Chapter Text
Hues of forest greens and different tones of beige surrounded the quaint living room; coziness and warmth similar to a burning fireplace. In contradiction, the white oak that made up the rest of the furniture - the bookcases, the coffee and side tables - gave off a cooler vibe, as if they’d be cold to touch on a hot summer day. Books filled up the shelves, and potted plants took up space on nearly every surface in the room, boxed in by walls that were a treacherously plain shade of white. Judging by the photo frames that had been removed from the wall and stacked neatly in a box to the side of the room, and the can of sea green paint amongst other wall painting supplies, it seemed as if that was going to be remedied soon.
Yunho stood in the middle of this space, unsure of where he was or how he got here. He recognized the sense of familiarity as he took in his surroundings of a room that was otherwise foreign to him. Where was he? Had he walked into somebody else’s home without realizing it? The more he thought about it, the more he realized that…
He didn’t remember anything sans his name, birthday, and an uncanny amount of fun facts about the human body.
Exhibit A: The gums serve as a joint between the teeth and the alveolar process.
But what did he have for breakfast this morning?
Looking down at his clothes, he tried to gain more of a sense of who he was instead of panicking that he should already know who he was. Black joggers, a loose white t-shirt, and converse. Nothing telling, but extremely comfortable at least. Maybe this was a case of temporary amnesia. Realistically, there was only about a four percent chance of getting global transient amnesia, but that wasn’t zero percent. But post traumatic amnesia could last days or weeks - for just a second, he figured that could be it, but after another self-assessment, he realized there was no injury to his body. Nothing hurt, there was no blood, there was no explanation at all.
So maybe this was a dream?
It didn’t feel much like a dream when he heard the unlocking of a door, his head whipping in the direction of the noise as his feet remained glued to their spot. Yunho would have pegged himself to be the type of burglar that could at least hide in a fucking closet when he knew he was going to be caught, and instead, he remained right in his spot. To be fair, he wasn’t a burglar. Then again, he didn’t think he was one.
What a shitty time to lose his memory that would have been, right in the middle of robbing somebody’s home.
Yunho fully expected for whoever to walk through that door to be absolutely terrified to find a stranger in their home, to watch their eyes go wide with fear and either yell at him to get out or leave to call the cops. He wasn’t expecting his heart to catch in his throat when he met the shiniest pair of boba eyes he’s ever seen in his life. Whether that says something about this man’s eyes or if it’s just that he doesn’t remember what anybody else’s eyes look like…he’s not entirely certain. Seconds later, he notices that the skin surrounding those beautiful bobas is red and puffy. So not only had he lost his memory while robbing somebody’s house, but he chose somebody who already was having a bad day.
Yunho is briefly flooded with worry, along with another sense of familiarity.
Just as expected, they froze, eyes still wide as he dropped the to-go latte cup in his hand. Both of them remained unbothered as it hit the ground, splashing its contents all over the floor and getting on some of the nearby furniture and walls.
“I-I’m not going to hurt you,” Yunho quickly put his hands up in defense, “honest to god, I don’t even remember how I got in here. I’ll leave immediately.” He could only hope that this person was reasonable and would give him the benefit of the doubt.
A long moment passed.
“What?” the other said, and if Yunho didn’t know any better, he would say that his expression looked pained in addition to being surprised. Then again, he’d already been crying before he opened the door.
“I’m not sure…I’m not sure what’s wrong with me,” Yunho admitted, “I was just standing here and I couldn’t remember anything before that.” His face twisted up into a plea, hoping that the homeowner would have some mercy on him. The man ran a shaky hand through black hair that fell around his face, stopping around the middle of a beautiful long neck. Even in the middle of this crisis, Yunho could still appreciate beauty in front of his eyes.
God, he needed to get the fuck out of here.
“You - you don’t know where you are?”
“No,” Yunho shook his head, “Cross my heart.”
“Do you…know who you are?”
“Oh, my name is Yunho,” he smiled brightly, “What’s yours?”
Yunho didn’t think it was possible, but the man looked more solemn than he had when he opened the door, probably on the verge of tears again. He’d almost taken a step to comfort him, the movement coming as an instinct, but stopped right where he stood. Surely, this man was already freaked out, there was no reason to scare him any further.
“You - stay right there,” he instructed before he stepped outside and closed the front door behind him. Yunho did as he said, even though he figured the cops were being called at the moment. Maybe that was for the best, maybe they could help him find out what the hell was going on. Wanting to prove to the owner of the home that he truly meant no harm, he did stay in place, not moving so much as a muscle. It felt like an eternity, standing there, to the point that Yunho wasn’t sure if they were coming back. Once he’d gotten the feeling that they’d stepped out to call the cops and find a safe place to wait, he figured it was his chance to get out of here and maybe…try to find a hospital.
Yunho crept towards the door, slow as if the cops would rush in if he moved too quickly. Though his fears weren’t for nothing - as soon as he neared the door, it swung open and he flinched right before it hit him. Except…it didn’t. There was no missing the way the solid object had passed right through his body, even if Yunho didn’t register what happened at first. On the other side of the threshold was the homeowner, who’d slapped a hand over his mouth as he choked back an obvious sob.
