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✗
It had all begun in the dark and stormy ocean. Erik cursed and sanctified this very night - and maybe will for the rest of his life.
He has never been touched by another man before, who didn't try to take something from him or tried to take advantage of his powers, of his past and his entire being.
The way Charles had touched his mind - had seen right through him and knew everything there is to know. Even the darkest and most hateful places, full of spite and pain he had seen.
Yet, he stayed.
He deliberately chose to stay.
Erik will never get over the way those ocean blue eyes wander and come to an abrupt halt when their gazes meet, in the middle of a conversation or while they're playing chess and tease each other playfully.
Erik had loved before.
He had loved and lost, so he was very wary of any kind of ...distraction that might mess up his mind and endanger his ability to control his metal bending. But his feelings to Charles were different.
Entirely different than the few girls he had mindlessly fancied and definetly different than his deep love and devotion he hold for his passed mother.
In the beginning, he had labeled his feelings towards Charles as fully platonic. Erik never really had the benefit of a loving friendship between two men, so he simply decided that this must be what companions feel when they go out drinking together, banter all night long and then return home early in the morning, drunkenly stumbling and half-heartedly hugging each other for support. Surely, this must be how every man feels when his best friend grabs his hands and enthusiastically shares his thoughts and opinions. Who wouldn't feel a little jealousy creep up their throat everytime a beautiful woman approaches at a bar and sweet-talks this said friend?
It was only natural to stare at Charles' features whenever they talked and wonder how those hands would feel brushing against his skin if he reached out for them, how his eyes would gleam if he told him how he felt and how those lips would taste if only he was brave enough to try.
This was entirely usual, right?
Right?
✗
"My friend."
Charles' eyes never left Erik. He simply watched him ponder in silence, as if he was still considering his next chess move instead of shamelessly daydreaming about his opponent's low buttoned shirt that was viewable just beneath the vest.
Erik snapped out of it, when the gentle voice brought him back into the wide living room in which they had made it their routine to play chess in the late evening hours. He furrowed his eyebrows and cleared his throat as to avoid the tension that has caught him right in the action of losing his thought process. He quickly moved the metallic pawn across the board with the help of his powers. His right hand mindlessly grabbed the glass of neat whiskey that was placed just next to the board and Erik hoped that his thoughts weren't loud enough to disturb the thelepathic consciousness of Charles. (He knew the other man would never peak too far into his mind without asking beforehand - but he also knew that some thoughts can be louder than others and he really didn't want to test out which ones would accidentally come through.)
"Are you alright?"
Charles examined Erik. His eyes were fixated on his face and mouth, as if he was waiting for him to speak.
"Yes." Erik answered quickly and leaned back to ease the growing tension off his body. His attention swiftly shifted through a lot of different thoughts, memories and ideas in case Charles actually caught a glimpse of any of his prior fantasies. He was trying to lose him in his own mind as if he was being hunted down by Charles... or maybe even his own guilt that tells him that these are definetly no casual thoughts one should have about their platonic friend.
"Have you been staring at me?"
Charles chuckled slightly with the same look he sometimes jokingly shot at women at the bar.
There was an abrupt cold sting that rushed through Erik's entire body, but he kept his usual calm composure. Their teasing was a fluent language between the two men and Erik was an equal opponent of Charles' boldness, so he simply grinned back.
"Must have been staring yourself, then."
Charles' eyebrows lifted slightly and there was amusement written all over his face. He was beautiful when he was like this. Erik almost made the same mistake again, so he averted his eyes and looked back down at the chess board.
"Are you trying to distract me so you can win, Charles? I didn't know you were this desperate."
Erik moved his metallic knight across the board and captured Charles' pawn. "Maybe I should give you some lessons. Didn't know the professor would need some teaching, aswell."
It was a bland exaggeration, of course. Their level of temper was as balanced as their matched skill of playing chess. Most of the time, they went back and forth between winning and losing an equal amount of times - and sometimes, they managed a draw.
"Or maybe I'm just playing mind tricks on you."
Charles watched his pawn leave the chess board and answered cleverly with a calculated movement of his dame. "And this was my whole plan from the beginning. Making you so sure of yourself and blind for the important things." For a quick moment, he shot a glance at the border of the chess board, mentally predicting Erik's new move.
