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He still remembers Donghyun looking at him with bright eyes while shaking his head. He was smiling softly, attractively tucking his long hair behind his ear. It was a pleasant memory that felt like it happened recently when in reality, it occurred months ago.
“Leehan.” The black-haired called, stopping the thin boy walking in front of him, who turned to look at him in confusion. His thick and pretty eyebrows rose in surprise when he saw his partner's pale skin begin to redden.
“Yeah?”
“Leehan, I…” The taller one coughs to clear his throat, determined to say what he had prepared for this moment. He knows he looks calm even though his body is purely nervous inside. “S-since the first time I saw you in this horrible place, I thought you were the strangest person I had ever met in my life, but also the most handsome.”
“Huh?” Leehan exclaimed at the sudden confession.
“I know I was an idiot to you at first when you just wanted to be nice to me, but I was so intimidated by you that behaving like that was the only way I had to protect myself from those weird emotions you caused me."
“Taesan, what are…?” He tried to speak but was interrupted by a hand in a stop signal from the Alpha.
“The world out there is fucked up; since I was recruited at eleven, my only thoughts were, why would I fight and risk my life for a world that is already lost because of selfish governments around the world? Why can't I die as I please instead of helping those who ruined our lives in the first place?” He says. He feels angry to think how people's lives are now because of the greed of humans with power and blinded by ideologies.
He sighs to calm his mind and be able to continue, “I was so angry all the time, waiting for a quick end to my life, but then you appeared two years later, with a calm so unreal in our reality and with such a kind personality that I couldn't believe that someone like that existed in the same world that I inhabited, so I tried to stay out of it; however, little by little I ended up giving in, and… you not only made me find good friends who long to live and change our horrible present, but you also made me change myself. You gave me a reason to go out and fight out there, to want to protect those I hold dear, and pray for each of them to come back alive every time until we have a normal life again.”
“…”
“I didn't even realise it, I just... I felt so happy any time I saw you, and I'd walk away because I shouldn’t be feeling anything but anger, but then... It felt so good to be by your side, telling you how handsome you were and are, making you feel shy, putting my arm around your shoulders, or talking to you... Kiss you that time, when I wasn't in all my senses because of my rut; doing that was the best thing that could have happened to me because it made me aware of my feelings... A-and I'm sorry about that! It must have been a bit of a shock, but I would never hurt you! I'm not a damn primitive Alpha!” He screams and then pretends to cough to control himself.
“Yeah, I know that,” Leehan confirms between laughs.
“Thank God, ha, ha.”
“And it's not that I can't beat you if you had tried something.”
“That's true.” Says him proudly. “Well, I also want to say that I'm lucky to be able to have you as my partner for these five years, and… this may not mean anything now, but at the time, it was a big step for couples who wanted to show the seriousness of their relationship...”
“Taesan.” The minor gasps, assuming what his man is trying to say.
“I want to show that I'm serious about us; that's why I wanted to ask you, Leehan, no... Kim Donghyun.” He knelt down, staring at him fixedly and seriously, “Will... Will you marry me, Kim Donghyun?!” Dongmin asked, taking out a small box from his pocket and opening it to show a shiny golden ring with fish carved along it and a small piece of glass in the middle, surprising the Omega.
“Han Dongmin, I...”
“No! Wait!” He exclaimed, standing up and almost tripping over his feet, “Don’t answer me now; do it after our mission, okay?” He asks; however, Leehan looks at him with big, bright eyes and a smile so sweet that Taesan only wants to step forward to kiss the long-haired guy. His heart raced when he saw him shaking his head.
“No, I won’t do that. I will not wait that long.” He says, adjusting his hair again and looking down at the ground to calm his nerves, “Yes, I want to marry you, Han Dongmin.” The Alpha can't stop his big, flat-toothed smile appearng on his face. He doesn't wait any longer to take that step forward and kiss his now fiancé while hugging him tightly and for a long time, only to separate himself a little from the other body to shout: 'He said yes!' with a fist in the air to no one in particular, because they were the only ones there, almost at the exit of the artificial forest where they had training, and Leehan covered his mouth and laughed at this strange behaviour.
