Chapter Text
Buck hisses as his leg screams at him for trying to shake it out of anticipation. He’s at the doctor’s because the damned thing has been cramping up and become swollen for no reason he can figure out. It was getting bad enough that Bobby made him come to the doctor before he was cleared for his next shift.
Buck scowled as he rubbed his pecs. Another ache he didn’t want, but he had been going hard on his exercising routine so at least that had an explanation. His leg on the other hand he had no idea what was going on, but he would be damned if it kept him from his job again.
His eyes zero on the door as it opens to the doctor that was covering for his PCP. The guy had a receding hairline and was so tall that Buck wondered if the doctor was taller then him. The doctor was looking at his paperwork as he walked in not taking note of Buck whose whole body straightened up in anticipation.
The doctor looked up to find his chair before sitting down then finally looking at Buck. The doctor’s smiled and put the paperwork underneath his pit.
“So, all things considered your leg is doing fine.”
Buck’s eyebrow shot up. “Being barely able to walk is fine?”
Doctor nods slowly. “Well, with the inflammation caused by the pregnancy I’m not surprised that this would happen. It’s not ideal, but with some over the coun-"
Buck raised up his hand and said, “Sorry. I think you have the wrong person. I came in for my leg.”
The doctor shut his mouth for a moment before staring at Buck then took the paperwork from underneath his pit. He flipped it to the first page and pulled it away from him with a squint as he read, “You’re Evan Buckley, no?”
Buck could only blink as his brain started to buzz. “Uh, y-yeah, but you said pregnancy. That can’t be right.” He gestured towards his leg. “I came here for my leg.”
The doctor stared at the paperwork for a moment that lasted too long to Bucky’s growing annoyance before turning around from him and looking at the pamphlets on the counter. Buck smacked his lips ready to say something mean (Calm down, the rational part thought but he ignored it) when the doctor turned back and handed him a pamphlet with the words “So, you’re pregnant. What next?” printed large on the front.
“The standard pregnancy test you did when you first walked in confirmed you’re about six weeks along.”
Bucked blinked as his mouth hung opened, “What?”
The doctor stared at him for a moment before a smile that he was sure was supposed to be comforting but was more infuriating with how condescending he looked came upon his face as he said, “You probably have never thought much about why we do a pee test every time you have any kind of checkup.” He looked down at the paperwork and flipped through it and squinted at it and hummed to himself before looking back at Buck. “I see that you have the donor gene-"
“Yes!” Buck practically jumped in his seat and pushed his hands out as it to physically show the doctor some pretend evidence. “That’s how I was able to be a sperm donor.”
The doctor closed his mouth and did that damn stupid smile before saying, “Yes, but I also see that you have the recessive carrier gene.”
Buck blinked and his arms fell to his side once again. “Y-yeah. What does that have to do with anything?”
The doctor crossed his arms and said slowly, “Most of the time when someone has the donor gene it overwrites all the genes that make someone a carrier. You though have a recessive carrier gene which would normally be overwritten but due to-" The doctor stopped and suddenly the smile the doctor was giving him reminded him of when he used to ask his parents questions, and his mother would smile at him in a way that made him feel so stupid for even trying. Like the explanation he was looking for was just too complicated for someone like him to understand. “Anyways, complicated gene talk aside your chances of becoming pregnant are near zero.”
Buck swallowed nothing as he said hollowly, “But not actually zero.”
The doctor’s smile got wider as if he wanted to tell Buck he was such a smart good boy for understanding something so complex. The doctor said, “Exactly. Now take some acetaminophen and elevate your leg and the swelling should go down. If not, we’ll have to test for other things to determine if it’s something we should look into, but you don’t have any family history of any big red flags so I’m not too worry about it.”
Buck opened his mouth to ask what those red flags he should be looking for when a pamphlet was shoved in his face. Buck just stared at it feeling fully dismissed. When he didn’t take it the doctor sighed like he had just done something to disappoint him then he laid the pamphlet down near him.
“I also recommend light duty until you can take paternity leave. I’ll have the nurse give you a note and when you’re ready to get your leave paperwork done make an appointment and we’ll get that done for you.” The doctor nodded and got up before leaving Buck with nothing but feeling so small.
