Work Text:
Normally, Leehan would say something like: Come here puppy! Come here! And Jaehyun, well, he would listen and come there. Nose! Leehan would request, sometimes even when the cameras are on, when they're just playing around during shoots, and Jaehyun would huff and fix the lense with a gaze of fake exasperation, before fitting his nose in the ring of Leehan's fingers. Paw! is another one Leehan loves, one he can get away with easily when a wall of staff members watches them on set, a whimsical little request to hold Jaehyun's hand, unassuming when accompanied by his goofy grin and crescented eyes. Sometimes, however, when they're in Leehan's room at the dorm, or when he comes in while Jaehyun's fingers tap away at his keyboard and the studio is drenched in the repeated notes of a demo track, he’d lock the door after himself, set sturdy palms on Jaehyun's shoulders and go You're all wound up again, bud.
On days like today, after hours of meetings with their team and even more hours of dance practices, when Jaehyun drags himself over to his studio to get more work done, he sighs, shoulders dropping under the pressure of Leehan's arms, muscles relenting to the squeezing fingers kneading him through the cotton of his shirt. “Yeah,” Jaehyun says, tilts his head back into the warmth of Leehan's chest, eyes closing, trusting. “Is it that obvious? Did I mess anything up today?”
Leehan lets his shoulders go, palms going for the armrests of Jaehyun's chair, turning him around. Jaehyun opens his eyes again, meeting Leehan's sparkling ones in the dim greenish lighting of the room. Leehan offers him a gentle smile, a close mouthed one that makes the apples of his cheeks pop and the corners of his eyes crease just the slightest bit. “Not at all, buddy.” He crouches, brings himself down to Jaehyun's level. “You did such a good job.”
Jaehyun pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, an aching whimper stuck in the back of his throat. Leehan tsks at him through his smile, thumb going up, brushing against Jaehyun's teeth, settling on the taught skin of his bottom lip. “Hey, give it here boy. You'll hurt yourself.”
For a moment, Jaehyun considers standing his ground. He could refuse Leehan's request, misbehave. In his tired state though, he doesn't want to get reprimanded. So he relents, lets his lip slide back out from his bite, lets Leehan pass his thumb across it, smoothing it out and smearing the damp hints of saliva remnants across it.
“Good boy.” Leehan praises, palm moving to pat Jaehyun's cheek a few times for good measure. Then he gets up, walking his way backwards into the back wall of the studio. Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, questioning, sniffles a little at the retreat. Why would Leehan pull away if he was indeed a good boy? When Leehan was the one to seek him out first?
All Jaehyun's expression gets him in response is a titter. “You're so cute.” Leehan grins at him, bigger now, pleased with Jaehyun's reaction. “Come here buddy!” He calls, leaning forward to pat his thighs and beckon Jaehyun to him. Jaehyun huffs, tries to ignore the nagging knot in his stomach that makes him want to disobey. Instead, he chooses to slide off of his chair. His knees hit the hard floor with a thud, which burns, and the whimper he'd been holding back finally escapes at the contact. His palms meet the floor, cold and smooth to the touch. Then he looks up. Leehan's eyes are on him, big and fixated, expectant, anticipating. Jaehyun wants to stare, wants to ogle his beautiful owner, but he can't. He's under command, and commands must be fulfilled.
He begins his short crawling journey to where Leehan is standing, the rough material of his pants chafing at his knees, it'll throb so terribly later, and tries focusing on his mind, on the thoughts of the track he'd left paused on the computer, of the critical look he'd gotten during a meeting earlier today. They file out, one by one, and slowly his body relaxes, lends itself to the task at hand.
When he reaches the white leather of Leehan's sneakers Jaehyun looks up again, eyes climbing, neck craning in a way that aches just a little, to meet Leehan's gaze again. This isn't his favourite, to be honest, he's more into play than he is into commands, something lighter, something cuddly, even, when he's tired like this, but Leehan has always loved training, and Jaehyun won't be ungrateful, not when Leehan indulges this and is all sweet and perceptive and knows to offer when Jaehyun won't ask. So Jaehyun leans back, ass on the back of his heels, knees digging into the floor even worse now, arms sent forward neatly, sitting pretty. He lets his jaw drop a little, loose movement, tongue pushing at his inner bottom lip, panting a little, a perfected gesture. Leehan's grin grows, eyes fully crescented now, for a moment, and he sends out his palm to hold at the back of Jaehyun's head, stroking at his hair, moussed and curling from a day of sweat and jumping and Jaehyun not really bothering with the straightener in the morning.
