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Katsuki’s rage was something else, that’s what everyone would tell you if you asked. It was hard to manage for himself and hard to deal with for others. He was like a constant ticking time bomb, moments before going off. They had realized that Izuku was the only one who could get Katsuki to stand down, so he always came running when there was a fight, knowing he had to be the one to break it up.
Izuku sighed, standing up as he heard a crash from the kitchen. Kirishima and Katsuki were inside, supposed to be putting away dishes. “I told you not—“ Katsuki paused mid-shout.
“I’ll clean it up, it’s not a big deal.” Kirishima groaned. As Izuku peaked his head in, he watched how fast Katsuki moved. Instantly he was on top of him, hitting him as hard as he could, and he was— screaming. Izuku gasped and pulled him off and Kirishima scooted away, shocked.
“I told you not to fucking touch anything! I told you not to! I told you not— I fucking hate you! I hate all of you!” Katsuki screamed, his voice so loud and raw it had to have alerted everyone. “None of you fucking listen! None of you!” Izuku was still holding Katsuki’s arms, making it hard for him to move.
“What the fuck!” Kirishima shouted from below.
“I’m going to fucking kill you. I’m going to kill you.” Katsuki began to mumble and Izuku couldn’t feel the way he was heating up.
Oh my god, he was genuinely going to try and kill him.
Once he had noticed, Izuku started to lunge Katsuki away towards his room. “We’re going now.” Izuku said sternly. As they made it down the hall, people stared but Katsuki didn’t care, all he saw was red. As they got in Izuku’s room, he locked the door and finally let him loose. “There, now we are in a controlled environment, if you are going to hurt anyone, aim at me.” Izuku sighed, he didn’t mean to sound so tired of it, but he had been through this so many times. Izuku opened his arms and closed his eyes, prepared. He stood there for probably what was a few minutes before he realized Katsuki wasn’t gonna attack him.
As he opened his eyes he noticed that Katsuki was no longer in front of him, but in the corner by his closet, knees to his chest and he shook. This was never how it usually went down, Izuku would pull Katsuki away and Katsuki would break things or yell at Izuku, that’s how it usually went.
“K-Kacchan?” Izuku called out, but Katsuki didn’t even look at him, showed no acknowledgment that he even heard him. ”Kacchan, what happened?” Izuku asked, still Katsuki didn’t respond. Izuku grew a little closer, taking a few steps and that’s when he fully understood. Katsuki was shaking, eyes staring intensely at the floor, and he was mumbling softly to himself.
He was having a panic attack.
Katsuki hadn’t had a panic attack in a very long time. Izuku knew the signs, and this was one. Izuku grew closer and his eyes widened in shock. “Kacchan? Can you hear me?” Izuku tested.
“—— stupid ——— m’ sorry.” Katsuki mumbled, that was all Izuku could get out at least. Izuku cooed softly, sinking to his knees and crawling closer to the other.
“Kacchan, you’re okay. You’re safe.” Izuku tried, but Katsuki shook his head aggressively.
“I’m so s-stupid. I don’ even—“ Katsuki whimpered and suddenly he was placing hands on his neck and he looked up, panicked eyes landing on Izuku. He let out a strangled noise and then was suddenly leaning towards Izuku. Izuku grabbed him and sat him up. Izuku shushed him, leaning forward to help close the space between them and ran his hands over his shoulders, then leaning forward to the tipped down blonde’s hair.
“Breathe. You’re working yourself up. You just need to take a deep breath.” Izuku whispered.
“I’m sorry.” Katsuki cried and he suddenly was taking his hands off his throat and onto Izuku’s chest.
“Breathe. Breathe Kacchan.” Izuku said softly. Katsuki tried, he shuddered and began to slowly take deep breaths. “Good job baby.” The petname slipped out, they had never really done petnames before, but before Izuku could even apologize, Katsuki was whining and leaning more into him, almost in his lap, burying his face into Izuku’s neck. Izuku let him, and if anything helped lull him to fully sit in his lap. “Just breathe for me.”
Katsuki’s breathing finally started to slow and his body grew more and more limp against Izuku. Katsuki made no attempt to leave and if anything buried himself deeper into Izuku’s neck. “Kacchan, you got to tell me what happened.” Izuku said softly. Katsuki sniffled, which was out of the ordinary, but this whole thing was out of the ordinary.
“Kirishima broke the mug.” Katsuki mumbled into Izuku’s neck.
“He broke your mug?” Izuku asked and Katsuki shook his head.
“Y-your mug. I-I got you a mug for you, a-and I had just washed it and I set it down for one minute and he—“ Katsuki paused. “It was a s-stupid gift. I shouldn’t have even— I’m so fucking stupid.” Suddenly Katsuki was sitting up again, he gritted his teeth and then backed up. He stood up and began pacing and then suddenly his hands were in his hair and he stood in place, pulling at it. Izuku was stunned, Katsuki was one to hurt others when he was upset, yes, but never himself.
“Katsuki, stop.” Izuku growled, standing up and grabbing his hands. “Stop that, you’re hurting yourself.”
“I’m sorry.” Katsuki said and suddenly all that anger he just had was gone, and he was once again falling to the floor. “I’m sorry. Please d-don’t be mad at me. I’ve been trying. I-I’ve been trying.” Katsuki sobbed. Izuku shushed him and got on the floor as well, shaking his head.
“Why would I be mad at you?” Izuku asked.
“I got you a shitty gift, I-I broke your gift, I-I’m loud, I-I’m aggressive, I-I’m weak.” Katsuki cried out his list and Izuku was still so confused.
