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"I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was...not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it's you. It's going to be you."
― Mhairi McFarlane, You Had Me At Hello
FIRST SIGHT
When Ken graduated from his third year. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom. He had taken photos with his father and mother. Two silhouettes flanking his side. He had been happy they had come, but they didn’t vocalize anything.
No, Congratulations. No, we’re so proud of you. It had only been a quiet squeeze on his shoulder from his father, and his mother commenting on his future endeavors. He knows what matters to them is appearance. Everything else was trivial.
Ken is happy though, he got accepted into his dream school and he’ll be leaving Kamigoe City as soon as he can. He doesn’t want to remember the awful kids he was in class with. Those three years are a distant memory. He can't help but feel that something is missing though. Ken walks towards his class group, gathering around for a final photo in front of Kami High’s gate.
Ken looks among his graduating class, and a flash of teal gathers his attention. He notices a girl. A girl laughing with three others. Her smile was ingrained in his memory. She looks–
The flick of the camera goes off, and the cheers resound. That’s right, he’ll be free soon.
Just a few more weeks, he thinks. The smile is burned into his mind. Did he know her?
THE DREAMS BEGIN
Ken still dreams of dark auburn hair and a smile so wide that it lights up the room. He opens his eyes and rubs them. He had fallen asleep on his desk, the litter of papers scattered across showed that he had been doing research for his paper. He groans, stretching his stiff limbs, and grabs for his glasses. He looks down, seeing the name written there.
Ayase Momo.
He frowns, looking at the page, the way the words seem to jump out at him.
He had been plagued by dreams since his third year of high school. A girl, her eyes, her faint voice, and her hair.
He can vividly still see the scowl on her brow. He shakes his head, feeling his heart pounding and his cheeks reddening.
When his roommate comes back, he’s already getting into bed. Shinji glances at him. “Long day?”
Ken rubs his hands across his face. “Always,” he says.
His vision blurs and hears the name Okarun from the most tender voice. He wakes up then, his hand clutching his shirt. It’s right over where his heart pounds a steady rhythm. Okarun, the voice says again.
Ken can’t sleep.
Ken visits the cafe in Kamigoe City. He took the train and had been desperate for a decompression day. He brought all of his schoolwork rather than work in the solace of his dorm or the library. He knew that a change of scenery would benefit him better.
With the quiet bustle and tunes playing while he flips through the pages of his novel, he thinks about all the other sci-fi stories he’s read. There was one he liked about a girl saving a boy, and they both got powers.
What was that one again?
“Is everything going good over here, sir?” A voice asks. Ken startles, pushing up his glasses to see a girl.
Not just any girl. The girl. His girl, the girl he’s been dreaming of. The smile is so vivid in his mind’s eye he can’t control his face. He gapes, frozen. He hasn’t done this since his second year of high school.
“I–I everythings well, thank you,” he stumbles out pathetically.
She raises an eyebrow, gathering his empty plate with the mere remnants of crumbs. “Right, well, what’re you reading?” She asks.
He fumbles again. God, get it together Takakura Ken! He nearly shouts.
“Yukikaze₁,” he mutters. She leans in close, peering at the words. He can smell her hair, the scent of jasmine and spring. Ken has to resist the urge to lean in near her. She’s magnetic in a way that he doesn’t fully understand.
How?
Her eyes catch him, and his face blooms with heat. Oh no.
She smiles then. “Is it good?”
Okarun! A voice calls. He looks around, frantically. “Did you hear that?”
The girl blinks, her eyebrow raised. “What?”
Ken has to calm down, or else he won’t ever get this chance again. “I apologize, I thought I heard something.”
She tilts her head, her eyes blinking. “Right, well. Is it good? The book I mean, what’s it about?” This was good. He can distract himself from the embarrassment. Ken doesn’t stop himself from telling her the details of his favorite military science fiction novel. He tells her everything about it, the details of the planes, and the world it expands upon. She listens intently, cleaning up around him, and a small smile forms on her lips. She looks almost fond, which is odd because he can’t remember anyone looking at him like that before. Not when he’s like this; talking their ear off about trivial book series’ and magazines.
“So,” she begins. “Do you go to university near here?”
