Chapter Text
The return from Italy back to Forks was quiet. I was exhausted, the events of the last three days draining me in more ways than just physically. Alice and Edward were just as quiet, although their silence had nothing to do with lack of sleep. Alice was furious with Edward. I didn’t need to be able to read minds to know this, her expression did nothing to conceal her anger. I couldn’t blame her. Edward’s dramatics had nearly cost the Cullens a great deal, and even now, they would be on thin ice with the Volturi as long as I remained human.
I must have fallen asleep on the ride, because it seemed like seconds later when the car door opened and Edward carried me up the sidewalk to the door. My heart dropped when I saw Charlie’s bedroom light was on. He’d probably been up all night worried sick at my disappearance for three days. I was sure the vague texts I sent him hadn’t eased his mind. I looked up at Edward reluctantly, my heart still struggling to recover after his sudden re-appearance in my life. He still looked just as haggard as when I’d pulled him out of the piazza in Volterra. His darkened eyes were sunken, his golden hair unwashed and unruly, and his lips cracked. Underneath it all, his immortal beauty still shone through, but it was sobered in a way I hadn’t thought possible before today. Being in his arms again should’ve been comforting, but in reality it was anything but. His embrace had always been cold and stony, but now it was also unreliable, tainted with his abandonment of me. His amber eyes flicked down to meet mine when he felt my gaze and realized I was awake.
“I’ll stay with you tonight,” He mumbled, his voice hoarse as he walked up the front steps.
And then I heard Charlie. Almost as if he’d been watching the driveway, the front door flew open.
“Bella!” He shouted, his eyes wide with concern.
Charlie,” I muttered, my eyelids heavy with sleep and guilt at the worry I’d caused him.
“Shh,” Edward whispered to me. “It’s okay, you’re home safe. Just sleep.”
“I can’t believe you have the nerve to show up here!” Charlie bellowed, his concern for me morphing into anger at Edward once he realized I was unharmed.
“She’s very tired, Charlie,” Edward said softly. “We should just get her inside and let her rest.”
It wasn’t the right thing to say.
“We won’t be doing anything! I’m taking my daughter inside and away from you lot. Give her to me, get your hands off her!” Charlie yelled, his face red.
I could see the vein in his neck popping, which was never a good sign.
“Just let me get her upstairs,” Edward said. “Then I’ll leave.”
“Absolutely not,” Charlie snapped.
I had no idea why Edward was provoking Charlie like this, but I was too tired to do anything but lay like a limp doll in his arms as they argued.
“You’re not welcome in this house anymore,” Charlie said coldly. “Now give me my daughter.”
Edward finally relented and passed me to my dad, the arms holding me now warm and comforting. I turned my head into Charlie’s chest, relief flowing through me at being home.
I didn’t look up when Charlie stepped inside and closed the door in Edward’s face. I knew he was just as angry with me, but in light of my exhaustion he was saving it for the morning. My open eyes only made it until the stairs.
I had the sense that I’d been asleep for a very long time. My body was stiff, my mind dazed and slow, the usual nightmares I suffered most nights making me feel groggy and panicky as I came to.
Something cold touched my forehead with the softest pressure.
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, convinced I must still be asleep. But then I felt the stone arms wrapped around me. With a resigned sigh, I opened my eyes to dispel the illusion.
“Oh!” I gasped, and threw my hands over my eyes.
“Did I frighten you?”
I opened my eyes again. Edward was still there, his perfect face only inches from mine.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my heart pounding as I scooted away from him on the bed.
My reaction caused a faint flicker of hurt to cross his stoic features, but then it was gone again.
“What do you mean? You always liked waking up to me.”
I raised my eyebrows, staring at him in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”
The hurt look returned, along with confusion.
I felt a jolt of hot anger flow through my stomach. He abandoned me for months, and yet had the audacity to sit there and look at me like I was the one hurting him. That my reaction was unexpected, even uncalled for.
