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Uraraka is the sweetest, kindest girl he's ever known.
He loves her when they lie together in his bed, exhausted after a long day of work. He loves her when they tumble around in the autumn leaves like they're still kids. He loves her when he watches her light incense at Toga's shrine, which they keep in a little room of the house they share.
She's always present and engaged when they go anywhere together. But sometimes Izuku comes home, and she'll be staring out the window. And there's this look in her eyes. And it's love. It's love for something you can never get back.
He loves her, but he doesn't know if this is good for them. When they first got together, Izuku was over the moon. He couldn't help but think that his younger self would have been so happy. He probably doesn't deserve her, but then, no one does. They were the perfect image of young love and it took some of the burden of their pasts off their shoulders.
It was probably a little silly to hope that it would last. She brought so much joy to him, and still does. But it feels more like they're just going through the motions of what a relationship should be. When they go out now, it feels like going out with any of his other friends. Special time with someone he cherishes, yes, but it doesn't feel magical. Izuku loves her. He does, but he just keeps wondering.
“Izuku?” Uraraka had started calling him by his first name, and not Deku, when they moved in together. She had confessed it felt a bit silly to call him by his hero name when they were living together, and made it hard to separate life from work. Izuku had been incredibly flustered the first few times she called him by name, but the sound of it on her tongue was familiar by now.
“Izuku? Are you okay?” He startles as he realizes he didn't respond, too lost in thought.
“Oh, yeah- I'm fine.” He laughs quietly. Scratches his head awkwardly when he notices her staring. It’s the middle of the night, and he should have been sleeping. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
She smiles at him, and she's so pretty in the moonlight. “No, don't worry. Just had a dream.” There's a very slight pause before she says dream. If Izuku hadn't been living with her for a while now, he probably wouldn't have noticed. He doesn't need to ask what she dreamt of. It's weird. She always seems to care for him even more after she's been thinking of Toga. Like she's loving him so hard, to make up for the fact she never got to love her enough. Izuku isn't sure if Uraraka knows that he sees it.
She sits up, shifting closer to him. Brushes his hair out of his face and just- looks at him. For a second, it looks like she's about to say something. Instead, she just shakes her head. She plants a hand on his shoulder, and gently pushes him down. “Go back to sleep, Izuku. You think too much.”
Her arms cradle him gently as they lay there, her bare chest against his side, tilted so she's just barely on top of him. Something about the casual intimacy of it makes him wanna cry. He's never been good at holding it in, and soon enough there are tears tracking down his face.
“I-Izuku?” Suddenly, Uraraka's head pops up and she's staring at him again. Concern marring her face, and scrunching up her delicate nose. “Hey, what's wrong?” And she's wiping away his tears, and he feels kinda silly.
He grabs at her hands and blinks, trying to regulate himself. “Nothing- I'm just,” He sniffles. “-Really glad I have you.” He ignores the after thought of ‘ for now ’. He's a grown man, but he still hasn't grown out of the waterworks. He swallows wetly, trying to meet his girlfriend's eyes through the water distorting his vision.
She sighs, and he knows that she does know. That something isn't right for them. He tightens his grip on her hands. He should say something. Fix this before it gets worse.
“I-” He’s cut off by Uraraka slipping one of her hands out of his grip, and pressing a finger against his lips.
“It's okay. We can talk about it tomorrow.”
Izuku nods, and that's it. He's glad she could tell he wasn't really ready to say anything yet. Rolls over, so that they can face each other on their sides. She kisses his forehead, and they fall asleep like that.
-
Izuku wakes up alone, to the sunlight streaming through the blinds. It’s a Saturday, and he doesn't have work in the morning, so it's not surprising that Uraraka has already gotten up while he rested. He sits up, throwing his feet over the side of the bed, where he then slides on his All Might house slippers. Heads to the bathroom, brushes his teeth and takes a minute to study his reflection. He still can't believe it, sometimes. That he went from a scrawny little middle schooler to who he is now. A hero, and a teacher at U.A. Not to mention that he's decently built now too. He gives himself a corny little wink, and then goes to find Uraraka.
