Chapter Text
As the 8 members rose from under the stage, glowing lights and screams of pure joy and excitement engulfed the air.
It was stuffy and the stadium was so pact that people would be pressed up against one another. Not many people cared about that tho.
How could they?
Something so trivial as physical contact wouldn't be more important than meeting *your* idol.
Their the people who you dream about, aspire to be, with no faults.
In your perspective they're practically gods.
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*ch..ch..CHK*
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"HIM! up there!" a security gaurd
frantically rushed up the stairs as he practically flew up to the 2nd floor of the guest seats.
In his coms, he spoke clearly describing the running suspect.
Screams that were once joyed and filled with burning excitement had quickly turned into shrill screams of fear.
Some were fleeing and others took the chance to sneak past security to meet their idols upclose.
But that doesn't matter.
'i'm sure he doesnt mind.'
even if he's bleeding out on stage and the security is bashing you to stay away from the group members.
Why do they get a say?
Then again, they're *your* idols.
They are only popular because you enjoy them.
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[33 minutes before]
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behind the stage it wasnt any less frantic and crouded as it was outside, 3 out of 8 members were filming a LIVE and the others were either trying to get into their outfits or touching up on last minute choreo.
But despite the crowding tension of stressing members.
There was one who stood still among all the commotion.
He looked so...
out of it.
As if someone took the light bulb out of his brain, everything was working fine.
Better than fine even.
But why did it feel as if he was empty, he didnt feel the burning sensation for perfection or the anxious pre-performence tinge.
He only felt numb, why he felt like this
was a lasping question.
One he could ponder *after* the show, but for now - all he could do was wait for the moment to pass.
"i....n"
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"i.nn...ie"
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"jeongin!"
Jeongin was snapped back from the trance of his thoughts and was now face to face with a half concerned-more annoyed changbin.
"h-huh?"
Jeongin didn't even realize that he spaced out while changbin was trying to tell him something.
*how careless.*
*so stupid.*
*you'll probably ruin the show with that carelessness.*
*stupid.*
*stupid.*
*stupid!!*
"are you okay i.n-ah? You look a bit.."
Changbin just stared at the boy who was staring back at him.
"pale."
Another voice was added to the conversation as Minho stood next to them both with a waterbottle in hand.
"yeah! I was going to say that!"
Changbin said with a bit more enthusiasm than he ment.
'what do i say?'
'have i gotten paler?'
'why now?'
*you look dead and too ugly for anyone to look at you.*
"hm? i do?"
*stupid.*
"yeah, you look a bit sick almost."
*yeah sick in the brain.*
"i'll be sure to rest more."
"make sure to eat when you get home aswell."
"aishhh- im just tired minho-hyung, I just couldn't fall asleep cuz' i was stressed about the show."
Minho looked content with his answer but still slightly concerned,
but finally stopped persuing the matter.
He took one more sip from his bottle
before offering some to Jeongin.
"wahhh- hyungg you're never this kind to me!"
Changbin joked as he got a fake smack from minho in response.
Their friendly banter was interupted by a pair of hands clapping together rhythmatically signalling the show was going to start in 5 minutes.
all 8 members were rounded up into a huddle and everyone knew
chan was about to give one of his pre- preformance motivation speeches.
"alright guys, we've worked really hard for this upcoming moment and I know we'll do great."
Everyone either nodded or smiled in agreement when Chan had said this.
one of the managers walked in and called out to the huddled members
signaling that the show is starting.
Everyone got in their positions and started.
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It was only half way through their 3rd song of their new album, Jeongin felt the rush of fatigue already.
Like he was a panting dog struggling to keep keep up.
He should've taken practice more seriously.
As if the lights and the loud noises were'nt disorienting enough, it didnt help that he was assigned a diet only a week
prior to the show.
Stays had commented that he had gained weight, and the company took charge
making so that Jeongin only eats
2 light meals per day.
'step, left, up, right.'
those were the next steps to the dance,
or atleast he thought so.
He does the final step right and he notices he took too long with his first step making himself and felix off beat.
*you stupid fuck.*
*you coundn't get your shit together so you just ruin the entire show all together.*
*bad enough that you're a deadbeat, but you have to drag others down with you?*
*stupid.*
After that step, Felix shot a glance at him.
Not necissarily a glare.
Felix is too nice to do that.
More of a disaproving look or the look you give someone when they almost just messed up the entire show.
*you practically did mess up the entire show*
A few verses later, and Jeongin is in the center of the group,
singing his main vocal line.
*that line was just given to you out of pity.*
*you dont deserve it.*
*you're so useless.*
He's walking up stage with the members and backup dancers excentuating his
visuals while he sang.
Why isn't he focusing?
The lights that were so blinding before that made him sick to his stomach now seem calmer than before.
But why is it that he feels so distracted?
He sings the closing verse of his last line before the end of the song,
and just as hes about to hit the high note with seungmin.
*crack*
.
How he wished in that moment,
that sound could be the sound of his head slipntering open, or maybe his spin shattering, or better yet the sound of his neck snapping.
Unfortunatley, for him it sunk in.
He not only missed his high note, but to add on.
He had a voice crack.
*you're so godamn useless.*
*can't even sing you're notes right.*
*everyones watching you.*
*you failed them, and even worse.*
*Your members are disapointed.*
*you're a disapointement.*
*just die.*
The thoughs spiraled in his head,
and yet he hadn't missed the almost horrorfied
with a tinge of anger looks most of his members gave him.
But,
that was something they could chew him out for later.
Right now they need to finish the song. As Jeongin moves toward his position in the back to finish the final stance,
he could feel the stares.
The passive agressive looks he kept getting from Minho and Changbin, the disapointment on Felix and Han, and the annoyed faces he was getting from hyunjin and seungmin.
The only face he couldn't bare to get a look at was Chan. Though,
he didn't need to look to know the half put together grimace Chan displayed when displeased.
They all almost finish their final moves but again, he messed up.
He took one more step then he should've blocking Minho's step and where Hyungjin was supposed to be.
But just before he could catch the agrivatted glares he was about to get (again).
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chk...chk...CHKKK
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*THUD*