Work Text:
I wanna sleep next to you
But that’s all I wanna do right now
Brendon wasn’t used to waking up alone. He wasn’t used to not having the small boy in his arms.
Saying Brendon missed Ryan would be an understatement. He missed him more than words could describe.
And I wanna come home to you
But home is just a room full of my safest sounds
Brendon missed how whenever he was in the studio recording, Ryan would wait on the couch for him. Sometimes Ryan would fall asleep, greeting Brendon in soft snores. Brendon would have to pick him up and carry him to the bedroom.
Cause you know that I can’t trust myself with my 3AM shadow
Brendon wasn’t used to getting through a full night of sleep without Ryan shaking him awake, due to a nightmare. Ryan would always get nightmares, but Brendon helped him through every one.
I’d rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone
Brendon found himself getting less sleep, eating less food, and drinking a whole lot more and smoking a lot more too. Brendon forget to do simple things too, such as looking both ways before crossing the street, or brushing his teeth.
I wanna sleep next to you
But that’s all I wanna do right now
Everybody tried to get Brendon to be happy again. How could he be happy when he lost the only thing that mattered to him? The band broke up after losing Ryan. What did Brendon have left?
So come over now and talk me down
Brendon’s name was printed everywhere.
“Former Band Panic! At The Disco Lead Singer Brendon Urie Found Dead”
It was Patrick and Pete who found him, lifeless in the bathtub a bottle of pills in one hand and a gun in the other. Lying neatly in the bed was a bunch of flowers and a note.
“I’m sorry” was written at least 50 times.
“I had to do this my moon needs me. I’m not good at goodbyes. See you later”
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I'm sorry