Work Text:
It was just a box.
Just some 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥 box.
Yet, the demon couldn't help but take his eyes off of it.
He had so much more important stuff to do. Rise above Vox, help Charlie with some decorations, ignore angel dust, and maybe kill a few souls...
As of right now though? He was towering and leaning over the dirty box that was before, most likely packaged with some sort of 'toys'.
The deer blinked with as if his eyes barely had a thought behind them, before he made a quick movement of glancing araround the red room, scanning for any figures before eyeing the box once more.
Alastor paused. Took a step forward, only to step 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘹.
Despite the demons lanky posture, he fit nicely inside the cardboard, resting inside as if he was some sort of cat.
.... he brushed off that thought quickly for the sake of his ego.
Suddenly, the red haired male was pulled out of his imagination at the sudden figure above him.
Alastor peered his eyes up to a... worker.. child? Perhaps a teen. She had short, brown yet slightly red-ish hair that was tied up into a small ponytail.
The girl glared with red eyes down at the radio demon through her gold rimmed glasses, the chains hanging down into crosses as her tail swished behind her.
The weirdness of Alastor's actions and the sudden presence caused an awkward vibe to cast across the room. Yet before Alastor could speak up, the girl cleared her throat, but no words came out.
Instead, she stayed silent as she adjusted her suit vest before pulling out a list that seemed like chores, the brunette grumbled at the slight wrinkle in the paper before drawing her attention to the words.
Alastor could get used to this quiet kid!.... not in a 'catch a case way'.
Suddenly, the demon pulled out a tape roller, flipped up the sides, and taped shut the box. Completely ignoring the person.
Never mind, this girl was the bane of existence. Even if she was a child.
Alastor heard from outside the thin walls a hoarse voice call out to someone else before feeling from inside that he was now being picked up, or, at least the box was.
He could hear the girl exchange a few words with what sounded like a delivery man until he was suddenly tossed onto a hard mental flooring, his deer like ears listening to the noise of a door shutting.
The demon waiting for a few moments as if trying to comprehend the situation until it was too late as he felt the movement of a truck staring up, and the motion of driving.
Okay, so some brat locked him in a box which he is now currently stuck in, as well as a delivery truck most likely heading to some wearhouse. He's been in worse situations.
"I can't tell if that's the stench of the truck or you cause something reeks."
Right. His 'wonderful' talking cane.
"Look I'm not one to judge what someone does in their freetime, but did ya' really have to drag me in!?"
"Yes yes, I take the blame on my behalf blah blah blah but you know I need you!" Alastor screeched, shuffling slightly in the bow to try and find a better position.
"You need therapy!!"
"All the therapists in hell are dea-!" Before the deer could get his explanation out, the truck slammed to stop, causing the box to slide and nearly bonk into the wall.
Alastor just grumbled while his cane rolled its eye... maybe. I mean. It 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 only have one eye!
Suddenly, the deer felt the box being picked up once again, hearing the person huff as they hoisted it into their arms, causing his cane to poke up and slightly nip the cardboard, also resulting in the person dropping it onto the floor.
"AHG! $3¿*!!" Alastor... cursed out?
".... aww no dude, who put a deer in a box?" The worker sighed.
"Another deer carcass? If I had a nickel for everytime-" "Stop with that joke."
".... you're fun at parties.." the coworker grumbled.
".... Ollie... do we just.. send him back?" The worker questioned as they scratched their head.
"Where?" Supposedly, 'Ollie', questioned.
"To hell, please!" The two mortals attentions were brought back to the box as the cane shouted with no shame.
"... Uh oh, H-E double hockey sticks Cole."
"Shut up.... and... yes sir?" 'Cole' shrugged before picking back up the box, walking with Ollie in their ear annoying them.
---
The angel ran up and past all the fellow angels as his feet patted against the ground, rushing up into the desolate church, cursing under his breath as he struggled with the large box in his hands while quickly signing his name on the contract.
Panting, the small angel finally came into the room and met with Adam, ignoring the angel trying to scare him as he just stared at him with a dead face.
"Sir Adam... here is your... newest package.." The male panted as he pushed the box onto the desk.
"Oh shit! Danger tits! These were the dildo's that I ordered! Do you wanna see them, do you wanna know, cause these are gonna be fucking amazing! It'll blow your cock-... cunt off." Adam cheered, jabbing the exorcist with his elbow as he quickly discarded his ribs.