“I go one town over from Kamigoe City, I’m actually from here,” he adds quietly. He’s trying his hardest not to stare at her. She looked so familiar like he had seen her not just in his dreams but from another time. He swears he’s heard her voice calling him that name. He swallows, waiting to see what she says. She opens her mouth, but someone comes bustling out of the kitchens. “Ayase! Table two needs a refill,” they gripe out. His heart thumps, Ayase. The name, the name.
“Uh,” he stumbles out and she nods, turning back to him. Her brow furrowed in irritation at being interrupted.
“I gotta jet, maybe we can talk later, yeah?” She offers, and she gives him one more glance. Before she goes she asks him. “What’s your name again?”
“Takakura Ken,” he says.
Momo raises an eyebrow, about to open her mouth when she’s waved down again. She looks like there are so many questions in her eyes, and Ken’s not sure what to do about that. Momo nods at him and dashes over, notepad in hand. He sits there, taking it all in. He burrows his face into his book, the thoughts swirling around him. In his dreams she is there, she’s present and he’s there. Ken remembers white and red, the color of teal, and bursts of light. He can’t make out much else, but her voice is what wakes him up every time.
Okarun, the voice says.
Only her name is left in the spaces between his dreams.
Ayase Momo.
He doesn’t mean to stay there. His train has already left, and he’ll be stuck in Kamigoe City until he can take the next one at 6:00 a.m.
“Are you waiting for me?” The voice comes again and he startles.
The girl’s back and she’s laughing. Her eyes twinkled with mirth.
She approaches him, her apron gone, and her hair tied up. “So, you said your name was Takakura Ken?” A faint blush on her cheeks, and he’s not sure if it’s from being inside. A part of him doesn’t want to hope. He can’t hold onto that.
“Yeah,” he says.
“That’s fake, right?”
“What’s fake?”
“Your name, that can’t be real. You know that’s a famous actor, right? Beloved by all of Japan?” She notes. She looks serious, but he can tell she’s teasing him.
Ken sits up straighter. “You know, it’s just a name.”
The girl looks at him, her eyebrows raised in question. “Okay,” she draws out.
“But people have the same names all the time,” he states. “It’s a common misconception, sometimes you walk on the street and maybe there’s another Takakura Ken among those masses as well. Somewhere in the world. Possibly.”
She still stares at him, her eyes not leaving him and he has to look away from the intensity.
She finally exhales out a breath like she’s been holding it this entire time. “Look, I’m just messing with you. I’m Ayase Momo,” she tells him.
They both jolt, the sound of something crashing coming from the kitchen.
His heart throbs painfully, and all he can see in his mind is the girl from the dream and her big smile taking form right before him. It’s weird. It feels unsettling. Is she the same girl?
Momo moves to sit across from him. She looks unsettled, and Ken shifts. “Hey, can I ask you something weird?”
He adjusts his glasses, peeking at her from his eyelashes. “Yeah, Miss Ayase?” He cringes at the honorific. God, what’s wrong with him?
Momo raises an eyebrow, suddenly shaking her head. If she would comment on it, she at least had the care not to. For now.
“I think,” she struggles, her eyes staring out the window outside of the cafe. “You said you went here, right? Did you go to Kami High?”
He nods. Momo bites her lip. “Were you ever in class B, second year?”
Ken shakes his head. “No, I was in C class that year.”
Momo looks at him, her body leaning close across the table. “Do you ever get these dreams where someone says your name but you can’t hear anything else?”
Ken’s eyes widened, looking at her directly. “Yes!” He says quickly, and she swallows.
“Except, I’m called Okarun, I guess it’s because–”
“You like the Occult,” she finishes. Ken never mentioned to her anything about that specific interest before. Only the sci-fi novel. Holy shit.
Momo’s eyes seem far away, blinking rapidly. “Wow, okay.”
“I’ve been dreaming about you, I think?” Ken says. Momo looks pale as if she’s seen a ghost.
“You have?” She says quietly.
Ken nods again, wanting to say something else, but Momo stands up. “This is so fucked up, did we know each other?”
The people around the cafe glance at them, and Ken has to coax Momo to sit back down. “I guess we did, but–”
“How do we not remember?” Momo interrupts. “We remember the names, the voices, but not the memories?”
