Chapter Text
Nick had been running on fumes for days. He had been up all night editing, answering emails, and overall being the main person taking care of their Youtube channel. He didn’t sleep much for a couple of days, and on top of that he was dealing with a lot in terms of his personal life. The guy he was talking with decided to suddenly ghost Nick, which was just great. He had been sad and angry at the guy, but he didn’t share that with his brothers. He didn’t want to explain the situationship he had been in for the last couple of weeks.
As if he wasn’t dealing with a lot, he had been picking up the slack at home as well. Matt was somewhat doing his part, but Chris wasn’t really pulling his weight. He knew Chris had been feeling down, but the constant mess and disorganization of their home was getting under Nick’s skin.
He never, ever, had been truly violent with his brothers, no matter how much they pissed him off. Of course they smack each other, shove each other, and chase each other. But there was a line that was never crossed, they were always smiling and joking 5 minutes after hurting each other or yelling at each other. But that day was different–Nick snapped.
He walked through the front door after meeting a friend, he needed some time to relax. But when he entered his house, he was greeted by dirty dishes piled high in the sink, clutter covering everywhere, dirty clothes on the sofa, and mess on the table. The worst of it all was the kitchen, and the sight of it sent a wave of irritation coursing through him.
Chris had promised to clean it. It was his designated chore. Nick had repeated Chris earlier, even reminded him once again before leaving the house. Chris had nodded, not even looking up from his phone, saying that he’ll do it. And yet, here it was–the mess still untouched.
Nick felt a surge of anger possess him, his fist clenched as he stared at the disaster zone that was the kitchen. Each step he took kept fueling the fire of his growing frustration. Nick looked around, and his eyes landed on Chris, who was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone.
Nick felt his jaw tick. Chris was completely ignoring the state of the house.
“Chris.” Nick’s voice was cold.
Chris looked up, his expression blank for a moment before realizing just how angry Nick looked. He sat up a little straighter.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What–”
“ What? Are you asking me ‘what’? You said you’d clean the fucking kitchen. Look at this place!” Nick’s voice rose, anger erupting everywhere. “This is fucking disgusting, Chris!”
Chris' mouth was slightly hanging open, clearly shocked at how furious Nick looked.
“I was going to, Nick, I just–”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses!” Nick barked, his patience snapping. “You have no excuse! I’m sick of this.” Without thinking, he grabbed Chris by the arm, gripping it tighter than he meant to.
He didn’t mean for any of that to happen, he was just fueled by rage and exhaustion. Chris let out a small yelp as Nick yanked him off the couch.
“Come on, you are getting up.” Nick dragged Chris towards the kitchen, his grip still tight on Chris. “You are going to clean this now, I’m done with your excuses.” Chris stumbled, while Nick dragged him.
“Nick let go–” Chris tried to free himself from Nick’s tight grip, but Nick only gripped harder. He should have stopped when he heard Chris whimpering, but he didn’t.
“We all live here, Chris! You can’t just leave everything like this, and expect me to pick up after you. I’m not your mom .” Nick growled, pointing at Chris' mess on the table. He then grabbed Chris by his shirt, causing him to gasp. Nick continued to drag him.
“You are not a child. I’m done treating you like you are one. Or if you insist so badly on being treated like a kid, well let’s do it.” Nick shoved Chris toward the kitchen sink, and Chris tripped, catching himself just in time on the counter. “Come one. Clean, you are cleaning this mess now since you clearly need someone supervising you to make you do what you were supposed to do.”
“Nick, stop.” Chris' voice was trembling, his eyes were wide and his tone pleading.
Nick wasn’t thinking straight, he was blinded by anger. He slammed his hand down on the counter in frustration. Chris flinched hard, his body curling in on itself.
“I’m sorry, okay! I‘ll c-clean it.” Chris hand grabbed the sponge.
“You keep promising and you don’t do it. Why do I have to clean up after you? You are an adult Chris! Ugh, you drive me insane.”
