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Buck pushed the door open, calling out “Eddie? I’ve got pizza!” but was met with silence. He shoved his shoes off and then paused, waiting for Eddie to answer him as he walked into the kitchen and set the pizza down on the counter. Looking around at the dirty dishes in the sink, the crumbs on the counter, he frowned. Eddie normally kept an immaculate kitchen, cleaned and free of food crumbs.
“Weird.” He murmured, then stilled as he heard a noise from the direction of Eddie’s room. A memory of Eddie sobbing and crying with a bat in his hands flashed through his mind and he sprinted down the hallway, skidding to a stop at the open door as he took in Eddie, asleep on his bed.
Eddie was curled up, blanket pulled up to his chin and brown hair falling across his pillow. A tear was sliding down his face and Buck’s chest tightened. He must be having another bad dream. He tiptoed across the room, pausing for just a second before he ran his fingers lightly through Eddie’s soft hair. Eddie stirred, then blinked awake, starting up as Buck took a step back.
“Buck?” Eddie ran a hand through his hair, yawning as the blanket slid down and Buck could see his abs flex as he stretched. He felt himself flush and looked away. His friend was clearly feeling down, he shouldn’t be thirsting over him right now, even if his tan pretty skin was miles long, his toned abs leading down to soft gray sweatpants.
Absolutely no thirsting, he smacked himself mentally and looked back at Eddie, who was looking up at him quizzically. Oh god, he must’ve zoned out while trying not to thirst and now Eddie was suspicious. What if he could read minds? No, that was silly.
“Ummm pizza? Movie night?”
“Oh.” Eddie swiped at his cheek and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, sounds great, Buck.” He stood up and stretched and Buck decided that was the perfect time to exit the room before he did something stupid like push Eddie back on the bed and crawl on top of him.
What was wrong with him anyway? He needed to pull himself together and be there for Eddie, who clearly was having a rough day. Eddie had been so cheery at work that Buck had suspected he was hiding how difficult it was to not have Chris to go home to.
And I was right. Buck felt guilty again for not being more intentional with checking in with his friend. “Stupid Tommy,” he muttered as he pulled dirty dishes out of the sink and stacked them on the counter.
Buck had ended things with Tommy a couple of weeks before, shortly after a dinner with Hen and Karen, at which Karen had gone on a fairly long rant about Tommy’s previous behavior, shocking Buck into storming into Tommy’s house and demanding to know if it was true.
Tommy’s lukewarm response of “well it was the times, it was just hazing you know! Everyone was doing it.” had Buck slamming the door and texting Tommy later that evening with: “We’re done. Please be a better human being.” and ever since then it had been one bad date after another. He didn’t understand why and wondered at one point if Tommy had put some sort of curse on him but figured the man didn’t care enough about him to do so, after reflecting on some of his behavior while they were dating.
He was almost done with the dishes, still fuming at his selfish behavior, when he heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Eddie leaning against the doorframe, still shirtless, arms crossed and a slight smile on his face.
“Aren’t….aren’t you cold?” Buck was pretty sure he was blushing again. Eddie’s fault really, for being too pretty. He felt hot. Maybe he was running a fever.
“Nah.” Eddie crossed the kitchen and pulled two beers out of the fridge, setting one on the counter while he popped the top off of his and took a sip. He gestured to the sink. “Buck, I was going to do that after I took a nap. Just overslept.”
Buck rinsed the last dish and set it on the drainboard, then wiped the counter. The kitchen was back to its normal sparkling condition. He leaned against the counter and reached for his own beer. Eddie was looking at him with something soft in his expression and it made his stomach flip.
“Didn’t mind.” He murmured. “You probably needed the rest. Haven’t been sleeping well?”
Eddie shook his head but said nothing as he pulled plates out of the cupboard and put pizza on both plates.
“Eddie.” Buck’s voice came out low and pleading. “I’m here you know. If you need to talk. Please.”
“Come on.” Eddie waved towards the living room. “I just want to hang out and watch something dumb, ok?”
Buck followed on his heels, wishing Eddie would let him know how he was really doing, and biting his tongue to keep himself from begging him to open up emotionally.
Don’t push him. He’ll talk when he’s ready. The voice in his head that sounded like Maddie at times made him shut his mouth and he sat down on one end of the couch while Eddie tossed him in the remote.
“You pick.” Eddie curled up on the other end of the couch and pulled his plate into his lap. “Something funny please.”
Buck nodded, taking a sip of his beer as he opened his phone to scroll through the list of movies he had put into a Google doc for their frequent movie nights, pausing on the comedy category.
“Alright. Logan Lucky or Get Smart?”
“It’s been awhile since we watched Get Smart.” Eddie shrugged. “I vote for that.”
Thirty minutes into the movie, pizza eaten and their beer all drunk, Buck went to the kitchen to retrieve two more. Popping the tops off, he strolled back into the living room and paused to look at Eddie’s profile lit up by the soft glow of the tv as Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway’s antics played out on screen.
