Work Text:
FRANK N FURTER’S ESTATE - NIGHT
The Crew of the Star Ship Enterprise has been thrown back in time to the 21st century and is now exploring the area of the anomaly. CAPTAIN KIRK and MISTER SPOCK have been beamed down and are now trying to enter Frank-N-Furter’s Castle, where RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA await them. FRANK-N-FURTER is offstage entertaining the PARTYGOERS.
CAPTAIN KIRK and MISTER SPOCK approach the Frankenstein residence in 1970s investigation apparel (it is important to note the bandana on SPOCK’S head to hide his ears, which is very out of place, also most of his dialogue is said like super bland/direct in that traditional Vulcan way) trying to get out of the pouring rain.
SPOCK (Holding out his Tricorder to the castle door) It seems we have reached the home of the anomaly Captain. (He puts the tricorder into his coat pocket) We must proceed with Plan B if this goes awry.
KIRK (Walking up to the door to knock) Yes, before we cause any more disturbance of the past then our presence here already does. (He chuckles a little then knocks firmly)
There is a small pause before Riff Raff opens the door looking over both CAPTAIN KIRK and MISTER SPOCK with a suspicious glance.
KIRK Hello there sir, I’m James Kirk and this is my partner, Mr. Spock, is there any way for us to meet the owner of this residence? There was a report of a dangerous leak and we were sent to investigate it.
RIFF RAFF (Taking an awkward pause)...Come in, the master would be delighted to see you.
RIFF RAFF moves into the castle with KIRK and SPOCK trailing behind. SPOCK and KIRK put their coats up while RIFF RAFF whispers something to MAGENTA, she then leaves to get FRANK-N-FURTER. RIFF RAFF begins to guide them further into the castle.
SPOCK (Whispering) A quicker entrance than expected Captain. I truly didn’t believe that would work.
KIRK (Whispering) Neither did I. Are you detecting anything new on the Tricorder?
SPOCK (Looking down at the Tricorder he pulled out of his pocket) Captain… I believe this entire castle is of alien design. The Tricorder is detecting the anomaly everywhere now.
RIFF RAFF shushes them both loudly with a finger on his own lips before opening the door into the main hall where FRANK-N-FURTER is on a chair with the rest of PARTYGOERS and MAGENTA looking at them with vicious grins. KIRK looks at SPOCK with a frown knowing he might’ve just exposed their mission.
FRANK-N-FURTER I see you have met my faithful, Handyman! (He says with a devilish smile while getting up from his chair) And! That you’ve come to investigate, my oh but humble abode. (He chuckles)
KIRK I’m glad to see that we’re on the same page. Now, would you mind letting us look for the dangerous disturbance in your…residence?
FRANK-N-FURTER (Taken aback) Disturbance!? Why, the only disturbance would be the fun we’re having! (He snakes closer to KIRK and sizes him up) Now, if you want to investigate that, by all means! It would be a pleasure. (Slurring his words intentionally)
KIRK (stammering) Th-the-there will be no need for, that .
SPOCK Back to our original subject, we are here to investigate a potential gas leak that would be harmful to you and your company. (Gesturing over to the PARTYGOERS)
FRANK-N-FURTER Gas leaks! My technology does not fall victim to such things as gas leaks. Especially leaks in general (he smirks) if you get what I’m saying.
SPOCK No, I do not believe we do.
FRANK-N-FURTER looks disappointed and scoffs while RIFF RAFF runs up to him and mumbles something in his ear. RIFF RAFF then points in the direction of SPOCK and his coat pocket. FRANK-N-FURTER’s eyes widen but then smiles.
FRANK-N-FURTER I see... How about I give you some ‘educational’ entertainment before you start your little, investigation? Call it; Frank-N-Furter hospitality. You are new to the area after all it seems.
SPOCK We do not have time for pleasantries sir. We are simply here to investigate and remove the cause of the danger only. Anything else would be a waste of time.
FRANK-N-FURTER My are you an uptight one! (He saunters over to SPOCK) Loosen up a bit, and listen to your, needs.
SPOCK (Confused as possible) Needs? I don’t see how needs play–(FRANK-N-FURTER interrupts him)
FRANK-N-FURTER Needs darling! Needs! They’re something you just can’t live without.
SPOCK Of course. All manner of creatures require the basic needs to function biologically.
RIFF RAFF He ain’t talking about those kinda needs! (RIFF RAFF comes up behind SPOCK and puts his hands over one of his shoulders)
MAGENTA (Appearing on the other shoulder) He’s talking about the needs that give you REAL life. The ones that fill your soul.
FRANK-N-FURTER (He starts to sing ‘Needs’)
Needs darling needs,
They’ll cause you to shake and shiver.
But if you can’t get em’
Don’t call me, crying a river.
(Crying a river! ALL except SPOCK and KIRK)
Now you have got to see these needs darling,
Or else you ain’t ever, gonna be free.
They beg that you satisfy them,
So much so, it’ll take you a second to breathe.
(PARTYGOERS take a gasp of air)
SPOCK These emotions, (he shakes his head) they aren’t for me.
FRANK-N-FURTER Daring, they’re for everybody! (PARTYGOERS cheer)
You’ve been hiding away,
Probably to pray,
That you can be free of the sensation.
Now get him dressed,
And make me impressed,
Before he falls apart with anticipation.
(MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF start stripping SPOCK and putting him into fishnets and a corset and he looks mildly curious as to what they are dressing him with)
Now you get to transform,
Into something I wish I’d born,
Built with nothing but pure emotion.
As a Transylvian myself,
You gotta put that stern face on a shelf,
And get into the motions!
(FRANK-N-FURTER takes SPOCK’s hand and starts to dance with him, KIRK looks quite baffled while the PARTYGOERS ‘ooooooo’ at them)
Needs darling needs,
They’ll cause you to shake and shiver.
But if you can’t get em’
Don’t call me, crying a—(KIRK interrupts him with a shout)
KIRK Wait a minute! (Everything goes quiet) You’re from Transylvania and came to Earth to what? Party all day?
FRANK-N-FURTER Well yes but that’s not all I do.
RIFF RAFF Sir, we’ve been compromised! If we stay here command will have our throats for exposing us to these high-tech earthlings!
FRANK-N-FURTER Oh dear. (Taking a step back from SPOCK and looking a little shocked) I must’ve been so in the moment as to forget what we were dealing with. (He waves at SPOCK and KIRK) Riff Raff, (Turning towards him) Get us out of here and back home, I’ll find another world to express myself with. (He sounds disappointed) Now then, to Transylvania!
The Frankenstien estate starts to tremble and there is chaos everywhere. The PARTYGOERS start rushing out through the front door and SPOCK and KIRK follow suit. They move themselves into the courtyard looking up at the sky and KIRK has his communicator in his hand.
KIRK Beam us up, Scotty!
CUT TO:
CAPTAIN KIRK and MISTER SPOCK get beamed up to the bridge of the Enterprise with the crew looking at them in shock. The entire crew then burst out into laughter with KIRK shaking his head. The camera starts to move out with KIRK explaining the events that transpired, and SPOCK talking with MCCOY discussing human emotion and its intricacies with different species, still with his corset and fishnets on.