“Who's a good pup?” Leehan asks, less condescending than he could be, and Jaehyun leans into the warmth of his hand, rubs his head against the affection, nuzzling. He barks, quietly, mindful of their surroundings and the multiple people with key card access to this hall, the response he knows Leehan would like, the one he would want to hear. It's a practiced bark, a little woof that he knows, from monitoring on their work tablet, comes off as boyish and cute and like a medium sized dog, probably.
Leehan seems pleased with this response, hand dropping from his hair and moving over to his cheek, thumb stroking over to his mouth again, always, sliding on top of his tongue and into the corner of it, resting there. Jaehyun tries to close his mouth around it, lap at it with his tongue a little, busy himself, but Leehan doesn't seem to want that from him, pulling, forcing Jaehyun's jaw down again, lips forming a much bigger circle now, stinging, a little. “Ah uh boy,” Leehan scolds, smile persistent and tight. “Keep it open for me, hm? Can you do that?”
That wasn't the right thing, Jaehyun thinks, the punch of shame and that look from the meeting earlier making his stomach churn, eyes dropping to stare right ahead. It's probably this, then. Leehan must want something else in there.
In a split second decision, barely a decision, his mind has been getting kinda foggy, sinking into this headspace where he shouldn't need his better sense of judgment, Jaehyun's hands shoot up to the heavy belt in the loops of Leehan's jeans. His fingers begin to fumble with the buckle, a little clumsy, they're never as precise as he'd like them to be, and he's just about to get it, slide the languet of his belt out, when Leehan's other arm comes over to start batting him off. “Down puppy, down.” Jaehyun can't tell if he's still smiling, not from how his voice comes off, stern, chastising. He whimpers, needy, keeps at it despite Leehan's attempts to stop him. This is clearly where they're headed, anyway, and he is growing tired of waiting around and the one sided foreplay.
The grip of Leehan's hand on his face tightens, an attempt at pulling his head back up. Jaehyun shakes his head, trying to get him off, his whimpers getting louder, turning into whines, irritated. He manages to free the belt from the buckle, lets it bounce in a way that makes the metal ring in the small space of the studio, accompanied only by the buzz of the desktop fans and the sounds of dissatisfaction grating up his throat. He begins pawing at the button of the jeans, the zipper, wanting to get them off already, ignoring the way Leehan's voice lowers as he tells him down, sit, down, no.
It's taking too long, Jaehyun's hands uncoordinated in this state, and Leehan not helping, getting in his way, refusing to listen to his pleading whines, ignoring him. He tries reaching his hand out, into the waistband, to save time and effort, a brilliant idea, or maybe, actually, maybe it's not—
“Hey!” Leehan is definitely not smiling now, sounding entirely serious, hands back to gripping Jaehyun's shoulders, forceful now, shoving him off. Jaehyun shivers as if someone had just turned the air con on full blast. Of course nobody has, and yet he is so, so cold. “I said no, hyung. What's gotten into you?”
Jaehyun's eyes begin to burn, a sure sign of tears to come, very soon, and he can't meet Leehan's like this, so he looks down, instead. He's ruined the scene, he realises, ruined it all by himself, by being selfish, as if Leehan wasn't doing this entirely for him, selfless, better than Jaehyun, at this, at other things, in general. His vision begins to blur, the tears are here, his body shuddering with the unrelenting chill and exhaustion, balance off, dizzying. He needs a pillow, or something else to bury himself into, maybe the ground, if it feels like being helpful for once and swallowing him whole. Instead, he gets Leehan.
He's crouching now, reaching for Jaehyun's nape, tugging him close. Jaehyun doesn't deserve this, hasn't earned it, not with how he's just behaved, but he nestles his face in the crook of Leehan's neck anyway, wets the collar of his shirt with tears and spit as he cries, selfish, selfish, selfish. Leehan strokes his back, gentle, warm. “It's okay.” He says, a complete lie, too kind. “We're okay, you're good. Everything is fine now.”
It's not true, Jaehyun knows it's not, because he isn't okay, and he fucked up, and he can't forgive himself, especially not when Leehan won't ask for the apology he's owed. He tries collecting himself, swallows the wet gasps as he pulls away a little, wiping at his damp eyes with the backs of his hands. “It's not,” he musters, voice still shaky. “I’m sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I should've listened. I'm so sorry.”