“What the fuck?” Yunho questioned as he looked down at his body. He could touch himself, that was no issue. But that’s when he noticed something else quite out of the ordinary. His feet weren’t planted on the ground, and instead floated above the hardwood surface. “Huh?” he questioned further, kicking a leg out for it to move right through the back of the loveseat. Closing back in on himself, he looked around his environment and down at his body before he let out a terrified scream. “What’s wrong with me?” he shouted towards the homeowner, still frozen on the other side of the door.
Tears were freely slipping down his cheeks, though, and Yunho figured he must be as scared as he was.
“I don’t know,” he let out a whisper, a trembling hand covering his mouth.
“Am I a ghost? Did I die?” Yunho questioned, growing more frantic by the second.
“I don’t know,” the other man repeated again
“I’m scared,” Yunho whined, pulling his knees up to his chest and holding them there, now floating in the middle of the room.
“Me, too,” the other added, lip trembling as he slowly walked into the home and closed the door behind him before leaning his back against it. “Do you…you don’t remember anything? At all?” he questioned, large eyes searching Yunho’s face for something.
“No,” Yunho doubled down, shaking his head.
The two of them spent another long moment staring at each other, both lost and confused, unsure what to say.
“I’m Seonghwa,” the other finally introduced himself, his voice weak and small.
“Seonghwa,” Yunho repeated, finding comfort in the name and feeling less like a terrified child. The name - the face, even - came with that same sense of familiarity, though Yunho couldn’t place him. A small wave of frustration washed over him at the loss of his memories. Maybe he really was dead. “If this is heaven, does that make you an angel?”
Seonghwa let out a soft, almost inaudible noise. Something between a snort, a sob, and a laugh.
“Yunho-ah-,” Seonghwa began, but stopped abruptly, “Yunho-ssi. Why don’t you stay here instead of wandering around aimlessly, and we can figure out what happened to you?” Up until now, Yunho hadn’t even considered the possibility of wandering around without a place to go, but still felt the relief at Seonghwa’s offer.
“I have a feeling I won’t be much of a burden,” Yunho pouted, sticking a leg out hesitantly to watch his foot go through the same couch he’d already kicked through. Wonderful. He probably wouldn’t need to eat, or shower, or use the bathroom, so he wasn’t really putting Seonghwa out. “And I won’t creep on you, you know, when you’re changing and stuff.”
“Well, it’s not like I can’t see you,” Seonghwa reminded him. Ghost or not, whatever the fuck he was, Seonghwa had a point. He could see him plain as day. “I didn’t think you would, anyways.”
“Thank you,” Yunho said softly, rounding back to Seonghwa’s generous offer. “I can’t offer a lot in return. I guess maybe I can lend an ear, if you want to talk about anything. Why are you so sad?” Yunho questioned, trying to delay the inevitable breakdown he would have over whatever has happened to him. It’s right there, waiting to happen, and all Yunho needs to do is fall off the edge he’s already teetering on.
Seonghwa stares at him for another long moment, lip quivering as more tears pool up in his eyes. “Rough day at work.”
Yunho feels there’s definitely more to it, but he doesn’t pry.
“What do you do for work?”
“I’m…a nurse. Sorry, I just…it really was a rough day, and I need a moment to myself. If you don’t mind,” Seonghwa began walking towards the hallway, stopping when he was right in front of Yunho and ensuring that he walked around him instead of through him. Yunho turned to watch him disappear down the hallway and into a room. Privacy sounded like such a good idea right now, and Yunho walked - floated - into the kitchen and through a door that he hoped led to a pantry, which turned out to be such, joined with a washer and dryer set.
Yunho realized here that he didn’t like small spaces.
Tears gathered up in his own eyes the same way they had for Seonghwa moments ago as dread poured over him like a waterfall, splashing around him and preventing him from taking meaningful breaths of air. Not that he could; his throat felt so constricted that his hands grasped at it as he tried to remind himself how to breathe. Did ghosts even need to breathe? Or was his body going through the muscle memory of a panic attack?
The most frustrating part of that thought was that out of everything his body could have remembered, did it have to be this?
A choked sob fell out of him, followed by another, until his vision went blurry. What was going on? Weren’t those that died supposed to pass on? It felt a little unfair that he was stuck in this plane of existence in which he couldn’t remember anything useful. Did he have friends or family that were missing him? What was he leaving behind? Was he in love? Did he have a dog? God, he hoped he had a dog. Maybe in his next life, he could be a dog.
He thought it might comfort him to think such a thing, but it only made everything worse.
Yunho had hoped to cry until he passed out, but was slowly beginning to realize that…whatever he was, a ghost, an apparition, maybe somebody else’s delusion, he wouldn’t pass out. Much like a shower and food, sleep was useless to him. Instead, he remained ever so conscious as the world spiraled out around him, tearing him to shreds. All the while, he couldn’t get a grip on anything. Not on reality, not on any of the things around him.
Was this how he was going to spend the rest of forever?
