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He woke with Elgadira in his arms, her back pressed snugly to his chest. He couldn’t recall when he had fallen asleep, though he remembered meeting her in his dreams briefly—the smell of woodsmoke and elfroot and roasting nugs, the sight of her red hair falling down her back in braids, the tug of her hands against his, her voice childlike and joyous, “Come on, I’ll show you the ruins where I used to play.”
She’d grown up among remnants of his long-dead empire, a single spark in a pile of ashes. How precious a single spark had become to him.
He rose up on his elbow and looked down at her. Her chin was tucked against her chest, her hands splayed in front of her and tangled in the sheets. He noticed the natural curve of her belly in repose, and it gave her the look of someone well-fed and relaxed. Good. She was no longer the emaciated First who strained and sweated under the weight of her armor, who ate too little because her stomach wouldn’t allow her a full meal after months of going without. His eyes followed the sharp lines of her vallaslin, which stretched over the smooth skin of her hips and down the length of her thighs, but he decided not to dwell on that. Not now. Distracting himself, he took a moment to appreciate the graceful arch of her spine, feeling suddenly tempted to run a hand down her naked back. She looked regal when she wasn’t slouching, and she was always slouching, his vhenan—
She twitched slightly as he watched her, and that pulled him from his thoughts. He sat up fully, suddenly feeling guilty for watching her as she slept. He had overstepped already, and staying to see her wake would only cause further complications. Regardless of her reassurances, she could not understand how deeply he had already betrayed her trust, and spending the morning with her as if he had any right to, as if he were the honest man she believed him to be—
She sighed and reached behind her to grip his thigh lazily, and scooted back to fit herself against him. “You’re awake,” she muttered, and it brought a small smile to his face despite himself. She remembered showing him her camp in the Fade, how she had been a child at some moments and a woman at others. She remembered how he’d followed her faithfully into the river, and how she had splashed him and pulled him underwater. She smiled at the memory and turned around to look at him, eyes still puffy from sleep. Even smiling, she could see he was thinking solemn thoughts. She pulled him down to lie against her, and he allowed it. Still sleepy and not very talented at forming full sentences in the morning, she whispered against his neck, “Don’t be sad, emma lath.”
He hummed thoughtfully at this and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her tightly against him. All the while he derided himself: selfish, always so selfish. Especially with her.
Elgadira kissed his neck. “How long have you been awake?”
“Not long. I should take my leave, I think. The rest of Skyhold will be rising soon, and taking an elven apostate to bed will earn you few friends.”
“You say that like you forget that I’m also an elven apostate.”
Ah, he should have expected her to counter that. “You are also the Inquisitor.”
“And a halla rider,” she whispered, and nipped his ear. She felt his warm breath fan across her shoulder, and felt suddenly very pleased with herself. Hiding her smile against his skin, she casually slung her leg over his hip, and kissed his jaw.
“And the Herald of Andraste.” He palmed her ass as he spoke, knowing he should not encourage her. Damn him, it was difficult to care about principle when she was kissing him like that.
She smirked. “How many times do I have to reject that title? I’m starting to wish Andrastians were more closed-minded.” She ran her hand along his bicep, squeezing appreciatively.
“Does this mean you’ve run out of epithets, vhenan?”
“You want more? How about ‘rabbit?’” She ran her fingers down his stomach smoothly, fully awake now.
“Hero.”
She laughed. “Savage.” She wrapped her hand around his length and found him semi-hard. She gave him one long, lazy stroke and kissed his neck again. She could feel him swiftly growing in her hand, and it thrilled her.
He groaned and tore her hand away, pulling back to look her in the eye. She did not miss how his grip tightened around her wrist when their eyes met. For a moment they stared at each other, she with curiosity and concern, he with lust and wavering resolve. From the way he clenched his jaw she suspected he was either very aroused or very frustrated. Or both.
She expected him to pin her to the bed the way he had last night, but instead he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “Savior,” he said, and she would have laughed if not for the sincerity of his tone.
He turned her hand over and kissed her palm. She felt a little stunned at the sudden tenderness. “That’s a stretch,” she whispered, and he smiled.
“You think so, vhenan? You have yet to counter it.”
She sighed dramatically, pretending to be annoyed. “You’re so stubborn.”
“’Mender of the Sky’ has a nice ring to it.” He kissed her on the mouth. She almost gave in then, but another word that wasn’t “knife-ear”came to mind.
