Chapter Text
“AND GENG WILL BE YOUR LCK 2024 SPRING CHAMPIONS!”
The roaring cheer washed over them at full force as they took their headsets off. The air was warm with excitement and the floor seemed to thrum with energy as they walked forwards to take a bow. Everything was a blur as Jihoon approached the trophy yet again. He could feel bodies pushing and jostling around him as the rest of his teammates crowded around to reach for the pedestal.
Finally letting himself smile, he reached out to touch the trophy. He could feel the impatience as his teammates waited in anticipation for Siwoo to count down before they hoisted the trophy all together. The stage lights glinted off the silver planes of the trophy. The proof of their achievement. Excitement. Happiness. Joy.
Hello, it’s nice to meet you.
Jihoon pulled back his hand like he was burned. The silvery euphoria of the moment turned cold as he quickly pulled the sleeve of his shirt, which had slid downwards when he lifted the trophy, back over the cursed words burned onto his shoulder. His heart was pounding for all the wrong reasons now. Did anyone see? They couldn’t have.
How did he always forget? How did he always let himself forget? Everytime, without fail, the same thing happens: He lets himself get swept away in the joy and excitement and lifts the trophy just a little bit too high, just a little bit too quickly.
At this point it felt like the universe was taunting him. Out of everything in the world, it was the action of lifting the trophy that always threw those words back in his face. It felt like a curse he was branded with. No matter how much people praised him and called him special, those words were the universe’s reminder that he wasn’t as special as he thought he was and he would never be.
His teammates’ excitement faded into background noise as they all piled into their van. Jihoon rubbed at his shoulder, taking a deep breath. Today was supposed to be a celebration. He couldn’t bring down his teammates’ moods by spiraling. He smiled and asked the others what they wanted for dinner.
~
The crowd was cheering again. The world around him was a blur of bright white from the blinding stage lights. The lights shone so brightly that he couldn’t even see his teammates around him. A silhouette approached him, visible even through the glaring light. Jihoon squinted in an attempt to see the person’s face but his efforts were in vain. Even as the person approached him, not a single discernable feature was visible.
This annoyed Jihoon. For some reason it seemed important. He needed to see this person’s face. He didn’t know why it was important but he was certain it was. The person continued to approach him and he found his body moving automatically and without his permission. He made a small bowing gesture and bumped his fist against that of an invisible person. He did it again even though he was sure there was no one standing in front of him.
Then it was the person that was real. The important person that he couldn’t see. He bowed and touched their knuckles together in a moment that was all too short. Jihoon tried to turn his head to track the person that was now walking past him, but he found himself unable to control his body. His body bowed again towards a person that wasn’t even there. Why was it doing that? He desperately urged his body to turn around only for it to bow once again and greet empty space.
To his dismay, when his body finally moved again it turned in the opposite direction and began walking away. ‘No!’ Jihoon tried once again to turn around and seek out the silhouette of a person to no avail. His head faced stubbornly forward no matter how many times he urged it to move. The sound of the crowd began to get closer and his body finally stopped moving. As he took the final bow, he was sure he could feel a pair of eyes burning into the back of his head.
Jihoon woke up with a gasp. A sharp agitation coursed through his body and he found himself looking around his room in search of something. He wasn’t quite sure what he was looking for but the fact that he couldn’t find it made him all the more annoyed. He twisted his head around only to be faced with a blank wall. Why did he think there was something there? He was sitting in bed, of course there wasn’t anyone behind him. That was ridiculous.
He laid back down and closed his eyes. The agitation still itched like ants crawling over his skin, urging him to get up and look for it . Jihoon groaned and rolled onto his back, glaring miserably at the ceiling.
“What am I looking for?” He said irritably. Unsurprisingly, the empty space didn’t reply to him, but the voice in his head urged him once again to look . He pulled the blankets over his head and hoped the added darkness would help him fall asleep again. Of course it didn’t. The voice in his head didn’t shut up until Jihoon reluctantly threw off his blankets and got out of bed.
The clock read 3am as Jihoon wandered out into the common area to get a glass of water. To his surprise, there was still someone sitting on the couch. The glow of their laptop was the only thing visible in the otherwise dark apartment and Jihoon squinted to see who it was.
