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“Hello Dan and Phil Games Santas!” Phil waves at the camera, Dan to his right. They’ve just begun what will be a long day of bulk filming for Gamingmas. Trying to film, edit, and upload twenty five videos in twenty five days was not easy, this they knew from experience. But seeing the tweets, the comments, and edits from fans, some who have been around for over a decade, is so heartwarming, and makes the hours worth it. And, to be frank, so is the income it brings in.
So, they had coordinated their calendars—not like they had any separate plans anyways—and made sure to block out the day for filming. Dan’s only just loading up the Sims when Phil’s phone starts ringing.
“Silence your phone! Come on man, how long have we had this job?” Dan jokes.
“Sorry, sorry,” Phil reaches into his back pocket, sees his brother’s contact across the screen. “Hi Martyn, we’re filming a video, what’s up?”
“Could you do us a huge favor and watch Olivia? Cornelia sliced her finger pretty deep and it won’t stop bleeding, we’re on our way to the ER. She probably needs stitches. We’re kind of already on the way to yours so…” Martyn’s voice is panicked and shaky, Phil can hear Liv crying in the backseat.
‘Yeah of course, of course. Text me when you’re five away and I’ll come outside.” Phil sees Dan give him a confused look as he ends the call, and explains the situation. It’s not ideal, to have their plans randomly upended, especially when they had a schedule to stick to, but Phil has always prioritized family, and Dan loves slipping into the role of fun uncle, especially now when it is needed most.
Phil looks down at his phone, “two mins away,” he reads aloud. They both get up, turn the monitors and microphones off, and hurriedly make their way outside. The London air is chilly, Dan yawns and clutches onto Phil’s forearm as they stand side by side on their front lawn, waiting. Martyn’s car pulls up and all but screeches to a stop, they watch him rush around to unbuckle his daughter and she clings to his leg. He drops to one knee, now on her level, and tucks a lock of red hair behind her ear, encouraging her and soothing her worry; “-and you’re gonna have so much fun with Uncle Dan and Phil right? Uncle Phil has loads of candy hidden all over the house and Uncle Dan will definitely paint your nails!”
The three of them watch her sniffle and nod slowly, Martyn grabs her hand and walks her over to her uncles. Dan picks her up and hoists her to his hip, she wraps her finger around one of his curls. “Thank you again, it’ll hopefully only be a few hours but you know how busy the waiting rooms are.” Martyn hands Phil a purple backpack with a unicorn horn and a horse hair tail coming out of it, “just in case. Ok. Thank you. Bye.”
Once inside, Dan sits Liv down on the couch and she begins unzipping her jacket while he unties her boots; Phil goes to the kitchen to make hot chocolate. Dan notices her struggling to take off her mittens and starts doing it himself; it occurs to him that in a moment of panic and pain, her parents had stopped and made sure their daughter was warm, cozy, safe. Took an extra beat, even while bleeding and stressed, to find tiny little mittens and put them on Olivia. He smiles, storing away in his brain this newfound little observation of love’s manifestation.
“Okay one hot chocolate with extra whipped cream coming right up!” Phil places it on the side table and grabs the mittens, coat, and boots from Dan, putting everything by the front door before sitting down next to him.
“Can you paint my nails now Uncle Dan? Please?” She's looking at him with big eyes. Dan laughs, “okay, how about first hot chocolate and then we can watch a movie while I paint your nails so that it doesn’t get all messed up?” he scrunches up his face in disgust, to emphasize the very serious nature of ruined nail polish.
“Okay,” Liv agrees and then, “I need to show you Bird.” Dan looks at Phil, who simply shrugs in response. People think kids are difficult, and yes, they have their moments, but Dan is suddenly struck by how easy going his niece is. One minute she’s at home, the next she’s being transported to her uncles’ house, worry written all over her little face, and now she’s digging in her backpack for ‘Bird’ excitedly. He doesn’t know he would be able to have the same temperament at 33.
Liv pulls out a red stuffed parrot, holds it by the belly and flies it to them, its limp wings move up and down. Phil runs his finger over its glossy eyes.
“Press the tail! Press the tail!” She says, Phil does. “Now say something!” Liv is buzzing in her seat.
“Now say something!” The stuffed animal parrots back.
“No, not that,” Liv laughs.
“No, not that,” the parrot repeats, in a tinny voice.
“Hey!” frustrated, Liv yanks the parrot out of Phil’s hands, clears her throat, presses the button, and says, “my name is Bird and I can fly, watch me!” Then she stands up and throws the parrot across the room.
Dan laughs. “My name is Bird and I can fly, watch me!” all three of them listen to the bird repeat as it lands, tail up, across the room.
After about twenty minutes of this, and a very funny—for Olivia—and scary—for Dan and Phil—collision between Bird and their wine glass collection, Dan grabs the toy and quickly places it high up on a shelf. “Let’s say goodnight to Bird, for now, okay? He’s flown away to sleep in his nest. Come on, drink your hot chocolate while it's still hot chocolate.” They watch her try and jump up to reach Bird a few times before she traipses over to her mug.
Phil rests his head on Dan’s shoulder, the need to be close and crowd his space strong all of a sudden. He feels affection coarse through him for his wonderful boyfriend, this caring man he fell in love with, who is so natural with Olivia. Fifteen years down the line and Dan still has tricks under his sleeve.