“Maybe we got memory loss?” He points out, his hands clenching underneath the table. That has to be the only answer. How could they both be dreaming about one another, and remember the name of said person, but never the things that happened between them? Weirdly, they found each other now.
Momo huffs out a breath, leaning back against the chair. “God, what the fuck.”
Ken doesn’t know what else to say to her. At a loss for whatever this is between them.
“Fate?” He suggests. “It could be that we needed to be separate for a while to reconcile again later?”
“And to do what?” She asks arms crossed over her chest.
“To make new memories,” he says. Momo stares at him, the brightness in her eyes returning. They look like stars are embedded within her irises. She blinks a few times, then glances away. Her cheeks were pink, and the expression on her face was longing.
“Yeah,” she agrees. “Maybe.”
He walks her out of the cafe. Momo doesn’t separate from him for a second. “Uh, my stop is this way,” he tells her.
“Will you be coming back?” She asks, her gaze steady.
Ken blinks and then blinks again. “What? Do you mean here? Yeah, I can.”
Momo smiles, and the expression is so content that he can’t help but gaze at her. The feelings returned to him like it had been so easy to just stay here. Momo made it seem like she already had made a room just for him to exist in the same vicinity as her. Even if it had been only for a few hours.
“Good,” she nods. “I’ll see you next time, yeah?”
“Next time, for sure.”
FIRST REQUEST
He had been visiting for the last couple of weeks. Ken had made it a habit to come on weekends.
She had invited him out since she got off early. They were taking a walk around one of the parks. The people around them move around them. The two of them in their own bubble.
On their stroll, Momo speaks up. “So there’s this thing, like,” she pauses, hands stuffed deep in her jacket pockets.
Ken watches the fidgeting curiously. “Thing?” He parrots.
She bites her lip, hand shooting out to hand him a piece of paper. “So there’s this club meeting at the local café and it’s like all about paranormal stuff, I thought maybe we could go to that and a party afterward.”
Ken eyes it, unfolding the paper to see it crumpled with stray stains that look to be makeup. A red circle around the time and date. He glances back to Momo who is tinged pink and messing with her bangs. His heart thrums. This feels familiar.
“Yeah,” he breathes out. His voice choked up. “I’d like to go.”
Momo grins from ear to ear. “Cool, okay, so we can meet up at the station? Here, give me your phone.”
Ken’s embarrassed because while the rest of the world’s moved onto touch screens, he still has a flip phone. A practical one at best, but it makes its usefulness known.
“Woah, you still got one of these? I like your alien charm,” she compliments, typing her information in.
Ken rubs his neck.
“I added my location since you didn’t have it before.”
Ken looks, seeing the address in her contact info. “I didn’t know you could add location sharing here.”
She laughs. “Yeah, dude. It’s the 21st century. You can do anything.”
“But on flip phones?”
“I just did it, didn’t I?”
He peers at her. “Are you a genius?”
“I am, but it’s easy to do, dork.”
Ken’s heartthrobs again. He’s had her number, but now he gets to see where she is. Which shouldn’t sound creepy, but it doesn’t. Not at this moment.
He stuffs the flyer in his jacket. He holds onto it to the station where he tells her bye.
Ken gets to look at her and be around her. He gets to hang out with her. A part of him wants it to last forever. He can only hope Momo wants the same too. He can’t assume it though. It wouldn’t be fair to her.
He leans his head back against the window, the blur of scenery moving quickly.
HALLOWEEN IN DECEMBER
Momo steps off the train with the rest of the crowd. Ken waves her down, and she jogs over to him.
She eyes Ken’s costume. A full suit, and FBI badge hanging from his coat pocket. “Hey,” he says, and she laughs.
“You could’ve told me to match with you, Mulder,” she scolds him playfully.
Ken stumbles. “I didn’t want to do that to you, it was last minute. I had the stuff already,” he flushes at his admission.
She laughs out loud, throwing her head back. Ken can’t help but grin, the sound filling him with warmth. “You had an emergency X-files costume, eh?”
He rubs the back of his head. “Yeah, kind of nerdy?”
Momo smirks, doing a little hand motion. “A little, but I think it’s cool.”