────୨ৎ────
“Yunho-ssi?” Seonghwa’s voice called out, soft and soothing in the same way red velvet was. The knock on the door was soft, and it made more tears well up in Yunho’s eyes. He was folded up into a ball in the back of the pantry, sniffling and barely holding himself together. When he didn’t say anything, the door opened, and he was met with sympathetic eyes. Seonghwa still looked as sad as he had earlier, but his eyes were less red. He shuffled in before sitting down on the ground in front of Yunho, taking a moment to study him. “You must be so scared. I…can’t imagine.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Yunho wiped away his tears before pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, “and I think that’s what scares me the most. The idea of being stuck in this…this limbo.”
“We will get you out of there and back to…to wherever it is you’re supposed to be,” Seonghwa promised him, providing him with almost the exact amount of calm that he needed. He must be such a great nurse, the type that acts fast and does well under pressure. Without knowing much more about him, Yunho could feel a sense of admiration growing for the man that must really have a hard job and still decided to take the time to help Yunho.
“Fuck,” Yunho groaned, more dread washing over him.
“Wh-what?” Seonghwa seemed to have spared the what’s wrong? question, though he was likely confused by Yunho’s sudden outburst.
“You are an angel. I really must have died,” Yunho began to panic once more, “But, I don’t see a light. How come I can’t move on?” His lower lip began to tremble and he closed his eyes to reject everything that was going on around him.
“Well, I’m certainly not an angel,” Seonghwa assured him, “Who knows what’s going on right now. We’ll figure it out, Yunho. But there’s not much we can do a quarter till nine, so why don’t you come out and watch tele with me? Get some sense of normalcy.” Normalcy. Yunho wanted to laugh, fearful he’d never know normal again a day in his life.
Sitting on the couch next to Seonghwa as a drama played on the television did help, even if just a little bit. Neither of them said much, not that there was much to say outside of Yunho asking Seonghwa a bunch of questions about his life. Not being able to share things about himself made him feel too bad to ask about Seonghwa, so he buried his questions and watched miscommunication ruin a relationship between two people in the show.
“I wonder if I was the type of person to take stuff like this for granted,” Yunho questioned out loud, “You know, being able to sit and watch a show. Now I can’t even pick up a remote.” He shot a sour look towards the device at hand, missing the frown Seonghwa gave him.
“If you don’t remember, then why don’t we come up with something? You know, just until you get your memories back,” Seonghwa suggested, and Yunho didn’t miss the way he was so sure that Yunho would get his memories back. The idea seemed…a little ridiculous. Only because Yunho was still frustrated that he didn’t actually remember his life prior to this. Still, it was better than nothing, and it gave Yunho the ability to be whoever he’d wanted to be.
“Well, my name is Jeong Yunho, and I know that I’m thirty-two,” Yunho mentioned, “and I seem to know a lot about the human body. Maybe I could have been a nurse, too. That would have been nice, it’s a very respectable field.” His eyes were glued to Seonghwa, getting to say the way his cheeks flushed as he cast his eyes to the side as if he were trying to look at anything else.
“Why stop there?” Seonghwa grinned, returning his glance to Yunho, “Why not doctor?”
“Oh?” Yunho questioned, then pursed his lips to think about it, “what kind of doctor would I have been?”
“Cardiac surgeon,” Seonghwa said, without missing a beat. Yunho raised a curious eyebrow at him.
“How do you figure? Is it because I’m a heartthrob?” Yunho wiggled his eyebrows, earning a snort from Seonghwa.
“It’s because you have steady hands,” Seonghwa corrected him, and a soft smile grew on Yunho’s face.
“You pay attention to my hands?” Yunho questioned, not missing the way Seonghwa’s cheeks flushed, turning a pretty shade of pink. When he tried to look away, Yunho followed his face, putting his own right in front of it.
“They’re hard to miss,” Seonghwa said, still avoiding eye contact. It felt nice that he was able to fluster somebody in this state, and he realized that it must definitely be because he’s a heartthrob. Would he be able to have this effect on Seonghwa were he here as an actual person, too? Or was it because he was just…whatever he was. Deciding to have mercy, he sat back and gave Seonghwa some space.
“I hope I had somebody like you in my life,” Yunho claimed, and very subtly, Seonghwa’s face fell into the most adoring frown. “No matter, I’ll find what’s happened to my body and come back just for you.” he said with a wink, the entirety of his character shift due to needing to maintain some form of positivity.
“Yeah? You’re going to rejoin us in the land of the living only for me?” Seonghwa pressed, his frown having dissolved as something more amused settled on his features. Yunho only met Seonghwa hours ago, but it feels like he’s known him for years. The way his heart aches just from the natural pout on his lips, and how he looks so soft and huggable. Yunho would bet anything that Seonghwa gives the best hugs. For a second, he figures he would do anything for Seonghwa if he could.
“I can try,” Yunho’s voice leveled out, just barely above a whisper. “I don’t know what it is, but something about you feels like home.” Seonghwa didn’t reply to him, only stared at him for a long minute with an expression that is otherwise unreadable. Was it too forward? He might have time to take it back but - he’d meant it.
“I think I’m going to go to bed,” Seonghwa mentioned, reaching out for the remote but then retracting his hand, “I’ll leave the T.V. on for you.”
“Thanks,” Yunho says, watching Seonghwa as he gets up from the couch.
He fights off the urge to follow him.
