could not be more annoyed. "are you sure? are you okay?"
"i'm fine," snapped natalie as she stood up and wiped her palms on her jeans.
"liar, liar, pants on fire," misty sing-songed.
nat exhaled. "my dad."
she watched misty's face fall. "oh. i'm sorry. do you want to hang out with me? i don't have a lot of friends, and i was thinking we could be friends, and it'd get you away from your house."
as annoying as it was, natalie had to admit it was smart. and she was desperate. her house was loud, damaging. not even really a house. finally, reluctantly, she nodded.
"i don't have a lot of friends either."
misty walked over to her and extended a hand. nat took it and stood up.
quietly, they walked up the hill to misty's house.
inside, misty's mother was making lunch, but then she saw natalie, and her jaw dropped. she walked up to her, knelt down and put a hand on her shoulder.
"what happened to your eye, girl?" she asked in a soft voice.
nat's lower lip stuck out in a subconscious pout. "my dad."
misty's mother's eyes widened. "oh, you poor child."
natalie didn't understand it then.
misty's mom made her lunch and made sure her eye was okay.
that was the first time natalie had had a mom in a couple years.
—
september 23, 1988
natalie was ten the first time she had gotten into a fight.
a boy named eric had picked on her because of her messy, often uncombed hair, and old, worn out, more masculine clothes. he told her that girls were supposed to wear dresses, not t-shirts and pants.
she punched him and got in-school detention for the next few days. the teachers told her it happened because he liked her. (that changed the way she viewed relationships.)
he had busted her lip, and there were bruises on her right hip from where he had kneed her.
she went to misty's house after school. actually, she stayed the night.
misty's mom, mary, held tissue to her bottom lip as natalie tried to explain what had happened. mary comforted her and told her that the boy had it coming, but that she shouldn't try to solve things with her fists. nat only nodded.
mary ordered pizza for them, and misty forced nat to watch some silly show up in her room. the girls had puffy curls, similar to misty's, but misty's were natural. prettier than the girls on the 40" screen.
but natalie would never say that.
when it was time for bed, natalie curled up on the floor under the blanket that mary had got out for her. she lay there, knees tucked into her chest, back facing misty's bed.
three years ago, she knew nothing about misty quigley.
they shared no classes. and while they were both loners, they were completely different. misty was a know-it-all, teacher's pet who liked to read and popular music, while nat had liked the more heavy songs on the radio with rough guitar solos. they had nothing in common but their loneliness.
but now nat had found escape in misty.
"natalie," came a whisper in the dark.
nat jumped, then realized: it was only misty. she sighed and sat up. "yes?"
"you can come up here if you're cold."
she wasn't, by the way. her heart suddenly beat faster, but she ignored it, and she got up and joined misty quigley in bed.
when nat was woken up for breakfast, misty wasn't next to her anymore. maybe downstairs with her dad, john.
going downstairs, she learned that misty was watching a cartoon in front of the tv, and her dad was nowhere to be found. figures, considering he was a doctor.
natalie ate two pancakes for breakfast, thanked mary, and joined misty by the tv.
they didn't talk about misty asking her to get in bed with her for the first time.
november 13, 1992
the first time nat got drunk, she was fourteen, and it hit her hard.
the vomiting wouldn't stop, and neither would the pounding in her head.
she kneeled over misty's toilet as misty held her hair back. misty murmured, "it's okay, you're okay" over and over again until the words didn't even sound real to natalie.
once nat stopped, she pulled away from the toilet, wiping at her mouth. misty flushed the toilet and moved to hug nat.
"are you okay?" she whispered, hand finding nat's hair.
"i'm not—i don't know."
"that's okay, too. come on, let's get you cleaned up."
natalie didn't want to acknowledge it, but she was sweaty as hell. gross, too. she definitely needed a shower.
"okay."
she had no complaints about a nice, hot shower.
nat watched as misty opened a cabinet under the sink and grabbed a washcloth. she wet it with water, which turned out to be lukewarm, and she dabbed it across nat's mouth.
"have you been drinking?" misty blurted out.
from anyone else, it would have been rude, but nat knew misty wasn't judging. misty never judged her. not for anything.
not when she fought that stupid boy when she was ten, not whenever she dressed weirdly or had old clothes (always), or if she didn't smell the best.
misty had always helped her, and natalie couldn't be more grateful.
"um, yeah, i—i was. at a party. i feel so shitty right now."
misty's expression softened. she put a hand on nat's arm. "you're going to want pain killers and a lot of water."
natalie could feel her eyes stinging, and she didn't even know why. she looked away.
"nat?" misty whispered.
"what?" she mumbled, pulling her knees to her chest.
"what's the matter?" she tilted her head to the side.
"i don't—i don't know. i want to sleep." she rocked back and forth.
"what about a bath first?"
nat noticed her voice was incredibly soft. she sighed and nodded. "okay. yeah, okay. i can do that."
"i'll get you some of my pajamas. and you can run a bath."
natalie nodded. misty showed her how then left her alone in the bathroom.
nat ran hot water until it filled at least seventy-five percent of the tub. she waited for misty to bring her clothes before she got in.
a few minutes later, misty came by with the clothes. she had knocked first, then left them on the counter with an awkward, "here you go, natty."
the corners of nat's lips curled up. "don't call me that," she said, but there was no fire in her voice.
"oops," misty said with a giggle.
they fell into a comfortable silence, at least for nat, until she realized that misty wasn't leaving.
"what are you doing?" natalie asked.
