Chapter Text
October 1st, 1998.
Clad in a yellow corduroy jacket, you walked down the desolate road outside Raccoon City. You had finally made it out, that was everything you had ever wanted since the day that all pandemonium broke loose, but it came at the cost of carrying a burden of memories from the tragic event.
It was not only your memories you carried, but the memories of someone you had met merely the day that hell touched Earth, someone who was doomed to death’s doorstep not soon after. The mustard yellow jacket she gave you before she departed was riddled with small quilt patches messily sewn over holes or stains in the fabric, those of which you would never know the story to. The left breast pocket sagged low under the weight of the mini-journal filled with poems and letters written across various stages of a life that you had not lived.
That emotional luggage that you were doomed to carry was heavier than the actual bag hanging from your shoulder that carried a gun, ammo, water bottles, food, clothes, jewelry, an incredulous amount of money that could last someone at least ten years— all of which you had stolen, none of which you can truly call yours.
“Well, if we gotta survive grotesque monsters, might as well get compensated for it,” you reasoned whenever you looted cash registers on supply runs. Who could really blame you, though? When the outbreak initially started you were on your way to your first job interview in the city. Eighteen and broke, needing to start saving up money to pay off loans for college and other expenses which all quickly went to shit the moment some random guy on the street ran after you like a rabid dog trying to get a bite of you.
At the end of the day you figured a dead man wouldn’t care about his wallet being emptied.
You were stopped dead in your tracks as you heard the sound of someone shouting at you, desperately vying to get your attention behind you. As you look back you see a man, a woman and a child all holding hands and walking down the same road you were, the ‘Welcome to Raccoon City!’ sign shrinking as you trekked further and further. You stand still, unsure of whether or not you should approach them or to just mind your business and keep walking.
Minding your business had been the thing that kept you alive the longest in the city and you were about to turn around before you noticed the man wore a police uniform. You had wondered if you were about to get busted for all the money you stole or something, that somehow the whole incident was just a social experiment and a TV host would come out of thin air preaching about how you had thrown away your morals in the face of life or death while telling the audience to always be kind to others; you had almost wished that everything was just a simulation, some sort of twisted prank. You figured running would only make him suspicious of you, so you simply stood as they inched closer and closer.
“Hey, were you on your way out of the city?” The woman asked, her hair tied back in a ponytail and her clothes a bit roughed up. You gave a brief nod at this, not expecting to have run into anyone else given the carnage you witnessed. Misery loves company however, and you were pleased to see you weren’t the only one.
“Great then, another survivor. I hope you didn’t have to fight a giant mutated alligator in the sewers.” The man says.
“Can‘t say I have. Why would anyone ever be in the sewers?”
“Long story. I’m glad to see someone else made it out, though. I’m Leon Scott Kennedy, it’s nice to meet you.”
“And I’m Claire, and this is Sherry. We’re heading out to try to find somewhere to recuperate. We’re hoping there’s a motel if we walk out far enough.” The woman greets, holding out her unoccupied hand to shake which you accept with ease.
You tell them your name, looking into the distance at the path forward. “There’s a motel a few miles out. And a gas station too. I’ve been out here before, it’s just a bit far.”
“If you aren’t going already, you should come with us. No soldier left behind, right?” Leon flashed you a supportive smile, and you hesitantly conceded.
The walk was long and rather uneventful, the sun slowly falling as the quintet walked down the desolate road. You had learned a bit about them despite being quiet yourself, most of what you learned being due to the ramblings and questions of the young girl, Sherry. Leon and Claire had just met the day before as they entered the city, to which you internally scorned since they didn’t have to deal with the chaos as the epidemic initiated. Regardless, the lighthearted chatting was a decent reprieve from all that happened before, discussions of what pets Sherry wanted and old stories of her parents filling up what would’ve otherwise been a heavy air ruminating above the sole survivors of a horrific event.
You all eventually arrived at a run down motel, one that was somewhat desolate and clearly meant to be a pit stop area for travelers commuting in and out of the city, only surrounded by a Quik Stop and Taco Bell. There was only one vacant room left, the others either being occupied by on-goers disgruntled at the fact they would need to make detours around the city to their destinations rather than going straight through or simply rooms being under renovation. It was in all honesty a dingy motel, but beggars can’t be choosers, especially not when you had the chance to take an actual shower after days on end, merely settling for alcohol wipes and stingily portioned out amounts of water when you were in the midst of the outbreak.
