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I unlock the door and tiptoe inside, trying to be as quiet as possible. It's almost midnight and I only left the hospital a few minutes ago. Since I took over the administrative side, I've been busier every day trying to distribute my time between the business, the patients and my family. I have the feeling that I'm failing in every respect. I'm not managing the hospital the way my mother demands, I can't devote myself to the patients the way they deserve and I can't spend enough time with my wife and daughter.
As soon as I arrive in the living room, the scene I see breaks my heart. Earn is lying on the sofa, completely crooked and shrunken, wearing nothing but a strappy dress. I approach her in silence and bend down to her height. I see that her arms are shivering and I confirm that she's cold when I touch her and feel her freeze.
- Hey. - I kiss her cheek while whispering to her to wake up and go to bed. I kiss her again and again until she starts to open her eyes. - Hi... - I smile as she looks at me with those mesmerizing eyes.
- No! - I'm startled and lose my balance when she stands up abruptly, disentangling herself from me. I sit on the floor staring at my wife, who is standing at the other end of the room, pacing back and forth.
- What...
- No, Fahlada. You've crossed a line today. Honestly, I'm very sympathetic to your work, I know you're a busy woman, but I never expected this from you. At least not in less than 50 years.
I get up from the floor and try to approach her, but the closer I get, the more she walks the other way.
- What did I do wrong?
- Nothing! You never do anything wrong, Doctor Fahlada.
- Has something happened to the baby? - I say genuinely worried. I've spent very little time with our now three-year-old daughter and I feel very guilty that I'm missing out on important parts of her development.
- She's fine. - I see Earn heading for the kitchen and I go after her.
I'm paralyzed in the doorway when I see the table set with candles, wine, my favorite dish and flowers. Oh, shit. Earn comes up to me and hands me, or rather drops into my lap, a wooden box with a small seal and a bouquet of roses.
- Happy wedding anniversary.
Oh, no.
My heart is racing as I watch her walk up the stairs wiping away her tears. I really am an idiot. I can't believe our wedding anniversary is today. What day is it? I would never forget the happiest day of my life.
I carry the bouquet and the box as I run up the stairs after her. I see her enter our room and I hurry so that she doesn't lock me out. When I enter, Earn is already making the bed, throwing the pillows on the floor and pulling the covers off. I put the flowers and the box on the armchair and turned to her.
- My love... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. - She doesn't look at me for a second, it's like I'm not even here. - I haven't forgotten our anniversary, I know exactly the day we got married. I just didn't know what day it was. I don't even know what day of the week it is, to be honest. - I try to laugh, but I can't. She continues to ignore me, now sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard and holding her iPad. - I'm sorry, I...
- What's the point of being sorry? By now the food has gone cold, the wine has warmed up, the flowers have wilted and I'm tired. - She's staring at me now. Her eyes are cold and full of hurt. - Maybe you should apologize to your daughter, she's been waiting for you too. - Ouch.
I can't believe how stupid I was.
- Look, I know you're upset and you're right to be, but it's just that I'm working a lot and having to divide myself between my duties there...
- I work a lot too, Fahlada. But I don't let my wife and daughter waiting for me for hours on end like two fools. - Earn leaves the iPad on the bedside table and gets up to go to the closet to change. That's her signal that our conversation for today is over.
She's angry, really angry, and I know we won't be able to solve the problem now, on the contrary, it will only lead to more arguments. I decide to go to my daughter's room to check on her and as soon as I enter I see that the ballerina I gave her is working. I bought it for her a few months ago and told her she could remember me through it whenever she missed me. I feel like crying as I sit on the floor and watch my little girl sleeping peacefully.
I run my hand over her cheek, reminding myself how beautiful she is. Earn and I had the procedure to get pregnant a few years ago and I gave birth to her. My wife was shooting an important movie at the time and I saw no problem carrying our baby, taking a leave of absence from the hospital, although I did go to work until the day of the birth, which caused stress for both my father and my wife. She may look like me physically, but her personality is totally like her other mother. She couldn't be more cheerful, spontaneous and funny, just like Earn. Just as I know she must be very angry with me right now, because just like her mother, she doesn't tolerate being made to feel belittled.
I kiss her forehead, tidy up the blanket and the stuffed animal she's hugging. I leave her room and head for the bathroom to take a shower. While I'm there, I think about how stupid I was to have hurt the two women in my life all at once. I know I have to apologize to Earn, but I have no idea how.
When I come out of the bathroom and go into our bedroom wearing my pajamas, I see that my wife has taken advantage of the time I've been away to make a containment barrier in the middle of the bed with the pillows. She's lying with her back to me and I can't help but roll my eyes when I see the pillows that were once on the floor, now in the middle of the bed. I lie down facing her and stare at the part of her back that isn't being covered by the barrier. I want to hug her, kiss her and hold her in my arms until she forgives me, but I know it won't be that easy.
