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CATALYST
“Okay, okay, it was my fault,” Gar says, raising his hands defensively. “I should have known that there was something in the box.”
“Yeah, you should have,” Donna snaps. “If an unfamiliar villain throws a ring case at you, you do not open it.”
Gar grins uneasily. “Let’s call it a learning experience. At least nobody’s hurt.”
“I am hurt,” Raven rasps, clutching her own arms tightly.
“Don’t be dramatic,” Gar says guiltily.
In Gotham, Dick had been occasionally spritzed with various insane experimental aphrodisiacs. Poison Ivy had a playbook she followed. It was never fun, since it almost universally involved saying embarrassing things before returning home and locking himself in his bedroom to deal with his shame alone until Bruce synthesized an antidote for the current variation, but usually he was able to finish the fight and watch the police cart Ivy off to Arkham, which would usually keep her off the streets for a week or so (Arkham is the only prison-asylum combo to feature bars made of pipe cleaners).
Anyway, Ivy’s got a buddy here, his name is Sexy Bill of the Wicked Forest, and he has a jewelry case with a fan in it. Luckily, after the recent Dark Rhinovirus epidemic in the city, everyone had an N-95 mask prepared and hidden on their person; even Kory, with her scanty outfit, had one buried somewhere in her voluminous hair.
Well, everyone had a mask except Raven, who had been knocked out of a meditation and forgotten her cloak and all the contents of its pockets. When Gar had opened the jewelry case, the pollen had exploded out of it, and everyone had quickly covered their faces before accidentally inhaling too much, but Raven was completely dusted with it. Even now, she’s covered in a thin yellow powder, and everyone is trying to avoid touching it.
“I am aching,” Raven continues. “My body is burning with desire.”
“A cold shower helps,” Dick says. “Let’s go home.”
“There is a dark fire in me. Lust is overwhelming me.”
“Welcome to the club,” Gar mutters.
Wally keeps his distance.
DONNA
When they get back to the Tower, Raven rushes to the bathroom. Donna hears the shower running for at least fifteen minutes before Raven emerges in the main ops in a clean cotton t-shirt dress, holding a plastic trash bag.
“My clothes are still covered in pollen,” she says. “I need to burn them.”
“You do not,” Donna says, taking the bag. Her hand brushes Raven’s. “We’ll wash them with that laundry sanitizer we used during Dark Rhinovirus, okay?”
At the touch of Donna’s hand, Raven starts to tremble uncontrollably. Donna is quite sure she’s about to start crying, but instead Raven grasps her hand tightly.
“Are you okay?” Donna asks. “Do you want to sit down?”
“Make love to me,” Raven says.
“No.”
Raven grasps both of Donna’s arms, gazing at her intensely. “Since the day we’ve met, I’ve yearned for you. The phantom image of your touch has haunted my body in the night. Right now, more than ever, I need—“
“Okay, I’m getting you something to drink,” Donna says, gently guiding Raven to the couch. “Is Sprite okay? When Gar did that TV endorsement, they gave us like five cases.”
“I want wine,” Raven says, staring at Donna with dilated eyes. “I want the wine of your red lips.”
“No.” Donna makes her way to the kitchen. “Do you want diet, or regular?”
“I ache.”
When Donna returns with two glasses of iced soda, Raven is sprawled over the couch, arm flung over her forehead. She sets the cups down on the coffee table.
“Raven, you really need to get a hold of yourself,” Donna scolds. “Dick says that sex pollen is annoying, but you could probably take care of this yourself.”
Raven lets out an agonized moan, not unlike a cat in heat.
“Sit up and have a drink.”
Raven sits up. Her skin is flushed and her hair has become disheveled. Donna hands the glass to her and sits next to her.
“I’ll turn on a show,” Donna says. “I know you like crime dramas.”
Raven stares into her cup. “I ache.”
The show proceeds in the usual linear fashion, and everything is going well until the beautiful detective finally gives in to her hidden passion for her partner. She says something very TV-14 and they fall into the one bed in their hotel room.
Raven slowly moves closer and closer to Donna until she is pressed against her. Donna ignores this. Raven stares at her with pleading eyes. Donna ignores this. Raven slowly moves onto Donna’s lap.