One mediocre fast food meal later, everyone sat in the motel, desperately aching for rest that they had not gotten in a while. There were only two full-sized beds in the room and you all decided it would be best to split them, Claire and Sherry in one, You and Leon in the other. Sherry was out like a light, Claire drifting off next to her soon after. But no matter how hard you closed your eyes, you could not fall asleep at all, nor did you have the urge to. All the adrenaline from your escape had worn off, and now all you could do was wonder what you could even do with yourself after everything. With the city went your college, your potential job and your only potential friend, so what was left for you?
You briefly glanced over to the other side of the bed, seeing Leon’s back facing you alongside the dialog clock reading ‘12:46AM’. You decide he’s probably not awake, so it would be okay if you got up. On your way out the door you took one of the room’s keys and the yellow corduroy jacket to shield you from the crisp night air as you sat in solitude on the curb outside the motel.
Hunched over, you take out the tiny notebook from the jacket’s pocket, flipping through the poems and entries before September, 1998. Complaints of hospital smells, recounts of grouchy old people in the nursing home, yearning for the loved ones she had lost. All of which you will never get to hear from her lips, a realization that causes a pang in your heart.
Loneliness -
‘When you have nobody else to live for,
you learn to live for yourself.
When you have been alone for so long,
you understand it is freedom.
Let that be your motor,
the reason that you choose to live.
You are the composer of your own song,
you must not let the melody around you
drown out your voice.’
— IA
08/07/98
Before you could fully process the words that were neatly written on the paper, you heard footsteps behind you and flinched, the instincts you’ve developed from the incident kicking in as the book flops shut.
“Don’t worry. It’s just me.” The voice reassured as you turned around to look behind you, your gaze meeting Leon’s blue eyes. You were slightly stiff, not expecting him to have been awake.
“Were you not able to fall asleep either? Or did I wake you up when I left? Sorry if I did.” You apologize as he sat next to you on the edge of the concrete sidewalk, his feet grounded against the asphalt.
“I couldn’t sleep either, and I noticed you got up. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“…Oh.” His kindness is not lost on you, though it left you momentarily speechless. It’s been a while since you could have any somewhat normal interactions with people. He was a good samaritan, you had deduced that a while ago. Selfless, did his best to look out for others just as he did with Claire and Sherry, and now you.
“Well, are you? Okay, I mean.”
“No. Not really. But I’ll live.” You murmur, looking out at the gas station across the road, the trashy lights outside flickering on and off. “…I feel like shit right now. Like… college was supposed to be the moment where I was finally free, I’d get to do my own stuff and whatever. I felt like my life was finally in my own hands the moment I moved to the dorms, but that wheel was just snatched when the apocalypse hit. I wasn’t in control anymore by then.”
He gives you a nod in agreement, his eyes trailing across your blank stare until you eventually turn your head to look at him. You bite your cheek for a moment, coming to a minor revelation. “I kinda envy you, Leon. You and Claire decided to come in despite all the warnings. It was the wrong choice to make, but you still got to choose. I never really got that.” You knew your confession was blunt, and you were a bit entertained by how honest you were being with him. Still, it was not all that shocking as after all had been said and done, you were alone again, and you were looking for a band-aid to ease that burn.
“The grass isn’t much greener on the other side, you know?“ He points out gently. He couldn’t blame you at all for how you felt, he was sure he’d think the same as you if he were in your shoes. ”Honestly, it’s all still pretty fresh, and I’m still trying to digest everything that happened, but I know that I’m probably gonna remember this night and how much of an idiot I was for actually deciding to go.”
“Do you regret it now?” You inquire.
“…I can’t say for sure. I probably do, but I don’t regret getting the opportunity to meet Claire and Sherry. They’re nice people. And I’m glad I could meet you too.”
The fact that what he said felt so earnest made you soften a bit, but you couldn’t hold back the doubtful smile on your face. “You’re too kind. You sure you’re built for the officer life? They’re normally dickheads and you don’t fit that requirement too well.”
“I’m not too sure about the police thing now. I mean, I’d like to, but ya know. What just happened is probably gonna leave a bad taste in my mouth for a while.” He sighs, running his hand through his short brown hair in contemplation. “Plus, I guess I just feel like there’s a bunch of people I failed to save. Ones who should’ve lived.”
