Chapter Text
Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a land far far away from Far Far Away, there was a school named Hollywood Arts. It was a safe haven for all. And when the school sign said all, it meant all types of students with no age limit. There were werewolves, nephilium, trolls, aliens, some of those trees that take hobbits to Isengard, witches, elves, demon lords, princesses, enchantresses, time lords...etc
There were many different classes, and the school was really huge. Some students, in the past, had used time turners to attend all their classes, but when one who called himself the Doctor cast a spell on his to form a new sort of object, this privilege was withdrawn.
The school itself could not be seen by just anybody, you had to possess the uninduation eyes (or eye) to unmask the protective spell which encased the school in an eggshell like barrier.
The school headmaster was a talking lion named Aslan, the brother of the headmaster of Pigfarts (on Mars). He was hardly ever at the school however, preferring to 'borrow' the Doctor's invention. In his absence, the centaur Chiron managed school activities.
Chiron was the vice principal and was in charge of discipline. Let’s just say he wasn't favoured by the students as he tended to employ torturous punishments that had the ability to both physically and mentally harm them. He had previously been kind and fair towards all, but then was possessed by a Remanant, a demonic soul, that forever changed him. But this was never made public as it would have left the school with an even worse reputation towards the area of student safety.
They already had had boggart infestations on top if all the 'adventures' the students decided to embark upon. One particular student has the pleasure of being trapped in the land of dreams, it wasn't until two weeks later that they returned and that was on a magic carpet.
After the magic carpet fiasco, all students were forbidden to leave the school unless granted a quest by the Face In The Wardrobe. No one knew the true identity of the Face In The Wardrobe, only that it issued prophecies, and liked chewing gum.
The gum littered the school grounds and caused a significant pay rise to be given to the groundskeepers, (who were all named Hagrid and had unhealthily obsessions with dangerous creatures, and llamas). The Hagrids never seemed to stop causing trouble- they were forever cleaning up their own messes, which annoyed Chiron greatly because the money came out of the schools budget, and even more budget cuts seemed to be coming their way.
New students had not been seen at Hollywood Arts since the fiasco with the deformed animal zoo in the basement. (The zoo in question included a three headed dog, a giant snake, a hydra, a fluffy fish, and a singing mouse). The old, however, remained, and were not permitted to leave, as previously stated.
Today was an amazing day for the school, they were finally getting a new student. (Never mind that the student had been expelled from all 22 other schools they had been in).
The student's name was Macey, and she was the cousin of a student already in attendance, a Ronald Bilius Weasley. He hated his cousin, as she had given Fred the inspiration he'd needed for the spell resulting in Ron's fear of spiders. 'Urg spiders', he thought, when she arrived. Macey was trouble, and he knew it.
Ron avoided Macey as much as possible, but after a few weeks, he noticed something strange. Everyone was calling her Harry. When he questioned her on it, she just laughed, and sauntered away.
That afternoon, he went to the library (Hermione had put a spell on him the previous year to compelled him to go to the library whenever he didn't know something), and found a book on spells. The spell in question was one that allowed one to disguise oneself as someone else, but only people who had never met the person before would be fooled.
Chiron, who had met Macey before she entered the school was astounded by her choice in spells while Ron just sat in his office 'stupefied' listening kind of to the conversation the two of them were having in native elven, which Ron had learnt on one of his escapades to the library.
Chiron and Macey were meeting in secret, carrying out an evil plan. The real Harry Potter had been taken from the school months ago, under the guise of a quest to recover a lightning bolt, and when Macey's spell convinced people she was Harry, everyone was overjoyed at the chosen one's 'return'. But the real Harry had been held prisoner by the Jedi Council, who planned to sacrifice him in an ancient ritual to bring back The Fluffius Bunnius.
The school had all been fooled except for Harry's close friend Ron who was now even more confused than ever because he couldn't keep up with Chiron and Macey's conversation and to everyone else she looked and sounded and acted like Harry. Ron was disgusted by their evil plan, what he understood of it, that is.