“What?” Dan says, with a small smile, but he knows, Phil knows he knows.
“Nothing, stupid,” Phil pokes his side, then stands “come on, duty calls.”
“Frozen! Frozen! Frozen!” Olivia is screaming.
Phil loads up the movie and pulls Liv close next to him on the couch. “And how many times have we seen this movie, hm?” he jokes.
Dan’s in their bedroom grabbing all the colors of nail polish he thinks would interest a five year old from his collection, which isn’t many but he settles on an array of a light blue, a deep purple, and a sparkly red color. It wasn’t many years ago that nail polish was an anxiety inducing thought to him, picking up and using the tiny bottle felt like making some type of grand statement. If he was someone else, some other man, who grew up under different circumstances and not under the watchful eye of millions of people, nail polish might just be nail polish. But when you feel like there’s going to be a giant eye pressed against your window every morning when you draw the curtains claiming it knows you, will find out who you really are—whether it's right or wrong—every action has to be second guessed.
Then, every minute detail or physical change felt like giving someone a clue, like his life was a mystery for someone else to solve, on their terms. Now, as he sifts through his bedside drawer, he just thinks about how he hopes Olivia picks the sparkly red so they can match.
She does pick the red, and he delicately lifts each finger and does, what he thinks, is a pretty damn good job, given the fact that five year olds do not sit still. Phil watches his boyfriend’s proud smile as Dan watches Olivia look at her own nails in glee.
Olivia is singing along to “Let It Go” and Phil takes the opportunity to rest his head on Dan’s shoulder and grab his hand. “I’m sorry, I know we were supposed to get a lot of videos done today, this is gonna make the rest of the week a bit harder. Not anyone’s fault, just the circumstance,” he says.
“Don’t be stupid. First of all she is equally my concern, okay? I would do this again, I would do this without you…I-” Dan’s stumbling his words out.
“I know. You’re so good. And Natural. Best uncle ever.”
“Uncles,” Dan corrects, “besides, if everyone knew what we were doing instead of filming, I honestly don’t think they would mind another twelve minute card game.”
“That’s true. Also, we might not have gamed but oh my god did we play. Too much playing. I’m tired,” the yawn that escapes Phil’s mouth serves as evidence to his claim.
“Old man. How are you gonna survive when it’s our kid and we can’t just hand them back at the end of the day?” Dan teases.
Phil shifts his head from where it's resting on Dan’s shoulder to look up at his face; there’s an unmistakable twinkle in his eyes. The question sits in the air for a bit, unanswered. They’ve talked about it, having kids. It’s not on their to-do list yet but it is on their to-think-about list, has been for a while. Maybe not in the next five years, but he likes the idea of it, that after over twenty years there will still be new adventures and journeys that are waiting for the both of them.
“Probably lots of sugar.” It’s a non-response that doesn’t convey any of the warm feelings in his heart. “Love you,” Phil adds, kissing Dan’s cheek.
***
Around 8:30 Phil gets a text from Martyn:
Finishing up paperwork should be at yours before 9
Cornelia needed stitches
Hows olivia
Phil snaps a selfie of the three of them, Liv’s not paying attention at all, her gaze focused past the phone to the TV, but he sends it in response anyways.
Martyn sends:
She’s not gonna wanna leave O.o
“Your mom and dad will be back soon, okay?” he tells her, smoothing her hair.
“No,” she draws out the ‘o’ sound, whining, “I want to stay here and build a blanket fort like last time!”
The fort had been Dan’s idea, last time she had come around—with warning that time—while her parents had gone to a wedding. It was a while ago now, and they were much more nervous then, wanting to make sure he had a good visit, and didn’t miss her parents terribly. It was an impossible task and she did, but they had consoled her by transforming the living room into a blanket-y wonderland, and it had worked so well she brings it up every time she sees them.
Dan had gone to the linen closet while Phil had her on his lap, drying her tears and promising her that ‘mom will be back very soon’. Dan had come back into the room carrying a stack of pillows and blankets so high you couldn’t see his face. They worked together using chip clips to hold fabric to the back of dining room chairs, draped sheets over the couch and stretched them all the way across the room to the back of the TV, keeping everything in place using tape found in their junk drawer. After Liv had finally fallen asleep that night Phil remembers drifting off himself feeling so proud of his little team. Him and Dan. They’re so good together and every reminder makes Phil’s heart swell, he swears it.
“Next time, Liv, promise.”
***
The credits roll but no one makes a move to turn the TV off, Liv is preoccupied with trying to beg Dan to braid her hair like Elsa’s. Okay, maybe there are some things they still have to learn because Dan is out of his depth.
“Phil, pull up youtube on the TV and search ‘braid tutorial’!” Dan screams to the kitchen, where Phil’s washing dishes.
“Can’t you do it,” comes his reply, but Phil is already walking back into the room, drying his hands on his shirt and beginning to lift couch cushions in search of the TV remote. He sees Dan’s hands tangled in Olivia’s hair and sighs, smiling still.
“Nope. You’re ‘remote crisis manager’, remember? And this is technically a 'remote' related crisis situati-” Dan doesn’t get to finish, met with a pillow to the face from Phil.
“Pillow fight!” Olivia says, clambering out of Dan’s hold, he lets go of her hair.
Their doorbell rings. ‘Saved by the bell, literally’, Phil thinks, opening the door.