Work Text:
“Nope…” Another book was set to the side.
Flipping through some pages of the next one, I didn't even get through a full sentence before giving up on that one as well.
The quietness of the night did little to help me settle down for sleep. I thought reading might help but so far I was sorely mistaken. It just riled me up even further.
Which had been the case for the past several… weeks…
I brought a pillow to my chest, hugging it and my legs against myself. Gods, I just want to have something I can relax with before bed! Not go back to thinking about-
I huffed. Whatever, let's try this one.
Diah called out to the asura, earning a smile from Rollek, “I take it you'll be on your way soon?”
“Perhaps, my atmospheric readometer tells me there's a storm on the way,” as if on cue, a few raindrops began falling on the pair and the nearby cows.
Diah chuckled, “You're more than welcome to come on up to the house to keep dry. I… may have some spare slices of cake I can offer to pass the time.”
“That sounds wonderful! But before any cake, do the cows need to be sheltered from the rain? I've read cows are quite resilient in different weathers, but depending on the nature of the breed they may suffer from unnecessary stress due to the change in humidity.”
Diah could feel her heart flutter from Rollek’s words. For him to be so concerned for their well-being… well, she may be willing to spare an extra slice for the asura.
Another book closed.
Not today, Filling My Heart. I could have sworn there was at least one of these with barely any fluffy feelgoodiness to them…
I picked up the next book from the pile.
The doppelganger eyed Koss from a distance, watching the human traverse the desert’s sands with a resolve and determination unlike any other the phantasm had seen in previous targets. The man marched forwards, undeterred.
As the doppelganger continued to watch, studying Koss’ movements to memorize and recreate them to a tee, they felt something stir within them…
Something entirely unique.
My mind stopped focusing on the mental imagery of Koss Dejarin, substituting the Elonian hero for myself, remembering my own time traversing the harsh landscape.
The sands shifted constantly beneath my feet, and the setting sun offered much needed respite from the heat. Darkness would come soon, and I would need to find safety from the night. The desert can be deceptively cold at times, the air clinging against your lips and teeth.
Distant sounds of the elements at play echoed in the twilight. Instead of a facsimile lingering just out of sight, a spirit was tailing my path, likewise watching. There would be no other djinn in my journey, no months long quarrel for me to put an end to.
I'd turn, suspicious of the broken silence, yet seeing nothing. But the djinn is quick, and knows several magics to stay just outside the corner of my eye.
Turning back to the path ahead I find my footing destabilized and the wind knocked out of me, forced to look up at an all too familiar face hovering close to my own. A face etched into my memory.
Somehow I know he intends me no harm, despite this being our first meeting in this fantasy.
There's a curiosity in the djinn's features, and a silent apology as his approach had disturbed the unsteady sand below my soles. But his expression betrays much, having watched my journey for so long. Protecting me from afar, perhaps creating unexplained bodies of water along my path to ensure my survival.
A hand delicately reaches towards me, and I reach back, letting him feel the skin of my face as I welcome his touch.
I'm thankful, and he understands this with no words needing to be spoken. He understands the warmth I carry for him as I bring him close, hugging his neck. A warmth he shares.
There's laughter, relief even, in this daydream of just the two of us. No messiness from the responsibilities of our lives, from the weight of all the what-ifs. It's just Zommoros and myself.
A different time and place. No sense of worries, just complete freedom to surrender to each other…
I startled myself to reality when I realized I still had Koss on Koss: Uncensored Edition open to the same page from before.
“Um, that ah.. uh…”
Refusing to acknowledge the implications of that daydream I blindly opened another book-
Fingers so much longer than her own spread her legs apart. She welcomed the other's hips meeting her own.
Nivani’s back arched into the djinn's hands as-
Nope!
Slamming the book closed I leaned over the side of the mattress, tucking the book just underneath the headboard.
“Th-There… you'll be going where I won't need to see you.”
My eyes lingered on where it was, frowning, already reconsidering my verdict…
Bringing my hands to my cheeks I confirmed that, unfortunately, my face was guiltily warm to the touch.
It's a good thing no one in Tyria can casually read minds because a part of me was very much enjoying the mental imagery of Zommoros’ hips. And maybe what they felt like.
But this is fine- I'm fine!
It's.. perfectly normal to, you know, imagine what it'd be like to lovingly embrace your coworker who's also your best friend every odd day.
It's not like the thought’s been on my mind every day.
Just any day I happen to run into him.
…Which is most days. Apart from the one or two days in any given week I can successfully avoid seeing him.
But that will- that'll pass. The random thoughts that is.
It's not like I've been telling myself that for the past several…
…
I sighed, “Screw it…”
I spun around to turn off the lamp on the bedside table, pulling the blanket over my shoulders.
Outside my room, gentle sounds of water filtered through the window, reminding me exactly where I was.
And whose domain I was in.
My fingers absentmindedly fiddled with a curl of hair, lips pressed together. The lull of the waves outside synched to the tune of my breathing in this otherwise quiet space.
A space a part of me was realizing felt painfully empty and dry.
"Oh who am I kidding…”
I shifted around to peer through the window, some of the midnight sky and a landscape of shadows visible from where I lay. Despite fully knowing Zommoros couldn't, and wouldn't attempt to, see into my room all the way from his work area, it took a while to decide if I actually would have wanted him to right now.
All it'd take would be a smile that was slightly too strained, too performed, for your brows to tighten and for you to come over.
Maybe you'd ask what's wrong, and maybe I'd tell you it's nothing, knowing you wouldn't believe me.
Maybe I'd admit that just having you here is enough. Maybe you'd ask if there's anything else you can do, hopeful that there is something. Anything.
My pulse stuttered when I noticed movement in one of the lab's windows, but-…that is all it was.
Maybe I'd ask you to hold me, and maybe we'd both want that I asked for more. So much more.
But what if I just wanted you?
All of you. The parts you don't like, the parts you hide. Those same parts that I want to hold more than anything, to selfishly remind myself you're not some unreachable star in the sky.
To tell myself that maybe I have a chance, that perhaps you could desire me and my flawed imperfections the same way I do for you.
To feel all that is you, to whisper sweetly in your ears all the ways I want to show you. To show you how earnestly you're wanted. And that we could be lonely together if you only asked that I grant you this wish.
…
Realizing that nothing, let alone Zommoros, was going to approach my window at this hour, I rolled back onto my side, grabbing a cylindrical pillow from the head of the bed to hug against myself. My knees pressed into each other as I tried finding the most comfortable position, several teeth finding my lips to gnaw on.
Gods…
…What would you think of me if you knew I thought about you like this…?