“Wow, I'm sorry, I didn't even plan half of everything I said.” He confesses a little embarrassed, scratching his head with one hand while the other is joined to Leehan's.
“It was a good speech, and it's a good thing that Churches still exist.” They both smile at each other, and the black-haired remembers the box from which he takes out the ring that he slowly places on Leehan's finger. He feels proud to see the golden piece in his lover's hand. Leehan knows it because he notices it in his gaze. Then Taesan pulls out another ring to put it on himself, but Leehan removes it from his grasp, observing a cat design on Taesan’s jewel. He imitates the older and puts the pretty golden circle onto the taller’s finger, making the Alpha smile like a fool.
They hug again, and Taesan places a fleeting kiss on the side of Leehan's neck, dying to get to his room to let out all those emotions and have some private alone time with his handsome Omega after this happy moment.
Taesan realises that Leehan was always the most realistic one between them, only focusing on the present, meanwhile, he spent his time dreaming like a stupid child, seeing a future where the two of them returned safe and sound, where he'd stress himself out preparing the necessary things for a perfect fish-themed wedding to make his fiancé happy, and then marry him and kiss him so deeply that all of his guests would be embarrassed, including himself.
They’d spend their honeymoon on a pleasant beach or camping in some beautiful mountain; it’d be just the two of them until the Stork decided to come and knock on their door, so they’d take the big step of forming a family with children.
But none of that would happen; they couldn't prepare a wedding party, they wouldn't be allowed to because there are no resources or time for nonsense, the beaches are contaminated, and the mountains are deforested and deserted. Going outside the premises is dangerous, and distracting even for a second out there will mean being killed by the beasts they must destroy if they wish to restore the little humanity that remains.
Now he's alone. He returned successfully from the mission with minor injuries, only to be greeted with the devastating news that made his dreams of a happy life and family annihilated.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, Taesan...” Jaehyun says in a low voice, feeling guilty for telling him what happened to his partner, and he was also devastated by losing a friend. The young man is standing, alternating between squeezing and biting his lips, trying to digest what he was told with his eyes focused on the polluted sky.
Jaehyun sniffs a little with his slippery nose. He puts his hand inside his pocket and pulls it out almost instantly in a fist from which a metal chain can be seen hanging. He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his uniform before walking and reaching out to the taller one, who remains wordless. Slowly, he takes one of the hands clad in leather fingerless gloves and places the necklace with Leehan's dog tag that Sungho took from his body before he had to leave the place, and which was given to him when he visited them in the infirmary after they came back.
He can see the trembling lips pressing together, and the eyes suddenly flood with tears. The sight made him feel much worse.
Han Dongmin hisses and frowns before gathering his courage and seeing the object in his shaking hand. The small flat stainless steel thing with his fiancé's name written on it faces him, and Taesan curses, closing his hand and lifting his head as his tears fall straight to the ground. He runs a hand across his forehead to his hair, giving some steps before he crouches down, grabbing his head with both hands, still trying to deny reality. “This can't be happening…”
“I know…” Jaehyun tries.
“We were going to get married after this...” He confesses, and the older man looks at him in surprise. “He was going to marry me after finishing this mission... Damn it!”
“I-I'm sorry...”
“What happened?” He asks in a small voice, so broken that it hurts Jaehyun, who only stammers without knowing what to say. “How the fuck this could happen?!” He shouted, standing up to face the older man.
“He protected me...” Someone confesses, and when they look up, they see Riwoo with his head down and tears running non-stop down his cheeks, trying his best to stay standing with the help of his crutches. Sungho and Woonhak are by his side in case he falls, since his right leg and arm are in a cast, and it's visible how much pain he is in.
The younger one has his head and one eye bandaged, and almost all the exposed skin is decorated with more bandages or patches; Sungho’s covered in wounds too; a horrible cut closed with stitches runs through his face that looks a little swollen, and the red and purple colours of his scratches and bruises contrast too much with his fair skin. “Riwoo... You should stay lying down and resting.” Jaehyun scolds, and stays still when he feels Taesan moving, afraid of how he might react.