He gasped as a sharp pain laced through his skull. It was familiar. It felt familiar. Someone. Someone he couldn’t see. Someone that was important. When did this happen? Why couldn’t he remember?
“Hyung?” Suhwan’s voice broke through the silence and the light disappeared abruptly as he slammed his laptop closed. “What are you doing awake? I thought you were sleeping? What- when did you get here?”
Jihoon blinked blearily into the darkness as his eyes adjusted, “I couldn’t sleep. What are you doing awake?”
“Uhh, I couldn’t sleep either.” Suhwan mumbled.
Jihoon frowned. Why did he sound so nervous? Why would he close his laptop like he was looking at something he shouldn’t be? Jihoon grimaced as he realized what it could be. Suhwan was at that age after all. Jihoon sighed, “It’s fine if..you know.” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “Just don’t do it in common areas okay? I know you still have to share a room with Siwoo hyung and all but maybe the bathroom…?”
Suhwan’s dumbfounded expression was barely visible in the dimly lit living room, “Hyung, what are you talking about?”
“You know,” Jihoon gestured vaguely at the computer, “Whatever you were looking at on your laptop. Nothing to be embarrassed about, just-”
“I wasn’t-” Suhwan looked absolutely mortified, “Did you think I was- Hyung!!!”
Suhwan sounded so appalled that it was almost funny if it weren’t so awkward. “Why else would you have closed your screen so fast?” Jihoon defended himself, “Stop acting like I drew a weird conclusion.”
“I was looking at-” Suhwan paused and hesitated before he opened his laptop again. Jihoon walked closer to peer at his screen.
“Soulmates without tattoos?” Jihoon read.
Suhwan fidgeted, looking embarrassed, “It’s just an online forum. People talk about soulmates and stuff. I like looking at it sometimes because it makes me feel better.”
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on. The name of the forum was pretty self explanatory, and so was why someone would browse the contents to cheer themselves up. Jihoon steeled himself and mustered up the best older brother energy he could. Emotional support? He could do that. Easy. He would say something simultaneously comforting and understanding. He could ease the embarrassment and bad mood all at once.
“That sounds, uh, nice. I’m glad it helps.” Jihoon cringed at himself even as he said the words aloud. He could do better than that. “It sounds really interesting,” Jihoon continued, “What kind of things do people post?”
That seemed to be the right direction to take, because Suhwan relaxed a bit and began to scroll through the website, “It’s just stories mostly, but lots of helpful tips too.”
“Tips?” Jihoon echoed.
“Tips that people without distinctive tattoos can use to find their soulmate.” Suhwan said, “It’s less reliable of course, but there are lots of things I never knew before finding this group.”
Jihoon felt a familiar pang in his chest at the mention of soul marks, this time accompanied with something else. He swallowed nervously, struggling to keep his voice neutral when he spoke again, “There are other ways?”
Suhwan turned to look at Jihoon with a new light in his eyes, “It’s still a topic that’s being studied, but there’s some pretty concrete evidence already! The most well studied ones are prophetic dreams, which are a type of dream that you have after you meet your soulmate. Unlike your special words, the dreams aren’t a one time thing. They happen every time you meet your soulmate so even though the words aren’t special enough there’s still a way for people to tell if they’ve met their soulmate. Of course it means it could be anyone they met that day but it’s still better having some clue as opposed to not knowing at all. And there’s also a new theory emerging about the universe naturally pushing soulmates towards each other, but that one is harder to study because it’s so abstract. There’s this one lady’s story that makes it seem really plausible though. What happened to her was so absurd that it had to be some sort of universal interven-”
Suhwan trailed off and looked embarrassed again when he realized he was rambling, “Sorry. I’ve just looked into this a lot because…” he stared down at his wrist and Jihoon followed his gaze. In the soft glow of the laptop screen, he could vaguely see the words “good morning” written in plain and unassuming black script. Jihoon looked away like he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to. He must’ve covered it with makeup every morning. Jihoon couldn’t imagine having to look at his tattoo every day like that.