He stayed on the bed for a moment as shock and numbness started to take over his body. A nurse came in and told him he was free to go, and he numbly left the room limping to the front desk. He didn’t hear a thing as his ears were buzzing as the receptionist took his information and payment.
He would have walked away but the nurse who told him he could leave the room ran up to him and gave him the pamphlet that he had left behind. He nodded as she said something that was lost to the buzzing in his ears. He walked away clutching the pamphlet like it was a lifeline.
--
Buck walked into his loft not knowing what to think. He walked in a daze not even paying attention that he completely missed the island, and his keys crashed loudly to the ground.
“Evan?”
Bucky jumped and turned to see Tommy on his couch looking like he just woke up from a nap.
Tommy straightened up and stretched with what must be an aching back (his mother had terrible taste in couches and his couch was not something anyone should be sleeping on) and groaned as his back popped. “The appointment went well?”
Buck stared as Tommy’s bare arms lowered until he had his hands in his sleeveless hoody. He didn’t say anything as Tommy waited expectantly.
He couldn’t think of anything to say.
Tommy’s face went from curious to a touch of worry as his eyebrows scrunched up as he asked, “Evan? Did you hear me? How did the appointment go?”
Buck heard him but just stared at Tommy still clutching the pamphlet in his hand.
Tommy’s face transformed into complete worry as he got up from the couch with a pained groan before straightening up and asking, “Evan? What’s-"
Evan didn’t see the tears coming let alone the sobs, but one moment he was standing straight up and fine and the next he was crumbling into Tommy’s arms. Tommy took Buck’s weight with ease as he started spouting nonsensical nonsense like “It’s okay,”, “I’m here”, and “Baby what’s wrong” like Buck’s whole world wasn’t just thrown out the window crushed, set ablazed, and for good measure shipped to the Sun to burn away in the cold unforgiven vacuum of space. Tommy somehow got them on the ground without hurting either one of them and still keeping him in his arms. The ground felt awful on his leg and the ache in his pecs was thrumming and he just wanted to not exist.
When he was finally able to breathe, and Tommy’s shirt was completely soaked through he forced himself to breathe in and out because he had to tell Tommy. They had only been back together for two months. They had agreed to take it slow and that they would go to couple’s therapy because even though Tommy wanted to take another shot for them Tommy was still scared.
Buck remembered the day Tommy had appeared at his door just like he did the night they first kissed. Hand on his neck and looking like he was rehearsing a speech. This time though he looked worse for wear. He was a far cry from the confident and cool Tommy that took his chin and kissed him the last first kissed he ever wanted.
Tommy had asked Buck, then winced when Buck told him he could go to hell if he said that name again, if they could talk in the smallest voice Buck had ever heard. Buck wanted to punish him and slam the door in his face and never speak to him again as if to say HA! THERE! I’m the one who denied YOU!
But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He let him in, and they sat across his island that was nothing but flour at that point. Tommy tried to crack a joke about it being at a bakery. Buck had just glared at him until the attempted smile went away.
They had sat in silence for a moment as Buck waited. He waited until Tommy took a deep breath to start to talk to interrupt him. He didn’t let him get a word in as he finally told Tommy all of his feelings and all the revelations that HE had had (like that acknowledging that he was bisexual was harder than he initially thought and all the unpacking he had to do to realize that) (or that he totally jump the gun about moving in) (or that he had botched what was a good intentioned speech by Josh without thinking of the consequences) and how that cumulated in him saying that he was new to loving men but he knew beyond a doubt that he only ever wanted to love this man in front of him. Even if that man was a coward for running away when he got scared instead of talking to him about his fears or for leaving him with radio silence for a month. He made it absolutely clear that Tommy was his first AND his last and that he was willing to get hurt all over again telling him this then runaway from what he knew was right. For both of them.
Tommy had just stared at him opened mouth and sad at times. When he was done Tommy had looked away from him and Buck had an awful second of thinking here it is he’s leaving again when Tommy wiped his eyes and took out his phone.
