Work Text:
Bakugou Katsuki’s frustration was overwhelming. He had followed the recipe to the letter, yet the truffles just wouldn’t come out right at all! The consistency was all wrong and the wasabi was either too spicy or not spicy enough. He’d spent all of yesterday picking out the best ingredients he could find and a good chunk of his weekly allowance was gone, but at this rate he was going to waste everything! Coconut milk was stupidly overpriced and, thus, in short supply and it didn’t help that several packets of vanilla powder have already been blown up - serves the goddamn things right for being so hard to open! Cleaning up the mess they left behind was a total waste of time and the perfect batch that he was chasing after so desperately seemed as out of reach as ever.
“I-I don’t get what you mean, Kacchan…”
In the past, Midorya’s words would be more than enough to make Bakugou to slam the door on this idea, but walking away would mean giving up. He’d be damned if he’d be that weak in front of this nerd.
“Dammit, Deku - just answer the freaking question!”
The question was absolutely straightforward in his mind, but he was not sure why he was asking it. A faint realization has been floating under the surface of his conscious mind for quite a while, and this was Bakugou’s first attempt to cope with it. Even in this, he was not facing it head-on - the agitation and confusion that it’d been causing him was just too much for him to handle.
“O-okay! Uhm… I can’t remember Mom ever telling me that I had any allergies to chocolate, but… I don’t know for sure… “ There was no hint of irritation on Midoriya’s face and that flustered and frustrated Bakugou at once. ”Kacchan… Why are you asking…”
Midoriya lowered his gaze and started doing what Bakugou gracefully referred to as “that creepy thing.” It didn’t take long for him to let out an audible gasp. This was getting to be much for Bakugou to handle.
“What? What were you gonna say?! Pay attention to me when I’m talking to you!”
Midoriya’s brief silence allowed the irrational feelings that Bakugou felt to keep compounding in on themselves further and further, leaving the boy extremely anxious. He clenched his fists tighter and tighter as seconds began to turn into milliseconds before the relief finally arrived.
“No…” Midoriya kept his expression neutral, trying to keep himself from inadvertently exacerbating Bakugou’s current state. “I’m pretty sure I don’t have any allergies, Kacchan… To chocolate, I mean…” The addition at the end came from some unknown anxiety that Midoriya himself couldn’t quite explain.
Midoriya’s anxious pause hung in the air and Bakugou decided that the conversation was over. He turned just in time to not see Midoriya’s uncertain smile.
Something had to change. He could not bash his head against the same wall over and over again and expect different results. Chasing after perfection is hard work, Bakugou knew, and he had to be the number one to find it. Unravel himself for it and put himself back together, better and stronger. Destroy any walls that might rise in his path. Every single one of them.
There was a mistake, somewhere. A miscalculation. The recipe was not wrong, this much he knew. It had to be something wrong with him! How could he be so stupid? How could he believe that it could be anything but his fault?!
The sound of the ice-cream scoop hitting floor was an indictment that Bakugou could not bear. He stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the cupboard door hard enough for its battered hinges to finally give out.. His mother’s obligatory request to keep the damned racket down was duly ignored.
“So you think it’s okay to look down on me, huh? Still think you’re better than me? You think I’ll let you get away with that?!”
Violently pinning Midoriya against the wall would seem to be something that Bakugou would be exceedingly proficient at, but these confrontations would always take a heavy toll on Bakugou’s mind. Cruelty never really phased him - after all, it was just another tool to take his rightful place in the world. Nothing was without its uses when it was for the sake of a goal as lofty as this. Still, when it came to Midoriya it always felt just a tiny bit harder. The price that he had to pay for it was more than it should have been, and this dissonance always left Bakugou unsettled and confused.
“Why do you have to be like this, Kacchan? This has nothing to do with you! I know what I want! I want to be a hero that saves people! I don’t care about winning or losing, Kacchan!”
