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Victor leans back against the tree pulling the blue blanket closer around himself. The yellow/green grass sways in the imaginary wind under him. He lets out a sigh before opening his eyes to gaze at the endless expanse of space and time above them.
This land he sat upon was and wasn’t real in this space. Something they had created with their will just to have some place to sit other than the cosmic floor of existence. Victor did have to admit, it was rather pleasant to have an anchor in the void. Even if it was only a figment of their minds.
He tilts his head looking over at Jayce and himself on the other side of the grassy field. Victor was there but also not; watching from afar as they made love. He watched how Jayce was always so gentle with him, as if he’s still in his breakable human body. Victor watched as his back arched up into the other man's touch. The others tongue tasted the soft skin around his throat.
This wasn’t the first time Victor had stepped out of himself while they were together like this, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. It was just easier this way for him not to have to be there in person. The experience was much better as a memory.
Suddenly there is a presence next to him and his head turns round to stare into Jayce’s worried face. Blinking Victor turns back to see him and Jayce still making love across the field.
Jayce looks at Victor then at them, and back to Victor. Victor feels himself shy away from Jayce, embarrassed.
“Was I that bad?” he hears Jayce say in a whisper.
“What?! No! No Jayce you were fine it's not that!”
“Then why did you step out of yourself?” Jayce asks, sitting on the grass beside him.
“I.. can’t say.” he says, turning his head away from the glowing man next to him. This conversation would be less strange if he couldn’t hear himself moaning Jayce’s name in the distance.
“Please try.” Jayce begs.
“I don’t want you to feel bad.” Victor mutters.
“I feel bad thinking I'm doing something wrong. Am I hurting you? I’ll stop.” Jayce says and moves to stand but Victor has lunged forward grabbing his arm and pulling him back down.
“NO!! No no!! You're not hurting me!! You could never hurt me!” he promises. His partner looks at him before sitting on the grass beside him and waiting for an answer.
“It is…physical contact of this level is just.. A lot of me to handle.. It is easier for me to step out of the moment and just experience it as a memory or a dream, rather than something that is happening.” Victor tries to explain as best he can.
“If you don’t want to anymore it's okay. You don’t have to lie-”
“I’m not lying! Listen... How do I explain this? You remember when the doctors messed up my medication and I was bedridden for a time?” Victor asks.
“Yes? What does that have to do with this?” Jayce looks confused.
“You stayed with me. You did my laundry, cleaned my apartment. Made me food, you even helped bath me. Do you have regrets doing those things for me? Did it hurt you? Did it bother you?” Victor asks.
“No, I liked doing it because it made you feel good,” he says.
“Exactly! This is the same situation. I have never and will never regret being with you this way. I will make love to you for all of time because I love how it makes you feel! How I make you feel. Making love to you is like doing laundry!! Wait, no, that did not come out correctly!” Victor realizes his mistake as soon as the words leave his lips.
“Sex with me is a chore?” Jayce looks as much as a kicked puppy as Victor could imagine.
“NO!! It's not because I love you!!" Victor practically screams at him. Jayce blinks at him before he smiles, bright enough to rival the stars around them.
“I love you too. But if being like this is too much we don’t have to.”
“I want to because you do. I want to do things with you that make you happy. Sex is not something I crave, but I do love the closeness, and how it makes you feel. How I make you feel. When I look into your eyes after and the only reflection is my own.” Victor says, crawling into his lap. Jayce wraps his arms around him pulling him close. Victor closes his eyes, nuzzling his face up into the beard of the man he loves. “We may not get the same things out of the experience but that does not mean it was bad.”
Existence moves around them like water. Ebbing and flowing with time and reality as Jayce rubs his hand up and down Victor's back. Feeling the forever soft blanket brush against his skin.
“My apologies.. I didn't mean to make you upset about this.” Victor apologizes again.
“Don’t apologize, I should have been paying closer attention to your needs.” Jayce says, pressing his lips to Victor's forehead in a gentle kiss. Victor smiles before reaching up and tilting Jayce’s face down to meet his own, kissing him.
“OH God PLEASE JAYCE!! HARDER!!!” Victor's own screaming voice of pleasure greats them from across the field.
Jayce and Victor exchange looks before bursting out into laughter.