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The first time Buck and Tommy are intimate happens in Buck’s loft. They barely part their lips on the ascent upstairs, if only to remove and toss each other’s shirts over the railing. Buck unceremoniously flops onto his back when he miscalculates how close to the bed they are, but Tommy’s quick to follow, peppering tiny kisses down his bare chest.
Tommy laces his fingertips under the waistband of Buck’s jeans and, after receiving a smile of approval from Buck, begins pulling them off.
Now, Tommy knew about the crush injury. It had been casually mentioned at a 118 family gathering and a sharp inhale had him choking on his beer, his memory flitting back to details of that horrendous explosion and “Firefighter Saved by Bystanders!” on the news.
“That was you?” Tommy had asked, looking up at the man seated on the arm of his chair. Buck had simply kissed him softly, smiled, and cracked a joke to everyone about “Buck Luck.” That had been the end of the discussion.
Now, as he’s peeling off Buck’s jeans inch by inch, Tommy wishes they had talked about it later that night, because he can’t suppress the pained gasp when he sees the monumental scars on Buck’s leg.
Buck raises his head from the pillows. “Oh, they’re ugly. Just ignore them.” It was a clear attempt to comfort Tommy, but it seems it had done the exact opposite.
“Don’t say that.” Tommy bit out. Buck quickly sits up to face him, leaning on his elbows.
“I- What?” Buck chuckles, nervous. His jeans are suddenly tourniquets where they’re bunched around his calves.
“Don’t ever say that,” Tommy sighs, his expression softening. “Evan, there is nothing ugly about you.”
Buck pales at that. Surely, Tommy had frozen his movements because he couldn’t stand the sight of the mangled skin, but he didn’t find them ugly?
“Oh,” Buck breathes out. “I just- Sorry.” He chuckles again. “I just- I thought that’s why you stopped.”
“No,” Tommy is quick to reassure. He moves onto the bed next to Buck and pulls him into a sweet, tender kiss.
Tommy pulls back and sighs. “I stopped because… they scared me.”
Buck opens his mouth but his lips are met with the pad of Tommy’s index finger.
“Please let me finish,” Tommy begs. Buck nods silently, his eyes vulnerable.
“I knew that this awful thing had happened to you and that broke my heart on its own,” Tommy says solemnly. “But to actually see, you know, the evidence of it… still haunting you, hurting you, it just— it made it more real in my head just now. How easily I could’ve gone my entire life without meeting you.”
It sounds like a confession, Tommy knows it does, but it’s way too soon for “I love you’s,” so he stops there.
Buck smiles, teary-eyed and frayed at all ends. “I imagine that life would’ve been pretty boring.”
Tommy laughs wetly, his own tears making themselves known. “Yeah it would’ve been.”
A moment of silence. A beat. Buck raises his head and says “I’m-“
“No more sorry’s,” Tommy interrupts with a smirk, then his voice softens once again. “No apologies for this, okay?”
An automatic apology is still carved into Buck’s tongue, his taste buds desperate for undue penance, but he does his best to swallow it down. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Tommy smiles brightly, then biting his lower lip. “Back to business?”
Buck cackles, shaking his head and rolling his eyes at Tommy, then wraps a hand around the back of his neck to pull Tommy onto him for a bruising kiss.
“Guess so,” Tommy breathes out after they part. He makes quick work of pulling Buck’s jeans the rest of the way off. Just when Buck thinks Tommy’s about to remove his boxers, he stops at his scarred knee, gently tracing each line with the pad of his index finger, then placing kisses all over the damaged tissue.
Tears pool in Buck’s eyes. Until now, there hasn’t been a single moment in his life where he has felt so loved, so cherished. Even the parts of himself that he had deemed unworthy years prior; that he had cut out, Tommy is showing immense care to.
Buck feels a part of himself break and heal right in this moment.
I love you. Tommy hadn’t said.
I love you, too. Buck doesn’t say, yet.