────୨ৎ────
One day feels like an eternity, each minute crawling by at a speed that makes Yunho feel itchy. Living in limbo feels more miserable than he’d ever anticipated, and not being able to touch anything is driving him crazy. When Netflix asks if he’s still watching, he’s at the mercy of waiting for Seonghwa if he’s not already around - but he’s around all the time. It feels like forever, but time has only passed on to the next day. Seonghwa had called out of work to help Yunho, allegedly, but he spent a good portion of the day staring at Yunho when he didn’t think he’d notice. But Yunho notices everything, it’s an excruciating part of this situation.
When Yunho mentioned he could go off exploring by himself, Seonghwa insists that he stays, and Yunho can’t bear the thought of going against his wishes.
There’s something that’s bugging him, but he just can’t place it.
“Did you always want to be a nurse?” Yunho questioned as they mindlessly watch another episode of a drama that even Seonghwa doesn’t seem interested in. There’s not much that Yunho can do in this state, so he’s resorted to asking the other questions. If he can’t learn about himself, at least he can learn about this man that he wished he’d known in his lifetime.
“I always wanted to help people,” Seonghwa explained.
“Why not a doctor?”
“Because I knew somebody that was going through residency at the time, and I saw the toll it took,” it didn’t seem like much of a reason for Yunho - wasn’t being a doctor the most sought after medical career? Highly esteemed, making a lot of money, of course it took time.
“Surely the end justifies the means?” Yunho interjected, and Seonghwa sighed.
“I was in love with him,” Seonghwa’s eyes were sad, still focused on the TV. “If I’d gone that route, we’d have never seen each other. There was no guaranteeing the school I was placed into was in the area, nor an internship, nor a residency.”
“So, what? You followed him around?” Yunho wasn’t the judgemental type…well, he wasn’t right now at least. Who knew what kind of person he was when he was norma.
“That’s exactly what I did,” Seonghwa’s lips turned up into a smile this time, “And being with him were the best years of my life. Nobody ever… could ever love me the way he did. And I still got to help people, anyways.”
“What happened?”
“Hmm?”
“He’s not here,” Yunho mentioned, and Seonghwa snorted. Yunho didn’t understand wha twas so funny about that.
“He was in a car accident,” Seonghwa said, “And then things changed.” The tone seemed final, and Yunho bit down on his lip. He wondered what was going through Seonghwa’s head, or if he wished he’d gone the doctor route. What changed?
“A car accident couldn’t keep me away from you,” Yunho slipped in, grinning mischievously. That's when Seonghwa looked over at him, stared for a long minute with the most unreadable expression.
“I believe that.”
“Sorry, I, uh…” Yunho flushed, now the one to look away. “Maybe it’s because you’re the only person I’ve seen since I woke up like this,” he gestured to himself, floating a little higher up to make it obvious he wasn’t actually sitting down on the couch like Seonghwa was, “but something about you is…”
“Familiar?” Seonghwa questioned, brightening up.
“Magnetic.” Yunho clicked his tongue, “And flirting with you feels nice.”
“I’m sure you were a real charmer,” Seonghwa threw back, a grin playing at his lips now, “Mr. Heart-throb.”
“You think so?” Yunho questioned, the - what he perceived as - compliment went straight to his head, and he looked at Seonghwa with a dangerous gleam in his eyes. “So, I walk into a bar and see you sitting there alone, and I come offer you a drink. Do you, A, accept or, B, tell me to get lost.”
“I’m about to tell you to get lost now,” Seonghwa teased, but turned to face Yunho better and settled into the couch. “I accept your drink,” he replied, remedying his answer, “and I ask you what such a handsome man is doing here by himself.”
Maybe having woken up like this isn’t the worst thing, not if it led him here, right to this moment.
“I’d ask you the same thing,” Yunho breathed out, “and then I’d ask you what it would take for you to go home with me.” He watched as Seonghwa’s face flushed right before his very eyes, and he grew certain in that moment that he really is the most beautiful man he’d ever seen in his life.
“I’d tell you I wouldn’t go home with you this time, but if we ran into each other again, then it must be fate.”
“And then you’d go home with me?”
“And then I’d go home with you.”
There’s something inherently special about Seonghwa, and Yunho had the desire to sit there and obsess over his every feature and mannerism. It hadn’t been love at first sight, but the rug has definitely been pulled out from underneath Yunho’s feet. Then the sadness sets in…he would never be able to hold Seonghwa. Or kiss him. The best he could get was theoretical scenarios like this that would only make his heart ache more.
“And what if I told you that you were my home,” Yunho questioned softly, and Seonghwa’s flushed face changed into something…something sad. His large eyes glimmered as they filled up with tears, and his lower lip began to quiver, leaving him with an immediate feeling of guilt. “I-I’m sorry, Seonghwa. I got a little carried away, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Seonghwa whispered, swallowing heavily, “I’m going to go to bed.”
Yunho stayed put as Seonghwa got up and trudged down the hallway, softly closing his door behind him. A couple of moments passed before he found himself on the other side of Seonghwa’s door, wanting to check on him to make sure he was okay, but stood there helplessly when he heard the muffled sobbing.
It cracked Yunho’s heart at how broken Seonghwa sounded.
What hurt him so badly?