“What did you say?”
“I lost my knife, and I failed to load my gun, my bullets fell out everywhere... The monster suddenly was in front of me. I was going to die there, I know it... but Leehan came out of nowhere.” He declares with a trembling voice and a face deformed by crying. The image is so fresh that Riwoo felt he was still there.
The Omega's voice screaming his name still echoes in his mind, and he still feels the impact of Leehan's body pushing him aside at the same time as needle-like claws pierce fatally through the flesh.
The time seemed to freeze, and his body felt like it had turned into lead, so heavy that he couldn’t move. He also didn't believe that what was in front of his eyes was real—the view of the body of one of his dearest people being pierced by claws.
Riwoo screams like he has never before and gets up to help him. He doesn't think about anything; he doesn't think that he no longer has a weapon or that he's returning to a danger that has not been eradicated yet.
The creature's claws come out of the body when it changes position due to his screams, and he knows that it intends to attack him when a loud noise resounds, causing a horrible screech and an explosion of blood and viscera that fall on them, but he only focusses on one thing. “Leehan! No, no, no!” He exclaims, removing the younger's mask and doing the same with his, he sees the dull eyes fixed on the sky dirty by the smoke through the fake trees, his skin increasingly pale and sick. “Why did you do that?!”
“Hy-hyung...” He tries to speak, and Riwoo takes off his gloves and tries to stop the bleeding from his throat and chest with his hands; he can't cover the other lesion in his stomach, and seeing how the dark stained spot there expands makes his blood pressure drop, he feels like he was about to faint.
“No... No... It can't be happening!!”
“Do-don't... take it from m-me... Hhh... let me keep it... I said yes to him...” He begged between bloody gurgles, putting his hands together over his stomach to cover the ring. Riwoo didn't understand at first; he only focused on pressing the wounds where the blood seemed never to stop.
“Don't talk any more, Leehan...!!” He screamed in desperation, looking everywhere in search of someone who could help them.
“I said yes...” He tells him almost incomprehensibly, with a smile that shows his teeth-stained red. Riwoo moves his head in denial; the boy can barely speak because he's choking on his blood. “Doh...min g-got me... hhh... a ring; I wouldn't... have minded not... having one... but he got them...”
“Enough!! Please...! Concentrate on surviving...! J-just hold on...”
Leehan coughs, causing some blood to spray from his mouth. “Hhh... Tell him... tell him I'm... sorry, hyung...” He begs, placing his hand on the one that is pressing his chest, looking at him with tears sliding down the side of his face, breathing increasingly erratic.
Quick footsteps are heard on the ground; they’re short and light; a person, but the Beta's unable to move his attention from Leehan for fear of what he might see once he turns his gaze to his dying friend.
Sungho appears running with his rifle. He breathe heavily, clutching his arm where the torn uniform clothes can be seen. “No...” He runs and tries to do something to stop the bleeding of the youngest too, but even if he doesn't want to accept it, he knows it's too late to help him.
“I... Hhh... hh...”
The eyes that fade away begin to close.
The breathing is becoming more shallow.
“Leehan... Hey, Leehan...? Can you hear me?”
“He’s... he's gone.” Sungho whispered, dropping his gun, stupefied.
“No... NO! It can't be! Leehanie? Leehan! PLEASE WAKE UP! TELL ME SOMETHING!” Sungho remains static, looking at the body of one of his closest friends, and sees how Riwoo tries to do CPR in complete hysteria.
He couldn't believe this yet; it was so unreal. Just the day before, the six of them were enjoying tasteless, canned food with conversations full of laughter and wishing each other luck.
Sungho pushes through his stupor and picks up his gun when he hears something. He's crying and heartbroken, but he manages to keep his composure despite the pain and quickly places his hand on the soft cheek of the boy who will now rest eternally as a silent way of saying goodbye to him, then, he quickly tears off the dog tags from his neck, leaving one inside his mouth so when the Mortuary Affairs recover the body, they'll be able to identify him.