Ken nods, not arguing with that. He gestures to her. “Well, what is it you’re supposed to be?”
Momo gasps. “I’m your worst nightmare.”
He looks at the costume and then back at her. “A nurse?”
Momo rolls her eyes, unleashing the mask. “It’s the nurse, from Silent Hill.”
Ken blinks at her, tilting his head. “What is that?”
Momo gasps. “It’s a horror game! You’ve never played?”
“I don’t like horror,” he admits. “It freaks me out too much. I end up getting too into my head about it.”
She nods sagely. “Cowardice, I see, I see.”
Ken shoves her playfully, and he follows her to their next destination.
The paranormal night had been an eventful one. It had begun at 4:30, and they had arrived at approximately 4:15.
The group some local enthusiasts talked all about their ghost sightings and adventures. Some other groups had been there to discuss UAPs. Ken leaned in a bit more when that had been brought up.
Momo just grinned, her hand rising to touch his shoulder. It sent shocks throughout his body.
“Do you want anything to eat?”
He shakes his head. He leans closer to whisper since the announcer was just moving on to his next slideshow about the drone sightings near the American capitol.
“No, I’m not hungry. This is cool,” he says. He turns to look at her, his eyes twinkling under the low lighting.
Momo blinks, her eyes lost in his. He looks like a kid in a candy store. He’s delighted, absolutely immersed in this. Momo feels the warmth spread through her. She looks away, noticing one of the tables there was a set up for magazines and novels about the occult. “Hey, I’ll be right back.”
Ken nods, turning his focus back onto the presenter.
One of the guys at the table sits up. “Hey, looking for anything specific.”
Momo felt a hunch, she was eyeballing a small novel. It had the alien on the cover. “Yeah, actually, can I get that one?”
“Sure, thing!” The guy packs it up and Momo has her payment ready.
The young man passes it to her, his cheeks flushed. “So, do you also like the occult?” He’s trying to make conversation, but Momo is too distracted on where she’ll hide this.
“Yeah! Thanks again.”
He looks like he wants to say something else and she feels a presence close behind her.
The breath tickles her hair.
“What did you get?” His voice comes softly near. His smile at this angle almost looks frog-like. Momo has to resist the urge to reach out and pinch his cheeks.
She flushes. “Nothing, it’s a surprise!”
He remains close, bending lower to look at the array of options on the table. Momo doesn’t notice the dark glance on Ken’s face that he throws at the young man at the table. His smile was tight enough to snap. The guy gulps, quickly asking if he needs anything.
Momo tucks the surprise away for later. She’d give it to Ken before the night ends.
“Hey, are you ready to head out?” She asks.
Ken grins. “Sure, it’s the party right?” He feels nervous. He hasn’t ever been to one. Usually, the lighting and the loud sounds are something he doesn’t enjoy. It’s overstimulating at best.
Although, Ken didn’t want to tell her no. He’d been worried she wouldn’t ask him out ever again. Even though it’s not a date. He feels like it is. Is it presumptuous of him to ask? Maybe even to hope.
All this thinking and not enough action. He needs to get it together. He could just reach out, maybe grab her hand. They’ve known each other for two months now? Is that okay? Is that weird? That’s more than enough time?
He should say something. Anything.
Ken’s about to open his mouth, but the expression on Momo’s face stops him.
“Hey, you’ll tell me, right? If this isn’t your scene?”
“What?”
“The party,” she swallows. She’s biting her lip. “It’s not something we have to go to.”
He shakes his head. “First time for everything. I–I haven’t been to one before.”
He rubs his neck. It’s either that or fixing his glasses.
Ken hates his nervous tick. He swallows. “It’s alright. I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable.”
She puffs out her cheeks. “Swear it?”
Ken holds his hands up. “Cross my heart.”
Momo stares at him for a long moment. She searches his face, trying to find any falsifications. She sighs. “Okay. Let’s go.”
They stroll down the way from the cafe. They arrive a couple blocks away from one of the pachinko districts.
Ken looks around, he’s never been to one of these spots. He didn’t know Kamigoe had a place like this.
“It’s down here,” she points to a stairwell below. Ken pushes up his glasses. He looks for the sign for entry. There’s nothing. He turns his head back to her. Momo waits for him to say anything. Her eyebrow raises. “Well?” Ken’s glasses hide his eyes.