The action had surprised him enough that he had pulled back in surprise and watched as Tommy opened his phone and later he found out his Notes app. Tommy had shown the bullet points he had made on trying to figure out a speech to make him realize that he had fucked up and he knew he had broken them up with his fears clouding his judgment even though being scared was valid but just up and breaking up with him was not. And that he ultimately wanted to be together as well, because even though he said he’d rather break his own heart before Buck did he realized during that long month that he actually couldn’t live without him. That Buck had become his everything without him knowing it and that scared him so bad.
(“Everything I touched turns bad and everyone I get closed to leaves.” The absolutely devasted look Tommy gave Buck as Buck said, “That’s my line, Tommy,” made back feel like he made his point while also his heart hurt deeply at the admission.)
Buck had later seen the multiple bullet points Tommy hadn’t made, but the one that popped up over and over was that Tommy was scared but he wanted to be brave, even just a little, at just even having a shot at being together again.
Buck felt like such a loser for being so relieved but also, he was so happy he wasn’t the only loser that felt that way.
They had set up some rules and boundaries. It was hard at first because all Buck wanted to do was be around Tommy 24/7 and never leave his side. But they decided to take it slow and open up about everything about themselves. The good sides they already knew but also the ugly sides they would tried to hide like Tommy shutting down with biting sarcasm when he felt like he was in a corner. Or when Buck felt like Tommy was pulling away he’d panic and try to force intimacy instead of giving Tommy space.
They had talked and talked and talked agreed that they would wait to be intimate.
That had lasted a full thirty minutes before Tommy had smiled that crinkly smile of his when Buck told him just how much baking he did while he missed him and Buck needed to feel that smile on his lips. Tommy hadn’t pulled away as Buck gently took his chin and kissed him long and deeply. When they pulled apart it was like they both had taken a gasp of air for the first time in a month.
They had met each other’s dazed and loved filled gazes and before he knew it he was being ploughed from behind with Tommy filling him up in ways he never even knew existed. They hadn’t used a condom but what for? It was only one time and it wasn’t like he could get pregnant, right?
He rubbed in face into Tommy’s chest wanting nothing more than to just melt into his arms and never have to open his mouth and ruin everything they had been working up to. He just wanted Tommy to stay.
Tommy laughed as he tried to say he was pregnant but all that came out was a mumbled, “-gnat.”
“What gnat are you talking about, baby?”
Buck doesn’t remember when Tommy started calling him baby but it had happened one day and he had never stopped. Buck felt another sob creep into his throat, and he wanted to die as he started to cry again.
Tommy’s arms tightened around him and he pulled him in so close that he felt like it hard to breathe. That somehow made it easier to breathe.
“Hey, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I said, but I’m sorry.”
Buck started to ugly laugh sob at that as he wiped his eyes and said, “I’m pregnant, you stupidly lovable man.”
Tommy visibly stiffened.
Buck cried harder.
Tommy recovered faster than Buck expected him to as Tommy pulled Buck and asked, “Is it mine?”
Buck stopped crying at the question. He turned to look at Tommy with narrowed eyes as Tommy seemed to realize what he was asking. His face twisted in total regret as he said, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean-"
Buck punched him right in the middle of Tommy’s shoulder that he knew pained him sometimes and watched in satisfaction the pained winced that flashed on Tommy’s face.
“Yes, you did mean it and yes, it is, you asshole.” Buck tried to get up but fell back as his still swollen and now aching in a brand-new horrible way leg screamed at him for being on the floor for too long.
Tommy grabbed at him like he was fragile and that pissed Buck even more as he glared at him for all that he was worth. He punched Tommy in the exact same spot causing Tommy to let go with a pained his wince which made Buck smile in triumph. It didn’t last long as his weight that had been held up by Tommy was gone and he rolled onto the floor as his leg seized up in a painful cramp.
Tommy scrambled up and offered his hand which Buck slapped aside being petty for no reason but to be petty.
Tommy looked down at him as he leaned down and said, “Evan. You’re either going to suffer on the floor or you’re going to let me help you to your feet.”
Evan glared at Tommy as he clenched his fists in pain. “Fuck you, Kinard.”
Tommy sighed loudly then said, “I would rather have you fuck me, but I don’t think that’s in the cards now, is it?”
