Chapter Text
Cullen made his way across the courtyard towards The Herald’s Rest, eager to catch the Inquisitor before she retired for the evening. He had originally gone to the library to speak with her since she had mentioned earlier that she was meeting with Dorian, but she was nowhere to be found. Solas had called up to the rotunda when he heard Cullen inquire after her, saying that she and Dorian had gone to the tavern for a drink.
He had promised Nora that he would tell her of any news regarding the Venatori, and he was given a report just over an hour ago. The information was nothing that they didn’t already know, but still, he had told her that he would find her once he knew anything.
And find her he did. Just as he was about to open the door to the Herald’s Rest, he saw the Inquisitor sitting alone on a bench outside of the tavern, her head in her hands.
Seeing her like that caused a wave of worry to wash over him, causing a knot in his stomach. Immediately he rushed over to her, worried that something had happened. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.
“Inquis- No. we’re off duty- Nora, are you alright?”
She looked up at him with glassy eyes and a grin, and placed her hand atop his on her shoulder.
“Oh I’m fine… Just getting some air. Drinking contest with Bull…*hic* I bet him a sovereign that I could out-drink him… Didn’t win. Krem said that I looked like I needed some air” She paused, inhaling deeply and letting air out in an exaggerated breath. “So, here I am. Getting air.”
She then started to giggle, and pulled Cullen’s arm down, prompting him to sit down next to her on the bench.
Cullen’s lip twitched in a smile, and he shook his head. He’d never seen her in such a state. They had had drinks together before, sure, but she’d clearly had more to drink than usual.
“I think,” He said with a chuckle, “it’s time you got some sleep. Come, I’ll walk you to your quarters.”
He reached around her back, putting his arm around her to help her stand but was stopped when she took his hand in hers and nestled her head into the fur on his mantle with a sigh, her other hand coming to rest on his thigh.
“I’ll take that walk, but I just want to sit for a moment. Is that alright?” She peered up at him with a smile, and his breath caught in his throat.
“Ah, yes” He stammered, “ Of course. Whatever you need.”
She squeezed his thigh in thanks and smiled back at him before resting her head back onto his shoulder.
Cullen tried to focus on something –anything- other than the fact that the Inquisitor was leaning into him sighing contentedly, her thumb making lazy circles on his thigh. Cullen heard her inhale, and then break out into a fit of giggles, the smell of liquor wafting into the air with every breath she took.
He’s barely able to suppress a laugh himself, in awe of the state she was in.
Maker, she smells like a brewery. How much did she drink?
“Nora,” He said as he looked down at her face buried in his mantle, smiling as he did so. “What is so funny?”
She responded with a sigh, eyes still closed as her face stayed resting contentedly on his shoulder. “You smell delicious.”
“Wh-What?”
She sniggered, and looked up at him with a grin. “You smell like cinnamon! Like those cinnamon pastries with icing on them, they’re DELICIOUS! You smell just like them, just not as sweet.”
Ah, my shaving oil has cinnamon in it. I must have used more this morning than usual.
He chuckled. “Ah, well I-“
She cut him off; taking her index finger and tracing it along the scar on his lip and coming to a stop along his bottom lip, tugging gently. Peering up at him through her lashes and her tongue darted out across her bottom lip before she caught it in her teeth.
Maker’s breath.
“Nora, what are-“
He felt her hand glide up his thigh slowly, squeezing ever so gently and he cursed under his breath. How many times had his mind wandered to thoughts of this very nature? How many nights had he lain awake with himself in his hand, wishing it were hers holding him instead? More than he’d care to admit, and he fought to keep the thoughts from flooding his mind before he lost control of the situation. As much as he would like to continue and reciprocate, this was wrong. She was drunk and he would not take advantage of her in such a state. Not to mention they were on a bench in the middle of the courtyard, and in that very moment he was thankful for the cover of darkness; It was likely that no one had noticed them.
As if she could read his mind, her hand slid further up his thigh while she raked her finger along his bottom lip with her other. He caught both of her wrists in his hands, taking a deep breath and opening his eyes –when had I closed them?- and she smirked up at him.
“All we need is to cover you in icing *snort*, and I bet you’d be just as tasty!” with that she burst into a fit of giggles, and Cullen couldn’t help but laugh himself, thankful for the distraction.
Still laughing Cullen stood up, shaking his head. “Alright. You’ve had far too much to drink. Let’s get you to your quarters. You need to get some rest before morning.”
Cullen helped her up off the bench and helped her towards the main keep. Several times she tripped going up Skyhold’s steps and each time Cullen caught her, unable to stop himself from laughing when she burst into fits herself. The first guard they came across was alarmed; assuming that the Inquisitor was injured when he saw Cullen helping her walk. However he soon realized that was not the case when she gave a drunken salute and slurred “as you were!”, laughing the entire time. She did this to every guard they passed, and each time Cullen smirked and ushered her along.
Reaching the stairway to her quarters, suddenly Nora tripped and sat down on the steps. Cullen leaned down to usher her to keep moving but stopped when he heard a sniffle and noticed the small shudder in her shoulders.
Is she crying?
“Nora?”
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, lips pursed in a thin line. He knelt down and sat on the step beside her, placing an arm around her. She leaned into him and buried her face in his mantle, hands grasping at the fur desperately while she shook with tears. He held her in his arms on the steps and rested his chin stop her head, his hand caressing hers, letting her know that he was here for her.
