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Zhang Hao raised his fist in slow motion, he was going to hit the idiot who dared to touch and insult him, just as he was going to impact his jaw a hand stopped his arm.
-No, Hao hyung, don't stoop to that, you might hurt yourself.- Hanbin of course, Hao didn't think that his cute best friend was going to let him get his hands dirty, as if he was a princess, fragile, weak, Zhang Hao wasn't weak, why did Hanbin insist on treating him like he was made of glass? And more so at a time like this, the idiot in front of him was smiling triumphantly, as if the fact that Hanbin stopped Hao was to help him.
Hao shook his arm and pushed Hanbin away angrily -Enough, Hanbin- The younger saw the older one with his eyes a little more open, in surprise, as if his push had hurt him -don't mess around, you think I don't have enough strength, I'm still a man and I can deal with this trash, without any problem- Hanbin's frightened hamster eyes touched a sensitive chord of Hao's heart, but he won't going to retract, he said what he meant, turned to the idiot and faced him again seeing his self-sufficient smile on his mouth and thinking of the most painful way to erase it.
-Come on princess, we already saw that not even your little friend believes you can win and I don't want to hurt you, very much, I just wanted to spend a good night with you- he spoke while looking at the redhead's legs as if it were a piece of meat, blood boiled on Zhang Hao's body, how dare he talk to him like that, before he could do or say anything a blow reached the cheekbone and the nose of the other subject and blood began to Hanbin who had thrown a punch with which Hao almost ended up thanking all the gods that the boy went to the gym because he looks super hot.
-Only I can call him princess...- Hanbin muttered in a cold tone, took Hao's hand and dragged him out of the bar.
-Sorry hyung!- as soon as they got outside the younger one took his hands and with his head down spoke to Hao -it's not that I don't trust your strength...-
The oldest interrupted Hanbin and tore his hands off the grip -just that looks like Hanbin, I'm a man just like you, I'm taller than you and I'm older than you, Why do you never let me stand up for myself? Do you think I'm not capable?-
-It's not that!- Hanbin who had always been all tenderness with Hao raised his voice and saw him with his teary eyes -sorry hyung, but it's not that, it's just that I didn't want you to hit him and hurt your hands- he sniffled a little with his tears already falling -you have a violin stage in a few days and I wouldn't like you to hurt yourself and it hurt to play- Hao's mind went blank, he couldn't do anything but stand by absorbing the black-haired man's response, Hao was stupid, Hanbin noticing the silence took a step back ready to leave and leave his hyung alone after making him angry, whispering a sorry again he turned around.
He didn't get very far, before he could take a step Hao caught his hand and raised it to the height of his face, so close that Hanbin felt a soft gust of air in his injured knuckles. Hao seeing them taking on a purple hue and with a little blood only felt worse, Hanbin had wanted to take care of him, but not because he thought he was weak.
-Let's go to my house- Hao whispered and the Hanbin's heart beat a little faster -we need to cure this- without allowing the black-haired man to say another word, he dragged him by the hand to his apartment that was not far away and if Hanbin felt pain from Hao's grip he would not say it because he preferred to feel his cold hands in contact with his until the red-haired allowed it.
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When they arrived at Hao's apartment the redhead's mind was confused, he felt that he owed a big apology to the youngest man, his anger had made him treat the boy who always cared about him badly, the younger one was dying to help Zhang Hao whenever he could and he had simply pushed him, yelled at him and made him hurt himself for him. They silently walked through the door, took off their shoes, and for the first time all the way Hao felt their hands clasped together and the warmth of Hanbin's covering his cold one.
-Stay here, I'll go get the medicine cabinet- Hao whispered almost out of breath, he had held Hanbin's hand for about 15 minutes, they had walked down the busy street that way and the other boy had allowed it.
While Hao was looking for the medicine cabinet his mind was going a thousand miles an hour, Hanbin and he had been friends for 3 years and although he had been in love with the younger one from the beginning he never allowed himself to let go of those thoughts further, Hanbin was the definition of LOVE with everyone, attentive, helpful, warm, kind. When Hao arrived from China and Hanbin invited him to hang out with his friends after just one class of getting to know him so that he would integrate faster into Korean university life, he thought that perhaps his sudden infatuation could be reciprocated, but seeing him treat everyone so kindly he realized that the black-haired man only wanted him to make real friends and he settled for it throughout that time.
But here he was now, 3 years later, with a first aid kit in one hand and some dried blood in the other (which he prayed to the gods that it was not his Hanbinnie's) being in a gay crisis for having held the hand of his "best friend" of whom by the way he did not know his sexuality because since he met him he had not dated anyone, for 15 whole minutes.
-Are you okay, hyung?- he asked the reason for his crisis from the bathroom door, taking him by surprise and making him let out a not at all subtle squeal.
-You scared me- the other boy laughed a little, showing his nice mustache-shaped dimples.
-It wasn't my intention, but it took you a long time and I thought maybe you were still upset- he confessed looking at the floor again -if that's it, I can leave now, you don't need to take care of me, it's not that serious- he said opening his closing his fist to show his point, but under the white light of Hao's bathroom only the purple and open skin of his knuckles could only be seen even more making the redhead worry.