Buck didn’t know why but he felt himself start laughing. His leg was still spasming and his heart was breaking but for whatever reason Tommy got him to laugh. He was crying again but it was from hysterical tears of laughter.
“Baby,” Tommy said in the tone that really meant Evan, please listen to me, “I need you to get off the floor. Please stop hurting me and let me help you.”
Buck kept laughing as he rolled over to his side and shook his head.
Buck heard Tommy deeply sigh before suddenly there were hands underneath him and he was unceremoniously hauled up into Tommy’s arms.
Buck’s laughter stopped as all the blood running through him left his brain and was being routed to his dick as Tommy grunted then adjusted Buck with a quick jostle.
“If I hurt my back getting you to bed then we’re both going to be on FMLA and I don’t know how my mortgage is going to be paid.”
Buck was just imagining the things Tommy could do to him when the words FMLA brought the reality of his life crushing down on him again.
He was tired of his mood swings but overall, he was just tired. He smushed his face into Tommy’s pec and put his arms around his neck and held onto him as tight as he could.
Tommy stayed silent as he made the trek up his stairs to his bed. When he tried to let Buck go Buck held on tighter.
Tommy huffed out a laugh and said, “You have to let go, baby.”
Buck had no idea how Tommy understood him as he mumbled every word of it into his pec but when Tommy heard him say, “Promise you’ll stay," Tommy tightened his hold on him before saying, “I promise I’ll stay Evan.” When Buck didn’t let go, Tommy nosed his hair and said softly in Buck’s ear, “I promise. Let go, Evan.”
Evan squeezed him tight for just a second too long before he let Tommy put him in his bed. Buck felt pathetic and awful and unlovable in that moment and couldn’t look at Tommy as Tommy brushed his hair out of forehead and kissed him softly on the forehead.
Tommy moved him around until he was tucked into a thin blanket after Buck mumbled out, “Too hot.” Tommy rubbed his arms in a gentle soothing way and Buck wanted to cry again.
Instead, he shot out his arm in alarm as Tommy started to get up. Tommy looked down at his arm being clutched in a death grip then to Buck who looked at him in wide eyed terror and betrayal as Buck whispered, “You promised.”
Tommy smiled at him and unlike the doctor’s smile from earlier Buck didn’t feel condescended to by Tommy’s smile. Tommy leaned close and kissed his forehead again then put their foreheads together. Tommy looked funny being this close to Buck's face, but Buck felt like his heart started to beat again when Tommy said quietly, “I’m going downstairs to get you some water and some Tylenol and we can talk about our next steps when I get back, okay?”
Buck’s lip started to wobble at the mention of ‘our next steps’ and nodded his head as he let Tommy go. Tommy smiled at him and kissed his forehead again before getting up and leaving.
Buck felt his hands go to his stomach and he wondered who was baking in his oven. Buck felt hysterical giggles bubble inside him at his thought. In a stupid way to stop himself from laughing he hit his bad leg and hissed loudly in pain.
“Evan what was that?” Tommy’s concerned tone carried up to his bed and Buck bit his lip from moaning in pain.
“Nothing. Everything is fine.”
“I don’t believe that for one second, Evan. I’ll be there in just a moment so don’t do anything rash before I get back.”
Buck nodded his head and tried to make an affirming noise that didn’t sound pained to his own ears. Buck bit his lip and grabbed the pillows behind him and shoved them under his knee trapping the blanket underneath him but he didn’t care. He just wanted to elevate his knee and have this pain stop.
Buck could tell by Tommy’s footfalls that he’s taking his steps two at a time up the stairs and he wanted to scold him but couldn’t find the words in his pain.
Quickly Tommy's by his side running his hand through his hair as he told him, “It’s okay, Evan. I got you some Tylenol and water.”
Buck opened his eyes and eyed the cup of water before looking up at Tommy with a frown. “I don’t know if I can trust you with giving me medicine. If I recall right the last time you tried nursing me, I had boils for days after.”
Tommy had the decency to blush and look away as he pulled out the pills from his pocket and looked up at Buck with an embarrassed smile. “I’m pretty sure that was just Bobby Boils haunting you.”