An hour had passed, maybe, before the crying stopped, and Yunho waited even more before he moved through the door and towards the bed to find Seonghwa passed out. Even in the dark, Yunho could tell that Seonghwa’s eyes were swollen…but he looked at peace now. Yunho took the liberty of laying down in the bed, facing Seonghwa and just looking . He looked the way he wanted to earlier when Seonghwa was awake, shamelessly and committing everything to memory.
And when he closed his eyes, he was somewhere else. What felt like a long and distant memory…a dream.
- THE FIRST MEETING
Stretching after a long run was euphoric, finding ways to ease his sore and overworked muscles. The grass that he was laying on was soft and plush, cool to the touch despite the way the sun blanketed everything. It was a beautiful day; cloudless, not too hot, the air holding the perfect amount of humidity. The park wasn’t too crowded, but the sound of kids playing nearby, and the chatter of couples picnicking gave Yunho a sense of community and fulfillment. This was everyday life for him, and he was happy. He’d achieved the thing that everybody wants.
When he sat up, however, he was quickly tackled back to the ground, something wet dragging across his face as his hands reached up to find fur.
“Sasha!” Somebody was calling out, over and over, the sound of their voice getting closer. “Sasha! Down girl! Down!” Yunho was giggling by the time the large golden retriever was pulled off of him, and continued to do so as he wiped the slobber off of him and sat up. “I’m so sorry! She saw a soccer ball and the next thing I knew, the leash was ripped right from my hand.” That same hand was in front of Yunho moments later to help him stand, and Yunho took it with thanks as he brushed himself off.
“It’s okay! I’ll never say no to puppy kisses,” he mused, and squatted down to get a better look at the dog. “Sasha, was it? Hi Sasha, I’m Yuyu.” Reaching down, he grasped her paw and shook it like a gentleman, “Nice to meet you.” When he stood up, he was face-to-face with perhaps the most beautiful man he’d ever seen in his life. He’d intended to introduce himself to them, too, but just couldn’t find the right words. Well, he couldn’t find any words, really.
“I’m Seonghwa,” the other put him out of his misery, eyes like headlights that Yunho found himself caught in. “And you’re…Yuyu?” He questioned with a lilt, obviously teasing the taller.
“Yunho,” he corrected, absent-mindedly, “B-but you can call me Yuyu, if you’d like.” A pleasure nobody but his younger sister had been afforded. But for Seonghwa? Yunho was willing to compromise…or just give in completely and give him whatever he wanted.
“Yuyu suits you,” Seonghwa nodded, “So does Yunho. I like them both.” Yunho had never been complimented on his name before, especially not by somebody with an inarguably prettier name.
“I like yours, too,” Yunho replied, sounding just as dopey and lovestruck as he felt, “Does it mean beautiful?” Seonghwa’s smile widened before he let out a small laugh.
“It means star.”
Of course it does, and all Yunho can think about is some cheesy metaphor about his life being the night, and Seonghwa being the stars that bring him light when it’s dark, and blah blah blah…
“What does yours mean?” Seonghwa asks.
“I have no clue,” Yunho purses his lips, and makes a mental note to look it up. “S-so, is Sasha yours?” He questions, and Seonghwa’s eyebrows raise before he looks down at the dog and shakes his head.
“She’s my neighbor’s girl. She broke her hip, so I’ve been walking her,” he explains, and it makes sense that somebody whose name literally means star is also extremely kind. Yunho despises how much of a whipped fool he’s become in the span of minutes, but Seonghwa is his own planet and Yunho is powerless and in his orbit.
“What if I gave you my number?” Yunho asks suddenly, and realizes he jumped from one thing to another like a babbling idiot, “And we could walk her together?” He feels some satisfaction as he watches pink dust across Seonghwa’s cheeks, hoping that he also has some effect over this man he’s just met.
“Like a date?” He questions, and Yunho feels caught.
“I’m too nervous to say yes, but I would definitely be lying if I said no.” He’s pleading with his eyes, hoping that Seonghwa takes mercy on him yet again. He hums in thought as he looks Yunho over.
“I’m not a simple man, Yunho-ssi. I believe in passion, love at first sight, and fate,” he explains, and these are all things that Yunho is a-okay with. He’s nodding his head ferociously as to let Seonghwa know he understands. “So if we happen to run into each other again, I’d be happy to let you give me your number, and then you can join Sasha and I on a walk. Or maybe you can take me out on a real date.”
Yunho feels like he could cry on the spot, and he’s torn between whether or not he should beg Seonghwa to reconsider. Instead, he stands there like an idiot.
“Goodbye, Yunho,” Seonghwa says, pulling Sasha along by her leash, “I hope we meet again.”
When Yunho opened his eyes, Seonghwa was right there in front of him, still sound asleep. Yunho wasn’t sure if the dream he’d just had was his own, or if he’d managed to visit Seonghwa in his, but much like his situation right now…Seonghwa is right there but so out of reach. It causes his heart to ache, thinking that if he could just reach out and touch him, feel his warmth, then everything would be okay.
The worst part, perhaps, is now Yunho felt the same way as he did in the dream.
A man high off of love at first sight.