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I wake up feeling something cold on my face and it doesn't take long for me to realize that it's two little hands running over me. I open my eyes and find two little eyes staring at me from the edge of the bed.
- Hi, Mama. - I feel my heart melt with love.
- Hi, little doll. - I reach out and grab my daughter so she can climb into bed with me. She hugs me as soon as she lies down with me and I can smell the scent that only her dark hair has had since she was just a baby. - Are you all right?
- Yes, Mama. But I missed you. - Damn.
- I missed you too... I'm sorry I was late yesterday and left you and mommy waiting for me. Are you sad about me?
- No... I'm not. But Mommy is. Maybe I am a little... But I know you were very busy saving lives, Mama. - I smile at my daughter's innocence and hold her tighter in my arms.
- You're a very clever girl. I promise I won't keep you two waiting any longer. Never again. - I hold out my finger to her as a symbol of my promise and she repeats the gesture.
- I told you not to wake your mother. - I see Earn standing in the bedroom doorway when I hear her voice. - Come on, you're going to be late for school.
- I have to go now, Mama. - She gets out of my arms and stands on the edge of the bed as she was before. I sit down and straighten her clothes. - I love you.
- I love you more. - As soon as I say it, she runs out the door, leaving Earn behind. - Hey, about yesterday... - I start talking as I get up and walk towards my wife, who is still at the door.
- I have to go, I'm going to be late. - Ok, she's not ready to talk yet.
- Of course. - She turns and walks off towards the stairs. I throw myself on the bed trying to think of a way to reconcile with my wife quickly.
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- Of course, Miss Rosalyn will accompany you. See you next week. - I say goodbye to the patient and lean back in my chair as I watch her leave the office accompanied by my nurse assistant. I've been thinking all day about what to do to fix things with Earn and over lunch Tan gave me some ideas that might be useful.
- Can I ask the next patient to come in, Doctor? - My nurse assistant is standing in the doorway staring at me.
- No, Rose. Give me a minute, please. - As soon as she leaves and closes the door, I take out my cell phone and call my mother-in-law. I ask and pray that she can pick my daughter up from school today and take her to sleep at her house. I tell her I want to surprise my wife and ask her to keep it a secret. She promptly says yes and that she understands that Earn and I need some time alone. I wonder if Earn told her about our almost argument. I thank her and ask her to tell my daughter that early tomorrow morning I'll pick her up from her grandmother's house and we'll spend the whole day together.
When I hang up with my mother-in-law, I call my wife's manager.
- Yes, Suzie, I know she's in a bad mood. That's why I'm calling you. No, it's not my fault that she's fighting with everyone on set. Just tell me what time she's going home today and don't say anything about me calling, okay? Okay, thanks.
After I finish talking to Suzie, I make just two more calls to order something and finalize my surprise before going back to work.
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I finish seeing the day's patients and go home early. It's the first time in months that I've gone home seeing the sun instead of the moon. I feel guilty again for leaving my family behind for the last few months, for doing what I always said I wouldn't do, for acting like my mother.
I park at the jewelry store, where I buy a diamond necklace for Earn and a bracelet for myself with the letter E marked in a simple gold heart. As I'm passing the ring display, I see a sun ring and decide to take it too. I leave and go to the other place to pick up the one I bought earlier, along with the parcel. I go to the flower shop and pick up the petals to finally go home.
When I arrive, I park my car in the back so that she doesn't know I'm home when she gets here. I see on the clock that I only have a short time before she's home and I hurry to organize things. I leave all the lights downstairs off and go upstairs to our bedroom to prepare everything.
Upstairs, I turn on the television and prepare the pendrive I picked up a few minutes ago. I hope everything is as I asked because I won't have time to go over it again. I throw the petals on the floor and on the bed, fighting my OCD and thinking that this mess is for the greater good, in this case, to save my marriage. I hear the sound of the door downstairs and just have time to take off my heels and hide the jewelry in the nightstand drawer. I wait until I hear Earn coming up the stairs to leave the room. When I realize she's close enough, I open the door and stand waiting for my wife, who appears at the top of the stairs in a few seconds. She looks at me surprised and frightened, looking more tired than ever.
- Oh my God. What are you doing standing there like a ghost? - She's been paralyzed since she saw me.
- I have a surprise for you. - I hold out one of my hands to her.
- Where's our daughter?
- She's with your mother. Come here.
She looks at me suspiciously and takes a few seconds to accept my offer. I open the bedroom door and let her in. I see a smile curl up at the corner of her lips when she sees the room all dirty, I mean, decorated with flower petals.
- Are these petals from the flowers I gave you yesterday that you tore to pieces?
- Of course not. - I roll my eyes, but I know she's just being funny. - Sit down on the bed.