"can i stay in here with you? i won't look, i promise. just checking on you, i guess."
nat's face was hot. her mouth fell open. "um—"
misty turned a nice shade of red. "i didn't—sorry, sorry—um, no—"
she pursed her lips and looked away.
"don't—i didn't mean it like that. or to make you feel weird. i just want you to be okay."
natalie stared at her hands, heart beating fast. "i guess it's okay. just—don't look."
it's not that natalie usually cared. she was naked in front of people in the locker room all the time. but it was different with misty. while she could trust her, it was just different. she didn't know why.
"i won't," misty assured.
natalie waited for her to turn around before she got undressed and got into the tub. she looked around, wet her hair, then grabbed shampoo. it was cold on her hand, and she gently lathered it in her hair.
"what did you do at school today?" misty suddenly asked, a clear hint of nervousness in her tone.
"um. practiced for soccer, as i do every day? you watched me. and, um, every other girl—"
"yeah," misty interjected, confirming it.
"i got a b on my math test," natalie continued. "and i have to study for a test in science. but i know i won't. i'll probably fail."
misty shook her head slightly. "i can help you study! it's not hard."
"no, that's—"
"no, i insist. really. let me help you."
misty always seemed to want to help nat. it seemed like that was her only purpose.
sometimes nat felt bad. like she was taking advantage of misty or using her.
"i guess so . . ." nat mumbled, crossing her arms. "um, you can look, if you want, misty."
part of her felt gross for wanting that. for wanting misty to look at her like this. vulnerable, naked—literally. she sighed. nothing would happen, misty wasn't like that. all she would do was take care of nat.
"are you sure?" misty asked.
"yeah. could you come here, actually? help me with my back?"
nat was getting bold now.
"um, y—yeah, i can do that," she muttered, turning around and walking up to her.
nat didn't look at her, embarrassed.
behind her, misty must have dipped the bar of soap in the water, because in the next second she dragged it across her shoulder blades.
the touch was surprisingly gentle.
"yeah, that's okay," nat assured, sighing quietly.
they continued like that over the next ten minutes. misty gave nat privacy to dry herself (but misty helped nat dry her hair) and get into misty's clothes.
after that, they climbed into nat's bed.
"i think your house is haunted," misty whispered playfully in nat's ear. "you should live with me, instead."
natalie managed a chuckle, but ignored it. she fell asleep with misty's chest against her back, arm wrapped tight around nat's waist.
june 28, 1993
the only thing natalie heard over the police sirens was her mother's sobs.
and she didn't even understand why.
her dad was an asshole. he had just beat her up. that was the whole reason nat had grabbed the fucking gun in the first place. she had to protect her mom (who cared more about being on five different downers than her). it had backfired.
now her dad was dead, lying on the ground. one side of his face had been blown off by a shotgun. tears streamed down her cheeks, but she felt a sick kind of free.
the cops asked her what happened. she didn't answer for a while.
when she did, she told them that he had been violent for years. to both of them. that they could ask the quigleys. that he had started grabbing nat and getting in her face, screaming at her. her mother had come in the room, and he redirected his anger as he often did. that was when she grabbed the gun and pointed it at him and eventually pulled the trigger as he taunted her.
nat guessed he got karma for that.
after she told the cops everything, they let her go, and she hurried to misty's house. by the time she had knocked on the door, she was bawling like she hadn't in a long time.
misty enveloped her arms around natalie in a way she hadn't since nat's first hangover.
she cried into misty's shoulder, body wracking with sobs. nat collapsed to the floor, misty falling with her.
she cried and cried and cried until she couldn't anymore. until all that would come out were heavy breaths. until misty suggested they go upstairs, and until natalie agreed in shaky breaths and frantic nods.
once they sat on misty's bed and misty got nat to calm down, face cupped in her hands, misty asked what had happened.
natalie swallowed roughly, eyes watering all over again. she forced herself to stay calm. "he—he's dead. my dad."
misty's thumb caressed her cheek as her eyes widened just a bit. "oh, natty, i'm so, so sorry. what happened?"
"he caught me with kevyn, but we weren't eve—even doing anything. i was painting his nails, and we were listening to music. but he found us and got on kev, and then me, and he was calling me a slut, and—"
she must have been talking a mile a minute because misty shushed her. "woah, woah. slow down. you're okay, i promise."
natalie nodded. "okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "my mom came in, and then he started hitting her, kicking her and stuff. i went to get the gun, and i pointed it at him. he kept making fun of me and stuff, and i pulled the trigger, but the safety was on, and—and—and he grabbed it from me and called me useless, and then *i* called him useless, and he turned, and tripped, and he shot himself in the face—"
misty pulled natalie's face against her shoulder. "shh. shh. go ahead and cry. i'm really sorry you had to see that, nat. that must have been hard for you."
nat nodded slightly, grabbing at misty's shirt desperately. her breathing slowed as she pulled away. "can we lay down?" she muttered.
misty nodded. "yeah," she said, shifting, and then pulling nat with her. just like last time. only this time, they were face to face.
natalie had never felt more comfortable with misty quigley. she swallowed.
"thank you. for everything," nat whispered sweetly.
"oh, you don't have to think me, natty," misty whispered back. she tucked a loose, stray strand of hair behind nat's ear.
she went silent, and so did misty.
after a few minutes, natalie could not help it.
natalie scatorccio wanted misty quigley.
she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against the corner of misty's mouth. misty pulled away after a few seconds.
"woah, nat—"
nat pulled her closer again, kissing her slightly harder. misty didn't pull back this time. she kissed her back.
with misty, natalie always simply felt alive.