────୨ৎ────
“Good morning!” Yunho was on Seonghwa the second the other emerged from his room to start making his breakfast. “How did you sleep?” What Yunho really wanted to know was…what did he dream about?
“...okay,” Seonghwa answered, obviously still tired.
“Anything…memorable?” Yunho pressed, causing Seonghwa to put everything down to look at Yunho.
“While I was unconscious?”
“Yeah!” Yunho doubled down, and Seonghwa tutted before returning to his coffee machine.
“Not that I recall,” he finally mentioned, and Yunho frowned. Maybe…maybe a different approach was what was needed.
“If we met in a park and I asked to give you my number so we could walk a dog together, would you A, accept, or B, tell me you believed in fate and would only let me take you out on a date if we ran into each other again?” At this question, Seonghwa dropped the coffee scoop in his hand, spilling the ground coffee all over the counter before his head turned abruptly to look at Yunho.
“B,” Seonghwa whispers, “And then I would walk off with Sasha and tell her that I was pretty sure I met my future husband.” Yunho’s smile went wide, taking up half of his face without seeing the forlorn look that befell Seonghwa.
“I think we shared a dream,” he said, giddy at the thought. Was this something he could do? Visit Seonghwa in his dreams? He wondered…could he touch him there? Could they hug? Kiss? Could he have moments of normalcy inside of Seonghwa’s beautiful head?
Seonghwa visibly swallowed and nodded.
“We must have,” he agreed, voice still quiet, “Excuse me, I have to clean this up.”
Now what Yunho has to do is figure out how to make himself accidentally run into Seonghwa in their next dream. Well, before that, he needs to figure out how to join his dream again, thinking of it similarly to how a second player joins somebody’s game. Now he has to think about the first date he’ll take Seonghwa on. He’s desperate to show Seonghwa he’s more than just a ghost, not thinking of how this could affect the other at all.
“Hey, how come you haven’t been going to work? Are you sick?” Yunho questioned, following Seonghwa around the kitchen like a lost puppy.
“I’m on leave for personal reasons,” Seonghwa answered, his voice strained. Yunho figured Seonghwa would have been a little more descriptive if he’d wanted to, so he didn’t push for more answers, and accepted the one he’d been given. Now that he’s remembered to be considerate again, he became timid, giving Seonghwa a little bit of space before asking his next question.
“Can I…can I keep visiting you in your dreams?” He’s afraid Seonghwa will say no, and take away the one thing that he has. Instead, Seonghwa looks at him with a soft look, something almost resembling sadness.
“Of course.” Seonghwa smiled, and Yunho was back to planning their first date down to every detail and missing the way Seonghwa’s eyes are still heavy with something emotional.
Seonghwa leaves for a few hours, without explaining where - not that Yunho feels entitled to know. However, he can’t deny how much lonelier he feels when he’s being kept in the dark. To top it off…he feels like he’s starting to go crazy; he most certainly hears Seonghwa’s voice, though he can’t make out a single thing that’s being said. Yunho wanders the apartment over and over to find that he’s still the only one here. Strange pressure on his hand keeps catching him off guard, and he frowns. He’s watched enough movies about ghosts to know at some point they fade away. Well…he doesn’t know that they start to fade away, but that’s how it’s depicted by enough producers that it feels like it’s common knowledge.
Yunho has not felt a single thing against his body since he woke up like this days ago, so he stares at his hand, completely dumbfounded.
Most of all, he hopes he doesn’t disappear before Seonghwa comes home.
He wants to see him one last time.
When Seonghwa does come home, his eyes are red, and much like the first time he saw the other man, Yunho is sure that he’d been crying.
“Is everything okay?” Yunho asks, a frown pulling the corners of his mouth down. Seonghwa’s lower lip begins to tremble as more tears fill up his eyes, and Yunho doesn’t need any more of an answer. “I wish I could hug you.” Except right now, he doesn’t wish it for himself. He wishes he could comfort Seonghwa, who has been here for him during this entire strange ordeal.
“Me, too…” Seonghwa whispers back, looking at Yunho with all the pain in the world
“I’m…I’m still going to visit you tonight when you fall asleep. I’ll give you the biggest hug,” he promises, unexpectedly earning a smile from Seonghwa.
“I look forward to it.”
Their night routine has pretty much been the same. Yunho watches Seonghwa make dinner. Yunho watches Seonghwa eat dinner. Yunho watches Seonghwa clean up dinner. Yunho watches T.V. with Seonghwa…but really he’s watching Seonghwa watch his dramas through the corner of his eye. Yunho watches Seonghwa walk off to his bedroom.
What he thinks is a few hours goes by. Yunho doesn’t want to spook Seonghwa out by showing up while he’s still awake, and he’s happy to find that he’s already asleep. Seonghwa truly must be the most beautiful person Yunho’s ever seen - he doesn’t remember life before this, but he’s simply just breathtaking. While asleep, his face is much more relaxed than when he’s awake, as if he’s constantly masking whatever emotions he’s battling against. Yunho doesn’t know if he wants to be let in on why Seonghwa’s always so sad, because he knows he can’t do anything to fix it.