-Enough, if you do that you'll hurt yourself- he ordered taking the youngest man's hand (again) making him let out a small moan of pain -I'm sorry- Hao let go of the other's hand as if he was burning not wanting to hurt him anymore -Let me clean you up, I don't know how much of that blood is yours and how much of the idiot- he said showing a wet wipe and making Hanbin sit on the edge of his bathtub so he could see the scratches better.
Some wet wipes afterwards and subtle caresses that neither of them would complain about. Hao announced that he was done, Hanbin's hand was swelling, and the purple hue was only getting worse.
-I think you should take some painkillers for the pain, but if it doesn't happen we should go to the hospital- Hao spoke with a worried tone -maybe you broke your hand.-
Seeing the worry dancing on Hao's features forming a pout, Hanbin could only feel his heart melting.
-I'll be fine, stop worrying, although maybe after this I need to take some boxing lessons with Matt to learn how to hit- the black-haired man tried to joke, but when he saw the older's frowning his hand automatically went up to the height of his face to eliminate the furrows on his forehead, but just as he was going to touch him he thought that maybe it would be too much, That night he had already gone far enough –I think it's better for me to go, Hyung– letting his hand fall and getting up from the edge of the bathtub he saw how the groove on Hao's forehead grew larger as well as his pout and his watery eyes.
-Don't go- whispered the redhead -I'm a fool, you got hurt because of me and I yelled at you for that...- some tears escaped and Hanbin this time without hesitation raised his hands to clean them.
-No, don't cry, hyung, you were right, you can defend yourself, I've never doubted that.-
-It's my fault, if I hadn't been drinking and following Taerae's advice to dance just to provoke you, none of this would have happened, the idiot wouldn't have come closer, I wouldn't have fought with him and...-
-Enough- Hanbin said almost out of breath -repeat because you were dancing that way in the bar.-
Hao realized late what he had said, but even with a little alcohol in his system he took courage.
-I was dancing to... To provoke you, that you will join me and... And let's hang out together...- the older one tried to speak fluently but between the tears, alcohol and nerves his sentences sounded broken and the language slipped from his mind.
Hanbin noticed it, he continued to wipe all the tears that fell from his hyung's eyes and hugged him -and why not ask me to join you directly?- he caressed his back slowly -I would have liked to dance with you- Hanbin whispered very close to his ear -I was so jealous- the little he had drank with his friends was also taking its toll and making him extremely honest.
Hao's heart was racing at his latest statement, but Hanbin followed.
-You looked great on that bar, the lights around you, the way you dance- he caressed his cheek -I felt really conflicted.-
Hao looked confused as he tried to stop the tears that were still escaping.
-Mhm, I should continue to appreciate the view or I'd have permission to join in your fun.-
-Hanbin-ah- Hao whispered, raising his face to look the black-haired man in the eye.
-I was thinking about it when the guy came and put his hands on your waist- Hanbin speak marking with his hands the exact place where the boy from the bar had touched Zhang Hao stealing from him Hanbin pressed his hands around Hao a little more -and I thought I didn't have a chance, if you enjoyed it I had nothing to do there, I thought I had nothing to do there, I thought I had misread the signs and your looks.-
Hao vividly remembered the moment when he felt a pair of firm hands with rings around them his waist on the dance floor, how he thought the boy was Hanbin because of the smell of his cologne that he occasionally stole to smell just like him, he thought he had won until a hoarse voice whispered in his ear how offered it was to be there in the middle of the club dancing that way in those mini shorts, he told him that he would please him and take him with him to his house to show him what he gained by being so, that he would dominate him like the delicate princess he seemed to be. The alcohol came crashing out of Hao's system and he walked away from the man to tell him he was a jerk and punch him that he couldn't connect.
-That's not true- Hao managed to say -I... I thought...- he let out a laugh that was not happy at all -I thought it was you... your perfume and the rings- more tears were shed -I'm a disaster...- Hanbin caressed Hao's waist already calmer and murmured something like "calm down, take your time" after a few breaths Hao spoke -I saw you see me from the bar, several times, I turned my back on purpose to get you closer, when the guy came and touched me, I thought it was you, I was wearing your same perfume, Orphéon Diptyque- Hanbin was surprised that Hao remembered his perfume with such precision -and his rings on his fingers... It was a very stupid mistake, you don't dance like that and... - Hao bit his lip.
-And?- the black-haired man urged him to continue.
-And for me at that moment it was clear that you would not get close, but I had hope...-
-And now?- Hanbin wrapped Hao in his arms and spoke very close to his ear -now you still think I wouldn't get close?-
Hao's breathing failed again and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, taking a breath of the woody scent of Hanbin's perfume and his natural scent that no one else could copy, he hugged him back and melted against his shoulder -as much as he wants to know where we are going with this conversation, I wish we didn't do it in the bathroom of my house, if I'm going to confess that I like you from the first minute I saw you I need something more romantic- Hao spoke already calmer when he realized that the black-haired man wouldn't go anywhere and noticing his surroundings for the first time, the quiet laughter of the younger one sounded in his ear and the vibrations resonated in his chest reaching Hao's.