He takes Riwoo by his wrist to run away from there; he drags him with difficulty because the other doesn't want to leave the side of the deceased one.
They were attacked a short distance away from there. His mask was destroyed so easily, and his face was deeply cut from forehead to cheek; miraculously, his eye wasn't compromised, but the attack that started from his head reached his shoulder, fracturing his collarbone, and Riwoo, unable to recover from what happened previously, was careless and ended up with his arm and leg broken when he was thrown against a tree.
They don’t know how they managed to get out of there alive.
They look at Taesan, who's still standing without saying anything, just listening about the last moments of his lover, who lost his life protecting another person. “Should we tell him that he...?” Woonhak begins in a whisper but stops when he sees Sungho shake his head.
“Let's not add more pain now; he'll find out when he goes to identify the body. Zico hyung'll take care of bringing him back.” Says, and Woonhak nods with sadness.
“Hey, Taesan.”
“Hm?”
“How about... instead of having our children in the future, we adopt Riwoo hyung and Woonhak?” Leehan calmly asked, with his face resting on his hand, looking forward. Taesan almost choked with the water he was drinking.
“Aren’t they, like, too old?” He answers and looks at the direction his boyfriend is focussing on. Jaehyun, Sungho, Riwoo, and Woonhak are forming a circle and throwing a damn military boot in the air with their eyes fixed on the ground, waiting for the stupid thing to fall and hit one of them. “They’re not too smart either.”
“But they're so cute.” He says it with a smile that shows his teeth and makes his eyes hide.
“It won't be nice to see them drink milk from your chest; I wouldn't let them do that either.” His absurd comment makes the long-haired man laugh, and therefore Taesan ends up laughing, too.
“You're weird, Han Taesan.”
“Sorry.” He said. Disturbed by his own silly comment and the terrible scene in his mind that he tries to erase by shaking his head violently.
Myung Jaehyun's voice is heard; he yells at them to stop being fools in love and join the game. Taesan closes the bottle and puts his hand on the younger's back to stand up together, obeying the older and going to sacrifice some brain cells while playing with their friends.
“It was all my fault, Taesan...” The mentioned doesn't say anything and begins to walk away. Jaehyun calls him, intending to follow the taller, but only receives an angry shout back, ordering him not to follow him.
He wants to yell a lot of hurtful words at Riwoo. Blame him for ruining his life, but he knows he'll regret it later.
He knows that Leehan loved Riwoo immensely; no one could have stopped him from giving his life to protect him, or any of them.
The world is still too far from how it was before. The black, thick waters of the beaches due to human irresponsibility are neither beautiful nor safe; they're not like the ones Leehan'd have liked to swim in.
He takes off his mask to see the disaster with naked eyes.
Han Taesan has lost his world twice. Why would he want to lose it a third time?
He looks at the ring on his finger and smiles at the memory of when he went to the forges after meditating for days if it was a good idea to propose to someone in these living conditions, but he thought that if he didn't do it now, then it would never be.
He remembers the place looked like hell even from the outside, even so, he didn't care and continued until he met a man called Jongseong, who was taking out a metal bar inside the forge and then placed it on an anvil, where he began to hammer the object of a nice bright red colour, making some of the material splashes. “What is the reason for your visit, kid? We're not in a playground.” He asks without looking at him, blowing out the smoke from his cigarette, then he walks towards a press to continue flattening the bar.
“I... I wonder if you could do me a favour.”
“We're not charity, sweetie. Go bother somewhere else, okay?” Taesan made a face due to his unfriendly attitude.
“Please! I don't think it'll take too long; it's just... I'd like to ask if you could make a couple of rings for-”
“I'm not a jeweler, brat. I forge the weapons that will save your ass if you run out of bullets on the battlefield. Surely someone has a ring to give you or something. So get lost; I'm busy here.”