Buck narrowed his eyes and pointed a finger at him and said, “First his name is William James McCurdy aka BIILY Boils and second you made fun of me for believing in his curse, so you don’t get to say it’s real now.”
Tommy looked away and sighed with a laugh. “Okay you got me. But will you trust me this time to not poison you again?”
Buck glared at him for a moment before thrusting out his hand and saying, “Give me those.”
Tommy smiled and complied. Buck took the glass of water and pills. He took his pills in one gulp and the rest of the water in another gulp before giving it back to Tommy. Tommy put it on the side table and turned to Buck who suddenly didn’t know where to look. Damnit, he should have kept the cup if only to have something to hold in his hands.
“So,” Tommy started awkwardly as Buck started to fidget with the end of the blanket, “How’s your leg?”
Buck started laughing again though this laugh was tinged with only a bit of hysteria. Buck jumped and looked up to see Tommy gently lift his leg to pull the blanket out from it. Buck bit his lip to stop from hissing in pain and only just stopped himself in time. “It’s pissing me off is how it is. I shouldn’t have to deal with my leg and being pregnant at the same time.”
Tommy laughed as he asked, “You should only face one body dysfunction at a time?”
Buck finally looked at Tommy and nodded his head enthusiastically. “Yes! Exactly!”
Tommy smiled and reached for Buck’s free hand. He threaded their hands together as Buck felt his words dry up at the soft look on Tommy’s face. Tommy pulled their hands to his face and made eye contact with Buck before softly kissing his knuckles.
“So, was the doctor able to give you any answers while you were freaking out?”
Buck groaned in frustration as he rolled his eyes and shook his head. “No! He acted like it wasn’t the biggest shock of my life to find out I’m having kid and then all he said was to take some Tylenol and I’d be fine!”
Tommy raised an eyebrow. “That’s all?”
“Oh yeah! Forgot the about the pamphlet!” Bucked looked around him trying to find it.
“It’s on the island below. What was the pamphlet?”
Bucked rolled his eyes in annoyance. “It’s a pamphlet that’s explains what to expect when you weren’t expecting but shouldn’t the doctor have had more bedside manner and talked to me and explain things more especially since I’m obviously confused why he’d say I’m pregnant when I never thought I’d be?!”
Buck looked at Tommy expecting some sympathy, but Tommy wasn’t looking at him. He was staring at their hands like he’s trying to figure out how to say something without getting into more trouble.
Buck frowned as he asked, “What? What are you thinking?”
Tommy ran his tongue around his bottom lip in thought and once again Buck felt heaviness in his groin from want. God, he was all over the place.
“I don’t want you to think I’m accusing you of anything but-"
Buck narrowed his eyes. “But what?”
“But,” Tommy looked at him and sighed, “Did you really not know you could get pregnant?”
Buck swallowed his biting comment and looked away. He bit his lip and sighed. “When I got tested when I was younger they told me I had the donor gene.”
“Yes, I remember you telling me how you’re a sperm donor.”
“Yes! Right?” Buck turned to Tommy and felt his mouth dry at Tommy’s face. Tommy didn’t look angry or hurt, but his face reminded him of the day Tommy broke up with him. Vulnerable and afraid.
Buck cleared his throat. “But they did tell me I had the recessive carrier gene, but that it would be a million to one odds I’d ever get pregnant and honestly? The only things ever to be inside me were dildos and the occasional finger when a girl was into it. I only ever had you inside me in that way and I never even thought I’d be taking anyone’s dick so it just never occurred to me to mention it.” He gulped. “I wasn’t lying to you intentionally, I swear. I would never baby trap you like that.”
Tommy nodded his head as he stared at their intertwined hands once again. He put his other hand around them before looking Buck in the eye. “I have to ask: Do you want this baby?”
Buck stared at him like he was crazy. “Uh, yeah, why wouldn’t I?”
Tommy’s mouth opened with what Buck assumed was another question, but his mouth fell slack in shock for a moment before he cleared his throat at Buck’s raised eyebrow. “Sorry. That was a more forceful answer than I thought it would be.”
Buck’s eyes furrowed and he snorted with derision as he said, “What? You thought I wouldn’t what your baby?”