"Ooohh boy. I cannot fucking waaaAAHHH" Adam quickly screamed as he noticed the very alive... somewhat alive item.
Meanwhile, the radio demon just popped his head out of the box and glanced around the room.
"Erm, where's the murder?" "WE'RE NOT HERE, SHITLIPS!" Alastor questioned while his cane screeched.
Before Lute could pull out her weapon and threaten and... hopefully kill the stranger. Adam just blocked her arm in front of her in silent disagreement, looking back at the demon with a deep frown before just calmly closing the box back up.
"Wrong place, buddy... thing.." The exorcist stated before dropping the box back into the angels arms. "Discard this box immediately! You had me jazzed up for nothing!" Adam pouted as the small angels eye twitched.
As the angel huffed while scrambling back to the post office. He suddenly tripped on... absolutely nothing, and the box went flying!... down the stairs... uh oh.
The angel stood up before growling. "I QUIT!" Storming off after his statement while the box with the very alive-ish thing inside, bouncing down the stairs in unison.
---
Charlie sighed as she sat on the velvet couch, rubbing her eyes at already having to deal with her assistants tangents, until she suddenly heard another booming voice.
"Ugh... what is it now!?... uhh.." The princess's anger was quickly shook off as she noticed the... box... falling down the large set of stairs up in the sky.
"OOF, OUCH, RIGHT IN THE KNOGIN'!" The voice complained while falling down the steps until they suddenly casted apart as they got closer to hell, causing the box to skip down the steps and just start to free fall.
"... what the... fuck... wait, Pentious, don't touch that!" And thus, the princess was quickly brought back to her duties with her... slightly stupid team.
On the other hand, Alastor screamed almost in some sort of static TV voice as he slammed against the floor, with the box being perfectly fine... okay, seriously, what was this thing made out of??
On the outside, Alastor was finally at the business!... of the I.M.P's... motherfucker.
"Motherfucker.." The hellhound grumbled as she hit and shook her lighter as the cigarette laid on her mount, only to be distracted at the sudden package in front of the steps.
".... ugh.."
---
The door slammed open with a loud bang, causing Moxxie's and Blitz's potential argument to be put on pause.
"Here, probably a package for you," Loona pointed as she slid the box onto the table.
"Awe, thanks Loony Toony!" Blitz praised as his daughter just snarled before slamming to door to focus back on her smoke break.
"...oh right! I bought a new suit recently since, this one isn't getting as much traction as a thought." Blitz grumbled before quickly grabbing the box and pulling it up to him.
"Prepare to be amazed because Mox, you're gonna be wishing you washed that cum stain off of your pants!" Blitz joked while Moxxie quickly inspected himself, causing his boss to laugh and make a small joke of 'made you look'.
"Ooo. Fizz is gonna be so fucking jealous in his suspenders when he sees- WHAT THE HELL?!" The imp yelled as he backed up from the box, causing the deer to poke his head out once again.
".... well, I'm in a bit of a pickle!" The demon remarked before a sudden bat was knocked upside his head.
---
"Ugh. Damn this box is heavy! I think these are the new drinks! Non-alcoholic. I knew you would be interested Husk." Charlie explained as the kitty grumbled while taking another swing of his own drink.
"Well, nothing to lose as...." The princess trailed off as she paused just as she opened the package, causing the rest of her group to stare at her.
"Whats up, dollface?" Angel Dust questioned while stepping closer to the woman, only to step back as she did.
The groups suspicions were quickly confirmed by something none of them would've expected.
Alastor just... casually standing up and stepping out of the package, smoothing out his coat without a scratch on him.
"... good evening, sinners!"
"... Alastor what the hell-" Vaggie blurted only to be cut of by the deer.
"No time to chit-chat, dear. I need to find a little darling who may be a new worker here!" Alastor questioned.
"You mean the new demon girl? She's a new worker here... guess we don't care about child labor that much, but then again you 𝘥𝘪𝘥 summon Niffty here, Smiles," Angel Dust chuckled, while the newest worker suddenly walked into the room, blasting 'radio boy' in her pointy ears while she checked off her clipboard.
Almost comical at the mention of her name and the sudden appearance.
"Ah. There's the little dear! Why haven't you introduced me sooner, I wanna get to know this brat...!" Alastor smiled as he pushed the gang aside.
But he was one movement late, since the girl had already noticed him. Quickly discarding her headphones and clipboard as she made a run.