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Sirius Black was, as his name says it, the brightest star in the sky, he was always smiling and laughing. Glowing. Living his best life. He was only 16, well, in a few hours 17, and he had already achieved many things in his “things to do before I die” list (or as he would call it “things that got me disowned” list). He kind of always knew he wasn’t going to live up to his parents’ expectations, especially not his mother’s. He was and always will be a free soul. And living with his parents was a ticking bomb ready to blow up on his face, it was only a matter of time before he was officially drowned in the madness of that house.
He had let his hair grow, even though it hasn’t reached his shoulders, the length is perfect to do a tiny bun. He had light grey eyes and sometimes he would put eyeliner just because it makes his eyes look brighter. He had already done his first -muggle- tattoo (if you ask him if it hurt, yeah, it did). He had one of his ears pierced, courtesy of Marlene, of course.
He had the perfect friend group, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin and James Potter. Sirius and Peter were the perfect gossip duo, they knew everything about everyone. Sirius and Remus were the perfect sarcastic duo, they could make a comment and send everyone laughing their arse off. Finally, James and Sirius were the perfect brothers, if you could put it in simple words, you’d say they could read each other's mind, but in reality, it goes beyond that. They loved each other like they’ve known since birth (or even before that if possible). They had the most amazing and caring relationship; they rely on each other no matter the situation. Got detention? Don’t worry, James will wait for him. Sirius is angry? James will make him happy. Sirius is anxious? James will distract him with a prank. Sirius is sad? James will lend him his shoulder to cry. Sirius needed a new home? James will gladly be his family.
Simply brothers.
…
Except, Sirius already has a brother.
Regulus Black was another bright star, overshadowed by his older brother Sirius. Regulus was always quiet, shy even. He didn’t like the attention or being loud. He always liked to stick to the rules, because they were there for a reason. He was only 15 and living with his parents, whom he loved and was thankful for, but that didn’t mean he liked living with them. He would never complain about it though, he learned that it is better to stay quiet.
He was top of his class. He would study as much as his body would let him, because he simply had to be the best. He, however, always made time to stargaze every Friday night, and could just stay there all night. He wasn’t very tall, more like average. He had short curly hair, the perfect length for the curls to drop on his forehead. He had dark grey eyes. His face was always neutral.
He did not have the perfect friend group, Barty Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier, that’s it. He liked them, spent a lot of time with them, but to love them? He wasn’t sure, but how could he if he never knew what love was. Besides, it wasn’t as if he had a lot of choice, the main reason he was friends with them was because they both were Slytherin and his mother approves of them, purebloods and Slytherin? His mother’s dream.
Sometimes Regulus wonders what would it feel like to have a James Potter in his life, someone who will be there for you and love you as a brother.
And then he remembers he has a brother.
Just a brother who doesn’t love him.
He remembers the night that Sirius got disowned and ran to the Potter’s. He remembers it all too well. It was late at night, he was asleep when he heard all the commotionscreaming. At, at first, he thought it was one of the common fights Sirius had with his mother so he tried to fall back asleep. That was until he heard Sirius screaming, not a word, only pain could be heard. Looking back at it now the sound may hunt Regulus' mind till the day of his death. Regulus got up as fast as he could and followed the sound of Sirius’s screams, he ended up at the library.
Sirius was on the ground, screaming and crying. Asking, begging, his mother to stop. She, of course, never did. Her mother was using the cruciatus curse on her son. On his brother.
In order to use the unforgivable curses, you have to want to use them. You have to mean it. The pain, that’s it.
Regulus was sure he threw up at that moment. And he was also sure he would do anything to protect his brother, no matter the cost. So, what if his brother never came back for him? What if he was happier without him? At least he was happy. What if Regulus was living in hell? What if Sirius hated him?
What if that meant Regulus had to give up everything he wanted to be the heir of the house of Black, just so he could give his brother the freedom he deserves?
Protect his brother. No matter the cost.
That brings them to the present day.
Regulus asked Sirius if they could meet up before the older’s birthday at the Astronomy Tower, he really wanted to give his big brother a hug and his gift (it was a book with little notes he wrote because he thinks his brother will like them). Regulus was patiently waiting for Sirius, hoping with all of his heart he would show up eventually, even though he was running an hour late. He was looking up at the stars, watching how Sirius was brighter than any other night. He wondered if it was because it was going to be Sirius’s birthday in a few hours.
He heard footsteps approaching so he turned his head in the direction of the sound and his eyes lit up when he saw that his big brother did come to see him.
“Sirius,” he greeted his brother.
