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Have you ever watched your mental breakdown walk into the room, calmly sit across from you and start laughing in your face? Well that's how Law was feeling right about now, sitting in the empty room he'd managed to find on this stupid ship. They had basically left Dressrosa five minutes ago. Ok, probably more like five hours ago but that's certainly not what it felt like. Right now, it felt like things happened yesterday, while also happening to him right now, all over again. All at once.
The Straw Hats and the rest of the crew are partying upstairs still, just like they have been since they set sail. Law never could stand a party for more than about 30 minutes. Honestly it was a miracle he had made it this long without needing a break but he was in some kind of mood. Like holding a live wire in each hand and just letting the voltage rip your heart apart. Yeah, that kind of mood. Electric.
At this point, he was drunk. He'd probably passed that point a couple hours ago. It'd been a long week, ok? Didn't he deserve to let loose for once? If he couldn't lose his mind at the bottom of a bottle after having his heart ripped out, smashed a hundred times and fed back to him as his last meal - all before noon - then who could? Alright, maybe he needed to breathe for a minute. A dull rumble of music from above deck crawled through his brain, leaving trails of broken glass and sparking wires in its wake. Sensory overload is a bitch.
What had even just happened? He replayed events in his head for the millionth time. He watched his whole plan unravel in glorious, past-tense, high definition. The resolution was incredible. Honestly, he'd never seen his stupidity in such vivid color. He watched over and over again as he re-lived his entire childhood highlight reel. He watched every incredible moment of Doflamingo handing his ass back to him on a shiny silver platter. He watched the equivalent of some kid he met behind a dumpster in an alley, punch the living daylights out of his life-long enemy in brilliant, dazzling technicolor.
He groaned to himself, clutching his hair in his hands. Wasn't he supposed to feel good? This is some kind of weird tasting "good." He felt like his brain had been roughly removed from his skull, dropped in a road, run over by a truck, and then ever so carefully placed back inside his throbbing skull, gravel and all. He felt like he'd been cut into pieces, set on fire, and thrown off the top of a building - Oh wait, those ones actually happened.
Law felt a laugh bubble up in his throat and he choked on it. It was funny wasn't it? This kid just walked casually into his life, put his soul in a blender, and enjoyed some margaritas. What was his deal? He felt his heart start beating faster in his chest and blood rush to his cheeks. He stumbled a little over the floorboards.
That was another damn thing he couldn't wrap his head around. Monkey D. Luffy. Who the fuck did he think he was? What right did he have to live it up, rent free, in Law's brain? Every damn night for what felt like an eternity, Luffy would just waltz into his dreams and play around with his desires like Law hadn't spent the last 15 or so years perfecting his self control. He hadn't felt this way since he was an idiot kid nervously fumbling around in the dark with some stranger behind a bar. He hadn't wanted like this in years and it was fucking Luffy . His breath came fast and ragged and the room spun a little faster.
Law threw himself roughly onto the bench against the wall. He hissed from smacking his elbow on the wood. Damn, another bruise. He shrugged to himself and laid down, propping his feet up on the arm of the bench. This time the laughs crashed their way through his chest and burst from his mouth. This is ridiculous. Cackling in the dark, alone, in some dark stupid room on some stupid ship that wasn't his, surrounded by people he barely knew. What even was he doing with himself these days?
Well, fuck it. If he was going crazy, he might as well lean into it a little. Besides, hadn't he been holding it together his entire life ? What would happen if he just let it out .... What would it feel like?
He closed his eyes, examining the little box in the closet in the back of his brain. It was a visualization trick he'd learned a long time ago. You take all the things you can't allow yourself to feel, all the bad memories, all the broken hearts, and you make them small - fit them in your hand. Roll the emotions, trauma, and scars in between your palms. Then walk calmly over to the little box, open the lid, and drop them in with all the others. Then you just shut the box, walk out of the closet, and lock it behind you. If you just never touch the box, you never have to go there again. It was pretty effective and comes in especially handy when you're feeling like a panic attack is coming again. This time, it was different. Something had snapped, he could feel it.