“Edward, you…you— why do I even have to explain this to you?” I mumbled, exasperated. “You left me. You did more than leave me, you told me you never loved me, that you didn’t want me. You think you can just come back and everything would go back to how it was before?”
He at least looked guilty, but it didn’t do anything to quell the anger building inside me.
“But Bella, I told you…all those things I said, none of them were true. I lied, and I’m so sorry— sorry because I hurt you, because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn’t protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn’t work. I’m sorry. But how could you believe me so easily? After the thousands of times I told you I love you, how could you let one lie break your faith so easily?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. His words contained an apology, but his tone didn’t sound remorseful. If anything, he sounded exasperated, as if my reaction to his breakup annoyed him.
“What kind of question is that?” I whispered. “I trusted you, that’s why I believed you.”
“But —”
“You lied because you thought you were protecting me, but you didn’t even do that. So really, you’re just a liar,” I said quietly, clutching a pillow to my chest.
Edward looked shocked, as if he’d never even considered I would react this way. It just made me even more mad.
“Can you leave?” I mumble.
He’s still laying on my bed, his arm reached out towards me, clutching the sheets desperately.
“Let me stay. Let’s talk about this,” He pleaded, a desperate look in his eyes.
It wasn’t a question, but I shook my head regardless.
“No,” I said quietly, pulling my arm from his grasp gently. “I just…want to be alone right now.”
Confusion flicked across his hard features. “Bella, just let me —”
“No.” I shook my head again. “I need…some time, or something. I don’t know. Please just leave.”
He gave me a long look before nodding.
“If that’s what you want,” He said quietly.
I blinked and he was gone, the curtain on my open window fluttering gently. I closed my eyes, squeezing the pillow even more tightly to my chest. Edward’s gaunt face kept creeping back into my mind. His despair at my death, however wrong he’d been about it, had been completely unexpected considering the words he’d left me with months ago. The fact that I now knew they had been a lie, that he had said everything in effort to protect me and give me a clean break, did little to ease my mind. And it certainly couldn’t take back the months of pain I endured in the aftermath of his departure. His attempt at comforting me with his words had certainly been tempting, but his actions contrasted them completely. Throughout the entire time I’d known him, he was always trying to convince me that he was dangerous, that being with him was a risk, that I could get hurt. Only now I was starting to wonder why I’d never listened.
Charlie grounded me indefinitely as soon as I emerged from my room that morning, and I didn’t fight him on it. I dodged Edward’s calls, painfully aware that he could appear in my room at anytime if he got tired of respecting my request for space. He had always honored my wishes, but I wasn’t sure to what extent he would do so if I continued avoiding him. I spent most of my time reading and doing extra chores around the house in an attempt to appease Charlie, though he was still grumpy and stand-offish every time I was in the same room.
I tried to call Jacob on several occasions, but his father answered nearly every time to tell me he either wasn’t home or couldn’t talk. I was sure this was a lie, that Jacob was almost certainly avoiding me, but I couldn’t drive down to the reservation to find out. This frustrated me the most. The look on his face when I’d left for Italy was burned in my brain. I knew he was hurt and betrayed and I wanted to explain myself, but I couldn’t unless he let me. I was scared he’d draw his own conclusions if I wasn’t there to give him the facts.
Aside from worrying about Jacob, I was also growing increasingly anxious about the Volturi. Their allowance of my freedom had only occurred on one condition— my transition to immortality, and although they hadn’t put a deadline on its fulfillment, I was sure we couldn’t expect them to be generous. After several days alone in my room with my spiraling thoughts, I finally snapped and called Edward. I needed to talk to the Cullens, figure out our options with the Volturi, and I couldn’t do that while locked in the house. As guilty as I felt about disobeying Charlie, I still felt somewhat relieved when Edward was able to easily sneak me out of my window and over to the Cullens’ mansion that evening.
“We shouldn’t even be discussing this,” Edward said as we walked up the front steps. “It doesn’t matter in the slightest what they say.”
His voice was cautious and his eyes kept darting over to me, as if he was scared to upset me like he had the other night.
