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Ruggie didn’t know how much more he could take of this. He’s spent two years pining over this man, and yet he still didn’t believe he loved him, let alone care for him.
He stared at his phone, zoomed in on the photo of Leona he took on their last date. That’s what he liked to call them, but he believed Leona thought of them more as an obligation. He looked into the man’s eyes, pupils drawn into slits as he scowled. He still thought he looked pretty, even with that mean look of his.
His breath shook with his phone, rolling onto his stomach as he ground against the mattress. His tail lay flat against his leg, the tip of it tickling his skin as he breathed into the pillow, muffling his moans. His ears twitched with the noises outside, picking up the humming of the crickets and owls. The moon shined a pale light into his room, casting over the dirty pile of clothes and textbooks in the corner.
He never had time to clean his own room, he was always too busy worrying about and caring for Leona. Listening to his every beck and call every morning and night. He did everything for him, more than he probably should. But it didn’t matter to him, not as long as he got to keep the man in his life.
He didn’t know how it happened, or why. How could he have fallen in love with Leona? Why did he fall in love with Leona? After everything the man put him through he should hate him, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. He could never bring himself to hate Leona, even if the other would continue to put him through hell. It hurt his heart just to think about not having the other with him, it made his stomach churn.
He’d grown so attached in so little time, and he fell in love way too fast.
His hips rolled faster, eyes glossing over as he continued to stare at the photo. He studied it, committing the way Leona’s lips turned down to memory. The flow of his hair, the wind lightly rustling the fur on his ears. All of it was memorized, locked away in Ruggie’s mind as tears rolled down his face, staining the pillow below him. His chest jerked against the mattress, out of rhythm with his hips as he began to cry.
One hand came up to his wrist, steadying the phone as his arm shook. Fingers grazed over the scars left from Leona’s overblot, unable to fully heal from how much strength was used. He’s pretty sure Leona would have killed him if someone didn’t stop him, and he’s pretty sure it was out of pity for him that Leona started their relationship.
He wouldn’t call it dating. He wanted to, but he wouldn’t. Couldn’t, really. The first time he called Leona his boyfriend the other shrugged him off, and he refused to talk to him for the rest of the day. He learned his lesson that day and learned to never speak of their relationship to anyone—even if everyone else could see it.
They never hugged, they never kissed, they’ve never even made love. Not that that’s what Leona would call it anyway. No, to him it would just be indulgence. And even then Ruggie wondered why they never did it. Maybe it was too sentimental for the lion. Maybe it would make him think he was tied to Ruggie forever. It was guilt that was making Leona stay, and Ruggie knew that better than anyone. He knew that as soon as Leona graduated he would forget about him instantly and that he’d be nothing more than a stain on his book of life.
He knew it was fucked up, but he wished that that guilt would eat at Leona forever. He wished that Leona would stay with him forever. He was hopelessly in love, hopelessly devoted. And all to a man that couldn’t give a shit about him.
Tears blurred Ruggie’s vision as he bit into the pillow, clicking his phone off with a sigh. He laid it next to him, aching to hear any sort of sound from it as he closed his eyes, imagining Leona.
He loved doing this. He loved imagining the life he could have with him. The very thought of it sent a chill down his spine, urging him to roll his hips harder and he groped the pillow, threatening to rip into it.
In his mind, he thought of Leona behind him, rough tongue licking all over him and threatening to break skin before pressing kisses into it. His hands would be all over him too, not resting until they touched every inch of his body. One hand would find peace on his hip, while the other would hook around his jaw, urging him to face Leona before they kissed. Their lips would mesh together perfectly because they were simply made for one another.
Leona would ease into him, telling him that everything was okay and that he was going to take care of him. He’d kiss him throughout the entire process, their bodies rocking together in a symphony of moans. He’d be able to feel Leona inside him, hips stuttering and shaking because he just couldn’t get enough of him. Whenever Leona would get close he’d push in even deeper, turning Ruggie into a mindless mess as he moaned his name incoherently.
Leona would moan into his mouth, their hot breaths mixing together until he came inside. Ruggie’s body would seize, squeezing tight around him until he came too. Leona would call him good. He’d praise him for everything that he’s done for him.
And in a perfect world, he’d tell Ruggie he loved him.
He choked on the fabric of the pillow, tears, snot, and saliva covering it. A pitiful whine came from him, and he jerked into the mattress one last time, sperm covering it and his legs. He took a deep breath, face flat against the pillow before rising up, wiping his tears away. He flipped his phone over, baiting his breath as he turned it on.
No new messages.
Ruggie laid back down, not caring about the fluids sticking to his body. He’d worry about it later. He always worried about himself later.