“Yeah.” Suhwan mumbled, “That’s why I look at this stuff. It just gives me more hope. You know that most people with generic soul marks never find their soulmate?”
“Yeah.” Jihoon’s voice felt heavy, “82% according to the census this year. Higher than 77% in the previous year.”
Suhwan looked up at him with wide eyes, “You also….?”
Jihoon nodded, ignoring the pain in his chest. Suhwan stared at him for a few more seconds. Jihoon knew what he was expecting, but he couldn’t bring himself to lift the sleeve of his shirt. Jihoon looked away and Suhwan quickly turned his head back to face the laptop. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Jihoon forced himself to say, “I just don’t like thinking about it.”
“Well maybe you can look through the forum?” Suhwan suggested tentatively, “It always comforts me. Or if you don’t want to think about it at all, that's fine too.”
Jihoon smiled, “Thanks Suhwan. You really should get some sleep though. Who knows, maybe you’ll have your dream tonight.”
Suhwan wrinkled his nose, “I hope not. I’ve met so many people today that it would be impossible to tell who it was.”
Jihoon laughed, relieved that Suhwan looked to be in good spirits again, “That’s true. I should probably try to sleep more too.”
“Hyung?” Suhwan called as Jihoon turned to leave. Jihoon stopped and glanced back towards him. Suhwan looked awkward again, “I don’t know the right way to phrase this and I don’t mean to offend at all. It just…It made me feel better that you’re also like me. Because if someone like you has the same problem as me, then maybe it doesn’t mean that I’m not-”
Suhwan frowned as he tried to find the right words, “Then maybe it’s not a bad thing. If you’re the same. Like, If someone as amazing as you was also given a generic soulmark, maybe it doesn’t mean that I’m doomed to be mediocre. Something like that. If that makes sense. Sorry. I’ll just go to sleep.”
“Thanks for saying that.” Jihoon called after him, “Goodnight.”
Suhwan gave him a small nod before disappearing into his room. Jihoon stared into the emptiness of the dark room. He wasn’t sure if learning that his teammate was like him too made it better or worse. He didn’t want anyone else to deal with the doubts he did, yet something about what Suhwan said made sense. It would be absurd to say Suhwan wasn’t special just because of his mark, so it would take some mental gymnastics to still think himself inadequate for the same reason. Yet…..
Jihoon sighed. Wouldn’t it have been nice to be born special though?
Like some sort of masochist, he often clicked on articles gossiping about different LCK players and their soulmarks. The poster child for them, of course, was Geonbu and Heosu.
The photo was burned into everybody’s mind at this point. They stood on stage, the world’s trophy they just won next to them. Brilliant smiles were plastered across their faces and confetti fluttered through the air. The star of the show was the soulmarks displayed proudly on their forearms; They both glittered in an identical silvery blue color, the sentences side by side as their hands were clasped together and raised above their heads in a celebration of their victory.
“Let’s make history together.”
“When you smile like that it makes me feel like anything is possible.”
A familiar envy twisted his stomach as Jihoon scrolled past the photo in the latest article about soulmate tattoos. They always had to use that photo didn’t they. Jihoon pushed it out of his mind and continued to scroll down. To his surprise, the next one was a photo of Minseok. It looked to be a frame from one of their videos, and the collar of his shirt was pulled down enough to reveal red and golden script scrawled under his collarbone.
“How is it possible you’re cuter in person.”
Even through the envy, Jihoon found himself feeling happy for Minseok. What a soulmark to have. How would it feel, to have a soulmark like that? He could guess with fair certainty who Minseok’s soulmate was too. He really was lucky, in more ways than one. Pain stabbed at his chest as he read the words under the photo: “A tattoo truly befitting of a genius. As if we needed more proof that Ryu “Keria” Minseok was truly special.”
Jihoon scrolled past the remainder of the commentary and to the next photo. This time it was Wooje, a cheeky smile on his face as he leaned over to steal something out of Minhyung’s plate. The next photo zoomed in on Wooje’s ankle, where the bottom of his pants had rode up enough to expose the words “Wanna duo?” written in red and black. Before Jihoon’s eye could catch on the paragraph no doubt talking about how the tattoo was proof Wooje was born to play league, he scrolled onto the next photo.