Eddie’s arm lay across the back of the couch and he had shifted to the middle of the couch. Buck’s eyebrows went up as he realized Eddie was definitely leaning towards the corner of the couch Buck has been sitting in. Buck felt like his feet were glued to the floor. What…what was happening right now.
He cleared his throat, letting Eddie know he was coming back and giving him a chance to move back to his spot in case this was a mistake but Eddie just looked up at him with a sad smile, not moving one inch and Buck sank down into his spot, thigh brushing against Eddie’s thigh. Eddie pulled back a little and turned towards him.
“Buck? You ok?”
“Am I ok? Eddie are you ok?? Like…are you doing alright? I’m worried about you.”
Eddie reached out and ran a hand over Buck’s arm, lingering on the hem of Buck’s shirtsleeve and rubbing it between his fingers. Buck sat so still that he could feel his heart beating in his chest.
“Im alright when you’re here.” Eddie took another swig of his beer, eyes locked on Buck’s. “I was actually wondering if…if you’d want to maybe stay here for a bit. I miss having another person in the house.”
“Eddie why didn’t you say something sooner?? I should’ve offered to come stay when Chris left. I should have known—“
“Buck.” Eddie interrupted with a chuckle, hand squeezing Buck’s bicep. “I’m a grown man who can be on his own. It was actually really good for me. I’ve done a lot of thinking. Figured some things out. But some days it is really hard and it’s nice to have company. And you’re the person I want around the most.” He sipped his beer and looked back at the tv, pulling his hand away to rest in his own lap and Buck missed the warmth of his fingers.
Thirty minutes later, another beer down and both laughing heartily at the movie, Buck had maneuvered his arm to the back of the couch and Eddie was half-sunk into his side. They had always been a little over-touchy and affectionate with each other, enough to get some side-eye from Hen that she thought Buck hadn’t seen but he had definitely noticed lately. Eddie was warm beside him, vibrating against him when he laughed at the movie and Buck thought he could stay here forever. He felt his eyes getting heavy. He should probably get up, get some water and wake himself up but this was so nice and cozy. He and Eddie should always be like this. Maybe Eddie would let him sleep in his bed and cuddle him and maybe even kiss his forehead.
Buck jerked awake then stilled. The movie was over and Eddie was asleep, soft snores coming from where his head had fallen to Buck’s stomach and Buck breathed out slowly, then rubbed Eddie’s shoulder.
“Eddie?” He whispered. He ran a hand through Eddie’s soft hair and Eddie mumbled “Mmmmm?” as he snuggled even closer to Buck. Endearing, Buck thought, as he rubbed Eddie’s arm.
“Hey, want to go to bed? You’re gonna get a pain in your neck if you sleep like this, ba—buddy.” He finished lamely. He eased himself out from under Eddie. “Want me to carry you?”
Eddie chuckled sleepily, rolling back against the couch cushions. “No, just give me a second.” He sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Sorry I'm so tired. Haven’t really slept this whole week. Nightmares have been bad again.”
He stood up and walked down the hallway, calling back over his shoulder, “Come on, I’ve got an extra toothbrush in the bathroom closet. You can use that.”
Buck padded after him, silently taking the toothbrush from Eddie as Eddie brushed his own teeth. Taking his turn in the bathroom, he had just finished brushing when Eddie appeared in the bathroom door, holding out sweatpants.
“I can sleep in my jeans, I’m just gonna crash on the couch.”
“Come sleep in my bed. And wear the sweatpants, people who wear jeans in bed aren’t allowed to share mine. Plus they’re yours, they’ve been in my drawer for months.” Eddie winked at him then disappeared, leaving Buck standing stock still, holding gray sweatpants and mouth dry.
He pushed the door shut, shoving off his jeans in such a hurry that he stumbled and fell against the door before he yanked the sweatpants on and flung the door open. Eddie was standing outside the door, arms folded and grinning.
“Eager to get into my bed, Buckley?” He turned on his heels and walked towards his bedroom and Buck scrambled after him. Eddie was flirting with him now? Was he having another coma dream?
“Eddie wait.” Buck grasped his friend by the shoulder. “Eddie….what’s going on here? You want to share a bed? What..what do you want exactly here?”
“Come here.” Eddie sat, then patted the bed beside him. Buck dropped down beside him, watching as Eddie rubbed his hands together, then cleared his throat.
“I don’t even know how to say what I actually want, Buck and I’m having a hard time actually saying what I need to. I WAS going to talk to you about it before we went to sleep though, just trying to work up the nerve. I just.. Yes I miss Chris, but I’ve been talking to Frank about a lot of things, and I realized…I realized some things about myself that helped clear up certain things I’ve wondered for years but just kept shoving down and pushing away. And you’re my best friend you know. I don’t want you to think I’m saying I want that to change ok? And I’m a little bit scared of scaring you away.”