“Are you going to murder me?” He asks.
She gasps. “No! I’m not actually, it’s where the party is!”
Right when she says that the door below slams open, and the blue flashing lights and boosting music are heard below. A guy smoking and a girl canoodling leave up the stairs.
Ken moves to grab Momo by the elbow to allow them the pass.
She goes with him, pressed against his side. “Excuse us,” Ken says, bowing his head politely. Momo wanted to yell at them for being in the way. She bites her tongue.
The other couple says nothing, the guy drops his cigarette down below and stomps on it. He makes a wave with his fingers and the girl laughs.
Momo grits her teeth. “Assholes.”
Ken nods in agreement, not saying anything else.
Momo tries to move, but she still feels his hand around her arm. “Uh?” She looks down and back at him. She doesn’t pull away.
Ken realizes and releases her quickly. “Ah! My bad, I just! Well you know, you were there and they were barreling right towards us.”
Momo looks at him and laughs. “It’s cool, it’s cool.”
He follows her down the stairs, trying not to hover over her. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. It didn’t make any logical sense. It’s a party. His mind gives him the visual of a stuffy place, full of sweaty bodies and the smell of liquor burning his nose. Ugh, he’s doing this for the experience.
He’s able to spend time with Momo. That’s all that matters.
When they finally arrive inside it’s a gathering, some people playing games in the corner, and the lights on the dancefloor away from them.
Momo hears other voices and she looks around.
“Come on, we can go get something to drink. I don’t drink liquor, so they have some virgin drinks.”
Ken sighs in relief.
When they stand around waiting for their drinks someone comes up. A guy in a black cat costume.
“Woah, who’s this?” he asks. It startles Ken because he’s a lot taller than the two of them.
“Ah, Jiji, you’re here too,” Momo says, a wry smile on her face. “Okarun, meet Jiji, Jiji meet Okarun.”
Jiji looks him up and down, an odd expression on his face. “I’ve seen you before,” he says. He squints again, leaning down to almost bumping noses with him.
It makes him tense, what’s up with this? Ken tries not to recoil away too much, but the way he looks at him is genuine.
“You were in my dreams,” Jiji says all too seriously.
Momo gasps, pulling Ken aside. “Hey, don’t flirt with my date, asshat.”
She gives him a playful shove. Jiji lifts his hands in mock surrender. “No, I’m being dead serious. I’ve seen him before!”
Momo scoffs, pushing him again. “Sure,” she draws out, laughing. “You tell that to all my dates.”
Jiji laughs. “Momo, you know we have the same taste.”
“Ugh, you’re terrible, we should kill him later,” she tells Ken. Her smile was all too infectious.
Jiji grins, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “If you ever get tired of her, you can find me waiting for you on the other side, my man.”
Momo gasps in false anger. “Oh, you’re dead meat.”
She nearly wrangles him into a headlock when someone calls out to him. “Ah, there’s my great escape, Aira-chan. I’ll see you two around!” He manages to get out, waving at them while he jogs over to the pink-haired witch. Ken’s processing now that Jiji is matching with her. Huh, maybe he and Momo should’ve been Mulder and Scully.
Ken freezes, following her to the lineup of snacks at one of the tables. “Wait, did you say I was your date?” He’s elated, but he tries not to show it.
Momo purses her lips, taking a bite of some cookies. “What did I say?”
Ken gapes. “Don’t gaslight me,” he says, exasperated. His heart pounds again. A rush of sound in his ears, and it wasn’t just because of the bass boosting loudly in the room.
She looks apologetic then, her eyes fluttering. “I’m kidding, not about you being my date,” she reiterates. “I’m teasing you, I probably should’ve clarified it when I asked you out.”
Ken’s eyesight shifts, he’s not sure if it’s because of what he drank. He swears he got a soda.
“So this is a date?”
Momo whirls around, face stuffed full of snacks. “Duh,” she says, muffled by the food.
Ken nearly throws his hands up. “I could’ve dressed nicer for this!”
“You look great, and you’re Mulder from X-Files.”