He was surprised again when he was faced with a photo of Sanghyeok. It was an old photo, it couldn’t have been taken long after he first debuted. Surely if someone like Sanghyeok’s tattoo was known Jihoon would’ve heard about it already. There was no way that sort of news wouldn’t spread like wildfire. The next photo was zoomed in on a spot just above his hip. Sanghyeok’s arms were raised, causing the hem of his shirt to lift ever so slightly. Although no words were visible, a hint of red text could be seen. No wonder no one had discovered it before now.
Even with not a single word visible, this photo somehow made Jihoon feel the worst. The paragraph below speculating on the red color of the tattoo matching the team he was loyal to didn’t help. Of course he was special too. Jihoon wouldn’t be surprised if his soulmate was one of his old teammates. If he was right about who he guessed to be Minseok and Wooje’s soulmates, it would mean every member of that team had tattoos printed in red. Of course they did. Of course they were just that special.
Jihoon closed the tab with the article, feeling guilty about the bitter thoughts spiraling through his head. It wasn’t their fault they were born lucky and it wasn’t their fault Jihoon wasn’t. For the first time in a long time, Jihoon pulled up the sleeve of his shirt to look at his tattoo.
Hello, it’s nice to meet you.
The words still made his heart ache in a way that nothing else could. He traced his fingers over it. The words were in neat but unremarkable script, the only consolation being that they were written with all the colors of the rainbow. One color blended seamlessly into the next as they spelled out the cursed words. Before Jihoon learned to read, the tattoo had looked beautiful to him. Compared to the dull monocolor tattoos that were common, the rainbow lettering was special. Until he learned to read the words he thought it meant he was special too.
He pulled the sleeve of his shirt down with a sigh. There was no point dwelling on it. If people wouldn’t give him pitying looks, would he even care about the unremarkable tattoo? If it weren’t for the judgment he wouldn’t even care what his soul mark looked like. He was too busy for love, it had always been more about what the uniqueness of the mark meant symbolically. He didn’t care that it made it difficult to find his soulmate. He would be fine choosing someone himself instead of letting fate decide for him.
Or would he?
Even if no one would look at him with pity or look down on him, would he truly be happy with someone that wasn’t his soulmate? Every time he thought about it, it had been about the way people viewed such relationships as lesser or unnatural, he had never considered his own opinion on it. Would he be happy with it? Would he be satisfied settling for someone else?
Well, the fact that he considered it settling at all was enough of an answer.
“82%.” He said aloud to himself. “82% chance I end up alone.”
Maybe it was worth looking into that thing Suhwan was talking about after all. Curiosity took the place of the bitterness as he clicked onto the website Suhwan showed him earlier. A quick glance through the forum told him that it was mostly just people sharing the dreams they had with others. Some posts talked about the struggles and others celebrated finally finding their person after a long search.
Pinned at the very top was what Jihoon assumed Suhwan was talking about earlier: The story of the woman that met her soulmate through universal intervention.
Jihoon was sure reading someone else’s success story would only make him feel worse, but he clicked on it anyway. Curiosity killed the cat, but hopefully this was an instance where satisfaction would bring it back to life.
“Parallel line theory: If two soulmates exist around each other for long enough without forming a bond, the universe will intervene to force them together. Parallel lines do not meet no matter how long they run side by side. The fates recognize this and twist reality to make them collide anyway.
The theory sounds crazy, but hear me out! It took me three years of working at the same company with my soulmate(now my husband) to realize he was my soulmate, and the series of events leading up to that realization sound like the plot to some romantic comedy!
I started out at a different company. I work in finance and originally was an analyst at a small company. My soulmate was a lawyer, and worked on the legal side of the financial industry. The first time we met he was doing an inspection of our company and shortly after that the company was shut down. I didn’t think much of it and ended up at another company. Somehow, that company also shut down within a month. Finally, I ended up at the same company as my soulmate. I still worked in the finance department while he worked in the legal department.