But Erik has watched his eyes. He was always watching his eyes, truth be told. They carried the light blue of something soft, like the early morning sky of a cloudless springday or the calm oceanwaves on a cold winter's eve. He loved watching him. Maybe, he could simply sit and stare at him forever. Examine the way his breaths came. The way some of his neat hair sometimes tended to fall in front of his eyes. The way he furrowed his brows in such a delicate way whenever he thought of something smart. Maybe attending Charles' presence would be enough for him. He could drown in the love he held for all of those little details. He has been contiously drowning for him since the very first day they encountered in the ocean.
For only a short moment, their eyes met.
Charles immediately looked away, as if he knew that Erik had just watched him make a very risky chessmove.
There was a second, in which Erik had thought about calling him out, teasing his risky behaviour and bold chess strategies - but he noticed something strange in Charles' facial expression. He was processing something. His eyes were darting back and forth around the room and his mouth was slightly opened, and - was there a hint of blush in his cheeks?
No.
No, he was a grown man.
A professor, at that.
What could possibily bring a composedly and intellectual adult like him to such juvenile reaction?
"Your move." Erik tried to reconnect to Charles. "It wasn't very considerate." He raised his fingers effortlessly to move his rook across the chessboard.
"Your eyes-" Charles stopped.
"I mean, your, uh, pawn. He's badly placed." He was nervously running his fingers through his own brown hair and exhaled a staggered breath that was stuck in his throat. The thelepath stared at the chessboard, the table - anywhere, but Erik's direction.
Now, that unsettled Erik deeply. Whatever the professor was contemplating, if it occupied Charles' mind, it definetly would bother the metal bender, aswell.
He watched him make another move and trying to continue their chess game, but something kept on troubling him. He almost knocked off his own dame, in the process of leaning back on his chair.
"Is something wrong?" Erik tried to ask in an honest approach. He figured, they shared a strong connection and could talk about anything and everything. Most of the time, they did, indeed; even the topics they never seemed to agree on - like their own idealistic plans for mutant future or politics.
But this time, there was something different hovering in the thick air, right between those two men. Circling them like a tangled string of fate, pulling and pushing them together, shrinking the walls of the wide living room into one tiny prison cell of unspoken words, crushingly drowning the two friends beneath those sentences woven out of silence instead of their usual vulnerability of shared honesty.
The night outside their windows suddenly appeared to be darker than before and the dimmed light from the chimney faded into the background.
There were soft shadows dancing upon Charles' face. Erik studied them. Studied the way, they were darkening his features but letting the tiny spots of reflection in his eyes only appear even brighter.
Charles hesitated, before he began to cautiously articulate sentences.
"I just... didn't expect you to -
I'm so sorry, Erik. I think I might have caught a glimpse of thoughts, that I-
Well, didn't expect to hear."
Erik froze.
What could he possibly have heard?
His mind started racing over every thought and comment that he made in the past ten minutes. He was too afraid of his own mistake that he didn't even scold Charles for slipping too far into his mind.
"My friend." Charles quickly intervened when he saw Erik's cold expression. "It was my mistake. Maybe I've simply misheard. I am a bit tired, after all... The day was long and I-"
But they both knew, Charles' power never failed.
"What did you hear?"
Erik stared directly into Charles' eyes. He knew, the other man was lying - simply to spare him the shameful moment. But the moment has already happened.
It was like their chess game had transformed into reality and they were both waiting for the other man to make the first move.
"You've been thinking a bit louder than usual." Charles started, carefully.
"How does one do that?" Erik asked amused, without missing a beat.
"Well." Charles slightly changed his position on the chair, but never took his eyes off Erik. "Something appears to be bothering you. I can hear some sort of... mumbling through the walls, late at night, when really you should be sleeping."
Ah, there he was.
The professor, who loved to lecture everyone else but leaving out the fact, that he was also awake late at night, instead of sleeping.
"Charles". Erik repeated his question, wary of the outstanding answer. Almost afraid of what might come next. The gnawing possibility of rejection; however it may look like. "What did you hear?"