His feet take him down the hallway, to the plain door at the end. The shrine room. He knocks twice before entering.
Uraraka’s wearing a pale colored tracksuit, and kneels in front of Toga's shrine. There's a single drop of blood on the offering plate. It had been non-negotiable when they bought a house together, that Uraraka would take the shrine with her. Not that Izuku would even try to say otherwise. It's part of her routine to leave a prick of blood every time she lights incense for Toga in the mornings. He lingers by the door, just watching. It only takes a second for Uraraka to turn around.
“Oh, Dek- Izuku! I didn't even notice you come in.” She laughs, coming towards him. “I was just finishing up, I have to leave for the agency in a few minutes.” She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she speaks, and it's incredibly endearing.
“I know.” He shifts his weight around on his feet. “Should we.. should we talk, when you get home?”
She smiles, a little sad. “Yeah, we probably should.” A pause, before she's leaning in for a kiss. “Well, I better get going!” And with that, she's running out of the shrine room with a grin. He can hear her stub her toe on the living room table like she always does, and then hears the echoed shout of ‘love you, bye’ as she slams the door.
Well. He should probably get dressed in something other than his robe. He agreed to go out to breakfast with Kacchan, and he doesn't wanna get cursed out for being late.
Isn't sure if he should wear his “pants” t-shirt that he's had since highschool or a newer button down Uraraka bought for him. Decides on the button down, since it's long-sleeved and it looks a little chilly out.
He's happy with his choice when he steps outside and the cool breeze hits his face. It would be so nice if he could still fly around with OFA. Unfortunately, he's resigned to driving. Izuku doesn't like driving. He's not very good at it, you see.
It doesn't take long to get to the place, but Kacchan is already waiting outside for him. “Took you a while, nerd.” Despite the rough greeting, Kacchan is smiling.
“I'm not even late this time! There's still 10 minutes, I’m even early.” Izuku waves his watch around, but Kacchan only rolls his eyes, pushing the door to the cafe open. He doesn't hold it, leaving it to swing back in Izuku’s face. Luckily, he catches it on time.
They choose a quiet window booth to sit in. Izuku orders a latte and a breakfast sandwich, and Kacchan gets coffee cake with plain water.
“Can't believe fucking Monoma is top ten and not me.” Kacchan grumbles, slouching back in his seat.
“To be fair, Kacchan, you have a pretty low approval rating…”
“It's not my fault news reporters are all scummy. Maybe I just want to do my job without ten cameras being shoved in my face.”
“That doesn't mean it's a good idea to cuss them out on national television. I'm surprised you're even in the top 20.”
“You take that back, Izuku, or I'm gonna show you exactly how deserving I am of my spot. And by that I mean I'm gonna beat your face in.”
“You'd hurt a poor quirkless man?” Kacchan kinda twitches at that, “I don't even have my hero suit. Honestly, you're kinda proving my point.”
“Tch. Whatever.” Their drinks come out, so Kacchan can't say anything while Izuku thanks the server.
Izuku catches a glance of the TV, and notices Uravity is on screen. ‘ While on her way to a routine rescue mission, Pro-Hero Uravity was thrown off course by a sudden villain attack.’ Says the news anchor. A clip of her in the midst of battle plays, showing her darting between floating debris and using her cords to close distance between her and the villain. It's a pretty easy fight, and the villain has nothing on Uravity. He tunes back into reality when the reporter starts speaking again. Kacchan is also looking at the TV, and scoffs at something the reporter says.
“See, perfect example of a shitty news host. Talking about Uraraka being capable despite “not being well-suited to combat” as if she isn't one of the most vicious fighters to come out of our whole class. Villains are lucky that girl decided to go into rescue.” Kacchan takes an aggressive sip of water. Izuku's still not sure how he manages it- making everything he does look aggressive.. “Doesn't it piss you off even a little?”