For context, the restructuring team hadn’t run into legal troubles in over a year. When I joined then however, legal issues began to arise within the month. First they began happening every month or so, then every week, then before I knew it I spent every hour of every day working side by side with my soulmate. Of course, with us so focused on work it never even occurred to me to think about my soulmate. I didn’t know about the prophetic dreams at this point in time, so it just felt like I was dreaming about work all the time haha.
We worked with each other for almost a year before the most absurd series of events happened. It was summer during an unexpected heatwave, and the generators overheated while I was in the elevator with him. The power went out and trapped us there. Typically firefighters would be called to help resolve the situation but there was conveniently a large house fire all the way on the other side of the city. No one was coming to help us.
With the air conditioning shut off alongside the power, it was starting to get really hot in the elevator and we agreed that we would both look the other way and just take off our clothes. I don’t know how long we sat there in our underwear, but at some point when I moved I saw that his soulmark was the same color as mine. I freaked out a little and probably handled it poorly but I grabbed his arm to get a closer look. He was also freaked out by that at first, but when I touched the mark it started glowing the way people always said it would.
Looking at the dull tattoo I had, I never thought that it could actually be beautiful, but the moment he touched it the words were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. The way people describe the glow in books doesn't do it justice. Looking at the tattoo that day, I could finally understand how moths could find something so captivating that they don’t even notice themselves burning alive.”
The post ended there.
To Jihoon’s surprise he did feel better. Like Suhwan said, the story brought him an odd sort of comfort. Even if the tattoos weren’t enough for him to locate his soulmate, maybe the universe would bring them together regardless. He pulled up his sleeve to look at his tattoo again. This time he imagined someone else’s fingers running over it, and wherever the imaginary fingers touched the words would light up in a brilliant glow.
He sighed and covered the tattoo again. It was a nice thought while it lasted. Nothing but wishful thinking. The next post pinned on the front page caught his eye: The definitive guide to prophetic dreams. The hope he was trying to suppress leapt up again and urged him to click on the post.
“Hello everyone! As someone who has tracked prophetic dreams for over a year before successfully finding my soulmate through them, here is my definitive guide to identifying and interpreting soulmate dreams!
1. The only thing visible in your dream will be your soulmate. If you can see any other people or objects then it is NOT a prophetic dream. It’s likely you’ll be aware that other things exist but you shouldn’t be able to actually see them.
2. You may or may not see your soulmate’s physical attributes but any characteristic you notice will be accurate! Your soulmate will usually appear as a silhouette or you won’t be able to remember how they look when you wake up, but any hints you remember will be helpful in finding them in real life! In fact, I finally located my soulmate because I saw his earring in a dream and remembered how it looked.
3. The contents of your dream will give you hints on where you met or aspects of their personality. However, the dreams are NOT literal(e.g if your dream is in a coffee shop it doesn’t mean you met in a coffee shop). An example would be dreaming about a bookstore and the both of you liking to read or being cold in a dream because you ran into your soulmate somewhere outside.
4. The more you run into them the more likely you are to have dreams vivid enough that you remember them. Once you’ve spoken to them the dreams should become more and more informative as well. However, I was friends with my soulmate for almost half a year before I got a single hint about his appearance in a dream. If you don’t befriend them then it may take even longer for the dreams to become more specific. Awareness is key! Most people don’t pay much attention to their dreams and don’t even notice these special ones happen.
5. Last but not least, be careful of placebo dreams! Once you become aware of these dreams and how they should look, your brain may artificially produce them. Take the events of each dream with a grain of salt and keep an open mind!
Happy soulmate finding!”
Jihoon laid back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. It seemed simple enough in concept. It took that person a year. A year wasn’t really that long in the grand scheme of things. If he started trying starting now, how long would it take him? There was no guarantee he was even going to meet his soulmate anytime soon though. Some people didn’t meet theirs until much later in life.
He turned onto his side and closed his eyes. It didn’t matter when he met them. He could wait. At the very least, with the new information in mind, he wouldn’t miss the moment he met them. It was a comforting thought. Once he met them, he would find them just like that person had. Except he wouldn’t take a year. He could do it in half that time. A quarter of the time. Just like in his career, he had no room for doubts. Even if the words on his arm were useless, at least he could take things into his own hands. In the end, he trusted himself a lot more than he trusted fate.