“Almost as good as ‘heretic.’”
He laughed deeply at that, and cupped her breast as he spoke, eyes never leaving hers. “You think you can win this game, vhenan? You are greatly mistaken.”
She smiled and arched into his hand, raking her nails along his chest before gripping his cock firmly. This time he did not pull her hand away. She stroked him and whispered, “I like my chances.”
He smirked and rolled atop her, and she thought he would take her right then. They’d had their time for slow, rambling sex last night; she wanted him quickly now, with no preamble.
Solas had other ideas. He kissed her breath away until she was scrambling for him, pulling her tongue into his mouth only to deny her, sucking until her mouth grew swollen and red, sweeping his tongue against the inside of her upper lip where she was velvety and soft. She tried to assert herself by pressing her lips eagerly to his, pushing her tongue inside when he hadn’t invited her to. He allowed it, but she could feel his smile against her lips and knew he was only humoring her. She arched against him and felt the slippery weight of his cock against her stomach. She rolled her hips, pressing urgently, and he pushed her hips to the bed to still her. He pulled back and looked playfully stern, and she quickly lost her patience. “Solas, I want you to fuck me now.”
His expression darkened, like she had called on him to do something far more sinister. He grew still and she squirmed underneath him, but his eyes were calm when he pressed his fingers to her cunt. He groaned when he realized how wet she was, and she blushed when she heard the squelching sound of his fingers sinking inside her. She rocked against his hand and he smiled at her, promising himself he would remember the way her skin flushed from her face to her chest, and how wet and open she was for him. He never wanted to forget her like this.
She huffed and gripped his shoulders, “Damn it, Solas, I’m serious. I want you now.”
He tried to smother a grin and failed. “I don’t think I’ve seen you so eager for anything, emma lath.” He committed to the rhythm she set with the roll of her hips, pressing his thumb to her clit every time she rolled forward, and delighted in watching her rut against his hand now that her self-consciousness had faded. There was something intoxicating about watching her fuck herself on his fingers; the way she arched her back just before tilting her hips, the way she twisted and turned to press her clit to his thumb, to the calluses of his palm, anything. She seemed to have forgotten her complaints, moving sinuously against him, legs tensing with each steady rise of her hips.
He studied her the way one studies a precious secret, his eyes trained on the twitch of her calves, the sheen of sweat on her brow, the whiteness of her curled knuckles. He watched her tire and struggle against fatigue when he stilled his hand and refused to help her. His lips fell open slightly when she writhed against his hand and gripped his wrist to push his fingers deeper, pressing the heel of his palm to her clit and moaning. She twisted and shuddered against him, and it was suddenly impossible to simply observe her. He matched her pace eagerly once again, and she whined and clawed at the sheets. He teased her clit with light touches, and her moans grew louder and more desperate. She rolled her hips swiftly against him and her movements stuttered for a moment before she threw her head back and cried out. He felt her cunt ripple around his fingers and squeeze them violently, and he crooked his fingers inside her as if beckoning her to come again, and, oh, she did come again, hard. The intensity of her orgasm, following so swiftly after the other, struck her so suddenly she was momentarily mute. As the pleasure warmed and filled her she found her voice again, yelping and arching her back one last time, limbs shaking under the strain of back-bending bliss, before she fell limply to the bed. He watched her shiver and pant, keeping his fingers buried inside her, relishing how her cunt twitched reflexively around his fingers. He rested his cheek against her hip, and she touched his scalp with a trembling hand. “Solas,” she whispered, and he looked up at her.
She tried to pull him up the length of her body, and she looked so soft and needy, he could hardly deny her. Gently, he withdrew his fingers and crawled atop her again. Her lips were slightly parted when they came face-to-face, and he realized there was something else he dearly wanted to see. He took his fingers, still wet from her arousal, and pressed them to her lips. She frowned slightly and opened her mouth for him, curious. He slid his fingers inside and she instinctively closed her lips around them, still feeling hazy and complacent in the warmth of her afterglow. His gaze met hers, and it was hungry in a way she’d never seen before. She realized how she must look to him, eyes still glazed, cheeks hollowed out, wet lips wrapped around wetter fingers.