“Raven,” Donna says flatly. “Please just watch the show.”
“Take me,” Raven says, attempting to wrap her legs around Donna’s waist.
Donna stands up, and Raven slides down her body to the floor. She continues clinging to her. Donna starts to walk, and Raven, dragged behind, is forced to let go. She lies prone on the floor, hair pooling on the ground under her.
“I ache,” Raven says.
“I’ll get you a Tylenol.”
VIC
Vic has been on teams before, but his past two months as a Titan have been different. Even though they train and roughhouse and joke with each other, the stakes are different. They also share a kitchen, which can be a little annoying.
He hasn’t spent much time with Raven outside of missions. To be honest, she still creeps him out a little, even though he knows she doesn’t mean harm. He was raised on science and reason, and her spooky mystical talk and eerie, dark appearance make him uneasy.
Anyway, Vic is in the kitchen preparing a block of ramen to mix with a can of tuna, a can of peas, and a spoonful of protein powder, one of his traditional pre-game muscle meals (his father, disgusted, had told him to eat more real food, to which Vic had said “don’t tell me what to do, old man” before ingesting a spoonful of dry powder and coughing uncontrollably). Raven emerges before him, looking quite disheveled.
“I’ve been spurned,” she says. “Donna doesn’t want to make love to me.”
“…Sorry.”
“You’re so tall,” she says. “Your hair is so thick.”
“Yeah.”
Raven shuffles closer to him, staring up at him with huge, dilated gray eyes. “Make love to me, Victor.”
He does a double-take. “What did you just say?”
“My body is burning with unfulfilled desire,” she says flatly. “It longs for human touch.”
“I, uh,” he steps back, intimidated. She looks intense. “You don’t want that.” He gestures at the armor fused to his body. It generally doesn’t lend well to intimacy (not that he’s really tried, as the idea of being rejected for it is even worse than the idea of trying and failing). “Maybe find someone human?”
“You are so human, Victor,” Raven says, reaching forward to touch his chest. “Also, your urogenital system is intact. You use the bathroom.” She stares up at him again. That stare is unnerving. “My urogenital system is also intact. Make love to me.”
“This is— this is really inappropriate,” Vic says, feeling his face heat up. It’s not that Raven isn’t a good-looking girl. She’s beautiful, in an angular, severe way, and, like pretty much any straight guy would, he’s noticed her subtly curved body and long legs, but he doesn’t want to “make love” to her. He’s not the type of guy for casual hookups, especially with people he works with. “Maybe, let’s think this through?” He gestures to the pot. “How about some— shit, you’re a vegetarian, right? I have a can of peas.”
“I want you. Don’t you want me?”
“No.”
Raven’s eyes well up. That’s possibly even stranger.
“It’s okay,” Vic says, reaching out to pat her shoulder. She moans and presses into his hand like a cat, and he pulls it back rapidly. “It’s— this is that powder, so you’re not going to feel like this forever. How about you just try to sleep it off?”
“Love me,” Raven wails.
Vic flees, leaving his ramen to overcook.
WALLY
Wally has been in love with Raven since the day he met her.
Of course, it’s because she used some kind of dark magic to manipulate him, so he’s pretty mad at her about that, but he hasn’t been able to turn it off, so he is still quite in love with her. He has dealt with this by hanging up pictures of her in his room and occasionally throwing darts at them, only to deeply regret it and then remove them. Wally has a complicated relationship with his emotions.
This is why when, after opening the door of his room after hearing a frantic-sounding knock, his stomach does a flip that’s somewhere between “oh God, she’s here, ” and “oh God, she ’s here.”
“Raven,” he says with cool professionalism as his heartbeat reaches hamster speed. She’s standing at the door in a white cotton dress, her face feverishly pink and her eyes hooded.
“Wallace,” she says. “I need you to fuck me.”
He shuts the door slowly, then collapses into a heap.
“It’s the only word that works!” she calls pleadingly. “I know it’s vulgar, but these feelings are vulgar! I want to do something passionate and filthy with you!”
“Go away!” Wally says in a high-pitched voice.
“I am taking my clothes off,” she calls, “so please open the door, so nobody sees me naked!”