“I'm sorry, too.” Leehan sighs, and this finally manages to bring Jaehyun to look him in the eyes again, confused and baffled. He's the one who selfishly overstepped, who didn't listen, who couldn't take a no. He's the one who fucked up.
Leehan's brows are furrowed, self critical. Jaehyun has seen this expression before, but it still doesn't make any sense to him. And then, “I think I failed to read you correctly, right? I thought this was what you needed, but it wasn't. I think— no, you've told me that you like being good, doing things right, being told that. I believe you, of course I do, and tell me if I'm off the mark or if I say anything wrong, but I think it's deeper than that. You like doing and hearing these things, yeah, but this isn't all there is to you. It feels good doing well, I know, you know I know, you see me around Riwoo hyung all the time, I get like a dumb labrador sometimes. But I can also do this with you, and I like it a lot, because this sort of persona, too, is a part of me. And you're not just a puppy, either. I know the fans love it, and you love making them happy and giving them what they want, I think it makes you a really great idol, but you're more than that. You're a wolf. You deserve to be taken seriously, to be listened to, to have your authority respected.”
Oh.
All Jaehyun can do is blink at him, slowly, eyelashes wet and sticking together, processing. Leehan tries offering another smile, reassuring, and begins tucking stray strands of Jaehyun's hair behind his ears. Jaehyun chews on his bottom lip a little, uninterrupted, as Leehan examines his face. A beat passes, and another one, until he realises that Jaehyun is, for once, at a loss for words. He nods, understanding and, sweet as ever, absolves Jaehyun of the silence and his own thoughts.
“How about we try something else? Not right now, you need to recover, and think about this, but later, when you're ready. I could let you handle me, we can even film it so you can look back at it, if you want. So you can see how it feels, compare. How does that sound?”
Jaehyun considers it for a second. He can't think properly, not yet, he knows his drop is messing with his head right now, so he settles on a “Yeah I'll, um, I’ll give it a thought.” And purses his lips, pensive. Leehan's smile grows again, a genuine grin, and he boops Jaehyun's nose a little, a clear effort to lighten up the mood. “Alright,” Leehan says and settles to sit down properly, opening his arms in an invitation. Jaehyun takes it, makes himself comfortable in Leehan's lap and leans into him, muscles finally relaxing. “Let me tell you all about the wonderful things you did today.”
~
It happens about a week later. Jaehyun texts Leehan around noon, a day after the ordeal, once he's finally managed to organize his thoughts and admit to himself that yes, maybe Leehan is right, maybe he has been surrendering his autonomy voluntarily as a precaution, maybe if he does it first it'll hurt less when others take it from him, maybe it's easier than confrontation and standing his ground, easier to please and get praised. Leehan leaves him on read, in typical Leehan fashion, but comes over to his and Sungho's room to cuddle up against him until Sungho threatens them with Jaehyun's own hair straightener. Leehan leads him out then, to the foyer to get his shoes on and then upstairs, to the other dorm, to Riwoo's room, where Riwoo huffs and tells them to entertain themselves until he's done with his gaming session.
Jaehyun watches them, watches Leehan drape himself over Riwoo's back through his gaming chair, the words from the day before on his mind. It's all stuff he's seen before, how clingy the two of them can get, how needy Riwoo lets him be, indulges him with little seemingly, obviously fake, off-handed gestures of affection. But now he is really thinking about it, thinking about all of the times Leehan has handled him, owned him, played with him, stood his ground and kept to his role. He thinks about Leehan's multitudes, tries to imagine it for himself, being in Riwoo's chair, maybe, having Leehan latched onto him, pouting and sweet talking his way into the rewards he craves.
Eventually, Riwoo is done proving that he is the legend of his league, or whatever that game is about, and turns around to face Jaehyun, Leehan getting pushed aside with the motion, clearly not hating it, a guy who loves the chase, unlike Jaehyun who's the exact opposite. “Are you here for me? Are we doing this tonight?” Riwoo asks, eyebrows questioning but not upset, down for anything Leehan may want, though he'd never vocalise that sentiment, not explicitly.
