Work Text:
“Jungwon?” I ask into the autumnal air, watching the leaves fall from the window of our shared room.
“ Hm?” The aforementioned replies without looking at me, focusing most of his attention on the small canvas in front of him. The idea for today's date came from a video on TikTok. It showed a couple trying to paint together while drinking coffee and chatting. I know very well that painting is not one of Jungwon's favorite things to do, but just like that time recording at The Soop, or when I start a new drama, or when I want to go for a morning walk, or in a thousand other situations, he will come and give me his warm company. With the sole intention of doing something together.
You know what would go well with this?' I blurt out, seeming to focus on the picture I'm painting again, actually trying to hide the wicked little grin that must be showing on my face.
“ Ung?, the what?” He continues to paint. For someone who resisted and insisted so much in the beginning about not knowing how to paint, that this was 'not his thing', that 'why didn't I tell Ni-ki instead?' and so on, he seems to be quite immersed in this creative exercise thing. Wasn't he very T? I'll bother him about that later, right now my idea is more important.
“Wine-” Despite my tact in bringing up the idea, I don't finish the word and find myself interrupted.
“No. I won't give you any wine. ” Bold statement, Yang Jungwon, bold statement. But unfortunately for you, I'm really craving wine today. My body is asking for it and I just can't say no.
“Awww, but why? It really goes well with this type of plan, even better than coffee and you don't even like coffee,” I use the first trick: changing my tone of voice. I am an expert at this, but although it works very well in bed, the damage level just now is low.
“No, tomorrow we have to work in the morning, Hyung. You can drink other day .” Fuck, as I feared, the tone didn't bother him at all.
“I know we have an early interview tomorrow, but can't I at least have a drink? They say it helps you sleep better, and you know I haven't been sleeping very well lately” Second trick: Negotiating with arguments and a lie or two. This one usually works with Jungwonie's big T-brain, so when I get a brief silence from him, a glimmer of hope flashes in my eyes. But in the end he shakes his head and continues to paint.
“No, no. If you want to rest so badly, I can make you some of the tea Jay-hyung's mom gave us. But no wine for you, Hyung” I huff with a clear pout.
“Ah, I see what's wrong. You just don't love me anymore, do you?” I know I'm acting like a little kid, throwing tantrums and saying unfair things. But this is the third and last trick I have left. I just hope that Jungwon will fall for it.
“You know very well that's not the case ” he lets out a sigh and I finally succeed to make him look at me. Gaze which I don't return, of course. If I did, it would be crystal clear what a great and desperate performance I'm trying to put on.
“Hump! So? What is it? Do you like to see me beg or what?” Jungwon laughs shortly at the comment, but soon replies in a more serious tone.
“No, Sunoo Hyung. It's just... I just don't want you to drink alcohol right now” oh, something in his voice and his evasive look tells me that I should poke at this.
“ Why... it's not the first time I've had a drink with you, is it?” He tilts his head a little like a cute kitten, thinking it through and I melt. But this isn't the time to give in.
“No, it's not that either.” He pauses for a second to change his brush to a finer one, because —of course— he's still painting. “ It's more that I care about you, Hyung. It's that I want to take care of you, maybe(?)” is this guy asking me or stating? His words are sweet, honest, and something else that we don't usually allow ourselves to convey in front of the other guys. And yet they don't satisfy me.
“It's still my body, isn't it? I'm not saying I'll drink a whole fucking bar or even a bottle. Damn! Who knew I got myself such a manipulative boyfriend. What I do shouldn't matter to you.” It seems like my words came out a little more aggressive than intended. Jungwon stops painting altogether to look at me with mixed feelings. Surprised and disappointed, but mostly, I feel a heavy burden of worry in his gaze. What is he seeing in me right now?
Silence, both on his part and mine. From his look, his damn expressive look, I know that I screwed up. Yet, I don't know what to do to fix it. For that I have no tricks, just simple and human honesty....
“...No...I'm sorry. I crossed a line there…” The silence continues to settle like a high, thick barrier between us. His eyes avoid me. And yet, I know that my apology somehow reached him when I see his hesitant hand lift the brush again and continue painting. The movement is much slower and absentminded than before, but it lets me know that he is willing to continue our conversation nonetheless.