They both contemplated their next move. Both opponent's kings have been cornered.
"The way you think about me". Charles answered slowly.
Erik instantly thought about explaining the shame away, now that the bitter truth was out. He didn't want to sit in this uncomfortable silence any longer. The moment, in which all of his feelings laid bare. Naked. He wanted to clarify. To play down the gestures, the looks, the fantasies, the flashing images of his eyes, his hands, his lips. Hell, he deeply regretted having all of these sinful thoughts in the first place.
There was only a certain extend in which he could have downplayed those feelings. He could have stayed up all night once again and could have tried to persuade himself into the belief that all of these things were only mere kind observations of his dear friend. That his thoughts didn't mean anything.
But the second, Charles revealed that he had seen only a glimpse of his mind - Erik realized the magnitude of his problem:
He had been enormously lying to himself.
He stared at Charles, in horror.
He had fully seen him.
And the worst part was, he didn't look away.
"Forgive me, Charles.
It was never my intention to risk our friendship. I take full responsibility of the harm I've caused in your trust and I understand if you want some distance. You're right, my mind was loud and I deeply apologize. It won't happen again, I promise."
Erik hastily grabbed the glass of whiskey and chugged the rest of it down in one go, before he stood up and made for the door.
"Erik, wait!"
But the man didn't look back.
He felt every ounce of metal in the whole mansion and he wanted to get away from Charles, from this painful moment, from anyone else.
His feet carried him through the corridors, towards the exit and into the cold, black night. The freezing air hit him and the reality of what just happened struck him like a lightning bolt. Charles knew. He knew before Erik himself had known. And there was nothing he could do to change that. How he wished for Charles' powers, in that very moment, just to have the abilty to erase his own memories of this evening. He had always been honest to Charles about everything. He trusted him with his most valuable and precious memories.
But that... that was something else, entirely.
He stared into the numbing abyss of the nightsky until his limbs and breath became one with the void.
✗
The next day came, and...
To Erik's surprise, Charles didn't press on. They met for breakfast in the kitchen, with Raven standing nearby, so Erik figured maybe Charles was waiting for a private opportunity - but even later, when the two of them met again in Charles' office, he didn't even mention yesterday's unfinished game of chess. They behaved like it was an ordinary day and nothing had changed between them. As if... it all never really happened.
The evening came and Charles asked Erik to join him for their daily match. He accepted with the fear of the incoming discussion that was hanging right above him like a Damocles sword. But even then, in the middle of playful banter and the occasional teasing, there was nothing that referenced the events of the day before. Their dance of black and white kings went on and when they finished, Charles thanked for the game and simply left the room.
The days flew by and they never spoke of it again.
Erik couldn't decide if he should be thankful for the fact that Charles never treated him any different after this and never making any fun of him -
or if he should be devasted over the fact that Charles never gave him an honest answer, either.
Had he broken his trust? Had he ruined their friendship and connection on a deeper level? Sure, on the surface, they interacted like they had before. However, Erik couldn't help but notice the subtle change in Charles' behaviour.
Whenever their gazes met, it was Charles who first broke eye contact. He also seemed to be a bit more touchy since that day, but only to quickly pull back his hands once Erik glanced at them. It nearly broke him. Every day that went on, it grew upon him.
Charles was a telepath and if he didn't acknowledge Erik's feelings by now - even after diving right into his mind - it was as good as a real rejection.
The silence was his answer.
There was no point in asking any further questions when they both already knew the painful answer:
He didn't want him.
He didn't like what he had seen.
He didn't like him back, not in that way.
He didn't want Erik.
✗
Charles couldn't properly sleep anymore since the day of the accidental mind reading had happened. He strongly regretted his mistake of delving too deep into Erik's mind - not because of what he had found there, but because the action itself was invasive and immoderate.
They've talked about Charles' telepathic powers in the very beginning of their friendship and much to Charles' surprise, Erik never condemned him.
'Mutant and proud.' He had said.
'That also applies to you, my dear Professor.'
He allowed him to take looks and wrap his presence around his mind, like a warm blanket. He never officially told him to stay out his head, but that was the whole reason why Charles never pushed on. He was delighted about the place in Erik's mind which he had reserved exclusively for him - but he had never left these borders before.