Even now, he has every urge to tuck the long black locks that cascade over his pretty face behind his ear, but he’s about to delve into the other’s dream and Yunho wants to believe that it’s as real as he can. When he lays next to Seonghwa, he continues to look at him before closing his eyes.
- THE MEETING OF FATE
“Large hot coffee for Yunho!” The barista called out. Yunho hadn’t looked up from his phone as he reached for his cup on the counter. He was deep in a medical journal article, and had tuned out everything else except for the calling out of his completed order. He took a sip as he walked away, his face immediately scrunching up out how sweet the drink was.
“Excuse me,” Yunho politely called for the barista behind the counter, “I asked for no sugar or creamer. I think this is only sugar and creamer.” He wasn’t upset, but he was in a hurry and there was no way he was drinking this or going through the rest of the day uncaffeinated. His new attending was brutal, and Yunho wouldn’t even be able to blink once he stepped into the hospital.
The barista gave the cup a weird look before looking at the other finished orders at the pick-up counter.
“This one is yours,” he said simply, holding a different cup up. Yunho’s eyebrows furrowed together as he looked at the name written on the cup he was holding.
Seonghwa.
Yunho prided himself on his dextrous and precise fingers, but reading the name was almost enough to make him drop the cup. Seonghwa was a name that had been at the forefront of Yunho’s mind for two weeks now, attached to a pretty face he had searched for as he coincidentally also started hanging around at the park more often.
“I think that one’s mine.” A voice like velvet, one that Yunho had held onto via memory as much as he could.
“Did you order cream only?” Yunho couldn’t help but ask, still clutching the cup in hand.
“Why, yes,” Seonghwa grinned, and Yunho’s breath was almost knocked away. “The coffee at work is fine, but I’m pretty sure I have a strange addiction to the in-house creamer here.” That made much more sense as to why Yunho hadn’t tasted a drop of coffee in the cup. “So…can I have it, please?” His eyes flicker towards the cup, and a grin begins to form on Yunho’s face.
“Of course. After you give me your number,” Yunho’s voice is dripping with saccharine sweetness, coated with more sugar than what was in the cup he held, as he handed Seonghwa his phone. “Clearly this must be fate.”
Seonghwa chuckles as he takes Yunho’s phone, dialing his number into Yunho’s phone and calling himself. “And now I have your number, too.”
Yunho fights off the urge to kiss his phone when Seonghwa hands it back, and finally hands over the cup full of creamer. “Here, let me get you a new lid. I took a drink from that,” Yunho offers, reaching for a lid at the counter because he is nothing if not a gentleman for the man he’s been fantasizing about for the past couple of weeks.
“No need,” Seonghwa waves off the idea, “I’ll be kissing you soon enough, anyways.” To make his point, Seonghwa brings the drink up to his lips, taking a small sip from the very same place Yunho’s lips had touched, leaving the taller green with envy. When he pulls the cup away, he winks at Yunho before he starts walking to the exit. Yunho is tempted to follow him, but checking his watch, he has to head to the hospital now or he’s going to be in deep shit.
It’s weird when Yunho opens his eyes, once again looking at Seonghwa as he sleeps peacefully. How does this work? Yunho can’t sleep, so how is he even visiting the other man in his dream? But then again, none of this makes any sense.
Yunho is currently a walking question mark, and he’s worried that no answers will come.
But for right now, he promised Seonghwa a first date, and a hug, and he intends on delivering.
- THE FIRST DATE
“Are you always this nervous?” Seonghwa asked as he inspected Yunho’s hand. It had been him that initiated the hand-holding, and to his credit, he hadn’t pulled away when it became evident how moist Yunho’s palm was. On the contrary, Seonghwa’s hands were soft and warm, and they smelled like vanilla.
“No.” Yunho laughed awkwardly.
“So it’s because of me, then?” Yunho didn’t miss the sly grin that sat itself on Seonghwa’s face, and if anything, that only made everything worse. Seonghwa, however, didn’t seem to get nervous at all. That, too, made it worse. He was like this unstoppable force, a typhoon that took out everything in its path and left nothing behind. Now it was Yunho in his path, and he was scared of how this would end. Yunho didn’t grow attached to people easily, but Seonghwa was no ordinary person and Yunho’s heart was stuck in his throat, and he was ready to cough it up and hand it over.
“Yes.” Yunho felt comfortable admitting as much, because so far, the date had already gone so well. Not someplace too fancy or expensive, because Seonghwa was ‘passionate’, and Yunho found no passion in just choosing a place just because of the price point of the menu. He’d instead taken Seonghwa to a place with a more intimate feel where they could cook their own meals at the table. They’d had sword fights with their clamps, fed each other pieces of meat they’d cooked, and told embarrassing stories.
Seonghwa didn’t ask much about Yunho’s life as it was now - not yet - because he seemed to know that Yunho would adjust his own life to fit into Seonghwa’s. Instead, he was feeling Yunho out. It was comfortable, easy, but the moment Seonghwa touched him his heart and mind went into a frenzy.
“Hmm,” Seonghwa hummed in thought, lacing his fingers back into Yunho’s as they walked through the same park they’d met at the first time, “Well that’s a shame. I’m not done with you yet.”