“This affects them now, too.”
He shrugged indifferently.
Edward led me through the open door into the dark house and flipped the lights on. The room was just as I remembered it—the piano and the white couches and the pale, massive staircase. No dust.
Without a sound, Carlisle was suddenly standing beside me, as if he’d been there all along. He smiled.
“Welcome back, Bella.”
I stiffened, but offered a small smile back. I had never gotten used to the way all of them constantly seemed to materialize out of thin air.
“What can we do for you this evening? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?”
I nodded. “I’d like to talk to everyone at once, if that’s okay. About something important.”
Carlisle glanced at Edward.
“Of course, why don’t we talk in the other room?”
Carlisle led the way through the bright living room and into the dining room. The long table and chairs sat pristine and unused under a glittering chandelier. I knew they were just props, that the Cullens had no need for a dining table or a kitchen. As I pulled out one of the chairs and sat down, I tried not to think about how strange it was that they seemed to play pretend like figurines in a dollhouse in their own home. I blinked again and startled when the rest of the family suddenly appeared and pulled out chairs around the rest of the table, as if they’d all started listening in the second I’d entered the door. Alice was grinning at me. Emmett and Jasper looked curious, and Rosalie looked vaguely annoyed.
“So, what can we do for you, Bella?” Esme asked, her voice soft.
I swallowed. “Well, I’m guessing you were all filled in on what happed in Volterra?”
“Yes, I told them everything,” Alice nodded.
“Good, then we’re all on the same page,” I sighed in relief.
I felt Edward’s hand graze over my thigh. He was trying to be comforting, I knew that. But his touch didn’t ground me the way it used to, and I found myself instinctively pulling my leg away. His hand fell off and he didn’t attempt to replace it.
“So, you all know the only reason I got out of there alive is because Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. I don’t know how much time they plan to give me, but I’m sure they’ll send someone to check, and I’m sure that won’t be good. I hate that you’re all implicated in this now, so I am sorry for that.”
I paused, taking a deep breath.
“The thing is…my feelings on the matter have changed,” I said hesitantly, glancing up at all their faces nervously.
Alice frowned, tilting her head. “What do you mean, Bella?”
I swallowed, my heart beating faster in my chest.
“I’m not entirely sure I want to become like you anymore,” I mumbled.
I saw the shock on Alice’s face as she registered my words, and even Carlisle and Emmett’s eyebrows raised. Before they’d left town, my desire to change into one of them hadn’t been a secret. But after Edward’s abandonment, the months I spent in the company of more mortal monsters, and the horrors I’d both experienced and witnessed in Volterra, the lure of immortality no longer held the same appeal. I knew Edward would be relieved by my revelation, but I also doubted he realized it was paired with my changed feelings towards him.
Emmett looked confused.
“But Alice saw—”
“It was just one possible outcome for the future,” Alice interrupted, not taking her eyes off me.
Edward reached over and gently took my hand in his. I turned to look at him. He leaned close to me, his eyes boring into mine intensely, searching for confirmation that I was serious.
“You want to stay mortal?” He asked.
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I just know I’m not confident about it anymore. But I’m scared I don’t have a choice now. The Volturi won’t let me live as a human, we can be sure of that.”
I looked around the table, my eyes falling on each of them in turn.
“I wanted to know if it would even be an option. To defy them. To stay human.”
Esme gave me a sad, pitying look.
“I don’t know, Bella. Our kind have had these rules for centuries, the Volturi won’t allow—”
“It might be possible,” Edward interrupted, still clutching my hand. “Their powers don’t work on Bella. Alice and I saw it with our own eyes. I think it’s safe to assume Demetri’s won’t either.”
“Who’s Demetri?” I asked, my brow furrowing.
He glanced down at me.
“He’s their tracker. His talent is finding people, that’s what they use him for. He’s a million times more gifted at it than James was, but it’s not based on scent or anything tangible. I don’t know exactly how he does it, but it works sort of like my gift, or Aro’s. He latches on to…I don’t know…the essence of someone’s mind, and he can follow that. Over hundreds of miles.”