Trying to find the right words to say, and giving some time for the heat of the conversation to dissipate a bit, I pick up my own brush and continue painting on my own, long-forgotten canvas. The image of a small orange cat and a fox at its side comfortably looking back at a sunset of purple and pink hues. The warm and cozy tones reminding me of what should be important to me, the reason I proposed this date and the reason why Jungwon is trying so hard to keep me from giving into temptation. All this wan’t for a superficial moment hand in hand with an inhibitor like alcohol, but for a moment to be present and to be together while we are. A moment to share that presence, to love each other and to express ourselves honestly in whatever time it may last. However, I... Ah... I'm an idiot.
“...Jungwon. Seriously, sorry” ' He hums. “ I don't even know why I wanted to drink, honestly. Lately... I-it seems like I want to run away from tiredness and stress more than usual. Alcohol, it seems to help with that, so I've been relying on it a bit... but, I admit that's no excuse to talk to you like that and spit on your concern. I'm truly so sorry ” I lean towards him to take his free hand in mine, and when I do, I get to catch a glimpse of his painting for the first time. It's the same as mine . There are a few different details, like the shades of the colors, the shape of the clouds, and that he put the sun cut off in one corner despite it being a sunset. But, either way, he has also been picturing us . And, the very thought so moves me that my eyes begin to water. “Seriously, I'm sorry, wonie.”
My crying alarms him. He immediately stands up from his seat and comes to my side. “Sunoo-hyungie…” The tears keep falling and force me to close my eyes. From his presence, I feel Jungwon kneeling in front of me. He stares at me for a few seconds, and without hesitation, he gently places his hands on my cheeks. He stays like that for a while, caressing and brushing away the falling tears, calling my name in a tender, low call, as if reaffirming me of his company. Until, finally, I calm down.
“Are you feeling better?” He asks me with his hands still cupping my face.
'”Yesh…” I answer between sniffs, taking one of the napkins he offers to wipe my nose. He hums as he watches me until he finally speaks again.
“Sunoo-hyung, we... I had noticed that you have a tendency to drink alcohol. At the start, I just didn't know how to warn you, how to help you, or how to even bring out the topic. And while I thought about it, I just let it get worse and worse and affect you more.-”
“B-but that's not your fault-” I try to interrupt.
“Listen, please” He says and I just nod and let him continue. “But seeing how all this escalated in the conversation, seeing you crying again, seeing how bad you've had it alone when I'm supposed to be there for you. There is nothing left for me to do but to apologize. I am the leader and more than that, your boyfriend for God's sake! I should have been more direct and helped you from the beginning instead of being so stubborn. Really, I am sorry… ” His words warm my heart. However, a feeling of guilt grows in me from using so many tricks, deceptions, and lies with him, completely ignoring his concern, his affection for me, and reasons for refusing. This feeling grows so much and so painfully that my tears keep coming and I feel myself starting to hyperventilate. And yet, even though I know I don't deserve his warmth, Jungwon pulls me into a tender embrace.
“I promise to be someone you feel you can rely on when you feel lost, sad or out of control, Sunny” He whispers in my ears.
His words reach straight to my heart, settling into it like the roots I needed to put an end to all the anxiety that has been eating away at me these past few weeks. My eyes open and the nauseating feeling that was suffocating me, slowly fades away. Now, there is a great need to express what I feel to this beautiful being in front of me.
Without further ado, and still with tears in my eyes and sliding down my reddish cheeks, I pull away from him. His eyes expressing confusion. But, before I allow him to utter a word, I join our lips in a light kiss. Nothing deep, nothing sexual. Just a simple expression of my love.
“You already are. ”
…
With those words and other unstated promises, we made a cup of Jay-hyung’s mom's tea for both of us. After that, resuming our date. We felt even more connected to each other than before. So at peace again, and even laughing a bit about our poor drawing skills.
Later, when all the other guys arrived home, we had dinner, watched a movie together and drifted to sleep. Cuddling together, something that we hadn't been able to do in a while. Honestly, the best sleep I had.
I’m pleased to say that, since then, I stopped drinking alcohol altogether. Not with him, not alone. There is just no way in hell I could worry him like this again. At least not if I want to picture us together in the future too.
.
.
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THE ENDu 🤌🏼😌