He hunches over in agony. “Oh this is embarrassing, I can’t believe this.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, are you not the Mulder who believes,” she points out, expression teasing.
“You’re such a smartass, you know,” he retorts, and Momo throws her head back laughing. He can’t help the flips his heart does, she looks so carefree and happy. How did he end up here, again?
“You’re so easy,” she snorts.
“That better not be a reference to my maidenhood,” he warns. Now he’s grinning. Two can play at this game.
Momo looks aghast. “Not like that,” her cheeks warming, he could still make out her expression under the neon lights. He can’t help but feel satisfaction at getting her to react like that.
“What do you have to be so smug about?” She asks him, suspicious.
“Nothing,” he responds simply, feeling on cloud nine. She glares at him, jabbing a finger into his side.
“Oof,” he exhales out. Oh, this is revenge, he makes a motion to poke her waist and she giggles. A high-pitched sound that shocks him.
“No,” she warns.
“You started it!” He shoots back, his grin returning.
Momo holds up a finger, expression serious. "Anything but my sides!”
“Anything?” Ken asks, raising an eyebrow.
Momo flushes, putting her hands up on the defensive.
Before Ken can move to get her back, someone speaks.
“God, get a room,” a voice says.
Momo turns to see one of her friends. “Muko! Hey, where’s Miko?”
Ken adjusts his glasses, staring at his feet, paying special attention to the different color lights moving through the dancefloor.
Muko eyes him, shooting a look at Momo. “She’s over there in the corner talking with a dude.”
“Oh, cool. Uh, this is Okarun, my date, and Okarun this is Muko, one of my best friends,” she says, introducing him.
Ken waves pathetically, all too aware now of how that must’ve looked.
Muko nods, tilting her head. “He’s cute, anyway, you were supposed to come as an angel.”
“No way, that would’ve been too much.”
Muko grins, looking between the two of them. “Interesting, okay, well. See you.”
“God, she’s such a meddler.”
Ken swallows. “You were going to wear that?” He tries not to think about Momo in that white dress, with the wings. It would’ve been too much. He probably would’ve done something embarrassing. He thanks whatever deity is watching out for him. He probably would’ve been looking up the entire night.
Momo brushes a piece of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, on any other day, I would’ve worn it.”
He coughs into his hand. Not sure what to say. He tamps down his imagination.
Momo grabs his hand, and it jolts him back to reality. “Let’s go dance,” she suggests.
“Dance? I got two left feet,” he protests.
“It’s cool, we can just shimmy or whatever.”
The moment goes away from them, the slow song fades suddenly. The neon lasers flash. Momo and Ken look at each other when the song switches to a loud, boosting tune and a horde of people move to the floor.
Ken side-eyes one couple, the man behind her, all too close. He looks away, alarmed. That dance had been way too intimate.
Momo taps him then, expression apologetic. He leans down so he can hear her. “Wanna get out of here?”
Her voice is close to his ear. He nods then, agreeing. She grabs his hand, moving off the dancefloor.
Momo reaches over to one of the drink trays, grabs some water, and hands him one. He thanks her, making their exit up the stairs.
They end up out in the cool air. Momo wrapping her arms around her. “Hey, I’m sorry about that,” her voice shaking a bit. Ken stops the bottle from reaching his lips. He gives her a look. “Why?”
“It’s a bad spot for a first date, I’m so sorry, I mean–” she swallows. “That probably wasn’t the best idea for this.”
Ken shakes his head. “Hey, it’s okay.”
Momo looks at him, searching his gaze for any fault. He doesn’t let himself look away.
“I agreed to go,” Ken tells her seriously. Momo still looks upset, shivering again. Her thin jacket did not give her any reprieve from the chill. She knew she should’ve gone with the leather one.
Ken takes off his blazer, wrapping it around her. “Hey, come on,” he guides her out of the alley. They step out onto the streets, heading away from the party.
Momo still looks upset, and Ken doesn’t know what else to say.
“Do you usually go to those types of things?” He asks, trying to make conversation.
Momo shakes her head. “Only with Muko and Miko, but not by myself.”
Ken nods, feeling relieved. “Good,” he says. He thinks back to the dancing from earlier, the way the guy was holding that girl. He frowns at the thought. A strange feeling gripped his stomach. If a guy touched Momo like that he would’ve reacted violently. Unless he was the guy, his mind supplies. Wait, where did that come from?