She could taste herself. He was watching her so intently that she knew he was gauging her reaction, savoring the look on her face, and she blushed. He pulled his fingers from her mouth slowly, and she indulged him, sucking gently as she released them. He sighed as he watched her, and traced her lips with his fingers, thoughtful.
She felt something hot and slick on her stomach and realized his arousal was flaring and burning brighter now. He looked at her with such heat she felt something warm and sharp tug at her low in her belly.
“Do you believe me now when I say that I am selfish?” He smoothed her hair back from her forehead, and watched confusion cross her face. He wished he could wipe it away, wished he could tell her everything, but he knew that if he did he would lose moments such as these. She bit her lip and it drew his gaze; he didn’t bother hiding the lust in his eyes. He was truly lost now.
She tried to understand how he could be so desirous and somber at the same time. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and they twitched weakly against him, still strained and growing pleasantly sore after her orgasms.
He knew she was anything but weak, but something about the fragility of her embrace made him feel fiercely protective of her. He knew he couldn’t spare her all the pain that was to come, but he also knew that when he regained his power he could protect her from the fiery death that awaited most of Thedas. And there was no doubt in his mind now that he would keep her safe at the expense of everything else. Even if it meant her love for him withered and died, even if it meant she saw his most dreadful face, even if it meant she thwarted him, even if it meant his own destruction, he would guard her with all his strength.
She was his vhenan. He could do no less.
She pressed a gentle kiss to his nose, and he locked eyes with her, still caught up in his thoughts. “You might be the only man I know who can brood with a naked woman under him.”
His lips twitched, and she smiled kindly, the way she always did when she worried about him.
“Would you believe me, vhenan, if I said my love for you frightens me?”
She frowned, and traced indistinct patterns along his skin. “Why be frightened?”
A question he could not answer. Not yet. Instead he drew back a little, and looked down the length of her body. He ran his hand slowly down the curve of her waist, her hip, her ass. Even knowing what was to come, he wanted all of her, and he was too selfish to deny himself. He would have her now, and as many times as he was able.
He kissed her deeply, and although he could feel her hesitance in the way her lips parted for him, in the way her fingers curled against his back, he could also feel her smile against his mouth. She wrapped one hand around his cock and squeezed softly, and simply feeling the way her grip trembled made him weak. He dragged his tongue across her lip and spread her legs with his knees, and she sighed against his mouth when she realized he was about to take her the way she wanted. He nibbled her bottom lip gently, and she moaned, arching against him. He pressed his cock to her slick cunt and tried to still the swirling darkness inside him; he wanted her and he was going to have her, now and forever. Even still, he felt anger clawing at the edges of his lust: anger that she was mortal, that she was marked as a slave, that she loved him in ignorance. Against all reason he wanted to punish her for being less than what she should be, but he forced those thoughts away. He could not lose control now, and he would never forgive himself if he hurt her further than he already had.
Opening his eyes, he saw she was staring at him with wonder and love. She pressed a hand to his cheek and he shuddered, leaning forward to bury his face in the crook of her neck. She could tell that something was wrong, that taking her now would mean something significant to him, and she wanted him all the more badly for it. She pressed her hand to the back of his neck and held him to her, “Solas,” she whispered, “ar lath ma. I want you, I need you. Whatever it is, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t—“
He silenced her with a kiss, and she moaned against him. He pressed his fingers to her clit and teased her, and she wrapped her legs around his hips, trying to urge him further. Exhaling quickly against her lips, he buried himself inside her in one smooth, severe stroke, and she cried out. She was so wet that the suddenness of it didn’t sting, but the insistent burn and stretch inside her made her shiver. He pulled back slightly to see her eyes. From the way he looked down at her, like she was small and helpless and beloved, she knew instinctively that he was more than what he seemed.
But she wasn’t given much time to ponder the matter further.
His next thrust was even harsher, and she dug her nails into his shoulders and writhed against him, wordlessly meeting his challenge. He grinned darkly at her and fucked her in earnest, and the sound of skin slapping against skin filled her quarters. He grunted with each thrust like he was exorcising something strange and wild, and she found herself clutching at him with a ferocity that surprised her. They moved against each other like animals desperate for release, but as her orgasm approached she realized he had no intention of finishing quickly. When she grew insistent and pressed firmly against him each time he withdrew, he shook his head at her like she was an insolent child. She whined and scratched his back and he bit her shoulder where it met her neck, and she was sure he’d drawn blood.