Tommy’s sad look told him everything. Buck’s heart dropped as he saw Tommy’s face fall and he looked down as if in shame.
“No, don’t make that face.”
Tommy’s eyebrows furrowed but he didn’t look up from the spot of blanket he was staring at. “What face?”
“That face! The face that tells me that no one would ever want you.”
Tommy seemed to shrink more into himself as his shoulders rounded and his head got lower. Buck used his free hand to put a finger under his chin and made Tommy look at him. “I want you, Tommy. Forever.”
Tommy looked like he wanted to argue the point. Tommy held his gaze before sighing and saying, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay with me just because of our kid.”
Buck felt a thrill at the world ‘our’. “I would think you would want to leave. We’ve only just got back together and this? This is not exactly taking it slow.”
Tommy threw back his head and laughed. “You got that right.” He looked at Buck and shrugged. “But when have we ever done things slow?”
Buck stopped and looked down at their hands and sighed. “I wanted to do right by you, you know?”
Buck looked up to see Tommy giving him a look that could only be described as him finding Buck the most adorable person ever. “I was going to say the same.”
Buck looked at Tommy and asked, “You’re not going to go off running again, are you?”
Tommy shook his head. “No, I’m done running.”
“Even if you knocked me up?”
Tommy laughed and nodded his head. “Especially if I knocked you up.”
Buck felt calmer than he felt all day and that was probably the medicine working but he was glad Tommy was there.
“Can you fuck me?”
Both of Tommy’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Is that what you want?”
Buck bit his lip and then nodded.
Tommy eyes grew hooded as he looked Buck up and down and said, “I’d say I’d fuck you until I made your pregnant, but we already achieved that.” Buck snorted and Tommy’s face grew soft. “But yes, Evan. I’d like nothing else then to fuck you.”
Tommy leaned in and took Buck’s mouth in his. With their intertwined hands Tommy lifted them up above Buck’s head. Buck let his free hand be swept up into Tommy’s hands liking the way he felt trapped but knew he could stop at any moment.
They kissed for what seemed for ages, Buck’s cock growing harder the longer they did. Eventually Tommy broke away and start sucking on Buck’s neck. Not hard enough to leave hickies but enough to make Buck whine. Buck tried to buck his hips up to meet Tommy’s, but Tommy freed up one of his hands and stilled Buck at his hip.
“No, not yet.”
Buck whined and when Tommy came back for a kiss he nipped hard on Tommy’s bottom lip. Tommy softly hissed at the nip, but soon gave as good as he got and nipped at Buck’s bottom lip.
Buck tried to move his hips again but again Tommy’s hand stopped him.
“Tommy,” Buck whined against Tommy’s lips. “I’ve had a bad day. Fuck me already.”
Tommy smiled and pulled away to give him a heated look that made Buck’s blood run hot.
“As you wish.”
Buck rolled his eyes and was going to complain about bringing the Princess Bride into the bedroom, again, when suddenly Tommy palmed him through his pants and all he felt was want. Tommy looked at him with a smile and said, “Your leg is bad today and even though I’d like nothing else to take you right here and now I think my hands will have to do for now.”
Buck laughed as he said, “And I heard you’re good with your hands.”
Tommy’s eyebrow raised an eyebrow as he continued to palm him through his jeans driving Buck mad. “You know what they say about mechanics. Always good with their hands.”
“And they’re swindlers.”
“Oh, I’m a swindler now am I?”
Buck couldn’t continue the conversation as Tommy had unbuttoned his jeans and unzipped his zipper and no was palming him through his underwear. He was so sensitive right now that he didn’t know if he could last. “T-Tommy I-"
“Yes, baby?”
Buck didn’t know if it was Tommy biting his neck, Tommy calling him baby, or the fact he had just thumbed the top of his cock in such a way that even with his underwear on it sent shock waves through him and he came harder then was any right to be.
When he came back to himself he flushed red in embarrassment at coming so fast.
“Sorry.”
Buck felt Tommy shake his head. “No need to apologize. Glad to be of some service.”
Buck laughed and looked at Tommy. He wondered how they were going to get through all this. He put that out of his mind as Tommy helped him out of his pants. He was asleep by the time Tommy came over with a towel to clean him up.