“Well, of course it does! That doesn't mean I’m gonna call everyone who insults me or her a ‘fucking idiotic moron who's just whining cause they chose a whimpy career,’” Izuku defends. “Maybe I wanna have a nice public image.”
Kacchan snorts. “I don't think you're ever gonna get that back, not after that clip-”
“Kacchan! Shut up! We all- we said we were never going to mention that again! Besides the media has… mostly.. forgotten that anyways.”
“Whatever makes ya feel better.” Their food arrives, and Izuku snaps a quick photo while Kacchan continues speaking. “How are you and round-face doing anyway?”
Izuku startles and nearly drops his phone on his sandwich. “Uh, Kacchan, you know it won't kill you to use people's names, right? I thought you were used to it now.”
“Well, not using them won't kill me either. Old habits die hard, you guys know I respect ya regardless of what I call you know anyways.” Immediately after he says that, he glares to make sure Izuku doesn't comment on the fact that he admitted to respect him. Same old Kacchan. Despite having matured a lot, he still likes to play off any casual vulnerability. “You dodged the question, nerd.”
Oh. Izuku was hoping Kacchan wouldn’t notice. It's just a weird day to answer a question like that.
“We're doing okay.” He looks down at his sandwich. It's a very nice sandwich.
Kachan takes a bite of his cake and waves his fork in Izuku's general direction. “Spill. I can see your little nerd brain thinking about whatever the fucks going on.”
“I don't think you really want to listen to all my relationship worries. Can't we just have a normal breakfast?”
“I asked, and no. We can never have anything normal, because you're weird as hell.”
“Thanks, Kacchan. That makes me feel so good about myself.” Izuku begins to eat his sandwich, avoiding further speaking obligations.
There's silence for a while as they both eat. Dammit, Kacchan. He knows Izuku is allergic to awkward silences.
“Okay. Fine.” He puts his sandwich down. “I… I've been wondering lately. Um. If me and Uraraka are really… good for each other. Longterm, I mean.”
Kacchan raises an eyebrow.
“I think at the beginning it was really nice, you know? But we've both been damaged by the war, even if that was a long time ago. Toga… The impact she had on Uraraka is still very strong.” Izuku sighs, “And I love her, but I'm wondering if we love each other in a way that actually makes for a good romantic relationship now. I want to support her. I don't wanna end things with her or anything like that.”
And then the dam actually bursts, and Izuku can’t keep his mouth shut. “Did you know we have a shrine for Toga in our house, that she visits every morning?” He rambles on a bit more, finding issues to talk about that he didn’t even know he had. Most of them are centered around Uraraka’s grief for Toga, and that makes Izuku feel a bit guilty. “She's a wonderful friend, and wonderful girlfriend but sometimes I feel like she's only dating me because she feels like she owes it to someone. To me, to herself, to Toga, I don't know.”
“Well, shit.”
“Sorry, I know, that's probably a lot more than you were expecting.”
“Don't apologize, geez. S'just a lot. Can't say I'm surprised though.”
“What?”
Kacchan frowns, “I mean, I didn't expect Uraraka to be capable of getting over that vampire for decades. I was happy for you, yeah, but I was fucking shocked that Uraraka was willing to date someone, let alone you, when she still obviously needed more counseling, and was still doing sad villain grief lunches with Todoroki. And that was years after the war so definitely didn't expect her to hop Into a relationship, especially not with you.”
“What do you mean, especially with me?” Izuku's kind of insulted.
“Didn't Vampy have a thing for you too at some point? Before she went nuts over your now girlfriend.”
“Oh… yeah. I never really thought of that.”
“Weird ass situation, though. You probably had a point, about her feeling like she's obligated to date you. She cares about you as a friend, she liked you back in highschool, and she probably feels like she's doing her weird villain girlfriend justice by having a happy cliche romance with the boy they used to talk about. That psycho's whole thing was love.”
“Wow, Kacchan… you've really thought about this.”
“Hah? Isn't it just fucking obvious?”