“And you think that I’ll be immune because it’s not tracking in the traditional sense?”
He nodded. “I’m sure of it. When it doesn’t work, the Volturi will be blind.”
“You really think they’ll just give up on trying to find her because one gift fails them?” Alice replied, her eyebrows raised skeptically.
Edward shrugged. “If they don’t, you’ll be able to tell when they’re planning a visit and Bella can make herself scarce.”
“Wait a minute,” Emmett interrupted. “Come on, Bella. Immortality, super strength, super speed, and you’ll be super hot…what’s the hold up here?” He smirked.
I looked around uncomfortably. I didn’t want to insult them, or embarrass Edward in front of his family. Thankfully, Rosalie saved me from having to respond.
“Personally, I’m glad she’s come to her senses. I would have never chosen this life for myself,” She said coldly, her golden eyes boring into mine.
“We’ll protect you, Bella. No matter what you end up choosing,” Esme said. She smiled, but it was tight, clearly strained with worry.
Carlisle nodded. “Of course. Though, perhaps think about it some more. We’d be delighted to have you join our family.”
I glanced at him. The implication behind his words was clear as his eyes met mine. The longer you stay human, the more danger you put my family in. Reconsider.
I shivered, but nodded. The air in the room had become considerably more tense than when the conversation had first started. It was clear that most of the family didn’t find Edward’s plan sufficient to outwit the Volturi, but they were also too tactful to outwardly tell me how much I was risking.
“I should probably take you home,” Edward said, breaking the charged silence. “Just in case Charlie decides to check your room.”
I sighed, relieved. “Okay, yeah.”
Edward rushed me out of the house. It was a quiet trip home, but I was bracing myself for the question I knew was coming. When we got back to my house, Edward didn’t hesitate to dash up the wall and through my window in half a second. I immediately dropped my arms from around his neck and stepped away.
“Does you changing your mind have anything to do with me? With us?”
There it was. The question I’d been dreading. The one I didn’t know how to answer.
“I don’t know,” I groaned, falling down on my bed and pulling the quilt over my head. “What does it matter? You should be happy, you never wanted me to become like you anyways.”
He was silent for a moment, and then I felt the bed buckle as he sat down on the edge by my feet.
“I’d rather you be immortal and with me than mortal and not,” He whispered.
I was glad I couldn’t see his face. The irony was almost too great.
“Bella? Did you fall asleep?”
I threw the quilt back from my face and sat up, my hair tousled and my face flushed with irritation.
“Do you even hear yourself?” I snapped. “You made that decision without me months ago when you left.”
Edward recoiled at my outburst, his eyes widening.
“Bella, how many times do I have to say I’m sorry? I shouldn’t have left, but—”
“But you did!” I cried, my hands clenching into fists.
Edward’s eyes suddenly darted to my bedroom window, his eyes narrowing.
“What is it?” I asked, my anger briefly quelled as concern took over.
He didn’t answer me. “Wait here,” he muttered, and then he was gone.
I let out an angry groan and threw the sheets off my legs. Standing, I pulled on a hoodie and opened my bedroom door. I had no intention of staying put, and his order for me to do so only pissed me off. I tip-toed down the stairs and out the front door, careful not to wake Charlie.
As soon as the front door clicked shut, Edward was beside me again, frowning down at me.
“I told you to wait,” He mumbled. His eyes darted to the driveway.
I followed his gaze, and noticed what was parked in the driveway next to my truck. Shiny, bright red, impossible to miss. My motorcycle. Panic flooded my body. If Charlie saw it, the grounding he’d given me would surely never end. There was only one person who could be behind this treachery.
“Why would Jacob do this to me?” I gasped, the sting of confusion and betrayal washing through me. Not answering my calls was one thing, but actively trying to hurt me? I never would’ve expected him to stoop so low. I had trusted him completely, relied on him for so long. I couldn’t believe he would go out of his way to make Charlie even more mad at me. Tears sprang into my eyes.