She realized the bed was rocking against the wall with each thrust, and knew with certainty the disturbance would be noticed. The realization must have shown on her face, because Solas smirked at her and gave a pronounced thrust that made the bed knock against the wall loudly. She swatted at him and he laughed, and she scrambled to push him away with a smile on her face. She hit him in the chest and he made a particularly satisfying breathless sound, and she pushed him onto his back and climbed atop him. He gripped her arms and for a moment they wrestled with laughter and lust, before he let her fall to his chest and clutched her tightly to him. She struggled and giggled when he rolled over so that she was once again on her back beneath him. He gave a playful nip to her ear. “I like it when you test me, da’asha.” He spread her legs hastily and thrust inside her, and she moaned low in her throat as he filled her.
She closed her eyes and gave herself over to whatever darkness lurked in him, and he toyed with her clit as he fucked her. He fell into a hasty rhythm, holding onto her hip with one hand as he teased her with the other. She could feel the throb of her heartbeat between her legs, and something hot blossomed there and filled her entire body. Her breath hitched as she came undone beneath him, trembling and twitching weakly. She was vaguely aware that he had stilled inside her, but she was too wrapped up in her own pleasure to realize he was holding back on his orgasm. He pressed his forehead to her neck and groaned as she pulsed around him, struggling to hold still and not come inside her. He didn’t want to be finished yet; truthfully, he wanted never to be finished.
As she stilled underneath him he clenched his jaw and struggled to think of the least appealing thing he could, to draw himself back from the edge. After a few moments of earnest contemplation, Solas pulled back to see her still panting, her eyes closed. He traced her chin with his thumb. “Look at me,” he said, and her eyelids fluttered. Her eyes were bleary and she was slow to focus on his face, but his intense look anchored her. She swallowed nervously, and wasn’t sure why. Solas held her by the chin and whispered, “Ar lath ma uth.”
The fervor in his voice made her chest ache. “I… ar lath ma uth,” she repeated, but he only smiled at her, the way he once did when she called him hahren.
Slowly, he began to pull out of her, careful not to overwhelm himself. He held his breath when he finally withdrew, and she looked down in confusion, seeing he was still achingly hard.
She reached for his shoulder, “Ir abelas, I didn’t know you hadn’t—“
He shushed her and kissed her on the forehead. “Do not be sorry. I would have you again, if you still want me.”
She raised her eyebrows and blushed. He was kneeling before her with his raw, swollen cock in his hand, asking if he could fuck her again. She nodded slowly, and he smiled. Whatever darkness there had been in him was gone, at least for the moment. He was quiet and reserved again, almost distant in his deference.
“Would you get on your hands and knees, vhenan?”
She blushed harder, if that was possible. “Oh, I…” she rose up on her knees and watched his eyes go glassy. He had never taken her from behind before, but she felt silly and young for being suddenly anxious about it. “Alright.” She turned away from him and got on all fours, feeling strangely exposed.
She felt him shift on the bed behind her, and then he pressed two fingers to her cunt and she gasped. She looked shyly over her shoulder at him, and the wide-eyed look coupled with the wetness of her cunt made him chuckle. “Veraisa.”
She smiled uncertainly, “What? I’m not doing anything!”
His smile grew as he sank two fingers inside her, and she hung her head and sighed. “Oh, yes you are,” he murmured.
He rose up on his knees behind her and pressed his cock to her silken flesh. He gripped her hips and pulled her firmly against him, and they both cried out when he entered her. She moaned quietly and shifted as she adjusted to the new angle, and he ran his hand down her spine in wonder, watching the muscles in her back jump beneath his touch. “Lasa ar’an alas’nira aron fen’en,” he whispered, and she felt heat shoot straight to her cunt at his words. She had recognized there was something base about this position, but it hadn’t occurred to her until now that he was fucking her the way a wolf would fuck his mate.
He pulled back and squeezed her ass and thighs greedily before thrusting again, and the momentum rocked her slightly forward. She gasped and adjusted the placement of her hands for better leverage, and he gripped the back of her neck with one hand as he fucked her. She quickly realized that he was in greater control in this position; she could rock back against him, but he could easily pull away from her if he wished (he did so whenever he felt she was moving too quickly, and it unnerved and thrilled her that he was so ruthless in his control). She also couldn’t see his face or his cock or his hands, and often couldn’t tell where he meant to touch her next.