Leehan says: “No, Jaehyunie hyung is on a mental health rest right now, ” which makes Riwoo look at Jaehyun even more attentively, irises dusted with a sheen of worry, now. Jaehyun smiles and gives him a thumbs up, with both hands, shrugging for good measure, and that seems to appease Riwoo enough. “I'll listen if you want to talk about it.” Riwoo says, tilts his chin downwards in a way that communicates that he's serious, so Jaehyun reassures him that he knows, and loves him, and will absolutely talk to him once he knows what exactly it is that he even has to say.
A week later, then, him and Leehan are in some room at the company, left alone to their own devices to get ready for the next item on their schedule in an hour or so. Leehan is rummaging in his bag, digging around until he strikes gold, goes “Aha!” and fishes out a pepero pack, entirely mundane in flavouring. “Happy pepero day,” he says, opening it, taking out a stick to offer Jaehyun. “Want one?”
Now is probably as good a time as any, Jaehyun figures, so he takes the offering and asks, “Do you want to maybe try right now? We have fifty minutes, we don't need to play hard, you probably won’t drop.” Leehan puts down the pepero pack, nodding, signature smile already up and ready. He heads to lock the door, then turns back to Jaehyun. “The puppy talk isn't really my thing, but orders and rewards are still good. I can't promise this will actually get me in the headspace, but I'll play along with whatever you want.”
Jaehyun hums in agreement and looks around for their tablet that is meant to be lying around here somewhere. He ends up locating it on the other side of the room, and is about to get up to grab it, before he remembers, realises might be a better word, and his head whips to the side, to Leehan who is still standing by the door. “Leehan-ah,” he starts, hesitant but trying to keep his voice firm. “Bring me the tablet over there, on the table.”
There's a glint in Leehan's eyes as he patters over to the aforementioned table, as Jaehyun watches him, as he brings over the tablet, case unfolded and screen unlocked. “Thank you.” Jaehyun says, taking the tablet, doing his best to hold Leehan's gaze for a few moments more. “How about you sit here while I set this up?” He gestures at the floor by his chair.
“Sure thing, hyung.” Leehan settles there, cross legged and looking up at Jaehyun with his big sparkly eyes. Jaehyun tears his gaze away from him to tap at the tablet, open up the camera application and position it so that the front lens will capture him, hits record. “How about,” he starts, looks at the uneaten pepero still in his hand, then down at Leehan, who is still looking up at him, eager and obedient. “A reward? For bringing me the tablet?”
Leehan nods enthusiastically. Alright, yeah, that works. Jaehyun looks back at his reflection on the screen, dangles the pepero over his shoulder to make Leehan work for it. He waits, a hint of adrenaline finally hitting through the uncertainty, then Leehan emerges, bites a piece off just to walk away, looking proud, adorable, and Jaehyun smiles, endeared, bites around the remnants of the pepero to stifle the grin, reaching for the tablet to press end recording. He turns to Leehan again, who is chewing a bit too smugly, perhaps. There’s a moment of a smiling silence before Jaehyun bursts into a fit of giggles. “I’m sorry,” he says in between, very little actual remorse in his voice or on his face. “You’re so cute, but this isn't it. I don’t think this is for me, like, at all.” Leehan breaks into his own brand of laughter, nodding in agreement.
“But you were still right.” Jaehyun continues once they have both settled again, Leehan back in a proper chair, facing him and munching on some more of his peperos. “It’s not, well, obviously it’s not the authority thing, it’s my job to manage you lot every day, after all. And I do like letting go of that, to catch a break, I think it really is good for me. But the being good thing, you mentioned that and you were right, just in a different sense. It’s not about being listened to, necessarily, but the relief of knowing I am doing something right, like, letting go of these expectations, you know?”
Of course Leehan understands, he always does. They spend the rest of the hour discussing it as Jaehyun lets Leehan poke at his brain, dig around in places Jaehyun hasn’t considered, negotiating back and forth what Jaehyun may want, what Leehan could do differently. It’s good, Jaehyun later tells Riwoo over a shared bottle of water in between dance lessons, this is what Jaehyun needed. If the two of them decide to send over the pepero clip to their socials team, because it’s pretty funny, now that they’re showing it to Riwoo, and if the team manager noona gives them the okay to post it, well, it still wouldn’t be the oddest thing they’ve put on the internet. And the whiney groan Taesan lets out from the other side of the practice room once he has clearly seen the post only proves that it was, indeed, worth it.