“Hello, Regulus,” his brother answered back, not Reg or Reggie. It’s okay, he is here, that’s what matters. “May I ask why I’m here?”
“I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and give yo-”
“Well couldn’t that have waited till tomorrow when it’s actually my birthday?” Sirius asked with a boring tone.
“Uh, I just guessed tomorrow you were going to be too busy celebrating…” Regulus had thought everything through, he had seen five years of his brother celebrating his birthday at Hogwarts, he never had time for him, but this time was different as his brother was coming of age.
“Yeah, you are probably right,” Sirius answered as he crossed his arms. “So…?”
“Oh yes, uh. Happy birthday, Sirius,” he said awkwardly, he didn’t know if Sirius would let him hug him, so he didn’t. “I also have something for you,” he added, looking at the book, he found it a couple of steps on the ground. Once he picked it up, he lent it to Sirius, and he took it suspiciously. “It has notes on the inside, when I read it, I thought you would like it.”
“Thanks, Reg,” Sirius said, still looking at the book. “I think Moony would like it too,” he said. By now Regulus knew who Moony was. As well as Wormtail and Prongs.
“Well, I wrote on it specifically for you, not Remus,” Regulus didn’t mean for it to sound too rude, but judging by Sirius’s face, it did.
“I know, but I will share it with Moony anyway if I want to, it is my present isn’t it?” Sirius rolled his eyes.
And it hurts.
It hurts so bad.
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Regulus said in a whisper. Sirius just shrugged.
“That’s it? I have to go, James and I are going to the kitchens and I don’t want to keep him waiting,” explained Sirius and Regulus wished he didn’t.
It hurts.
“So, you can keep me waiting for an hour or so, but how dare you leave James waiting?” he snapped. “You always choose him!”
Sirius stared at him.
“Exactly,” he replied sharply.
It hurts.
He watched how his big brother turned around and started walking.
“What does he have that I don’t?” asked Regulus, high enough for Sirius to hear, but his throat was threatening to close as he tried with all of his strength not to cry in front of his brother.
“What?” asked Sirius without turning around.
“What does James have that I don’t?” he asked again.
He wasn’t sure when Sirius started hating him, maybe it was the moment he was sorted into Slytherin. Maybe it was when Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor. Maybe it was when he met James and he realised that James Potter was a better brother than Regulus could ever be. Maybe it was before Hogwarts. Maybe it was when Regulus drew on the walls and Sirius took the blame, and with that, the punishment. Maybe it was when Regulus went most nights to his room because he had a stupid nightmare.
Maybe it was when Regulus was born.
Maybe it was when Regulus was born and he wasn’t James Potter.
Sirius turned around and looked at his baby brother. And oh, the look on his face, heartbreak at its finest.
“Reg, what do you mean?”
“I know you love James as your brother,” Regulus said, fighting not to cry. Sirius was going to say something but Regulus interrupted him. “I see you, you know? I watch you at the Great Hall, or at Quidditch practices, even when you think no one is watching you pull off a prank. I’m watching,” he cleans his nose with the edge of his sweater. “Not in a creepy way or maybe in a creepy way,” he chuckled, sadly. “I just want to see my big brother, be part of his - your - life even though I’m not,” this was breaking Regulus heart. “I see that I lost you to James a long time ago,” Regulus wouldn’t dare to look Sirius in the eyes, so he turned to look at the brightest star in the sky. “I know you have now the brother you always wanted, I just want to know, why him and not me?” Regulus asked again, this time letting a tear roll down his face.
“Reg…”
“It’s okay, Sirius,” more tears fell down, but his voice wasn’t shaking. “I just need to know.”
There was silence.
And it hurts.
“I truly don’t know when you started hating me, Sirius,” said Regulus. “But I do know that, even though you no longer consider me your brother, you will always be my big brother,” it didn’t matter that it was a fact, saying it out loud was painful. “And I will forever be proud of that, I don’t care how much it hurts, tu seras toujours la seule personne qui compte vraiment pour moi, Sirius,” he could see Sirius was crying as well. “I will always choose you. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you,” was the last thing he said to his big brother before he ran off, leaving Sirius just as broken hearted as Regulus was.
Sirius couldn’t move, he just watched his baby brother get away. He really had no idea how to answer Regulus’ question. Did he hate him? Maybe he did. But why? What has his brother done for him to despise him so much? For starters being a Slytherin. Never going against his mother.
Not following him when he got out of that house.
He looked at the sky, he could see his star shining as bright as ever, flickering for a moment, but never stopped glowing. Then he searched Regulus’s star. The brightest star in the Leo constellation. In the heart of the lion.
The heart of the lion.
He found it scary how accurate that was.