Then that day happened.
And Charles cursed himself for peeking. He had officially destroyed the very grounds of trust that their entire friendship was built upon. How could he mishandle his own powers so badly on someone like Erik, who had known oppression and abuse ever since he was a child?
He fucked up.
The great Professor X has fucked up.
The only right thing that he could do now, was act like it didn't bother him. As if he never saw any of Erik's thoughts and feelings.
If he really felt that strong about their connection, Erik himself should have the right to tell him - instead of getting stalked in his own mind and getting the chance to properly talk about his feelings taken away from him.
These images weren't meant for Charles to see. They were private. Maybe even impulsive thoughts that didn't carry any deeper meaning.
He knew that. That's why he tried so hard to forget about them. That's why he wanted to prove to Erik, that nothing had changed the way he saw him.
But it was a lie.
No matter how hard Charles tried to show that they were still good friends, whenever Erik met his gaze or watched his hands peacefully resting on his arms, there was a sharp pain piercing right through Charles' chest.
He remembered how hurt Erik had reacted, when he told him that he knew.
He might have forfeited the spark before it could even become a flame. He might have ruined his trust and lost the chance of their connection growing into something deeper. He might have already lost Erik at the most crucial turning point of their relationship.
So, Charles found himself staring at the walls of his bedroom once again, just like all the other sleepless nights before. He had to do something. He couldn't take another evening filled with chess games, polite smiles and the gnawing possibilty that Erik resented him in silence. He couldn't keep up the act of pretending that it didn't mean anything to him, when he witnessed how Erik had fantasized about him, even if it was just for an abrupt instant.
His hands felt colder than usual and the absence of Erik's hands on them made the mental flashing images of their fingers intertwined almost unbearable.
He took a deep breath and reached out. His telepathic powers crawled through the thick walls of the mansion, through every crack and gap of the wooden floors until he found the aspect of a strong-willed mind. That was him. His Erik.
He would recognize the mere feeling of his determined aura anywhere.
'Charles.'
So he was awake, too.
'Am I thinking too loud, again?'
There was a rush of guilt in Charles' gut. It sounded like an accusation. The same man who went after Erik's most private thoughts, was now creeping up on him in the middle of the night. And he even made it sound like Erik was the one to blame for having 'too loud thoughts'.
'No, I just wanted to see if you're asleep.' Charles projected his thoughts towards the other man in the room on the opposite side of the halls.
'Well, I am not.' Even in his mind, Erik could resonate defiant. 'What would you do if I had been?'
'Leave you alone, of course.' Charles immediately explained. He didn't want Erik to think of him as any more presumptuous than he might have already appeared as.
'I am awake and you're not leaving me alone.' Erik noted. 'What do you want?'
Charles hesitated. What exactly did he want? Explain himself? Apologize for his behaviour? Ask Erik if he really meant it? How he should interpret those images?
'I wanted to talk to you.'
'You're talking to me, right now.' It was late and Erik had his usual cold and direct attitude.
'About the things I've seen you think on that evening...' Charles tried.
But Erik instantly shut him off. 'I said, I'm sorry. It was a mistake, alright? It won't happen again. I don't know why those images appeared in my mind. I would never think of you in that way.'
Charles said nothing.
'Our friendship is very important to me, Charles. We're brothers, you and I. You don't have to be afraid of me trying anything weird, alright?'
Weird.
Alright.
'I see.' was all Charles could manage before breaking up the telepathic connection.
I would never think of you in that way.
We're brothers.
There was his answer.
Erik was so quick to dismantle the whole conversation. He sounded as if he was purely disguisted by the mere idea of it.
Charles started to doubt himself, now aswell. Maybe the images he had seen weren't even projected by Erik. Maybe it was Charles who had subconsciously sent them. What if all of these fantasies were his own? What if they really were impulsive pictures he had accidentely sent directly into the mind of his friend?
Truth be told, the sight of them being together in a very close way wouldn't be the first time Charles had contemplated it. It could have been his own imagination. It could have been his own wishful thinking.
But - the way those images had appeared? He had clearly heard Erik's voice articulate all of these kind things about his eyes and the way he described how he could simply sit and watch him and that it would be enough. Where did those feelings come from then, if not from Erik?