“I-”
“Always being a sweetheart, aren't you, Jay?” Says someone behind Taesan. The young tall man turns around and sees a shorter boy with a disapproving grimace; he doesn't look like someone who works here; his aroma is sweet and clean. For sure an Omega.
“Oh, not you again. What are you doing here? Adults are working, so don't bother, puppy.” Jay shouted, grabbing his cigarette with his fingers, and lifting his protective glasses to look at the newcomer.
“We're the same age, and stop calling me a puppy!”
“Whatever you want, shorty.”
“You...!” He stops when another man puts a hand on his shoulder, laughing subtly.
“Calm down, Jake.” Says someone who arrived with the Omega. The person's taller, has a calm look, and a kind smile decorated with white teeth. He introduces himself as Heeseung, and Taesan immediately greets them both. “It's not common for anyone to come here to make custom orders. What is it about?” Heeseung asks, walking to another of the workstations and putting on his glasses, leather apron, and gloves. Jake signals Taesan to walk with him, and Jay starts to complain that they aren't allowed to be there, but the shorter one shows his tongue at him and proceeds to ignore Jay. Taesan ignored him as well and approached Heeseung.
“Well... I wanted- I want!” he corrects himself fast. “To propose to my boyfriend, and... I was wondering if you could make me a couple of rings; it's okay if they're the simplest thing in the world; I just... I want to give him something when I ask him...” Jake shows him a big smile and turns to look at Heeseung with expectant and excited eyes.
The other laughed at his cute behaviour; in Dongmin's opinion, Jake did look like a puppy. “I suppose I could help you with that.”
“No worries! Heeseung hyung's maternal family was dedicated to making jewellery.” The shorter one explains, “You're fortunate, Taesan-ah!”
“Do you realize the times we live in, fools?” Jay interrupts with a sigh and soon begins to argue with the Omega again.
“I'm sorry to tell you that I won't be able to do something amazing; I remember the techniques, but in those years, I only helped my family for fun.”
“It's okay! It's the intention that counts.” The younger one reassures.
“Hyung is just being modest; he's made friendship rings for Sunghoon and me before, and they're amazing, look!” Jake raises his hand and sees that two of his fingers are decorated with rings with assorted designs. They look great.
The older Alpha laughs and asks if he knows the measure of his boyfriend's finger. He hands him a ring he borrowed from Leehan's room, and then they measure the circumference of Taesan's finger. When Heeseung asked about the material, the younger one told him he'd settle for whatever, but Jongseong appeared with golden cutlery and handed it to the other Alpha. “Use these; it's gold.” He commented, and the three of them looked at him surprised.
“Is it okay to spend them on something like this?” Taesan asks almost in panic.
“In an apocalypse, kiddo. Certain things lose their value, and the higher-ups won't ask about a stupid spoon.” He explains, and the Omega coos his good deed, which causes him a tickling attack. Taesan smiles at their nonsense but feels incredibly grateful.
“When do you need them?”
“Oh, um... I'd like to propose to him before we go on the next mission; we leave in two weeks, so...” Jay and Jake stand still, and the place falls silent, save for the sound of more forgers working in other workshops.
“I'll get to work on it then; come to see the progress in a couple of days.”
“Thank you very much!!” He shouts, bowing his body ninety degrees towards the elders, who laugh because of his politeness.
The young Alpha heard they belonged to a group of seven. He heard they had lost two of their members a few days ago. He didn't enquire much out of respect, but he managed to hear that it was Jake's partner and one of the younger ones who lost their lives and that Jay had irreparably damaged his legs.
He thought about the short Omega. He must be feeling the same agony as him. It has been months, and Taesan's pain has not lessened, not even a bit.
He had only known them briefly, but it was long enough to be conscious that they were good people, who also had faith in a better future. They were all stupid for thinking anything would change, Taesan thought bitterly. He clutched the three oval tags in his necklace hung around his neck.
“I'm not strong.” He said with a tired smile, closing his eyes. “Not without you by my side.” He wanted to tell that to Leehan, and then he thought about how tomorrow he'd go out to fight again, and this time...
He will be the one who does not return.