They stayed like that for a few moments, him gently rocking her while she calmed down. Finally she peered up at him, her face splayed with an apologetic smile.
“Thank you- I’m so sorry, Cullen. I just… *sigh*. I fucking drank too much, and my emotions got the better of me.” She dropped her face again, her hands fidgeting with the fur on his mantle. “I just… Sometimes I see their faces… The ones we lost at Haven. I should have done more!” Her eyes welled up with tears again, and she continued to speak through soft sobs. “Ugh, you must think I’m pathetic.”
“No, Nora. I don’t think you’re pathetic.”
“I’m the Inquisitor, Cullen! How in Thedas’ name am I supposed to lead our cause when I can’t even hold myself together? I drink myself into a stupor and end up making a fool of myself. You have better things to do than be bothered with me, I’m sure.”
Cullen knew all too well how she felt. Some nights he barely slept, his dreams plagued with memories from being in the circle tower during the Blight. Or the mage uprising in Kirkwall; people burning in the streets and the chantry exploding.
“I think you’re an amazing woman who has risen up to lead the Inquisition, and you need to stop being so hard on yourself. This is no simple task, and it’s perfectly alright to ask for help. And I told you- I will never let the events at Haven happen again. Ever.” Cullen brushed a piece of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear and gave her a reassuring smile.
She looked up at him and smiled back, wiping the tears left on her face as she did.
“Promise?”
Cullen responded with a soft nod and kind smile. “Promise”.
“Thank you Cullen. You’re a good man.“
“No need to thank me. And you’re not a bother. I’ll be here for you, you need but to ask.”
With that she smiled at him and Cullen felt her lean into him further, once again resting her head on his shoulder and relaxing. Her scent filled his nostrils, a mixture of peaches and flowers, and he allowed himself to enjoy her company and the moment of peace. They sat like that for a few moments until he felt her go completely limp against him; realizing that she had drifted off to sleep. Chuckling to himself, he tried to rouse her with a gentle shake but it was no use. She sighed contentedly and ignored him, taken by the Fade.
Well at least she’s finally going to get some sleep, he thought to himself. But I can’t just leave her here.
After a moment of arguing with himself and trying to wake her, he decided to carry her upstairs. He picked her up from the stairs to take her to her quarters and as he stood up, she gazed up at him smiling, her eyes still heavy with sleep and a hint of confusion in her tone. “Cullen?”
He could feel his face flush, and he stammered back a reply. “Ah- you fell asleep on the steps and- I didn’t want to leave you there… Here- I’ll put you down. My apologies, I shouldn’t have-”
He started to ease her out of his hold but stopped when she protested and he felt her arms wrap around his neck and head nuzzling into his chest. “No…” She was drifting off again and he could hear the sleepiness in her voice. “Too tired…”
“Alright”. Cullen smiled and kept walking, enjoying the feeling of holding her in his arms. He felt wanted, needed, and it felt right to hold her, even if it was only to bring her upstairs after she’d had too much to drink. He made his way to her chambers, being careful not to open the door too quickly lest it creak and wake her up. He placed her gently onto the bed and she rolled onto her side, arms wrapping around herself.
She must be cold He thought, But I’ll wake her if I move her again.
He looked around her quarters and saw what he was looking for- a quilt draped over the armchair in front of the fireplace. He took it from the chair and covered her with it, and she stirred when he pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. She took his hand in hers and nuzzled into it, placing a soft kiss into his gloved palm, and he sat down on the bed next to her.
It isn’t appropriate for me to be here with her like this, he thought.
The feeling of her lips on his hand-even through the leather of his gloves- sent shivers down his arm and into his chest, and it took every ounce of his willpower to pull his hand from hers. When he did she sighed, her brow furrowing in protest at the loss of his touch. He started to rise from her bed when she reached out again and placed a hand on his leg, stopping him from standing.
“Mmm… Cullen?”
“Hush, Nora. Get some rest.”
She nodded and with her eyes still closed, she mumbled a drowsy response; “Don’t go… Don’t want to be alone”.
This was so unlike her. The woman who was usually so confident and sure of herself, was now laying beside him and asking him not to leave her alone, and to just stay with her. He felt wanted, NEEDED. By HER; The Inquisitor. Nora.
How can I say no to that?
“I- alright. I’ll stay a bit. Get some sleep.”
He leaned back against the headboard of the bed, waiting for signs of her starting to drift off again.
I’ll wait until she falls asleep, then make my way back to my office, He thought. Shouldn’t take too long…
Reaching her arm out to him she rested her hand just above his knee, and sighed. “Cullen?” Her voice was drowsy, and he could tell that she wouldn’t be long going to sleep.
He placed his hand on hers, and squeezed gently. “I’m here.”
The room was dark but he could tell that even in her sleepy state, her face lit up in a smile at his touch and it warmed his heart that he could make her smile like that.Maker, she’s beautiful.
“One more thing?”
“Anything.” That statement holds more truth than you realize.
“Don’t- *yawn*- Don’t tell Bull that you had to carry me?”
He chuckled in response and squeezed her hand again.
“Promise?”
“Yes I promise. My lips are sealed.”
“Mmm…You have nice lips…Cinnamon… Just need some icing.”
His lips twitched in a smirk and he chortled quietly to himself, she truly must be drunk.
“That’s the wine talking, Nora. Go to sleep.”
She sighed in agreeance and Cullen felt her relax against him, slowly starting her descent back into the fade, sleep taking her once again.