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Levi didn't know how it had started, all he remembered after that rainy day was darkness.
He felt hollow and worn down as if the life was sucked out of him. But the worst thing that he felt was loneliness. He had been on his own before of course. But then Farlan had entered his life, and a little while later Isabel had joined them. From that point on, Levi hadn't had much moments to himself. He had acted as if it had annoyed him however he had gotten used to them being around all the time, and he actually enjoyed it. They were his family.
It was his fault. He had send them to their deaths and this was his penance.
A life in darkness.
At least that's what he thought.
It had been a week since then. Levi had spent most of his time training vigorously. All other needs forgotten. The rest of his time he spent alone, haunted by his dark thoughts.
Avoiding socializing as much as possible, he wasn't in the mood. Socializing wasn't the only thing he avoided, eating was one as well. There were moments when he couldn't stand it anymore, he had snuck into the mess hall and had left seconds later with a piece of bread. But every piece of food that went through his throat, came back up several moments later. And everything that did stuck made him feel like throwing up.
After a week he had to give up. His living habits started to interfere with his training schedule. His famishing was taking its toll on his body. And with the next expedition coming up he had to get some strength back. So he decided to try to fit in better even with the darkness following him closely with every step.
He regretted it the moment he entered the mess hall. The place was crowded. Loud talking, laughter and chewing noises filled the air. And his feeling of loneliness increased. Surrounded by people he realised how alone he stood among the crowd. The darkness lurked around him, closing in as he made his way to an empty table at the back of the hall. Then suddenly a light appeared. "Levi!" He turned and found the source of that little speck of light. Surrounded by people in the middle of the mess hall. There he sat, golden haired and eyes as clear as the sky. Erwin Smith. He walked over, and the next moment he was squished in between Mike and Hange at the table. And across from him the little light shone a bit brighter.
After this, light became more regular in his life. He didn't spend his free time in his room, but with training other recruits and horsing around with Hange and Mike. Yet most of his time he spend hanging around Erwin. The squad leader had asked him to look at some of his plans, which resulted in Erwin bouncing ideas off of him and Levi helping him with his paperwork. Evenings in Erwin's office became a regular occurrence and the small light turned into a flaming fire. He knew Erwin had wanted him for the Corps for his strength and his talents with the 3DM-gear. He had never tried to twist the facts. But the more time he spend with the squad leader, the more he realised that the reason why Erwin wanted him around might have changed. A thought occured that maybe Erwin was lonely too, and that perhaps he was also craving for a way to light up the darkness.
Levi still doesn't know how it started but every time he looks at Erwin now he doesn't see a little light anymore, nor a flame, all he can see is a burning sun. Not a single spot of darkness.