“Is he still here?” I whispered.
“Yes. He’s waiting for us there,” Edward replied.
He nodded toward the slender path that divided the dark fringe of the forest in two.
I immediately belined down the porch steps towards the woods. Edward caught up to me easily, grabbing my arm to stop me.
“He wants to see me. That’s why he’s still here,” Edward said.
I fought back the tears welling in my eyes. My legs felt numb as I stared into the forest.
“He just wants to talk. He came on behalf of the pack.”
I didn’t say anything. Some hopeful, selfish part of me had hoped Jacob was here for me. I wiped my eyes and started walking again. I didn’t care if he wasn’t here for me, suddenly nothing seemed more important than seeing him.
We didn’t have to go far. Jacob waited just a short ways up the path. He lounged against a mossy tree trunk as he waited, his face hard and bitter. He looked up at me as we stepped into view, and then his eyes moved to Edward. Jacob pushed away from the tree, his hands clenched into trembling fists. As usual, he wore only blue jean cutoffs and his trainers, despite the cool night air. Somehow, he looked bigger than the last time I’d seen him. He would tower over Edward, if they stood next to each other.
“Bella,” Jacob greeted me, nodding stiffly.
“How could you do this, Jacob?” I whispered, the lump in my throat making my voice slightly hoarse.
“It’s for the best,” He muttered, his face still rigid.
“What’s that supposed to mean? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to Charlie?”
Jacob’s hard expression faltered, and for a moment he looked sorry.
“He just wanted to get you grounded, so you wouldn’t be able to spend time with me,” Edward murmured, explaining the thoughts Jacob wouldn’t voice.
Jacob shot Edward a hateful look, his eyes narrowed.
I groaned. “Jake, I’m already grounded. Why do you think I haven’t driven to La Push to yell at you for ignoring my phone calls?”
Jacob’s eyes returned to me, confusion softening his expression. “That’s why?”
“He thought I wasn’t letting you,” Edward said.
“Stop doing that,” Jacob snapped.
“Edward doesn’t control me,” I said, annoyed.
Jacob gave me a long look. “Right…well, I came to—”
“Before you begin, I need to say something,” Edward interrupted, stepping forward.
I glanced at him, irritated. I wished more than anything that I could just talk to Jacob alone, to reconcile this weirdness between us. If I could just explain everything, I knew he would understand. He always did. That was the wonderful thing about Jacob. He was reliable, accepting.
Jacob waited, clenching and unclenching his fists as he struggled to control himself.
“Thank you,” Edward said, his voice full of deep sincerity. “I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my existence.”
Jacob stared at him blankly. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“For keeping Bella alive,” Edward clarified, his voice rough and fervent. “When I…didn’t.”
I immediately felt my face flush with anger. His calm tone, the condescension behind his words—I couldn’t believe my ears. I wanted to scream at him, hit him, something, but I was frozen with shock and outrage.
“I didn’t do it for your benefit,” Jacob snapped.
“I know. But that doesn’t erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there’s ever anything in my power to do for you…”
I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer.
“Excuse me? Are you seriously thanking him for not abandoning me like you did?” I cried, turning to glare at him, my eyes narrowed. “How patronizing can you possibly be?”
Edward turned to me, his shocked expression only enraging me further.
“You’re acting like I’m some pet you left Jake to babysit!” I shouted, my hands clenching into fists at my side.
“Bella, I only meant that I’m happy you had him while I was gone.”
Edward took a step towards me, his tone infuriatingly calm.
I stepped back, shaking my head. “Stop acting like you were away on vacation or something. You abandoned me. You erased yourself from my life. I mean, you even stole the damn pictures of yourself from my photo album!”
Jacob was silent, but Edward’s eyes kept darting over to him angrily, as if the thoughts inside Jacob’s head were pissing him off.
Edward took another step forward, reaching a hand out to me, but I slapped it away, backing away further.