Despite all the abuse that Izuku suffered at the hands of Bakugou over the years, it still hurt to be so utterly misunderstood - especially by someone who did so much to help propel him towards his goal.
“Oh, Deku - you stupid, stupid idiot! You still don’t get a damned thing! A true hero never loses - something a wimp like you could never understand! He can never be defeated or he is no hero at all! I can’t believe that you can be such a moron!”
Bakugou’s grin was almost maniacal, but Midoriya knew better. He’d seen that same smile before - it was the same smile that Bakugou always used to hide his distress and uncertainty.
“I don’t agree with that! I can’t agree with that, Kacchan!” Bakugou’s grip weakened. “I’ve had so many heroes in my life push me onward - even you are one of them! I’ll try to save everyone I can but if I could be a hero for just one person in the way all of you have been for me, then that will be good enough for me!”
Bakugou wasn’t prepared for Midoriya’s shove and it managed to stagger him. He lingered unsteadily, staring at the wall all the while witnessing the myriad of conflicting thoughts unfolding in his head as Midoriya walked away, their nature and meaning still an alien mystery to him. He did not notice Izuku turn and look over his shoulder.
“I’ll always do my best, Kacchan, but that does not mean that I won’t be true to my heart!”
Bakugou still stood there when Deku left him behind once more.
Looking into the deep ochre of the void is difficult. Many dark things lurk there, just below the surface and out of your reach. You have to be brave enough to look into it, but it’s meaningless without the fear.
Without fear, without imperfection, you can’t find the sun that lies beyond it. Without it, the lessons it will impart will be hollow, your mind unchanged.
Such lessons are difficult and hard to put into words, but Bakugou had heard the words he needed before, even if he didn’t quite know it. Still, it was a hard road, even if he had what he needed to brave it.
Bakugou stepped into the kitchen and approached the task once more. Coconut milk was carefully measured and poured into the glass. Packets of vanilla powder were laid out and carefully opened without letting a drop go to waste. The ice cream scoop was procured from underneath the fridge. This time, Bakugou decided to try and force himself to let go. This time, he just might succeed.
The afternoon sun shone on the vacant school desks, dust particles floating around lazily in the warm sunlight.
“They’re spicy, Kacchan…”
“You don’t like it… You telling me that my chocolate sucks? Is that it Deku?”
“N-No, not at all! Of course not, Kacchan - I wouldn’t!” Placating Bakugou didn’t seem to work and Izuku hastily followed up the first truffle with another one. “It’s sweet, too - a lot sweeter than it would have been without the spiciness. I love it, Kacchan.”Although it seemed like he managed to tread through this minefield unscathed, he decided to risk another step anyway. “It was perfect, but it didn’t have to be.”
Hearing these words, Bakugou tried to brace himself for the inevitable wave of anger that was about to wash over him, to muster all the scattered bits of self-control to keep himself from drowning in this maelstrom like he always did.
It never came.
What he felt in his heart was a quiet but radiating warmth. A sun, small but resolute.
Midoriya clumsily tried to hide giddiness at the sight of something he’d never seen before - Bakugou’s calm smile. It didn’t last long before his usual expression of quiet discontent returned, but it lasted long enough.
“You know you owe me chocolates too, right?”
“I do, huh…” Midoriya jumped out of his classroom chair, a broad grin that betrayed only a fraction of his usual bashfulness on his face. “Well - you’ll have to help me out because you’re way better at cooking than I am!”
“That’s not how it works, you idiot! You’re supposed to do it yourself! I’m not gonna help you, Deku!”
“Would it be okay if I helped you, instead?”
Midoriya knew that he was pushing it, but he just couldn’t quite help himself.
“That’s… that’s not how it works, either!” Bakugou’s flustered words made Midoriya afraid that he overdid it. “…But I’ll think about it. You’ll have to find the recipe, though, and it’d better be a damn good one!”
Midoriya’s relieved smile made the glow in Bakugou’s heart just a tiny bit warmer.
“I promise you, Kacchan - I’ll do my best!”