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you get out of bed hesitantly.
your steps to the door are slow, your anxiety makes you be careful even if the man in the other room is concentrated watching TV.
peter was too kind and too unbelievably beautiful you sometimes felt he wasn't real. he had those eyes that told people staight away how big his heart is and how he would never judge anyone and yet you couldn't help but look at them and want to change all of you to be everything he ever wanted.
and you've known each other for so long, there's no reason for this nervousness. who are you trying to fool here you know damn right why you’re bitting your nails.
his sofa faces the bedroom door so you took a deep breath before opening it.
you open the door and leave the room, but whilist closing the door you keep looking at your hand on the doorknob. enough seconds have passed to understand that your intention isn’t going to the bathroom.
when you finally look at him, his eyes were on you with a small smile next to it to accelerate your already accelerated heart.
he lifts the blanket in the empty space next to him and you nod almost imperceptibly. it wasn't that close like cuddle close. but it was pretty close.
okay. this is okay.
and now looking at the tv you frown. he was watching sonic the hedgehog.
"it's a nice movie." you say.
he turns to you. "what?"
"what what?"
"it is a nice movie." he answers agressivily.
"that's what i just said"
"it was implied in your tone what you meant." you really try to hide a smile. there was a split second of silence. "the second movie is coming out. that's why i wanted to watch it."
even though a smile was trying to escape, he looked like a child who's been told he couldn't have ice cream for dinner.
and for a moment you rest your head on his shoulder, in way to show him you are kidding, it was supposed to be for a second but he suprises you wrapping his arm around your shoulders and hugging you.
you end up watching the rest of the movie like this. the world and paranoias completely forgotten.
"i mean... i get it. it was because of james marsden, wasn't it?"
you say when the credits start to roll and turn to him. "i see your smirk. you were so planning to watch enchanted after this-"
a low scream escapes from your throat when he hugs you and the two of you fall lying on the couch.
it can be said that you are close but this is not a common situation. in 6 years that you are neighbors you have created an incredible bond. not of best friends but you were, in the literal sense of the word, there for each other.
when you just mentioned that you would need to make a major reform in your apartment, the next day he rang your doorbell and appeared with a big bag of tea boxes saying that he knew you couldn't go on with your day without drinking it for breakfast.
“because you know, you’ll be living with me for a while.”
and some stupid romcom shit like that is what makes you fall in love with somebody.
you don't have enough courage to turn your face to him but you felt his chin gently touching your forehead.
“will you watch sonic 2 in theaters with me?”
“you didn’t watch top gun with me.”
he’s definitely pouting.
“i’ll watch barbie and the 12 dancing princesses with you.”
you look up at him for a second with a large smile on your face. “really?”
“just say when.”
you feel giddy and you’re certain the world stopped for you two tonight.
“pss”
he’s a child.
“hm?”
“are you okay?” and it’s implied on his tone what he meant.
“i am.”
silence.
“i really am.”
“ok.”
his hug tightens slightly and you feel his finger affectionately draw a circle on your back. suddenly you feel like crying.
“you’re going to stay on this hug for while.” he just letting you know.
your forehead meet his neck.
“i don’t mind.” it comes out of you low like a breath.
in these 6 years you’ve been sure you were down bad for him for at least 4 of them. and never once you truly learned how to read him. sure, you knew when he was lying about silly things or trying to hide the fact he was exhausted from his work. or even when a bad mood was coming.
but not once he even blinked differently at you. so being head over heals for the boy became a familiar feeling accommodated in a little room in your heart. it didn’t hurt, it was just there.
that being said, it was your first night sleeping at peter’s apartment.
and he didn’t know you can’t sleep in total darkness.
“i can’t… i have a hard time sleeping without some light on.” just keep going “i have this moon shaped lamp in my room that helps me…”
he nods. maybe thinking about an answer.
“can i ask why?”
“i don’t know. something about the light makes me feel less alone? …it feels like it’s illuminating the dark paranoias out of my head.” you say the last part in a joking way but you’re not sure that’s how he interprets it.
silence involves both of you.
“did you know that a 20-second hug is good for the heart?”
“really?”
“yeah.” he’s very calm “i’m not gonna say you should’ve told me but i’m gonna say you could have.”
“i feel like a 14 years old when i talk about this.”
“hey, no.” you just know he’s frowning “not at all. someone’s discomfort or fear is never silly. don’t think like that.”
you nod.
“you know how absolutely terrified i am of small insects.” he says.
“me and the whole building.”
“so you better come when i shout or i’ll have to knock on mrs mulligan.”
“she’ll kill the bug then you. and right next to his body on purpose.”
“with no hesitation. and we don’t want that.”
he adjusts his body so you can be face to face.
your mind is at ease but you’re afraid he can feel your heart rate increasing.
“you’re not alone. not as long i live and breathe quite literally next to you.” he whispers.
then he gently rubs his nose on yours like it’s a common thing. oh.
you’re not sure what is happening but it’s very natural. you’re not nervous, it’s a great feeling. it kinda feels like he likes you the way you like him.
so you just go for it.
“did you know that a kiss reduces blood pressure? it prevents cardiovascular problems.”
“really?”
“probably. i don’t know” you state.
he smiles. he’s really really cute when he smiles.
“what if i told you that i can test this theory?” he whispers so close to you that for a second you think he's not real.
"hm."
he bites his lower lip like he's fighting a smile. and that's the last thing you see before he kisses you.
a slow kiss. your hands traces his chest to his neck and gently caresses his brown hair. peter's arm pulls you impossibly closer to him while the other hand draws such gentle shapes on your neck that at the same time it makes you shiver, you melt on him.
he tasted like chocolate. his tongue was warm and calm while danced with yours. you’re going to deduce and say that it was a very passionate kiss with a hint of longing from both parts.
when he pulls back from you after you don’t even know how long, he kisses your cheek.
“should i buy a saturn or moon shaped lamp for my bedroom?” he whispers and you smile.