“So don’t sit there and thank him like he did you some kind of favor, like you were just on stand-by mode or something. It’s insulting,” I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest.
When I glanced at Jacob, I saw he was full-on grinning. When he noticed my gaze on him, he cleared his throat and glanced away, but the smug expression didn’t fade.
Edward was speechless, frozen with a mixed expression of confusion, shock, and guilt. I wasn’t sure if he’d never even considered that I would stand up for myself, or if he thought his return would completely pacify me, but either option was offensive.
“So what was it you came here to say?” I asked Jacob, my tone sharp.
Jacob glanced at Edward, then back at me.
“I just needed to remind your blood-sucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute.”
“We haven’t forgotten,” Edward muttered dismissively. He kept glancing at me, as if he was thinking about how to get me to forgive him rather than focusing on whatever Jacob was trying to say.
“What key points?” I asked, ignoring Edward’s probing gaze.
Jacob glowered at Edward.
“The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. Bite, not kill,” He emphasized.
It took me a moment to register his meaning, but before I could respond, Edward spoke.
“That’s none of your business,” He said coldly, glaring at Jacob.
Edward’s answer was obviously meant to antagonize Jacob, and it worked. In coming here, Jacob had thought he was just giving a precautionary warning, but Edward’s words implied a planned violation of the treaty.
Jacob’s body started convulsing in repeated tremors. He closed his eyes and bent over, his hands placed against his temples as he tried to control himself, pained gasps escaping him.
“Jake? Are you okay?” I asked anxiously, stepping towards him.
“Bella, get away from him. He’s not under control,” Edward said, grabbing my arm.
Again, I shook him off and ignored him, my eyes roaming over Jacob’s hunched form.
“I would never hurt her,” Jacob growled, straightening and shooting Edward a death glare.
Only his arms were shaking now, but his fists were still clenched at his sides as he struggled to keep control. Edward scowled, a cold look in his eye.
“But you have no problem getting me double grounded bringing my motorcycle here,” I sighed, frowning.
Jacob’s furious expression faltered. “Sorry, Bella…” he muttered, looking guilty.
My eyes darted down the path to the house, half expecting Charlie to come storming into the woods, despite the late hour.
“Just one more thing,” Edward said quickly. “We’ve found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line. Have you?”
Edward knew the answer as soon as Jacob thought it, but Jacob replied aloud for my benefit.
“Not since Bella left to find you,” Jacob replied bitterly, shooting me a glance.
“She’ll come back,” Edward said confidently. “And when she does, she’s not your problem anymore. We’ll take care—”
“She killed on our turf,” Jacob hissed. “She’s ours!”
“No!” I protested. The thought of Victoria anywhere near Jacob made my blood run cold.
Edward glanced down at me, a thoughtful look on his face.
“Let’s go,” He said suddenly.
I looked back at Jacob, my heart clenching in my chest. I hadn’t seen him in so long, I wanted more time.
“Sorry,” Jacob whispered, so low that I had to read his lips. “Bye, Bells.” He turned to leave.
“You promised!” I cried out desperately. “Still friends, right?”
Jacob paused, turning his head to look back at me. He shook his head slowly, and a lump formed in my throat.
“You know how hard I’ve tried to keep that promise, but…I can’t see how to keep trying. Not now…”
His hard mask slipped away, wavering into an expression of longing as he looked at me. “Miss you,” He mouthed. One of his hands clenched, reflexively reaching towards me.
“Me too,” I whispered, my voice pleading as I took a step towards him. My hand reached out towards his across the open space.
Like we were connected, I saw the deep yearning and misery in his eyes and felt it reflected inside me, my heart beating desperately in my chest.
“Jake…” I took another step toward him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me, to see the pain in his face disappear and be replaced with the warm smile I had grown so attached to.
Edward grabbed my wrist, his grip restraining me.
“Edward, let go,” I said, not taking my eyes off Jacob.
“No,” Edward replied coldly, his voice flat.