-Let's go to the kitchen, I think we need some tea- Hao nodded and the black-haired man took his hand and dragged him to the counter of his kitchen to sit down, give him a kiss on his head and start preparing his tea, a custom they had for a long time, a tea at night to calm their minds and talk about everything they wanted in the dark where no one would judge them.
So many times before they had been in that situation, between school work, unplanned sleepovers, planned sleepovers, spontaneous visits, breakfasts, lunches or impromptu dinners, Hanbin already knew Hao's kitchen as his own, he moved between cupboards and instruments, he was preparing everything for tea without even asking Hao what flavor he wanted because even without words Hanbin knew, he knew it as well as his kitchen, as well as his entire apartment, as well as his daily life.
There sitting on the kitchen stool watching Hanbin come and go he realized that this was the day they would talk about everything, Hao couldn't shut him up any longer, Hanbin and he had danced a perfectly coordinated dance since they met, they lined up like mirrors, a perfect reflection of each other, similar but opposite, if Hao moved his right hand, Hanbin moved his left at the same time to find him in the middle, where Hanbin was euphoric and outgoing Hao was calm and introverse, but when Hao was confident and open, Hanbin was suspicious and protective, as simple as this, Hao sitting waiting and Hanbin attentive cooking or Hao being protected and Hanbin fighting over him...
Years of being friends, of being together hiding everything he felt for the youngest, to end up here on the kitchen stool with his heart in his hand, having all the hope that in 3 years Hanbin was not allowed to feel at least a part of what he felt, before more tears spilled from his eyes the youngest placed a cup in front of him.
-Drink it before it gets cold, the weather is cooling down- saying that he turned to his still semi-naked legs covered only by the small shorts that Hao thought hours ago would serve to seduce his best friend, again it all came down to that, Hao's great love for Hanbin, his other half.
-No... I can't... I don't want to...- Hao's hoarse voice was heard as he took the black-haired man's hand instead of the cup of tea -I have a lump in my throat, I don't know what will happen after drinking tea, I don't want it to be our last tea together, I don't want you to walk away, I don't want you to leave, I want us to talk, But I'm afraid it will go wrong, losing you would break my heart, you're... you're my best friend, but you know you're much more than that...-
-Your soulmate- Hanbin interrupted the redhead's diatribe, stood between the other's legs while caressing his hand and cheek -I'm your soulmate, so you have to know that I feel exactly the same as you- he invaded the older man's personal space leaving his lips at the height of the older's forehead, without missing the opportunity he hugged him around the waist and allowed himself to bury his face in the collarbone of the youngest, with a voice choked by the closeness he asked for verbal confirmation of everything he was understanding.
-Say things clearly, Sung Hanbin, I don't want us to let everything go without saying anymore, I want to listen to him, stop going around, I want to...- Hanbin lifted his face through his jaw and kissed him.
A kiss that felt like all the stars in the universe colliding in a supernova capable of destroying everything, Hao was an intelligent and studied musician with a PhD in progress but that did not prevent him from believing that the entire universe could collapse by kissing the man who made him feel stars in his stomach. when Hanbin walked away, Hao tried to chase his lips without success, but earning a giggle from the black-haired man.
-You want me to say things clearly, hyung, but I don't know how to do it, there are no words enough. So I can start explaining how I feel about you, you're my mirror, and saying I love you for that sounds self-centered, but I don't love you because you're just like me but because you balance me, I love you because you complement me in places I didn't even know were incomplete, I love you because you're my soulmate, my equal, but also my opposite... my best friend... I love you but the love I feel for you is the size of the universe, as if everything I feel is so big that it makes my chest feel stars colliding with each other, I love you so much in the mornings when you wake up without makeup, disheveled and with a deep voice, I love you more in the afternoons when you come home tired from college or anywhere and all you want to do is snuggle up next to Why do you say that I recharge your social battery, I love you even more at night when you get into bed with me with any excuse because your icy skin melts with mine hot, I love you, but those two words do not reach the cosmos of feelings I have for you-
-Hanbin...-
-I'm sorry, I know it's too much and maybe you're thinking of running away because all that is too intense, but you wanted me to say things clearly... So here's hyung, you've got my heart open right now, you decide what you're going to do with it-
-Take it- Hao spoke quickly and without hesitation -and give you mine in return, Hanbin, I'm not half as good as you talking, but you said it, we're soulmates, we feel the same thing, the whole cosmos exploding inside you, the chaos of the universe, all of that, I'm sorry too, you're the only chaos mine could collide with to be perfect -
-Hyung- the youngest man hugged the redhead tightly -Zhang Hao, there's no way in the universe that will make me let you go anymore, you're mine now, my boyfriend, my love, my heart, my soul, you unleashed a storm and you will have to take responsibility- Hao stroked the black hair of the younger one with great care.
-What you don't know is that I'm yours, all that, from the moment we crossed paths for the first time- whispered the oldest before kissing his boy once more.
The tea went cold after several kisses and whispered confessions in the dead of night, but neither of them cared, they would already have the rest of their lives to drink hot tea together.