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“You're not the way people say you are,” whispered Nobara, “i know you, i know you better than those people do. They say you don't care about anyone, that you don't want to be close to anyone. Everyone says you hate having friends. Thats not the way you really are at all.”
Megumi looked at her, a slight look of confusion in his eyes.
And while he stared, Nobara leaned in and kissed him. Taking a deep breath as if diving underwater.
She had never kissed anyone before, and it felt nothing like she had imagined. It was wet and soft in a way that was unlike anything she had ever felt. It was — though she wouldn't know it– the kiss of a little girl, gentle and sweet. Under her lips Megumi seemed frozen to his seat although his body was warm against hers, and his touch sent sparks through her body. He smelled like rain and the sky and clean laundry. It was then that –in her mind— she skipped ahead to where, like the movies, they would climb into the backseat with their hands all over each other, touching passionately on one another's bodies. His lips grazing her neck, her shoulders, her breasts. She thought even further ahead, to when Yuuji would return with all his stories about his trip and when she would have a story to tell to him. Both of them would be changed people.
Megumi pulled away, very gently.
“You’re sweet.” he said.
He looked down at her but –as she could see now– not as a lover at all, but as someone would look at a child. Tenderly, softly, as if she had just fallen and scraped her knee. It made her shrivel up inside. Her face heated and she averted her eyes, looking down at her hands.
“Kugisaki,” Megumi sighed softly, “its not you.”
“Then what?”
He froze again, pausing for so long is was as if he had forgotten to speak. The car filled with silence so thick that it felt solid. When he finally spoke, his face was turned to the window as if he was speaking to the trees outside,“Yuuji.”
“What about Yuuji?” she said indignantly “don't be afraid of him, he doesn't care! He doesnt matter.”
“He matters,” Megumi said, still looking out the window, “he matters to me.”
That took Nobara a moment to process as she stared at Megumi’s face, like it had changed shape or his hair had changed colors. Why would Yuuji matter to him?
And then it hit her. Maybe it was the flush on his face that gave it away, or maybe it was how affectionately and sadly Megumi had said his name. She flushed.
“You–” she started, unsure how to put this realization into words, “you—and Yuuji–”
“No no it’s not what you think, we’ve never done anything. He barely even talks to me. I’m pretty sure he hates me anyways.” he still wouldn’t meet her eyes. “But ever since we met, he’s always… i don't know.”
Then Nobara turned away, opening the door and letting herself out without hearing the rest of what Megumi would have said. She didn’t want to hear about how he had been idolizing and crushing on Yuuji in the year since they’d known each other. She didn't want to admit that Megumi and Yuuji would be sweet together, if it was possible. If it didn't break all the rules of what was right in the world. If it didn’t leave her as a lone wolf, with nobody to be with besides herself.
She didn't stop walking until she made it back to her home and past it, all the way to the lake down the street. She looked into the water while she thought about Megumi, and about Yuuji, and about all the things that would never be.
-
Meanwhile, megumi sat fuming in his car. Unsure of everything now that he had tried to put his yearning into words. It had always been inside him, this desire, but he had been smart enough to keep it to himself. He knew that it would get him nowhere, especially because he was pretty sure Yuuji hated him.
“Great,” he muttered to the empty car, “this is all just great. I’ve upset Nobara and probably ruined whatever miniscule chance I ever had with Yuuji.”
What an awful night.
He was ashamed of himself for the affection he felt towards the other boy. That wasn't natural was it? It wasn’t how he should feel. But if anything, the kiss from Nobara had done nothing but confirm his feelings. While the kiss had been sweet, it had not inspired any great feeling inside him. It left him feeling awkward and bad. If any girl could’ve elicited some kind of emotional response, it would have been her. But all he found himself wanting was to have the same experience with Yuuji.
They’d kiss, both leaning in towards each other. It would start soft, and it would taste of the chapstick Yuuji applied often. As they continued, it would get more and more intense, their hands would reach for each others bodies, desperate to be closer to one another. Like magnets being held a millimeter away, being pulled together by a force they couldn't refuse. Combing hands through each other’s hair, over clothes, feeling the other’s silhouette as their mouths continued to press together.
Then, just like the movies, they’d climb into the backseat and get wilder and more desperate. Yuuji’s lips trailing down Megumi’s neck, his chest, his torso. Their hands reaching for more and more. Their bodies leaving no space between them.
Oh how he yearned for that.
Oh how unlucky he was that it wouldn't happen.
He could still dream.