He could see it there now, the little closet door where he hid all his darkest thoughts. What would happen if he let it out? Just for a moment? How would it feel? He took a step closer, reaching his hand towards the door. He'd been standing here before. He always stopped. There was always something important he had to do, someone he had to save, vengeance to be had. It always stopped him before. Keep it together, get the job done. Well the job was basically done, right? The important part at least. He pulled the door open and pulled the box out of the corner. He'd earned it.
He was still giggling uncontrollably, watching himself smash that little box to pieces in his head. He laughed so hard he started crying, tears slipping past his eyelids, dripping onto the bench underneath his head. Laughing veered to sobs and back again. He laid with the feeling for a while before he started trying to catch his breath. And that was, unfortunately, when Luffy came stumbling through the door.
"Torao! Torao!" He slurred as he tripped into the dark room, practically knocking the door from its hinges. It slammed behind him in protest. Shit. Law was frantically trying to put that box back together now. He took a deep breath, sat up, and wiped the tears from his face as Luffy fell into his lap. What? No, not now. He hadn't gotten it all back together yet! This is bad, this bad, this is-
"Torao, where have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere!" Luffy looked up at him with those big, dark, eager eyes. The younger man was definitely drunk. Which was a problem because Law still was too. And basically still in the middle of a total mental breakdown. Stellar.
"I'm just taking a break, Mugiwara-ya," Law said with a sigh, fixing his eyes on the ceiling and willing his voice not to crack. "It's your party. Go back and have some more fun with your friends." God, Law really needed him to leave before the last scraps of self-control left him.
Luffy, of course, was undeterred. He wrapped long, lean, toned arms around Law's neck. He leaned his head in close - they were barely a breath apart. He looked at Law with pleading eyes and started twirling the hair at the base of his neck with his fingers. Law's brain felt fuzzy again - like that blender had just turned on.
"Why are you no fun?" Luffy stuck his bottom lip out just a hair. Law felt his blood get another two degrees warmer. Now this, this was just cruel.
"I figured since we beat Mingo you'd want to celebrate with me," Luffy said, looking up at him. The hand that wasn't driving him crazy playing with his hair started traveling slowly, gently, across Law's chest.
"You might actually kill me, Mugiwara-ya," Law breathed, his voice finally cracking. He shut his eyes tightly. He should do what he usually does. He should just dump Luffy on his bratty little ass and leave. He should just take this little moment, ball it up in his hand, and shove it in that little box just like he'd done every other time. But this time was different. The box was gone - shattered broken pieces littered across his mind - and Law wasn't sure it was ever going back together.
"Torao what's wrong?" Luffy asked, suddenly still and looking at him with increasing concern. Luffy's hand brushed along Law's cheekbone, wiping away some of the tears he had missed. "What's happened? Are you hurt?"
Law made a half laugh, half sobbing sound. "No, Mugiwara-ya, I don't have any more injuries than the ones I walked onto the ship with. It's just -" He paused. How do you even explain this? And how do you explain it to Luffy of all people? "This just isn't what I planned on," Law finally settled on. It was true, literally nothing had gone to plan.
Luffy looked at Law, confusion flashed across his face. Law braced for some extremely stupid comment, but instead it was like he was being examined under a microscope. Luffy was searching Law's face like he could see through his skull and into his brain. It was kind of intense.
"Was the goal the "plan" or was the goal to kick Mingo's ass?"
Oh. Wait. That was actually kind of insightful.
Law felt the tears burning hot in his eyes again. "But nothing went how I wanted it to, Luffy-ya. I was supposed to -"
"You don't have to do everything yourself," the young pirate cut him off. He rested his hand on Law's cheek. It felt warm and a little rough from the calluses on his fingers. "I'm your friend. You can trust me to take care of you," he continued, softly. Law had never heard him speak at anything less than a shout. He didn't know this side of Luffy even existed. Maybe he could...
Law reached up and placed his hand over the one cradling his cheek. He leaned into the other man's touch. When was the last time he had been treated with such care? But this was another pirate captain. His ally. And there was a job to get done. Again.