“Go away!”
Wally slides back against the door, drumming his fingers rapidly on the floor beneath him. This is an unprecedented problem. Yes, she made him completely obsessed with her, but she has shown zero signs of actually being attracted to him. And now…
Raven really is so pretty, and she’s so polite and demure. She takes tiny bites when she eats, and she always tries to hide it when she laughs and it comes out really awkward and cute. Her legs are so long, and she always wears that clingy dress and sometimes he can even see the outline of her navel through it, and…
But doing what he’s thinking of would be wrong. Raven isn’t in her right mind. That dust is really strong stuff, according to Dick, and she’s saying things she would never say if she weren’t under the influence. Doing anything with her would be the same as taking advantage of a drunk girl, and the idea of that is just disgusting.
“Go away,” he repeats firmly.
“Why?” Raven asks, hurt evident in her voice. “I took off all my clothes.”
“Put them back on.”
“I need someone to touch me!” Raven whines. “I think I’ll die if nobody does!”
“You won’t die, Raven.”
“You lust for me!”
“You used mind-control on me!”
“Why, Wallace?”
He hears footsteps coming up the hall, and then Donna’s voice says, “For God’s sake, Raven, put your dress back on.”
“Wallace doesn’t want to fuck me,” Raven sobs.
“There, there.”
GAR
So, all day Raven’s been acting super weird, because she got poofed with horny dust. This is an opportunity Gar has been waiting for for years.
When Gar was twelve years old, he realized that he was wildly sexually frustrated, and proceeded to hit on every woman in his vicinity in the hopes that they would go out to lunch with him or take their tops off. He has continued this strategy for several years, with little to no success. He has received the odd kiss on the cheek and the occasional pity date, but nothing substantial. Not even tongue.
He has been hearing the same lines all this time: “you’re too young for me,” and “I’m taken,” and “I just think you’re weird-looking,” and “you’re obviously kind of going through it right now and I don’t think it would be good for you.”
He has never once been the one to reject a girl.
This is his opportunity.
So far, Donna, Vic, and Wally have all recounted Raven’s lust-maddened behavior towards them, with varying levels of distress. Gar has sat politely with them, saying things about how it will wear off soon and everything will go back to normal.
Soon, he is absolutely certain, Raven will come on to him, and he’ll be able to say that magical line.
He looks in the mirror and, using his best acting abilities, molds his face into an expression of genuine concern (he must hide that he thinks this is pretty funny). He takes a breath.
“Raven, I know you think you want me, but you’re vulnerable right now,” he says slowly, deep emotion in his voice. “This isn’t you, this is the pollen. You’re a beautiful woman, but I have to turn you down.” He looks thoughtfully into the distance. “Maybe someday, when we’re wiser and our wounds have healed slightly…”
In the empty training room, while he’s trying desperately to survive the treadmill in his boy body, the fateful moment arrives. The door slides open. Raven emerges, face pink and lips red, hair falling wildly down her back, wide neckline of her dress sliding down over her slender shoulder.
This is it. Gar slows the treadmill down and after several seconds of tapering steps off shakily.
“What’s up, Raven?” he asks coolly.
“I am tortured by lust,” Raven says.
He nods, maybe a little too eagerly. “I know. This seems really frustrating for you.”
“Garfield…” she says.
“Yeah?” If he had a tail, it would be wagging.
“How do I handle this? Is this how you feel all the time?”
“What?”
Raven settles on a bench and leans over, burying her face in her hands. “You’re the only one I can talk to about this. Your carnal urges are constantly causing you to make a fool of yourself, so you must have some idea what this is like.”
“I— I wouldn’t say ‘a fool,’ exactly…”
“Garfield, I just want to have control of my body, but it burns…” She sighs deeply. “I’ve always been so rational, but now, when I see someone beautiful, desire overwhelms me, and I want nothing more than for them to take me.”
“Is— is that so?”
“Roughly, in a variety of positions, for at least thirty minutes.”
“I— I see,” Gar says, his face heating up. “I’m sorry about that.”
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispers.
“Really?” Gar perks up. Is this the moment?
“I find you so utterly unattractive that you’re the only person I trust myself around…”
Gar lets out an unintentional snort. “Ow,” he says.