“Get your hands off her,” Jacob snarled, his eyes leaving mine to glare at Edward. He took several long strides towards us, his eyes glinting with anticipation. His arms shuddered.
“Edward, seriously. Let go,” I repeated forcefully, looking up at him.
His eyes met mine, a swirl of confused desperation in his amber gaze. He didn’t want to let go, and I knew there would be nothing I could do to fight against him if he chose not to. For a moment, fear jolted through my heart as his icy grip on my arm remained. But then he blinked, and a flash of guilt crossed his face as he released me, my wrist aching.
“I’m…sorry,” Edward whispered, stepping away. “Forgive me.”
A swift and random breeze tousled my hair and the leaves of the trees around us. Edward had disappeared.
I glanced back at Jacob. He looked slightly taken aback by Edward’s sudden departure, but the next second he was striding to me, his strong arms wrapping around my waist and lifting me up in a tight embrace. I immediately let out a sigh of contentment and relief, my arms snaking around his neck as I breathed his familiar woodsy sent in. His bare chest was hot against my clothes, his warmth a comfort I had craved ever since I’d left for Italy.
After several long seconds, he set me back on the forest floor, grinning down at me triumphantly.
“You really missed me?” He teased softly, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
I nodded, smiling up at him with a slight flush on my cheeks.
“Sweet,” He smirked.
Suddenly, he glanced away, his eyes narrowing as if he was listening to something in the distance. Sighing, he returned his gaze to me, an apologetic look in his dark eyes.
“I have to go,” He said reluctantly. “Sam’s calling.”
My face fell, and he gave me a smug grin. His fingers rubbed small circles on my hips over my clothes.
“But I’ll take your motorcycle back to the rez before Charlie wakes up. I promise.”
I nodded. “I can’t believe I’ve been trying to get ungrounded so I could come see you and you bring that thing here.” I shook my head in disbelief, but my words lacked any real bite.
Jacob chuckled, giving me a sheepish shrug. “I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”
“You would have if you answered my calls.”
Jacob grimaced. “Yeah. Sorry about that too. Really. I just thought with him back…” He stopped, seeming to think better of what he was going to say.
“I’ll make sure you get back inside safe,” He said, reaching down to take my hand.
My fingers laced through his rough ones as he led me back down the forest path and up to the front door of my house. I turned to him, reluctantly dropping his hand as we stood under the porch light, moths bumping quietly against the bulb.
“Jake—” I wanted to explain everything, to apologize for leaving him, for causing him pain, but he cut me off.
“Bella, I really have to go,” He said, squeezing my hip. “Sam’s getting annoyed. I swear I’d stay if I could.”
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as I nodded. “Okay,” I whispered.
“I’ll see you soon, I promise,” He whispered softly, his eyes roaming over my face.
I nodded again. I wondered when that would be, with my being grounded and his responsibilities to the pack. I watched him jog across the road and back into the forest, throwing one last grin and a wave back at me before disappearing into the dark trees.
I wondered if Edward had gone home, or if he’d just been out of sight listening to the whole thing. My eyes scanned the trees, but I knew if he didn’t want me to see him, I wouldn’t. I shivered and quickly stepped inside, locking the door quietly behind me.
Everything was a mess. I knew I loved Edward, but I was having trouble placing a timeline on the feeling. Did I still love him, or was I just holding onto the feelings I’d experienced before his abandonment? Was I scared to stop loving him, to face the consequences of turning my back on the Cullens after convincing them I was worthy of their secret? What about Jacob? I didn’t know if I could survive another fight with him, not after the way he’d smiled and held me just minutes ago. There was something inside me that never wanted to see that pained, hurt expression on his face ever again.
But Victoria was still out there. It wouldn’t matter who I loved if she got what she wanted. And Victoria paled in comparison to the threat of the Volturi. When sleep came, my dreams were a blur of fiery red hair around every corner, tall cathedral halls filled with blood-curdling screams, and then the familiar image that always woke me—a mirror-filled room, shattered glass, and Edward crouching over me, his bloody fangs deep in my flesh.