“Kacchan, I’m really lost.” Izuku said softly.
“I don’t deserve you!” Katsuki screeched, it was high pitch and desperate. “I was trying to get you something you liked a-and I got you a bad gift and I couldn’t even give it to you! It’s broken!” Katsuki sobbed.
Wait, what?
“Kacchan, w-what?” Izuku asked.
“I’m a bad person, w-why would you want to be with me!” Katsuki cried.
“Oh my god, baby.” Izuku cooed, holding him tight.
“Don’ call me that!” Katsuki tried, but it had no real venom to it, if anything it sounded sad.
“Why not?” Izuku whispered.
“You’re g-gonna leave. It’s not fair— it’s n-not fair.” Katsuki stuttered.
“Katsuki, hey, stop. Look at me.” Izuku said sternly, and Katsuki did. “Who said I was gonna leave?” Izuku said softly.
“Y-you’re gonna leave.” Katsuki repeated, and his voice shook. “You’re gonna leave a-and I’m gonna be a-alone.” Izuku’s heart broke.
“I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving.” Izuku said. “Everything’s okay baby.”
“I jus’ wanted to do something nice.” Katsuki whimpered.
“And you did, you are so nice to me.” Izuku cooed.
“It’s my fault, it’s broken.” Katsuki said.
“Stay here.” Izuku said softly, and he was standing up, but instantly Katsuki cried out.
“Don’t leave.” Katsuki begged.
“No baby, I was just going—“ Izuku paused. “Do you wanna come with me?” Izuku asked, and instantly Katsuki stood on shaky legs. He walked to Izuku and nervously grabbed his shirt. “Everything’s okay.” Katsuki let out a shaky nod and followed as Izuku walked out and into the common room.
All eyes turned to them, but right at Denki went to open his mouth, Izuku sent him a death glare. “C’mon baby.” Izuku said softly. They got to the kitchen and the mess was still there. The mug was broken in four pieces, and at the sight Katsuki tensed. “Well look, it’s not even that bad! I can fix this!” Izuku said happily, leaning down and grabbing the pieces.
“You don’t have to. It’s stupid.” Katsuki grumbled.
“Why would you say that?” Izuku asked, and he looked at Katsuki as if he had just insulted his mother. “This is my gift. Why would you call a gift someone got me stupid?” Katsuki tensed, he hated how bubbly and soft his partner’s words had him feel.
“Y-you like it?” Katsuki asked. The question itself was pretty dumb, Izuku could barely make sense of what it was besides the fact it was a mug.
“Of course I do.” Izuku said brightly. “Now, let’s go back to my room and we can fix this.” Katsuki gave a timid nod and the two retreated back to Izuku’s room.
Once inside, Izuku got straight to work and Katsuki sat close beside and watched. It was interesting, this shift in their dynamic. It wasn’t always as straightforward as this, but ever since they had started dating Katsuki started to let his walls down more, and Izuku realized really how sensitive the other was. Izuku fixed the mug pretty fast and turned to show Katsuki. He then looked back and flipped it around to see the front, and then he paused.
It had a photo, one of the firsts they had taken together as an official couple and then at the bottom there was text, it read, “Kacchan and Deku 4ever.”
Izuku knew he had stopped breathing for a moment and Katsuki grew worried. “I-I chose that photo because it was the day that we went on our real first date and you said that you wish you could remember that night forever, s-so I put it on the mug. F-for the names, I-I thought I would put our childhood nicknames, it reminded me of how we have always been in eachother’s lives a-and how we would h-hopefully stay in eachother’s lives.” Katsuki stumbled over his words. Izuku still didn’t speak, just studying the mug. He should have known better really, Katsuki was already having a rough time. “I-I know it’s dumb! You always give me great gifts and they’re always sentimental and I wanted to try. I-I know it’s bad, I’ll get you something else.” Izuku turned to look at Katsuki again, furrowed brows.
“Katsuki, you couldn’t pry this out of my hands.” Izuku said, full seriousness. Katsuki just stared at him, and there was something in his eyes that glistened.
“You really like it?” Katsuki asked softly, voice so timid and vulnerable that if Izuku could, he would hurt everyone in the world to keep him from sounding so self conscious.
“It’s the best gift I have ever gotten.” Izuku said, and it was genuine. Izuku couldn’t think of another gift he had received that had been as thoughtful as this.
“I-I got a mug because I saw that you have been drinking coffee every morning and you always used my mugs.” Katsuki added, and Izuku smiled wide.
“You just notice everything, don’t you?” Izuku cooed, and Katsuki smiled.
He smiled.
It wasn’t a smirk or a small little smile, no it was one with teeth, one that Katsuki never did. Izuku had to stop himself from jumping the boy, it wasn’t the time. “I love you.” Izuku said, and he softly set the mug on his desk.
“I love you too.” Katsuki said.
“You mean everything to me.” Izuku said, and he wrapped his arms around Katsuki’s neck. “Can I be honest?” Katsuki nods in response. “Now knowing that this was the thing Kirishima broke, it’s taking everything in me not to kill him like how you tried to.” Katsuki laughed, a genuine laugh.
“I told him not to touch it.” Katsuki replied.
“I bet you did, and the idiot didn’t listen.” Izuku said and Katsuki smiled wider.
“Wow, you really are as heated as I was. You even called someone stupid.” Katsuki joked.
“My rage is endless at the moment.” Izuku joked.
“So is mine.” Katsuki replied, a little more sarcastic than Izuku had said it.
“But you have your reasons.” Izuku defended.
“And they always involve you.” Katsuki admitted.