His words were heavy, a silent tension between the two. One of mutual understanding as the both of you were now all too familiar with loss. You looked to the side, seeing how downtrodden he had been, his lips quirked into a frown and his eyebrows slightly crinkled in thought. You had never been good at comforting people, especially not ones who you barely know, so you simply rested your hand over his that had been on his knee in a half-baked attempt at consolation. He accepted it with open arms, maneuvering his hand so that his palm, calloused from training at the academy, rested flush against yours. For what you couldn’t do with words, you could do with touch, the reciprocated grieving bounding the two of you together, even if it was just for a moment.
“I met another officer when I made it to the station. Branagh.” He began, breaking the thick stillness that had once been present. “He was a good man. I might’ve been able to save him had I made it on time.” He paused for a moment, feeling his unoccupied hand subconsciously gripping the fabric of his pants. “I… also met a woman. I don’t even know if she’s a decent person or not, but she didn’t leave me to die, so I guess that counts for something. I tried to save her but it didn’t work out. It feels like I have blood on my hands by proxy, I just… I don’t know. Maybe there could’ve been more of us walking out of the city had I been more competent.”
“The fact that you tried to save people means more than anything else. I can’t really say the same for myself.” You admitted, though you couldn’t say that you felt that bad about it, because at the end of the day had you not left the door shut on some people you wouldn’t even be alive to feel any way about anything. But even through all of that, all the coldness and callousness, you met someone who you truly called a friend. Someone you could even say you loved.
“On the first day of the outbreak I met a girl named Imani. I uh… I ended up leaving her there. I couldn’t save her even if I wanted to, she was dealing with a whole lot more than crawling creatures with abnormally long tongues. I did want to take her for the record, but she had severe leukemia and even if she decided to leave the city with me she was gonna die soon, and she wanted to die where her old home was. She needed to reunite with her parents’ souls and all that. It was all out of my control, not much I could’ve done about it. All I can do is blame the world and whichever scumbag let this happen.”
“Umbrella.” Is all he said in response, and you tilted your head in confusion as if requesting elaboration. “The pharmaceutical company, they’re the ones that made the virus. Found it out last night. I want to make sure that they pay the consequences of ruining the lives of so many people. I don’t want anyone else to experience what you or I had.”
“Huh. Umbrella?” You hummed, staring at the ground for a second. His demeanor when he brought them up had changed to one with seemingly deep-seeded contempt, one you felt inclined to share. Yeah, that was believable. Corporations do crazy things, after all. “I mean, you got any proof? Or did you put on a tin foil hat? Not saying you’re wrong or whatever, it’s just kinda a hefty claim to make on your own.”
“Claire knows too. So does Sherry. Everything we’ve witnessed in the city showed it. Sherry’s mother was even one of the researchers of Umbrella, and I ran into her. She developed bioweapons, she even turned her husband into one of them.”
“Really? Damn… I was there for longer, yet my run was still more boring than your guys’. I’m not sure whether I’m lucky or not for that.”
“Heh. Definitely lucky. Honestly, it feels weird knowing more than I should. Kinda makes me feel a bit crazy.” He gave you a lopsided grin, his eyes squinted a bit as he did.
“Guess the grass isn’t much greener on the other side, then.”
In the midst of your conversation, the both of you heard the slight squeaking of a door opening and immediately turned back, your hand moving away from his and back onto the sidewalk ledge. It didn’t take long to recognize the person who had sought to depart from the motel was Claire Redfield. She wore her coat and carried a bag if she were ready to go somewhere.
“Claire, what’re you doing out here?” Leon asked with a perplexed expression, eyes moving from the bag back to her face.
“I’m sorry you two, but I need to go. I still need to find my brother. I’m trusting Sherry in the hands of you both.”
“Wait, wait, what? Are you sure leaving so soon is a good idea?” You immediately chimed in. It felt odd knowing that she wanted to trail off so soon, especially knowing that she’d have to leave Sherry too.
“I can’t wait anymore. The things we saw in the city were horrible, and I fear if I wait any longer something bad could happen to him.” She reasoned, tugging at the strap of her bag with urgency.
You and Leon exchanged an unsure glance before he nods at Claire. “…We understand. Stay safe out there, alright? We’ll take care of Sherry. Just do what you need to do.”
“Thank you both so much. I’ll make sure to find you all again after I find my brother. You two stay safe as well.”
The two of you watched her trail away from the motel, leaving you alone in the oppressive night sky as you wondered how the fuck you even got here. “…Well, so much for that. Did she just pseudo-adopt a kid in my name?” You huffed, standing up from the curb you sat on.
“Guess you’re the mommy. Don’t worry, I’ll try not to be a deadbeat.” Leon jested lightheartedly, easing the pressure of the situation. You reached out a hand to him, helping him lift himself off the concrete and dusting your hands off afterward.