A trembling breath escaped Charles' throat. How on earth would any of that bring him peace and help him sleep?
✗
It's been an hour since Charles had left their brief mental conversation. Erik was mindlessly watching the two metallic marbles he had circling his fingers. He had given up on the hope of a good night's rest a long time ago. There were thousand thoughts circling his head, just like the two marbles on his hand.
He knew why he had said 'We're brothers, you and I' but it still tasted bitter on his lips. Yes, he may have convinced Charles that those fantasies were never meant in a sick and twisted way - but that changed nothing about the fact that all of these images really did originate from his mind. Even now, after promising his best friend that they were nothing more than friends, he still wanted to barge into Charles' room and scream at him 'Why? Why didn't you disagree with me? Does it not bother you that we are nothing more than this? Are we forever damned to play chess from two opposite sides with two different kings within their own solitary kingdom? Is this all you want for us? Does it not leave you sleepless? Do you not want to barge into my room and scream at me because I called you brother?'
The marbles dropped to the floor and Erik stood up. He couldn't bear it any longer. His anger was directed at himself, at the words he had chosen and the telepath who didn't seem to care enough to reply anything else than a simple 'I see'.
He had to do something. He had to talk to him.
The door swung open and he left his room. With a determined pace, he followed the corridor towards Charles' room. His head was filled with unfinished sentences he couldn't even begin to sort and his heartbeat went up.
Suddenly, he stopped in the middle of the hallway.
There was someone standing on the opposite side, right in front of him.
"Erik."
"Charles."
"Where are you going?"
"Going to the gym." Erik hold his breath. It was an obvious, blatant and horrible lie. It was the middle of the night.
And even more so - "But the gym is that way." Charles noted and pointed at the stairway that laid behind Erik.
"Where are you going?" Erik retorted.
"I was going to make a cup of tea." Charles quickly replied.
Amusement and bewilderment forced Erik to grin. "The kitchen's that way." He nodded towards the direction where Charles was coming from.
A lie.
They were both lying to each other.
But that was good, right?
Maybe they've lied to each other before.
Maybe not everything they had told each other was entirely true.
Maybe there was more to it than they wanted to admit.
"Right." Charles mumbled and slowly turned around. Erik copied him.
They both left the hallway and went into the direction they were coming from. But neither Erik took the stairs down to the gym nor did Charles enter the kitchen. They both returned to their own seperate rooms and closed their doors behind them.
✗
Charles' heart was pounding loudly in his chest and he found himself grinning stupidly. Without even using his thelepathic connection to Erik, they still seemed to share one mind.
The gym? At three in the morning Really?
What a terrible lie.
And the kitchen? It was Charles' own house and home that he had been living in since his early childhood days. What a fucking joke.
A slight chuckle of disbelief left his mouth and he rubbed his hands over his eyes. That man would be the end of him. He sighed and leaned against the closed door of his room, while contemplating what to do next. His heartbeat was still racing and he couldn't fully concentrate on the questions that were spiraling in his head:
Why had Erik tried to come over? What secrets did he hide from him? What would he have said? Charles blinked heavily while facing the ceiling as he pictured Erik in front of his door, if he hadn't stopped him. He had reacted so taken aback when Charles had caught him in the hallway. As if he was doing something strictly forbidden.
And it was definetly not the same kind of sneaking around like back in their first nights at the CIA headquarters, when Erik tried to steal classified files and Charles had stopped him from leaving the group. The sudden memories of that night and every night they had spent together ever since, all started to flash in front of Charles' inner eyes. Just what on earth could Erik have possibly had to tell him that couldn't wait until tomorrow morning? Charles finally took a deep breath and reached out.
'The gym, huh?' There was this provoking undertone that followed his mental projection which he simply couldn't hide anymore. Not in his current state, at least. Not when he felt like he was so close to cracking an unsolveable problem.
'Look who's talking. You're the worst liar in history. If you didn't have your powers...' Erik argued back defensively but his own thoughts betrayed him. Not in the slightest way did he mean any of his accusations.