“Your short stature, your baby face mixed with your body hair,” Raven says. “I do not desire to feel it against my skin.”
“Okay.”
“I think your voice is strange, and I don’t like how your bare feet look.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sure your genitals are perfectly functional,” she says, looking up at him earnestly. “If you find someone who likes the smell of your body spray, I’m sure they’ll want to make love to you.”
“Can you— do you want to go take a break and have some alone time somewhere?” Gar asks weakly.
“Why?” she asks, voice sad.
“This isn’t you, this is the pollen. You’re a beautiful woman, but they have to turn you down.” He swallows and stares at the ground. His weird feet are covered by his new sneakers. He thought they’d be a girl magnet. “Maybe someday, when you’re wiser and your wounds have healed slightly…”
“Garfield,” Raven says, eyes brimming with tears. She takes his hand. “I don’t feel any desire for you whatsoever. Please hug me.”
He does.
KORY
Kory is in her rooftop garden when it happens, happily planting tulip bulbs. She’s got her big hat and her big gloves, and though she’s technically not harmed by UV light and doesn’t really mind getting dirt under her nails, it makes her feel in-character.
The elevator dings and Raven emerges. She looks like kind of a mess.
“Koriand’r,” she says huskily. “I haven’t been able to dowse my urges… Even by embracing Garfield…”
“Oh, be nice to Gar,” Kory says, placing a bulb in a hole. “He’s just enthusiastic.”
Raven falls to her knees beside Kory. “Nothing can sate me,” she says. “I’m going to lose my mind.”
“I understand the feeling,” Kory says. “When my bi-annual estrus cycle hits, my breeding impulse becomes so strong that I always embarrass myself. My sister made fun of me relentlessly.”
“What do you do?” Raven asks, voice brimming with hope.
“Well, in the past, I would suffer,” Kory says, nodding. “When my first one hit, I was too young to do anything with anyone, and the rest happened when I was in captivity, so obviously there wasn’t much I could do about it. But I intend to have won Dick’s heart by my next one. Mating with someone you love during your estrus cycle is supposed to be amazing.”
Raven’s face flushes even further. “That’s so bold!”
Kory pats the dirt over her last tulip bulb and takes off her gloves. “Of course, he might say no, and then I’ll have to cry in my room and make love to my pillow.”
“I’m embarrassing myself,” Raven says, staring at Kory’s breasts.
The elevator door dings and Donna steps onto the roof, holding two glasses of soda. They are inundated with Sprite.
“Koriand’r, please help me,” Raven says. “I’m going to die if I’m not touched. Look at me.”
Kory looks at her. She is quite pathetic.
“Raven?” Donna asks. “You should probably go downstairs and rest. Maybe take another shower. A colder one.”
Raven grabs Kory’s hands “You understand these things better than I do. Help me.” She moves in closer, embracing her. “You’re so warm, but this is the only way to quell the burning, I think, so…”
Kory pulls back. “No.” Raven looks at her with such ardent sadness. Kory sighs and lightly kisses Raven on the lips. Donna squawks in protest.
“You can’t do that!” Donna says. “She’s out of her mind!”
“I can give her a little kiss. Look how much she liked it.” Kory gestures to Raven, who appears to be melting. “I’m not going to do anything else with her.”
“You can’t!” Donna says, hurrying over and grabbing Raven’s arm to pull her up. Raven acquiesces limply. “Raven, let’s go watch something relaxing. There’s a documentary about graham crackers on TV right now. Don’t you want to see how they make them? It’s super non-erotic, so it’ll probably help—“
Raven weakly pulls at Donna’s arm, trying to get back to Kory. “Kiss me again, Koriand’r. I need—“
“Go,” Kory says. “Go to the documentary. The next time you get dusted with sexual pollen, perhaps you’ll have found a love to help you through it.”
Raven sobs. Donna sobs. Kory takes a Sprite.
DICK
Dick is in the computer room working on the computers, solving a computer problem, when Raven emerges in the door. He sighs.
“Raven, don’t try to seduce me,” he says.
“Richard, I need you.” Raven looks at him with bitter determination. “Nobody else will help me.”