“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry.” Chris looked down, pressing against the counter. “Nick, stop. Please, you are scaring me.”
You are scaring me.
The words made Nick slow down, that wasn’t right. He was never supposed to scare his brother.
“Nick! What the fuck are you doing?” Matt rushed close to them, his voice was sharp with shock and anger. He grabbed Nick’s arm, yanking him back, forcing space between him and Chris. “That’s enough!”
Nick stumbled backwards, breathing hard, and for the first time during that moment, he truly thought what he was doing.
Chris was standing there, shaken and hunched. There were tears in his brother’s eyes, and he was looking smaller than ever, the sponge still on his hand. Matt was staring at Nick in disbelief, his eyes confused and with a mixture of anger and sadness.
“Oh my God,” Nick whispered, horrified with himself. His chest tightened painfully as the full impact of what he just did sank in. “Chris…”
The look on Chris’ face and his demeanor felt like a punch to the gut for Nick. The fog of anger had lifted and all the weight of his actions crashed down on him at once. What had he done to his baby brother?
“Chris…” His tone was full of regret, but it did nothing to soothe the hurt he caused.
Chris didn’t say anything back. His arms were wrapped around himself now, his eyes darting between Nick and Matt with the most heartbreaking expression that Nick had ever seen on his brother. He reached out, but Chris took a small step back. It made Nick’s stomach drop.
Chris always walked towards him, ran to Nick’s arms and jumped, trusting that Nick will catch him and held him each time, and now he was recoiling from Nick’s hands.
“Just, give him some space, Nick.” Matt placed himself in front of Chris, one of his hands was firmly on Nick’s chest, keeping him back. “What’s wrong with you? You don’t grab him like that. And over some fucking dishes?!” Matt’s expression kept switching between anger and disappointment.
Nick swallowed hard, then ran his hands through his hair. He felt sick.
He looked at Chris again, and couldn’t bear the sight–Chris was wiping tears from his eyes, still holding himself while hunching. That was his baby brother–the person Nick cared for and protected the most. He couldn’t believe what he just did.
“I s-should have cleaned them,” Chris stammered, his voice trembling as he spoke. “I’m sorry, Nick. I’ll do it now.”
“No, Chris. Stop.” Nick couldn’t take it. He couldn’t look at his little brother obeying him out of fear. Apologizing when he shouldn’t be the one asking for forgiveness at that moment. Sure, she should have cleaned the kitchen, but Nick shouldn’t have grabbed him like that.
“You don’t have to. That wasn’t okay.” Matt talked softly to Chris, carefully placing his hands on Chris’ arms.
“I’m so sorry, Chris. I didn't mean to. I swear. I’m sorry, I was frustrated, but that doesn’t make it right. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Chris stayed looking down, pitching his fingers and trying not to cry. He then nodded, but looked torn between leaving the room and doing the dishes.
“I’m just, going to the bathroom for a second, and–and I’ll do them.” Tears kept pouring from Chris’ eyes. Before Nick did it himself, Matt followed Chris to the bathroom, circling an arm around Chris back and comforting him.
Nick sank into one of the kitchen chairs, burying his face in his hands. “What the fuck is wrong with me.” He felt eaten by guilt.
Matt appeared some minutes later, looking more sad than angry. “Dude–just. What happened? You have to make this right, that was…not okay, Nick.”
“I know, I know.” Nick nodded, feeling tears slipping down his face. “I swear I didn’t mean it. I don’t know why I snapped like that at him.”
He kept replaying what just happened over and over again, how he had actually hurt Chris. How he had dragged his baby brother across the house, shoved him, all while gripping him so hard and yelling at him. Nick felt literally nauseous. He couldn’t comprehend how things had escalated so quickly.
Matt went back to Chris, and Nick couldn’t cope hearing Chris crying in the other room. He got up, his stomach bottoming seeing Chris crying in the same way he did when he was sobbing as a kid. Chris covered his eyes with his forearms and hunched, it was always a sight that made Nick’s heart hurt, and now it was infinitely worse–he was the one that caused it.