Ron was under the impression Harry would be sacrificed to a giant bunny who only ate people with magic scars. This however, was grievously far from the truth.
Ron did not try to tell anyone of Macey's deception for weeks, but finally, he cracked during study hall, and ranted about evil plans, and fluffy bunnies. He was immediately sent to the school therapist, Yoda, and diagnosed with schizophrenia. But everyone assumed he was bipolar as well.
In the middle of the night, some sort of sparkly fairy came in and ate all the cake from the kitchens. The creature got food poisoning and died. His name was Edward, as the staff later discovered. The school was in an uproar over that, and so no one paid much attention to poor Ron's rants, except a young satyr named Grover.
Grover liked cheesecake and never seemed to shut up about his unlawful obsession with dominoes.
The satyr was on his way to the girls bathroom to plant a camera because he's a horny little bastard, when a troll just burst into tears because he had been Chiron's evil planner troll before Macey came along. Now she got all the attention, and was labeled as the chosen one, when she wasn't!
The troll stood, and made his way to the dining hall before transforming into a beautiful girl. Grover was amazed, but stayed hidden so he could watch the show.
"Fairy!" the ex-troll shouted, barging into the council chambers, "Fairy in the dungeon! Thought you ought to know."
'She' fainted.
"Behind on times, she is," stated Draco Malfoy, a respectable diaper-wearing council member, "Last week that was."
"Behind on times you are also!" Grover yelled, bursting out from his hiding place. He hated Malfoy for putting the curse on all students that required them to speak as he did when in his presence.
"Mean you what?" Malfoy questioned, angrily.
"Escaped, has the fairy," Grover explained.
"Dead, isn't the fairy? It lives, then why?"
Grover tried hard to understand what the blonde was saying, but couldn't wrap his mind around it.
"Know what you mean, I do not..." Grover muttered.
"Oh shut up, Grover," Malfoy exclaimed.
Grover pouted. He had important news to tell Malfoy, and Malfoy just wouldn't listen. So he went to another member of the council- the diabolical former president, Snow, and his secretary Wilbur, who was a real live talking pig.
"Mr Snow!" Grover exclaimed, hobbling into the said persons office.
"No one speaks directly to the president!" Wilbur protested.
Grover sighed, "Fine. Tell the president that there's a conspiracy theory to feed Harry Potter to a giant bunny. And there's a troll running round disguised as a girl."
"And a fairy," he added.
There was an eerie silence which filled the room for several minutes. Grover could feel Snow's glare of death slowly eating away at his life.
Finally, after what seemed to be hours by Grover's standards, the silence was broken by Snow himself.
"Please tell this impudent brat that none if this is to be bothered with or discussed with anyone. It is highly inappropriate to start such harsh rumours and is not tolerated at this school. You may leave."
His voice spat venom and any sane not thick-headed person would take the chance to leave while they still could. Grover, however, did not.
So as Wilbur began to speak, "The president informs you, impudent brat, that-"
Grover cut him off.
"I heard him. And he isn't the president anyway. Katniss and the army of squirrels overthrew him. And he will listen to me!"
Grover's outburst echoed loudly in the silent room. Snow studied Grover closely, and Grover struggled not to scream and run away.
Finally, Snow spoke.
"Wilbur," he said, "Emergency plan 17. You know what to do."
"What's going on?" Grover asked anxiously.
Wilbur grinned, a creepy pig grin, pulled a bottle of spray from his jacket, and sprayed the air in front of Grover.
The last thing Grover saw before he blacked out was Snow's triumphant grin.
Four hours later, and Grover found himself stuck in one of the tunnels at lollipops playland. He had woken up five minutes ago in the ball pit and when trying to get out, he had managed to lodge himself in the bright purple tube. Anyone would have laughed upon seeing his predicament.
"Argh!" Grover yelled, in irritation.
"Who's there?" called a familiar voice.
Grover gasped. He recognized that voice.
It was Harry.