He sighed and pulled his hand away. It was time to do what he always did. It was time to put it all away in the tiny box. "I can't, Mugiwara-ya. It never ends well."
"What if it did?"
What?
"What?"
"What if everything was great? What if everything gets better from here on out? What if we win all of our battles and adventure together forever? What if it's good?"
Luffy's eyes were fierce and bright with optimism that Law had never had. He was solid and steady and still in Law's lap. Luffy's hand ran through Law's hair with a gentleness that he never expected from someone so rough and crass all the time. Law's breath caught in his throat. He had definitely not expected this. What if... What if he actually let himself go? Wasn't he just thinking he deserved a break?
His pulse quickened. It felt as if the ground shifted under his feet and he was on the edge of falling. He reached up with a tentative hand and brushed a lock of wild black hair away from Luffy's eye. The voice in his head shouted for him to stop but it was suddenly so much quieter than it had ever been before. He slid his hands along Luffy's hips. His fingers brushed a little under his shirt hem and Law felt little sparks where their skin met.
"I'll never let anyone hurt you like that again, Torao. You have my word." Luffy's hand slid through his hair again as he pulled himself a little closer. He looked deep into Law's eyes, like he was looking into his thoughts again.
"Do you trust me?"
Law felt searing hot and ice cold all at once. What had being the responsible adult ever gotten him anyway? Shattered plans? Crushing disappointment? Dead friends? What if he actually lived a little instead? Could he try it on for size and not just completely lose his mind?
What if it actually worked out? Would the world keep turning?
He leaned towards the other captain. Felt his breath on his lips. Luffy smelled like cheap liquor and danger. He smelled delicious. Law was starving .
It took only a moment, but it felt like hours. Law pressed his lips over Luffy's as he pulled his waist into his body. Luffy's hands flew to his jaw and gripped tight, pulling him in deeper. His lips parted and Law's tongue poured into Luffy's mouth, urgently trying to taste every fleeting flavor he could find there. Luffy groaned in pleasure and it rang in Law's ears. The only thing he knew for sure was he needed to hear more of that sound. One hand held on to Luffy's hip for dear life while the other slid up under his shirt. He felt Luffy's screaming hot skin glide under his fingertips. He moaned deeply, breaking the kiss just a moment to pull some oxygen into his needy lungs. He opened his eyes to see Luffy's half-lidded eyes staring right back at him with the same dark intensity that Law had seen on the battlefield so many times.
" Shit - I-" Law stuttered incoherently.
"Torao, you taste so good ," Luffy interrupted with a breathless whisper. Then Luffy's lips were on him again and he melted into their sensual softness. Luffy's hand carded through his hair, pulling just a little. His fingers traced along Law's neck and goosebumps followed in their wake. Law pulled away slightly and took a deep breath. His sinuses filled with the scent of alcohol, sweat, and freedom . He felt high. He tilted his head and dragged hungry licks and bites along Luffy's neck. He gave up holding on for dear life to rip the button's off Luffy's shirt, gleefully admiring how they clattered to the floor. He pushed the light fabric away - it might as well be chain mail. He pressed their bare chests together tightly as he pulled Luffy back in for a brutal kiss. Luffy pushed Law's already open shirt off his shoulders. He heard it lightly hit the ground behind him. It sounded like a gunshot. There was no going back now that he'd pulled the trigger.
He shifted Luffy in his lap, trying desperately to get some friction. Luffy moaned into his mouth as their lengths slid against each other through the layers of denim. He tilted his head back, his notorious straw hat sliding to the floor. Law took in the incredible sight of Luffy, cheeks flushed, hand searing into his shoulder, grinding on his lap.
God, why were they wearing so many clothes? Law grabbed Luffy's waistband and flicked the button open in one swift movement. Luffy looked back at him and smirked. He slid out of Law's lap while the older man whined after him, shaking hands reaching out to brush the bare skin at his waist. In a flash, Luffy's hands were at his pants, pulling them over his ass roughly. They landed somewhere on the other side of the room, or maybe in the next dimension, who cared. Luffy's hands pushed Law's knees apart and a mop of black hair sunk down between them. A hot, wet, brand ran up the underside of his cock. Law's hand shot out to tangle in Luffy's hair and he bit his lip to stifle a shout. He almost slid off the bench when Luffy wrapped his mouth around the head and lapped the precum from his slit.