Buck stared at Eddie. “Eddie..what..did you meet someone? What are you saying?”
Eddie stared back, then burst into laughter. “Oh, Buck. Yes. Yes I did meet someone actually. Pretty great person, in fact. Knows Chris actually. Loves him a lot. I think you’d approve.”
Buck stood up and walked over to Eddie’s dresser. What was this sick feeling in his stomach? He should feel happy for Eddie, not this desire to run whoever this person was over with his jeep. He wiped sweaty palms on his pants.
“Don’t you want to know who it is? You actually know them.” Eddie’s voice was still full of amusement and Buck couldn’t even turn around to look at him. Why was he treating this like a joke??
“Um, sure. I’d love to, Eddie. And you know, I’m happy for you.” He schooled his face and turned around just as Eddie moved into his space, placing a hand on his jaw. Buck froze.
“Buck. It’s you. It’s always been you.” Eddie smiled, cupping Buck’s face with both hands. “Buck, you’re my person. You always have been ,since we sat across from each other in that firetruck on my first day, I just didn’t realize it before.”
This had to be a coma dream. A wonderful coma dream that he didn’t want to wake up from. Before he could think, he pulled Eddie into his arms, pressing his lips to Eddie’s. Eddie made a soft little surprised “Mmmph!” sound, then returned the kiss. His lips were warm and soft and Buck hungrily kissed him, sweeping a tongue along the plush lips and nipping ever so softly before he pulled back, sinking his forehead against Eddie’s.
“What the fuck,” He murmured and then they both broke into laughter. “Eddie what the fuck, how long have you been wanting to tell me that?”
“A couple of weeks.” Eddie pulled him into another kiss, muffling Buck’s laughter. “I kind of realized I was gay after talking with Frank for a couple of sessions. I’ve been trying to figure out when to tell you. Maybe asking you into my bed wasn’t the best way but hey, it worked.”
“I was hoping you meant something by it.” Buck’s face flamed. “Come on Diaz, I’m gonna cuddle the shit out of you.” He climbed into Eddie’s bed and pulled back the covers. “Whatcha waiting for?”
Eddie shook his head, smiling fondly as he slipped under the blankets. Buck layed down and pulled Eddie up against his chest. Eddie grinned and slipped his hand under Buck’s sleeve. Buck brushed his lips against Eddie’s head and smiled as Eddie sighed into his chest. “This is perfect.”
“Yeah?” Buck rubbed Eddie’s back, other hand stroking Eddie’s hair. Eddie let out a shuddering breath then pushed up on an elbow.
“Listen, I want to do all the things with you. But tonight, can we just cuddle? I just….I need it. If that makes sense.”
“Baby, I’d cuddle you for the rest of time if that’s all you want to do.” Buck pulled him back down and Eddie closed his eyes as Buck stroked his hair again. “But when we do all the other things, I’m gonna treat you so good. Spoil you for any other man.”
“Going to hold you to that.” Eddie murmured, thumb rubbing up and down Buck’s arm. “Although I’m pretty sure you’ve already done that.”
“Mmmm.” Buck stretched his arm out to turn the light off, then snuggled back down into Eddie. “Hey. Eddie.”
“Yeah?’
“I love you.”
“And I love you.” He could hear the smile in Eddie’s voice and as he held the smaller man tightly he smiled too. This pizza and movie night was going down in their history books.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buck slipped out of bed the next morning to start coffee and as he waited for it to brew, he pulled out his phone to text Maddie a quick: Hey got some good news. Dinner later?
Sounds great. Bring some wine?
Of course. Mind if Eddie comes along? Might be nice for him to hang out with Jee.
He’s always welcome. She’ll have the nail polish and bows ready.
He chuckled, Jee had figured out that Eddie would pretty much let her do anything when she got to play with him and last time had resulted in multiple pigtails and pink nail polish on both of them.
He felt two warm hands slip up his shirt sleeves and a kiss placed on his neck as Eddie hooked his chin over his shoulder. “You need to wear big t-shirts more, mi amor.”
“I’ll go buy more today.”
Eddie chuckled and kissed his shoulder. “Have I mentioned I love you yet today? Because I do.” He peered at Buck’s phone. “Maddie’s tonight? Want to tell her?”
“I asked if you could come with, but I was going to ask if you wanted to tell anybody yet. Either way, we can at least hang out and have some dinner together.”
“Let’s tell her and Chim.” Eddie kissed up Buck’s neck. “Come on, come back to bed.”
“But the coffee?’
“I’ve got something that’ll wake you up more.” Eddie tugged Buck towards the bedroom.
Buck laughed and tossed his phone on the counter. “Alright sweetheart, put your mouth where your money is.”
Their laughter echoed through the house as they raced back to bed. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, Tommy Kinard was getting a speeding ticket from Athena Grant downtown, and Buck was about to make Eddie see god with his tongue. It was a perfect day.