“Maybe.” Izuku doesn’t think it was. Maybe Kacchan’s just good at analyzing romance because of all the romantic literature he reads.
Izuku eats the rest of his sandwich. They talk some more, about random stuff. Izuku almost spits his drink out when Kacchan tells him he hooked up with Shinsou last week.
“Hold on. Shinsou as in Hitoshi? Shinsou as in the guy who pisses you off everytime you see each other?”
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”
“No way.”
Kacchan shrugs. “It was pretty good, actually. Might do it again.”
“Kacchan! I don't need to know that.” Izuku flushes. He's no prude, nor is he unfamiliar with adult matters, but he'd rather not be discussing such things in public. This is exactly how that one clip came to be and almost wrecked his reputation! It does something a bit strange to think about Kacchan with someone like that anyway.
“What, you can talk about your sad little relationship problems but I can't talk about a single hookup?”
Izuku groans. “You're insufferable, Kacchan.”
“Says you.”
Izuku leaves the cafe feeling better. He doesn't notice the look in Bakugo's eyes as he walks away. If he had, he would have noticed it was the same look he’d see every now and then in Uraraka's.
-
Izuku is just done setting the table for dinner when Uraraka comes back. He hears the familiar sound of her fumbling with her keys and goes to open the door. She kisses him on the way in.
“It smells really good here! What did you make?”
“Oh, just that one chicken recipe I got from Kacchan. I almost burnt it, but successfully avoided disaster.”
“For once.”
Izuku has caused many a disaster while cooking in the past, so he ignores that for now. They sit down at the table together, legs brushing.
Uraraka tastes the food, and let's out a hum. “This is really good, Izuku. Thanks for cooking.”
“I'm glad you like It.” He tries his own plate, and finds she's right. Man, he's so glad he didn't fuck this up.
He swallows. “I… I'm scared that this relationship isn't good for us. I think in the beginning it was, but we…” Shoot, maybe that was too sudden. Should he have waited until after they ate? He definitely should have. Stupid Deku.
Uraraka puts down her fork, and shakes her head. “No, you're right.”
“I don't wanna break up. Just putting that out there. And I definitely don't want to hurt you. But I feel like just being here, I’m competing with a dead girl sometimes, and it’s a competition I’ll never win. I'm not trying to attack you! I just- I know you really cared about her, and that's probably why I didn't say anything about the shrine. You've been such a great girlfriend, and you've been so kind, but-” And as he speaks, Izuku suddenly realized something. Uraraka… doesn't love him. No more than she loves a friend. She does all the romantic gestures, but she looks at him the same way she looks at Todoroki, or Iida. “... You don't really love me, huh?”
“What? Izuku, of course I love you. I care about you so much. Did I do something? I didn’t mean to upset you with anything, I’m sorry. ” Uraraka looks so hurt and worried, and he can see himself in the reflections of her watery eyes.
“Wait, please don't cry! I didn't mean it like that, I know you care about me. It's just, not romantic, is it?” Izuku waves his hands around, then takes one of her hands, trying to reassure her. “Can I just ask you something? What were you thinking about that night we got together?”
“Oh…” She wipes her eyes with her free hand, then does that little cheeks slap thing she's always done to clear her head. “... Fuck. I saw Himiko. I saw her, uhm. And she told me to live my own life, and she pushed me towards you. I thought it'd make sense. I told her, back then, that I wanted to talk to her about romance. So I thought dating you would be perfect. I'd get to be with the boy I liked back then, in highschool, and I'd be able to honor her memory by being in love again. And I did like you! I swear I felt it again that night, and for a while after. I was sure those feelings were real, and would only get stronger. Maybe I was deluding myself, but I swear I wouldn’t have tried if I really felt nothing for you.” She sniffles, rubbing at her tears again. “It still wasn't fair to you. I didn't realize until now that it was hurting you. I'm sorry. I tried, I really did. But I do care about you. You're one the most important people to me in the world, Izuku.”
“I know. You're one of my precious people too.” He gives her hand another squeeze. “I’ll always support you. Whatever you think is best for you, I’ll be there. So.. what should we do now?”