She just nods and does as I ask. I stand next to the bed and play the pendrive that was already plugged into the television. Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You starts to play while pictures of us play. I've selected photos from the beginning of our relationship, through to our wedding and afterwards. A few short videos of Earn and me as a couple are also present. I'd had all this ready for weeks and it was part of my wedding anniversary present to Earn, I just got confused with the dates, but I'd never forget the day we got married. I can see that her eyes are watering and she's trying not to cry. The idea is cheesy, I know, but my assistant said Earn would like it and that I should do it. And here she is.
"Hi, Mommy! It's me! Mama Lada and I wanted to make you this video so you'd always remember us both. I even got this little flower because it reminds me so much of you."
Earn could no longer hold back the tears as soon as our daughter appeared in the video holding a sunflower. It was hard to get her to keep it a secret for a few weeks, but fortunately she soon forgot. I'm behind the camera filming our daughter while she's restless in the garden of the park we usually go to together.
"She's very beautiful and delicate, just like you, Mommy. And she's yellow too, just like your hair!"
She runs off and does a few laps before getting back in front of the camera. I see that my wife is now laughing and crying at the same time.
"Mommy, I'm going to pick all the flowers in the world for you because I love you so much and I always will. Muuack." She blows me a kiss and runs off when I stop filming and the TV screen goes black, indicating that the video is over.
Earn is wiping away tears and beckons me with her hands to come closer to her. When I get closer, her lips go straight to mine and she holds me by the neck.
- Calm down, it's not over yet. - I interrupt the kiss by drying her tears. - I have another gift.
- You've already given me the best gift of all.
I smile at her as I open the nightstand drawer and take out the boxes I brought from the jewelry store, as well as an envelope. I give her the necklace first and wait for her reaction.
- Fahlada! Is that a diamond necklace? Wow, that must have been very expensive. And it's very beautiful! Thank you. - I wave and hand over the ring box. - What's this? Are you going to propose again? - She says laughing and I'm relieved. I'm getting her back.
- Maybe. - I joke.
- How beautiful! - She says, seeing the sun in the gold ring. - You still remember that I like this sort of thing, huh? - She puts the ring on her own finger and stares at it.
- Of course I remember. This one's for me, but you can open it. - I hand her the box with the bracelet containing the heart with her initial. I see her eyes fill with tears again when she notices the detail. - It's to show that I always carry you with me in my heart. - Cheesy again. My God, how this woman has changed me.
She smiles and kisses me on the lips.
- You have a peculiar way of apologizing, Doctor Fahlada.
- I'm sorry I let the date slip. I hope you can forgive me while we eat pasta at your favorite Italian restaurant. - I hold out the envelope to her and she opens it with wide eyes.
- No!
- Yes.
- Are we going to Italy again? I thought you said you couldn't leave the hospital for the year!
- I lied. - I say laughing as she hits me with the plane tickets.
- How long are we staying?
- As long as you like. I think it's about time our daughter got to know the country.
- She'll love it. There's just one problem. - I arch my eyebrows in concern. What's the problem if I've planned everything to the millimetre? - Take the box I gave you yesterday, please.
I get up and go to the armchair in the bedroom to pick up the box, which is exactly as I left it yesterday. With everything that happened, I forgot to open it. I hand it to Earn and sit back down on the bed.
- I hope the flight goes smoothly. - She begins as she opens the box facing herself. - And I'll have to stick to lighter foods, no wine and no alcohol at all. - She turns the box towards me. - You know, because of the baby...
I look at the box and feel the world around me stop. Or is it me who's spinning? I see a baby shoe and a pregnancy test, accompanied by an ultrasound photo. Oh my God.
- Did it work? Are we going to have another baby?
Earn nods vehemently and pulls me by the face to kiss me. Without realizing it, we're both shedding tears. A few months ago, my wife and I started the procedure to get her pregnant this time, but it takes a long time and can't be done under pressure, so we both avoided pushing the issue. Besides, only the two of us knew, none of our parents or friends imagined it.
- You're going to have a mini me in your life, are you ready? - She says laughing when we stop kissing.
- One more, you mean? And of course I'm ready, I'd have five of you if I had to. - She puts all the boxes and presents on the floor next to the bed and pulls me back in for a kiss, which this time is more intense and passionate.
Her tongue intertwines with mine and her hands roam my body while mine are resting on the bed so as not to let the weight of my body fall on hers. Now that I know she's pregnant, I'm going to take all the care I can to make sure nothing happens to her or the baby.
- I've missed you so much. - I say, trying to catch my breath when we stop kissing.
- Yeah? Then make love to me. Make love to the mother of your child. - She bites her lips and I see her eyes dark with lust.
- Your wish is my command, darling. - I attack her lips again and I feel my whole body go into ecstasy, not believing how lucky I am.