“I’ll subvert expectations by being a deadbeat mom. We need more of those anyway.” You shrugged before turning back around to go back to the room. “Guess that calls for us to go back inside. Can’t leave a minor unattended for too long.”
“Wait,” Leon grabbed onto your wrist suddenly as he called out your name, staring at you for a moment before he remarked, “Good talk, yeah? I appreciated that a lot. It was nice to just say what’s been on my mind. Thank you.”
“No need for thanks. I really didn’t do much. But, uh, I appreciated that too. You’re a good guy and you should stay that way. It’s been a while since I’ve met someone like you.”
At your words, a blush crept up on his pale cheeks. Perhaps it was because you did not seem like the type who would praise anyone just for the sake of flattery, or it had been because he found you pretty, and he was always weak to a pretty person’s compliments. “Oh, uh, wow. Yeah, I’ll try.” And with that, you called it a night, opting to sleep next to Sherry in the now vacant spot next to her so she wouldn’t get anxious if she had woken up early.
Waking up to a loud knock on the door by a government servant wasn’t the most relaxing feeling, especially not after having to sleep on a shitty mattress with stiff pillows. Even the word knocking would be generous, it was more like banging and shouting. When Leon answered, you were presented two options: voluntarily leave with the officers or be forcefully subdued and taken.
Suffice to say, you chose the former. You all gathered your bags and brought them into the FBI van and were crammed in the middle row, Sherry sitting between you and Leon. After enough insistent hounding by the brunet, the agent had told the two of you that you were all being taken in for questioning after your successful escape from Raccoon City, all regarding what you had witnessed there.
Being led through the dull halls of the government facility was nothing short of stress-inducing for a multitude of reasons. For one, you had hoped that they would not search your bag to see the large amount of belongings you ‘thrifted’ from your time in Raccoon, and you had also hoped they weren’t gonna try to execute you on a whim because only God knows whatever shady business they like to get up to beyond the vision of the average citizen.
Each of you waited in a small lobby under the supervision of a man in a straight black suit, Sherry first, and then Leon. As he eventually finished up, your gaze fell on his face which was certainly conflicted. As much as you wanted to ask him what happened, you knew it was your turn and all you could do was give him a small nod.
It was about as interesting as you’d expect an interrogation to go with an eighteen year old who figured it’d be better off to not reveal their entire hand to the government. Simple answers not revealing much, just stating you hid out for most of the time and killed a few zombies which wasn’t a complete lie, but you skimmed over the fact you had certainly taken more than you needed as well as the near-death encounters with more rabid bioweapons. You kept your mouth shut about what Leon had told you about Umbrella earlier since if he was smart, he wouldn’t mention a thing about it either (but deep down you knew he definitely had, too honest to manipulate his way out of things unless it was for the sake of protecting someone he cared for.)
After the rather straightforward and uneventful questioning, Leon was called back into the same room with you, standing side by side to face the lead Interrogator, Agent Howell.
“I’d like to thank the three of you for your time and cooperation. Now that we know what all three of you have experienced, it’s time to discuss where exactly we go from here.” Howell’s voice echoes in the cramped sterile room, anxiety scraping at your stomach from the uncertainty of what his next words would be. “It is clear that all of you have seen far more than you were supposed to, Kennedy more so.”
You looked at Leon for a moment, practically seeing the nervousness on his face before he opened his mouth, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, “One of your agents took Sherry back there. What are you guys doing with her?”
“Oh, that? Well, let me continue. You and Birkin especially know more than you should, therefore it would be too great a risk to let either of you back into society with no strings attached,” Howell’s eyes flick to you, “And by extension, it is also too much of a risk to let them back as she has likely picked up more knowledge from you regarding the involvement of all the higher powers in the Raccoon City Incident.”
With his words, you feel your guts twist and turn. Did they intend to throw you two in jail? Were you just gonna rot away in some federal facility? “What!? So you’re just gonna keep me here? You gonna execute me or something? Bullshit!” You argued instantly, fists closing.
“Now, now. Settle down. We won’t need to do any of that as long as the two of you decide to make this easy for us. We have an offer for you that will be very hard to reject.” At his words, you shrink a bit, a bout of suspicion amongst both you and Leon as he proceeded.