“I mean, what can we do?” She laughs weakly. “We could try to fix this, but it’s not a problem with how we act. It’s not a problem with you at all. It’s how I feel. Probably… we should probably break up. ”
It hurts to hear that. But he knows she's right.
“Okay. Izuku releases her hand, and reaches out for a hug. “Can we just, stay like this for a while, first?”
She nods, and he buries his face in her hair. It smells floral, comforting and familiar. Uraraka smells like home to him.
“I love you. Even if it's just as friends.”
“I love you, too.”
It's hard sometimes, to admit how much the war affected them. Izuku should have realized sooner, how much Uraraka was struggling. They may be 26 now, but it's effects haven't faded.
That night, they sleep in eachothers arms again. It's just hard to let go.
-
It takes a few more days before Izuku starts to sleep in the guest room instead. Uraraka offered, stating it was her fault things turned out this way, but Izuku wouldn't take that. It's hard getting used to sleeping alone. He doesn't want to. He wouldn't mind sleeping the same bed as Uraraka, just like friends, but he's not sure if that's healthy. It would probably damage his future ability to have romantic relationships to maintain such close distance to an ex. Still, he misses the casual intimacy of what they had before. It's just nice, to be close to someone. They were always touchy before they dated, but now they're both scared to come too close and cross a boundary.
He goes out for lunch with Katsuki on day 6. Says an awkward goodbye to his now ex-girlfriend on the way. It's weird to suppress the habitual ‘i love you’ as he steps out the door.
“You look rough.”
“I feel rough.” Izuku groans, grinding his palms into his eyes. “I didn't sleep much last night.”
“Oh? Get up to something scandalous with your girlfriend?”
Izuku flinches. “No, actually. Uhm. We… We broke up.”
“Shit. Seriously?”
“Mhm. Talked, a few days ago after I had breakfast with you. Realized she didn't hold any romantic love towards me. She told me some stuff.”
“How do you feel?”
“It's… weird. I'm not that hurt by it, but I'm super off-balance and It's super awkward. I feel like I just lost one of my best friends.”
“That's stupid.” Izuku's jaw drops. “What? You guys survived a war together. A breakup has nothing on that. If you let decade long friendship die over a breakup you're a fucking idiot.”
“Huh. You're actually right. Yeah, you're right!” Izuku feels some hope return, but then immediately defeats. “It's just so… awkward.”
“Sucks to be you.”
“Hey, I just went through a breakup after a year long relationship. Shouldn't you be comforting me?”
Kacchan just shrugs and lightly kicks his foot under the table. Close enough to comfort.
“Could stay with me for a while, if you're looking to move out.”
“Really? Wow, that's really generous actually. I think I might spend some time in the U.A teacher dorms, though. Get used to being more independent again.”
“Suit yourself.”
“... I really don't wanna tell the others.”
“Make Round-Face do it then.”
“Maybe I will.”
Izuku checks the time, and sighs. “I have class to teach, so I better get going.”
“Alright. Feel better soon, or whatever.” Kacchan stretches, then waves a waiter over so he can get the bill. He throws some cash onto the tray then stands. “Actually, I'll come with you.”
“Kacchan, you can't come to all of my classes.”
“Uh, yes, I can actually. Your students love me.”
It's true, and Izuku isn't really bothered by it, so he lets the subject drop.
After class, Kacchan comes with him to the house. Uraraka's shoes are by the door, but she's not in the living room or their bedroom. Probably with the shrine then.
“I think there's some old boxes in the garage, we can use those.”
“Kay.” Kacchan goes to find the boxes, while Izuku heads to the shrine. Uraraka is sitting there, reading a book. The one Spinner wrote about the L.O.V, that she bought the day it was published. He remembers her visiting Spinner, once. He hadn't wanted to talk to her, but Uraraka didn't give up. She didn't want someone who was dear to Toga to hate her. Spinner doesn't like Uraraka, not exactly, but that visit did create some brief understanding. She never went back, though.