But that wasn’t a shame at all. In fact, Yunho felt relieved - he wasn’t ready for this date to end. He hoped it would never end, and that Seonghwa would just decide to keep him as a pet and take him home. Seonghwa led Yunho off the path and towards the nearby trees. The moonlight was barely able to shine through all of the leaves, and Yunho wondered what Seonghwa could possibly want to do here.
He was okay with any scenario.
“Is this where you reveal you’re a monster and eat me?” Yunho teased, and the way Seonghwa’s smile grows tells him that the joke landed well.
“I’d eat you anywhere, sugar. Not just here,” Seonghwa confessed as he removed the thin scarf he had tied around his neck, and Yunho swallowed heavily in return. “I want to play a game.”
“I’m in,” Yunho wasted no time accepting, “What’s the game?”
“Marco, Polo,” Seonghwa explained as he started tying the scarf around Yunho’s eyes, “I want to know if you can seek me out even when it’s dark for you.” Yunho never would have guessed that it had any deeper meaning than being a fun little game, but before he could say anything else, he could hear Seonghwa giggling as he ran off.
“Marco!” Yunho called out.
“Polo!” Seonghwa had already run away quite a distance. Yunho put his hands out in front of him as he started walking in the direction of Seonghwa’s voice. He definitely wouldn’t be able to catch up with Seonghwa if he kept moving so fast.
“Marco!”
“Polo!” Seonghwa sounded even farther this time. It wasn’t long before Yunho came across a tree, his fingers feeling the bark as he guided himself around it.
“Marco!”
“Polo!” Seonghwa didn’t sound farther, but he had circled around enough to make Yunho change directions.
“Marco!”
“Polo.” How Seonghwa had ended up right behind him, Yunho wasn’t sure. He whipped his body around, and he could once again hear Seonghwa giggling.
“Marco.”
A hand wrapped around his wrist, pulling him forward until there was a body trapped between him and a tree. Vanilla invaded his senses as a warm hand snaked around the nape of his neck, pulling him in even closer until plush lips ghosted against his.
“Polo,” Seonghwa whispered against him, and Yunho’s nerves dissolved as he closed the gap between them. Goosebumps rose all over his skin as Seonghwa licked at the seam of his lips, and Yunho happily made way, letting him take whatever he wished. Yunho’s hands found Seonghwa’s waist, an obsession already forming with how small and dainty the other man’s body felt in his grasp. Seonghwa did him the favor of removing the scarf from his eyes before wrapping his arms around Yunho’s shoulders, holding him tight.
When Yunho opened his eyes, he was disappointed to find that Seonghwa wasn’t in his hold. But he still laid there, eyes closed as he slept peacefully. Yunho’s heart ached, and it wasn’t fair that he couldn’t feel anything except for his stupid feelings.
This hurt so much.
Yunho now had an obsession with holding Seonghwa’s waist, but he couldn’t even touch him.
The first time Yunho had visited Seonghwa in his dreams, he made sure to leave before Seonghwa had woken up. This time was different though; they had their first date! They kissed! Yunho had felt every bit as flustered now as he had been during their dream date, though he wasn’t sweating as profusely, and there certainly would be no kiss. But he felt that this…this could be okay. To stay here as Seonghwa opened his eyes - so he did. Seonghwa didn’t seem too surprised as he woke up with slow flutters of his eyes. He was absolutely beautiful like this, skin flushed red, eyes puffy with sleep, every muscle relaxed. There was a happy undertone, something he hadn’t seen on his face since they’d met…but it only lasted for a few seconds before he returned to his usual somberness.
“Good morning,” Yunho smiled gently at him, keeping his voice quiet.
“Morning,” Seonghwa groaned, not questioning why he was there.
“What did you think of our date last night?” Yunho purred, wiggling his eyebrows in an attempt to be more funny than sexy. It did its job, earning a smile from the other that made Yunho’s heart soar and sink simultaneously.
“I think I’ll be craving that restaurant for years to come,” Seonghwa’s voice strained as he stretched out before he settled onto his side to look over at Yunho, “I wish we could go there now.” Yunho’s own sadness met Seonghwa’s, though his smile remained. As he looked at the other, it felt as if he was looking into the eyes of somebody he’d known for years. It made sense, as Yunho had only seen Seonghwa for quite a while now.
“Do you want to know my favorite part?”
“Hmm?”
“Marco.”
Seonghwa’s eyes closed and he let out a long controlled breath. “Polo.”
Silence settled between them for a few minutes, and Yunho couldn’t take it. Not when he couldn’t pull Seonghwa into his arms or seek out literally any connection other than verbal. No, talking was all they had.
“It scares me to feel more for you than what I already do,” he admitted, “And to never be able to hold you, or kiss you, or put my hands on your waist. But I’ll walk next to you and visit your dreams for the rest of your life even if this is all I get.”
“Don’t…” When Seonghwa’s eyes opened, they were already filled with tears, “Don’t condemn yourself to that, Yunho. You need to move on if that’s all you have left.”
“I don’t even have that, Seonghwa. I can’t move on - I have no idea what’s keeping me here, besides you. I’ll move on when I know how to, but, please…let me stay until then,” Yunho pleaded, scared that Seonghwa would tell him to find somewhere else to exist in limbo.
“Until then,” Seonghwa agreed.
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