Seeing Elgadira on her hands and knees had quickly resurrected his possessive streak. There was something deeply moving about his vhenan showing her back to him and trusting he would treat her well. There was also something deeply infuriating about it. He wanted to teach her to be afraid of him, but he also wanted to teach her to yield to him. He found himself itching to punish her for making herself so vulnerable, but held himself back. This precious spark was the only unbroken thing in all Thedas. He loved her so fiercely he was afraid it would ruin her.
He leaned over her, pressing his chest flush to her back and gripping her hands in his. He gave another punishing thrust and she squealed, wriggling underneath him as if she wanted more, angling her hips to meet him. She could feel his breath hot on her throat as he fucked her, and she grew more compliant with each thrust, her body mirroring his movements subtly, bending to his will. She realized that in this primal act he was possessing her, more surely and deeply than any demon could, and it made her feel deliciously weak and complete. “Sathan, sathan, Solas, please—“
He kept up his relentless pace, his skin slapping obscenely against hers. “Yes, vhenan? What would you have me do?” His reply was breathy and low. He leaned back on his knees and tangled a fist in her long, red hair, and tugged. Her breath hitched and he felt her cunt twitch around him. Smirking, he yanked her hair harder. “Would you have me fuck you until you can no longer speak?”
She whimpered; she was so close she was starting to shake under the strain of anticipation. If he would just—“Yes,” she blurted, “please, Solas! Gods, just keep going—“
He groaned. Hearing her beg like that brought back memories he’d rather not relive, memories that made him feel arrogant and raw and hungry. For the first time since taking her from behind, he pressed his fingers to her clit and she shrieked wildly, thrashing underneath him as she came with a suddenness that surprised her. He shouted and fell against her as his own climax quickly followed, spilling inside her as she twisted and panted. He petted her and hushed her as she fussed wordlessly beneath him, and when she refused to lie still he clamped his teeth on the back of her neck and bit down. Her orgasm stuttered and stopped, before quickly bursting into something new and confusing and exhausting. Her second orgasm rolled through her as he bit her mindlessly, his cum leaking out of her and onto the sheets. She lay stunned beneath him, too euphoric to comprehend the carnality, the brutality, of what they’d just done.
For a long while the only sound in her quarters was of their uneven breathing. Elgadira was speechless and spent, her hair a tangled mess around her face. Solas kissed the back of her neck tenderly, and she winced at the contact. He pressed a hand lightly to her neck, and cool, soothing magic rushed through her. She could feel the wound on the back of her neck disappearing, before he shifted his attention to where he’d drawn blood at her shoulder, and healed her there too. He was softening inside her now, and she liked the feeling. Her whole body ached, and she liked that feeling as well.
“Ir abelas,” he said quietly, “I would not have… are you alright?” His fingers were combing through her hair gently, pulling it behind her ears and out of her eyes.
She struggled to find her words for a moment, still feeling dazed. “Tel’abelas, of course I’m alright. If I’d wanted you to stop I would have said so.”
He sighed against her shoulder, still lying atop her. “Even so. I think it is best if we…”
She raised her eyebrows and looked over her shoulder at him. His expression was grave. She smirked. “Would it make you feel better if I bit you back?”
He didn’t smile. “This is not a game, vhenan.”
She sighed and turned away from him, burying her face in the sheets. She was too tired to be annoyed by his fatalism. He kissed her shoulders and slowly pulled out of her, looking down at her limp body and feeling a flare of desire at how languid and powerless she looked. She huffed at the emptiness inside her, and he began to move to the edge of the bed. She gripped his hand suddenly, and he paused, kneeling naked beside her prostrate form. She looked up at him and squeezed his hand, eyes glinting devilishly. “You fucked me like a wolf.”
He sucked in a breath. He opened his mouth to object and realized he had nothing to say; he had made the comparison, after all. She grinned at him, her mouth still looking sore and kiss-swollen. He thought back to how her lips had looked wrapped around his fingers, and felt heat creeping up his ears.
“You bit me. You pulled my hair. Treated me like an animal.” He wasn’t sure if he felt ashamed or insulted at the accusation, but she pulled him closer and whispered in his ear: “I liked it.”
Slowly, he leaned back, trying to look as neutral as possible. “I’m afraid I got carried away.”
She bit her lip as she smiled at him. “Let’s do it again.”