“Hey. I just came to tell you, uhm. I'm moving out.”
She looks up at him. “Oh. Okay, then. That was fast.”
“I'm gonna go stay at U.A teacher dorms.”
“That's nice.”
God, it's so awkward. He shuffles forward a little, and sits down next to her on the floor.
“We're still friends, right?” He asks
“Of course we are. We're just friends who need a little space. It's for the best. But hey,” Uraraka smiles, “I'll still partner with you next game night, if you're willing to have me.”
“Oh, totally. We're gonna crush the competition.” Izuku responds.
Uraraka leans over to hug him, and then pushes him away after a second. “Go on, I'm sure Bakugo’s getting impatient.”
Izuku stands up, brushing some dust off his pants. “I didn't even tell you he was here.”
“I guess I just have a sense for these things.”
He laughs as he leaves the room, and almost runs face first into Kacchan who was about to enter the room.
“Wha- you startled me!”
“My bad. Hey Cheeks.”
“Bakugo, what a nice surprise. Didn't you drop the Cheeks/Round Face thing already?”
“Yeah, but that was before you got demoted to being Izuku's ex-girlfriend.” Izuku punches him the shoulder for that one. “Kacchan, don't say that!”
“Too soon? Hah. Nice seeing you, Uraraka. Kicked ass on TV the other day.”
“Oh, thanks. Which fight?”
“The one with that weak size quirk.”
“We're burning daylight, Kacchan.” Izuku intersects.
“Sorry, not my fault Uravity’s way more entertaining than you.”
“Rude…” With that, Izuku shoves Kacchan out of the room. They do have packing to do.
It doesn't take long to shove the majority of Izuku's personal items Into boxes. It is hard, however, to pack all his old All Might collectibles. It was a pain when he moved in too. He also has to stop Kacchan from stealing a couple of items.
They get it done, though. It's sad, standing in the doorway of the house with all his stuff. He'd only lived here for a little while, but it was home.
“You coming, nerd?” Says Kacchan, from where he sits in the driver's seat of Izuku's
car.
“Yeah.” He turns away from the house. Loads the last box into the car and climbs into the shotgun seat.
“You know this isn't the end of the world, right?”
“I know.” Kacchan is right. Uraraka is still one of his most precious friends, and he has Kacchan to support him too. Uraraka waves at them from the window, and Izuku waves back.
The world spins on.
-
EPILOGUE
-
The rest of their class is a mix of sad, unsurprised, and outraged when they tell them about the breakup, but are supportive nonetheless. Izuku makes good on his word to team with Uraraka for the games, and they lose miserably. Todoroki and Uraraka start having lunches again, this time less focused on remembering the villains they cared about, and more centered on finding ways to live and cope with the grief. Todoroki actually has some pretty helpful tips for her. The feeling will never go away, but it doesn't have to haunt her so much. It was concerning that Uraraka had begun to see Toga's image on a regular basis, so she starts getting counseling again as well. Despite the breakup revealing a lot of inner turmoil for her, she continues to be an amazing hero. Izuku really is blessed to call her one of his best friends.
After only 3 weeks of living in the U.A dorms, Izuku takes Kacchan's offer to live with him. It turns out living in the dorms doesn't help with the PTSD, even if they have very different layouts now. It's really nice to live with another person again. After a few months of living with Kacchan, he already feels incredibly comfortable. It helps that Kacchan's an amazing cook, and Izuku never has to risk burning anything in attempt to cook for himself, because Kacchan refuses to let him touch the kitchen. He sort of feels more at home with Kacchan than he did with Uraraka.
He notices Kacchan looking at him, early in the morning one day. They're both getting ready for work, and he trips over his own feet when he notices the look in his eyes. It's love, and that look is for him. He had no idea what to say, so he doesn't say anything. Just rolls over and flings an arm over his face when Kacchan laughs at him. He's not sure how he feels about Kacchan, but he has plenty of time to figure it out now that they're living together.