“Trust me, you’re going to feel like an idiot tomorrow morning. It’s…” he looks at the clock in the corner of his desktop display. “It’s past midnight, and it’s been almost twelve hours since you got dosed. Usually it’ll wear off within sixteen, so you’re going to be feeling really stupid, really soon.”
Raven approaches him. “I will be dead by then. Touch me.”
Dick groans. “Please go to your room. Deal with it alone, like a normal person.”
“Azar forbade such things. I want your body.”
“I bet Azar forbade this, too. Why don’t you go meditate for a while? That seems to help with… pretty much all of your problems. Just repress it, like usual.” None of his friends would say that he was giving good advice, but it’s wrong to advise someone to do something you wouldn’t do yourself.
Raven throws herself on him, wrapping her arms around him. “Richard, you’re one of my best friends. You’re the most sensible of anyone here, so you know better than anyone what you need to do. Make love to me, and—“
Dick mists her with the spray bottle he had placed next to his keyboard in case of this situation. Raven falls back, blinking the water out of her eyes.
“Richard, please,” she says, pulling up her dress, revealing her lack of underwear. “Look at me. I’m ready for you, so—“
He sprays her. She shrinks back.
“Go take a break, Raven,” he says flatly.
“But I—“
He sprays her again.
Raven slinks off.
—
“It’s inhumane.” Donna fidgets uncomfortably. “It’ll just make her anxious if you do that. Maybe we should try positive reinforcement?”
“She’s not a cat, Donna,” Vic says.
“ I do feel sorry for her.” Kory leans back on the couch. “It’s not fun.”
“It is not,” Gar agrees. “Do you think my voice is weird?”
“You’re fine.” Wally still looks pale. Maybe Dick should find a way to comfort him. He can tell him to repress it.
“Is this reality now?” Donna asks. “Are we going to have to get used to a new Raven?”
“A horny, really mean Raven,” Gar says. “Should I start shaving my feet?”
“You’re fine, Gar,” Wally repeats.
“She hit me right in the self esteem.”
“I think you’re beautiful.” Kory pats Gar’s shoulder sympathetically. “Just because Raven finds you really unattractive doesn’t mean everyone does.”
“Kiss me?” Gar asks, eyes shining.
“No.”
“Where is she right now?” Donna asks.
“Oh, I gave her a book of tongue twisters.” Dick sips his Sprite. “Even if you’re in a haze of lust, they’re hard to resist. It’s also an anaphrodisiac. Doctors gave them to the parents of young masturbators in the 50’s. Dark times.”
“…Did they?” Vic asks, skeptical. Everyone else nods, fully convinced by Dick’s confidence.
RAVEN
The next morning, Raven awakens with a little bit of a headache. She’s kind of sweaty, but after a shower and a session of light meditation, she’s feeling herself again. When she steps into the main ops, all her friends are going about their usual morning business, reading and playing games and trying to recover before their next adventure.
“Good morning, everyone,” she says. Everyone’s heads snap up to face her. Intimidated by the intense seven-way eye contact, Raven backs away so quickly that she trips over the step into the kitchenette. There are several seconds of uncomfortable silence before Donna clears her throat.
“How are you feeling?” she asks. “After yesterday?”
“What do you mean?” Raven combs her brain to try to figure out what Donna is talking about. Yesterday feels oddly blurry. She remembers that in the morning she had fresh strawberries on her oatmeal and a cup of nice herbal tea, and she read a few short stories. Then she’d meditated, but a new villain appeared and she had to go out without having time to properly come down from her trance, and everyone…
What happened after that?
“Did something bad happen?” Raven asks, distress mounting in her chest. “Did someone get hurt? Is everyone—“
“Should we tell her?” Gar mutters, leaning over Vic’s shoulder.
“It seems kind of mean.”
“It’s not really fair to keep this a secret from her,” Donna says.
Dick sighs and runs his hand through his hair. Raven is feeling a little panicky. Dick smiles awkwardly and says, “To make sure we’re all on the same page, let’s sit down as a team and watch yesterday’s security tapes.”
They have a movie day. Raven passes out and has to be gently revived twice.
“I don’t think I look that weird,” Gar says, crossing his arms.