'Don't let me stop you from roaming around in my mansion, my dear.' Charles continued his snide remarks. 'I'm rather curious. What would you have done if I hadn't caught you red-handed?
'I could ask you the very same.' Erik simply responded. He paused for a moment. Then, he added: 'You can just see for yourself, you know?'
Charles hesitated. The proposal was a double-edged knife. Was he still bitter over the fact that Charles had pried into his mind unasked - or was it a genuine request? He cautiously extended his powers a little further and felt the well-known walls of Erik's mind.
'Are you sure?'
'Go on.' Erik encouraged him.
He gently slipped through the border and found himself watching the door from outside his own room. He felt nervous but it was Erik's heart he heard echoing in the distance. There were a thousand thoughts that were shooting right through his head. He couldn't make out entire sentences but most of the words he caught were full of anticipation and anxiety. He stared at a metallic doorknob, determined of his own actions yet uncertain of the consequences that awaited him. The images of Erik's mind and his own sight started to blur.
Charles snapped out of the vision as soon as he felt the doorknob of his room turn. He stared at the wooden door, as it slowly opened itself.
"Erik." The breath that left Charles was a lot shakier than he'd wanted to.
Erik stood in the doorway. He hold his gaze upright and looked at Charles. If he hadn't literally been in his brain right before, he never would have guessed that this man was deeply plagued by his own mind. He almost appeared calm and commited, but Charles knew there was a whole battle raging on the inside of him.
"I lied to you." Erik admitted. The silence that followed afterwards hung sharply in the air.
Charles briefly thought about joking around because they've both very obviously lied to each other before, but he quickly dismissed the idea because the tension between them called for something real, something raw and honest. So instead, he chose to patiently remain silent and await Erik's explanation that was days overdue. This time, he wouldn't hastily forestall and steal away his words for the sake of his own comfort.
"When I said 'I would never think of you in that way' - I lied." Erik explained. He didn't break eye-contact and Charles suddenly felt undraped and overwhelmed, as if the floor underneath his feet was breaking away, piece by piece.
"When I called us 'brothers'-" Erik stopped and searched for the right words, "- I didn't mean related."
Charles watched him struggle. He took him all the way in, savoring this extremly sincere and rarely exposed side of his friend.
"I've never rebuked you for your psychic powers, Charles, nor will I ever." The heaving of Erik's chest grew heavier with honesty. "The only thing I couldn't bring myself to accept... was my own-"
He struggled, once again.
"- my own craving."
Charles noticed the drastic shift of tension in the room. Erik's eyes had grown dark and he didn't dare to move. He must think himself so selfish. As if it was a sin to dream and hope for more. As if he didn't deserve it. As if he wasn't allowed to do so. He despised himself for the bitter truth of it.
"Oh, Erik."
Charles couldn't stand to watch any longer how badly Erik tortured himself. Before he knew what he was doing, Charles found himself brushing against Erik, capturing his lips with his own. It took a moment, before the taller man registered what was happening. He hesitated, seemingly drowning in all of the voices in his head that told him that this wasn't acceptable. But then Charles sank into Erik’s mind, found the place in which his guilt glared the strongest and then gently numbed down the fear and pain instead. The bright presence of Charles surpassed the appearence of every other emotion. Erik relaxed noticeably and finally allowed himself to melt into Charles' embrace.
Erik was kissing back like a man who had never known water finding a rushing stream. His hands started gripping the back of Charles' neck, one thumb pressed against his jaw. The metal in the room started rumbling and Charles let out a soft noise that almost made Erik lose his mind. He was holding onto him tightly as if he was scared he might lose him the second he'd let go.
They only broke apart for a moment, in which Charles searched for approval in Erik's eyes because he did kind of rush into the kiss without asking first - but the way Erik displeasedly grunted at the loss of contact told him everything he needed to know. Charles slightly pulled at Erik's waist and worldlessly invited him to come in instead of continuing their kiss in the awkward space between hallway and doorframe. Erik walked him back into his own room and quietly shut the door behind them.