Matt was holding Chris, trying to calm him down, but it wasn’t working.
“I’m sorry.” Chris whispered, still hiding behind his forearms.
“Stop apologizing, please.” Matt urged, then glared at Nick over his shoulder.
Nick stepped forward, he needed to make things right. “Chris,” his voice was cracking, he was crying too. “I’m so, so sorry. Please, I didn’t mean to do that, I was so out of line, that was so mean.”
Chris removed his arms from his face, lifting his head looking at Nick with red and puffy eyes. He hesitated for a moment, but then, without a word, he reached out for Nick. Chris stretched out his arms like a little kid, and Nick immediately rushed forward, wrapping his arms around Chris tightly.
Chris started to sob. It was evident that Chris was really trying not to fully cry before, but now in Nick’s arms he let go.
“I’m sorry, I-I didn’t mean to make you so mad.” Chris cried, his voice so childlike and broken that made Nick’s heart shatter into a million pieces.
He held Chris impossibly tighter. “No, Chris, no. Don’t say that. You are not the one that has to apologize. I should've never yelled at you–I, I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that. I don’t know why I took it so far. I’m so sorry.”
Chris continued to sob, holding Nick for dear life, and he didn’t stop apologizing. Nick held his baby brother like he was something fragile, whispering his own apologies into Chris' hair.
Chris eventually fell asleep in Nick's arms. Nick curled himself around his brother. Matt grabbed a blanket and covered both of them, and Nick could tell that Matt was still battling his own anger about what just happened.
“Don’t do that again.” Matt told him, while getting down next to Chris and holding his brother’s hand.
“I won’t, I swear.”
When he woke up, Chris was not sandwiched between him and Matt anymore. It made Nick instantly snap out of his sleepy state, and it made his heart race for a moment, wondering where Chris was. Did he sleep in his own bed?
Nick got out of bed, careful not to wake Matt up and checked the time–it was way too early for Chris to be up.
When he walked through the house, his stomach churned. Everything was clean. The dirty dishes were gone, the clutter was gone, everything was tidy and clean.
Chris appeared from the hallway, and Nick felt guilty seeing that Chris’ eyes were very puffy and red.
His little brother forced a too-bright smile that didn’t quite rich his eyes. “Hey, did I wake you up? I tried to be, like, super quiet.”
“No, no.” Nick was still in shock seeing the house.
“I cleaned everything up. It’s all done now.” Chris forced a grin, there was nervousness behind his eyes.
“Oh, Chris…” Nick uttered with a soft tone, stepping forward. His heart was breaking seeing Chris moving his weight from one foot to the other, just like he did when he was feeling insecure about something. Chris was pinching his fingers nervously too. “You didn’t have to do all this.”
“It’s fine. It’s no big deal, I wanted to.” Chris said, looking down.
“Come here.” All Nick wanted was to hold Chris. “Chris, come here,” he repeated, and Chris took a step forward.
“I’m so sorry, Chris. I really am. You know I was wrong, right?” Nick hugged Chris, his brother melting on his arms, seeking comfort.
“It’s okay, Nick. I was wrong too. I made you mad.”
Nick squeezed his eyes shut, feeling terrible that Chris was taking part of the blame. When in reality nothing warranted what happened.
“I was mad, yes. But I shouldn’t have reacted that way. That wasn’t right, no matter what.” Nick held Chris’ face, patting his hair.
“It’s fine, Nick.”
It is not.
Nick couldn’t believe how Chris was so forgiving, but it didn’t surprise him. His baby brother looked up to him the most, and Chris couldn’t stand when Matt and Nick were actually angry at him.
“I know how I can be. I’ll do better.” Chris said against Nick’s shoulder. It overwhelmed Nick, he really had to undo some damage.
“I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”
“I love you, Nick.” Chris melted against Nick again. Nick felt undeserving of his brother’s love at that moment.