"Unngghh, Luffy " He moaned into the dark empty space. Luffy rumbled around his cock as his tongue drew sloppy doodles on his shaft. Saliva dripped down his balls. His heart hammered in his chest. Every bob of Luffy's head brought it closer to escaping his battered rib cage.
He heard blood rushing in his ears. He looked down to see Luffy looking up at him, puffy lips wrapped around his throbbing dick. That look in his eyes was still there from before with pupils blown so wide Law felt like he could fall into them. Luffy's shorts were nowhere to be seen and he had his hand wrapped around his own cock. Law wished he had a camera so he could look at this moment over and over again.
"Luffy-ya, please...." God he was begging and it felt incredible . His cock slipped out of Luffy's mouth. A little string of drool and precum lashed across his face.
"I've been waiting forever for you to just let me take care of you." Luffy climbed back into Law's lap, breathless. Everywhere their skin touched was like brushing against burning coals. Luffy's hand wrapped around his dripping member as he lined himself up. Tightly muscled legs pinned him on either side as Luffy sank down slowly on Law's saliva soaked cock. Right, rubber. Of course he doesn't need any preparation. Law's hands flew to Luffy's waist as he shot forward, pressing wet, sloppy kisses into his scarred chest.
The voice in his head was silent for the first time. He could feel Luffy everywhere, wrapped around his entire soul. His heart pounded in his chest and he could feel Luffy's beating just as fast. Is this really how it felt to let someone else be in charge for once? If he had known letting go could feel so amazing he would have done it a long time ago.
Luffy threw his head back. The noises escaping his lips were even hotter than Law's dreams had imagined. He thrust up into his hot, wet, heat. They rocked together, sweaty bodies pressed together in the dark. Hard wood dug into knees and buttocks. The bench creaked as their bodies came together again and again. Luffy's hands tangled in his hair as their lips crashed together again. Law drank in his kisses, moaning into the other captain's mouth. He would never get enough of that taste.
Law's brain was radio static. It was that tingling feeling in the air right before lightning strikes. It was deafeningly loud and complete, desolate silence. His lungs burned. His legs shook. He took Luffy's dick in his hand. God, it was hard as diamonds. He slid his thumb over the slit as he began pumping up and down along the length.
" Oh - Fuck! Law~" That was what did it. His own name. Not some stupid nickname. His name, dripping from Luffy's lips as their sweaty bodies slid against each other. Law felt his orgasm rip from his body. His toes went numb as he poured year after year of self control into his ally's wet, dripping hole. He felt Luffy's cock twitch in his hand as he painted Law's chest with ribbons of white, sticky pleasure. His body hummed. Like a drawn bowstring that had finally been let loose.
He leaned his head on Luffy's shoulder, panting hard, his vision narrowed to a single point. He blinked away the black ring around his eyes and his breathing slowed a little. He smelled Luffy's sweat mixed with the ocean and felt it rush to his head again. He pressed his lips along his shoulder, his collarbone, his neck. He looked into Luffy's dark, sparkling eyes. He felt his lips brush along Luffy's like a feather blown across the water. He felt a tear slip down his cheek.
"Torao, why are you crying?" Luffy said it so softly, he may not have even said it at all.
Law scoffed, pressing their foreheads together.
"Mugiwara-ya, you might actually kill me."
"I would never let anything kill you"
Luffy was smiling. But it wasn't that big goofy smile he usually wears. This one was different. He had never seen it before. It was beautiful.
"So," Luffy said, running his hands along the tattoos on Law's shoulders, "Do you trust me?"
Law felt the last shards of that box disappear into the sudden emptiness of his mind. He was never going back. He pressed a soft kiss on the tip of Luffy's nose.
"I guess I do."