"I didn't know", he breathlessly muttered against his lips, "that you felt the same way." His gaze roamed Charles' expressions like he still couldn't fully believe that this was really happening. That this is what they both wanted and not just another daydream. Like his mind was playing tricks on him again and the whole thing was a delusion from the start that would leave him cold and alone when it finally came to an end. But Charles gently gripped the hair on the back of his head and made sure to let Erik know that this was reality and he very much enjoyed it.
"Are you kidding me? I've been dying to do this ever since -" Charles fell silent when he realized just how long he had been yearning for the other man.
"Why didn't you let me know? You could have projected-"
"No, Erik." This time Charles raised his voice pleadingly. The message of that statement carried a lot of emotional weight on him. "I swore I'd never tamper with a closed one's mind. I couldn't live with myself if I ever made someone... i don't know... fall in love with me or something."
Erik watched Charles from the close distant in which they spoke to each other. Almost a kiss apart. But he watched him, studied him like he had done so many times before.
"You're scared you might coerce someone to do something they don't want." Erik summarized and it felt so strange hearing it voiced out loud from another person.
"Especially you." Charles added quietly. Erik could pry on that topic but he chose not to. Instead, he gently rubbed the thumb over Charles' jaw and spoke in a soft voice that was reserved only for the thelepath.
"You did not force me into anything, I want you to know that. Yes, I've struggled a lot with coming to terms with the whole thing myself but -" He smiled. "- I've managed to fall for you completly on my own."
Charles chuckled at the sweetness of this declaration and instantly caught an evil glare from Erik.
"I'm sorry I took your chance of speaking up first. I honestly didn't mean to gawk into your thoughts." Charles continued to explain himself.
But Erik leaned his head back guiltily grinning. "Oh, god." It was such a powerful and freeing moment for both of them to openly speak and be able to laugh about their past actions. "I thought you hated me."
"How could I have hated you?" Charles asked, "I've heard how you think about my eyes."
Erik raised his eyebrows at that and then burried his face in Charles' shoulder because he couldn't stand the exposure of that moment. "Don't remind me." He begged but Charles simply laughed. It was good. They were good.
They were still very much themselves.
"So." Erik changed the topic and put on a teasing tone, "Since when exactly did you realize? You were quite vague about that, just now."
"Oh, shut up!" Charles replied instantly and giggled, but Erik cupped his face and pulled him close.
"Please show me, I need to know. You've seen parts of my longing, now it's only fair to share yours with me." Erik argued in the same style that he always did, when he desperately wanted something. Charles smiled. It was finally him he wanted.
"Alright."
He gently laid the tips of his index and middlefinger on Erik's forehead and closed his eyes. Faint images started flashing before him. They slowly grew in intensity and Erik could genuinely feel the emotions of past-Charles during their memories together. His heart ached deeply at the sight of himself when he watched them argue over politics and the fate of mutant and mankind. He felt how his heart skipped a beat whenever he saw his past-self secretively glance at Charles while playing chess or when they were at the bar out drinking or far back when they were training together. He felt the shift of realities being torn down when he looked at himself staring back at Charles the night he tried to escape and found himself provocatively saying: "What do you know about me?" and heard Charles answer:
"Everything."
The images dissappeared like a tide that was pulling back the sea and Erik tried to catch his breath like he was back in the ocean, when Charles had jumped in to save him. He has saved him in all the ways he knew was possible without trying to 'fix' or alter anything fundamentally about him.
"Thank you" his voice was a little rough, "for letting me in."
"Thank you for trusting me". Charles answered with honesty.
He was probably the only person in the world who knew how difficult this whole process was on him. And then again, Erik was probably the only person in the world who understood Charles' fear and pain when it came to his own powers yet nevertheless embraced him tenderly.
They didn't let go from one another out of fear they might not find each other again once they parted. Charles was holding onto Erik's waist while the metal bender had wrapped his arms around Charles' neck and softly breathed into his hair.
"Don't ever think about letting me go, you hear me?" Erik mumbled. "I might feel guilty tomorrow morning for showing you my vulnerable side - but promise me, you'll bring me to my senses and won't let me leave."
Charles pulled Erik's face towards him and gently put their foreheads together.
"I promise." He assured.
Then, he added in his thelepathic voice:
'Now kiss me like you did before.'
Needless to say, for once the metal bender didn't argue with his old friend.
*