”Given that you two have survived such an incident without dying, we have decided that it is in our best interest to make good use of you. It will all be in the greater good of everyone involved, truly. Kennedy, I am sure that you hold resentment towards those who have caused this incident, as she likely is as well. In this case, we invite you both to join our ranks in a program intended to fight against bioweapons. We will strive to work so that no occurrence like this will ever happen again.” Just as you opened your mouth to protest this, Howell immediately cut in over you, “And, if you two join, we will ensure that Birkin is safe.”
Leon’s eyes undeniably widened at this. They were seriously using Sherry as leverage against the two of you. He knew he couldn’t simply refuse this though, he could not let them harm the girl, and he would be lying if he said the prospect of taking down Umbrella didn’t pull him in. Cutting his losses, Leon muttered, “…I accept your offer, Mr. Howell.”
“I’m pleased to hear you’ve recognized this grand opportunity we have offered you Kennedy. Now, what will you do?” Howell turns to you. You could see through his plastered-on smile, you can practically read the scheme written all over his face.
You felt your nails digging into your palms as you felt the same despair you had in Raccoon all over again. You were not going to simply bow down to the government, not after the hell you had just gone through. Not hesitating a second, you turn your heels and storm out the room, a muttered “Fuck that.” being whispered under your breath. You hear Leon calling out your name and subsequently excusing himself from the office to go after you, the thump thump of his steps sounding throughout the hall.
“Wait, hold on! Don’t leave yet, c’mon. Listen, just hear me out.” He shouted before eventually catching up to you, a firm hand on your shoulder forcing you to face him. “Listen, I know how you feel. I don’t really wanna do this either, but think about it.”
“Think about what, Leon?! I don’t wanna be some government lapdog! I just wanna go to college and get a job and graduate and get a home. I still have a life to live, am I just gonna throw that away because some white man in a suit preaches to me about the greater good?”
“I know! You’re young, you just graduated high school. Believe me, I know how it felt being able to move out for the first time and I know it must suck having that taken away from you. But you need to think about what’ll happen to you. Do you really think you’re gonna be able to run away from them so easily?” He argues desperately, moving closer as his grip on your shoulder tightens.
“I can try! You don’t understand, Leon. Now I have a choice. And my choice is getting the fuck out of here away from all of this so I can live how I want.”
“Then what about Sherry? Think about what they’d do to her if one of us decided to bail out. They have her in custody. She’s the most vulnerable out of all of us, and they have her right now!”
“I don’t care about that! Not everyone is willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of someone they met just a day ago. I just wanna forget all of this so I can rest.” You felt your voice lower at your own admittance. Saying it then, you realized you were exhausted, more tired than anything. Too tired to keep yelling, your argumentative shouts fading to candid whispers, but not tired enough to stop fighting. “I’m selfish, and you’re not. That’s fine. I can’t stay here. I’m still young, too young for this stupid contrived government rat race. I still wanna know how it feels to graduate, to work as a normal cashier at some shitty store, and to rent out an apartment by myself. How could I ever let something I never had a single choice in going through ruin all of that for me?”
“…I understand.” Leon surrendered the fruitless battle, releasing the grip he had on your shoulders as him arms flop to his side in defeat. “Just get out of here. I’ll make sure they let you go. Please, stay safe out there.”
“You do too. Good luck, Leon. Try not to lose yourself out there, ‘kay?”
“…Yeah, I won’t.” He has to force a smile and shove down the part of his heart feeling a bit betrayed that you didn’t choose to stay for him, although he knew you truly had no reason to. “Have a nice life. I hope you can get that house and that job and everything else you want.”
“…I do too.” You mumbled softly before taking your leap of faith, turning around to run out of the building in search for something bigger, better, though you still had no clue what that would entail.
When he made it back to the office, Howell looked at him expectantly. Leon shook his head, simply stating, “Let her go. She doesn't know too much anyways. I’m still accepting your offer, under the conditions that you won’t hurt them nor Sherry.”
A victorious smile plagued Howell’s face as he saw the negotiations as successful enough for his liking. “Well then, I’m delighted to have you working with us, Mr. Kennedy. We’ll redirect you to Benford to complete the recruitment process. You’ll be training under STRATCOM in a few days.” And with one firm handshake, his life was set in stone whilst yours had finally begun to bloom.
Deadline -
‘You can dodge death day after day,
But no matter how many due dates you evade,
The inevitable will never be swayed.
So live, live as hard as you can,
Let your running not be in vain,
But have no fear nor shock
as you realize it was inane.’
p.s., This is the fourth time my doctor moved back my expected time of death, but I’m still not any closer to being cured. This time, they said it would be early October this year.
— IA
06/28/98