“You good? You look constipated.”
“I am,” he says absentmindedly. She snorts, and he realizes his error. “I’m not! I had a thought.”
“About?”
“Wanna go to a cafe, not the one you work at, but another.”
She smiles, holding out her hand. He looks at it, letting his wrap around hers. “Show me.”
He leads the way, a bit aware of how the turn of events has shifted for him. He wonders if being around Momo always had this effect. If she knows and he knows they existed together at one point, what else is there between them that they don’t remember? What else could’ve happened to get them where they are now?
“You know, I think I’m having deja vu,” she declares. His hand tightens around hers, taking a single glance back. “Yeah?”
“Have we ever done anything together? Were we always together?”
He looks up, the lights of the city ever bright. The night around them seems to cocoon them in a chilled wall. “I guess so, there’s a reason you and I are here, right?”
Ken glances back at her again, her expression elsewhere, looking around the scenery.
“Yeah, it’s weird, it’s like I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. Even if I don’t remember anything before. I can see you clearly in my mind,” she says. Her cheeks are pink, and it’s probably from the cold. Ken’s heartthrobs, and he squeezes her hand again.
“I hope you can see me clearly, or else you’ll need my glasses.”
She glares at him, jabbing him again in the side. He makes a pathetic noise. “Try that again, you ass.”
“You know what I mean,” he says. His other hand holding his side, that’s going to bruise later.
Momo sighs, looking up to see the first sign of snow falling. “Hey, look,” she points. Ken watches the way they fall, seeing the tiny flakes dance across their field of vision. Now, he was starting to shiver. “We’re almost there,” he says, his teeth clacking together without meaning to.
He swears he checked the weather before leaving his dorm.
Momo smiles, cozying herself up against him. “Is this cool?” She asks before doing anything.
Ken blinks. “Yeah, I don’t mind.”
She wraps her arms around his middle, pulling herself close. He doesn’t let himself touch her, a little too afraid that if he moves the moment would shatter.
He can hear her laughing. “You’re such a dork, you can hug me back.”
“I was waiting for permission,” he hisses, shivering again.
She tilts her face up, looking at him. “You’re a lot cuter at this angle,” she notes. Her eyes brightened from the streetlights catching.
He snorts, ears red. “Yeah, yeah, keep trying to butter me up.”
“I’m serious, don’t deny yourself the compliment.”
Ken looks at her. The girl of his dreams, in the most literal sense possible, is holding him in the middle of the street as if they were lovers. It’s weird, he should be freaking out, and he is. It’s all internal for him, he tries not to show it on his face. It’s also this sense of undeniable peace. Momo is someone who understands exactly what he means. After everything, even if they can’t remember the past, they can at least make this a new future.
“I’ve known you my whole life, probably,” she says then.
Ken moves with an impulse, his hand hovering just above her head. “Is this okay?”
She grins, her dimples revealing in a way that makes his eyes soften. “Of course, dork.”
He lets his hand brush against her hair, the bits of cold snow clinging against his fingertips.
“Your hair is soft,” he notes. Momo wrinkles her nose at the compliment.
“We should get going, don’t you think?”
He shivers slightly, not letting go of her hand. He’s too comfortable. He eases into her space as if she made a home there for him. It’s effortless in a way that makes sense.
When they arrive at the small book cafe, he finds them a spot in the corner. She sits across from him, ordering one of those gingerbread lattes and chocolate croissants.
“I’ll pay,” he offers. Momo is mid-bite and she looks like she wants to argue. She takes a quick drink of her latte.
“I got it, don’t worry. It’s my fault for making you go to that shit party.”
“I had fun!” He protests.
Momo peers at him, the suspicion all over her face. “Sure, you did.”
“Don’t roll your eyes, I did have fun.”
“Okay, name one fun thing about it.” Momo leans back against the seat, arms crossed. She waits for him to say anything good about what they just had experienced.
He grins. “Your footwork was crap, you stepped on my feet twice.”
Momo flushes bright red. “Oh, you’re an ass. You’re supposed to lead!”
“I could have, but you were trying to lead before I could take the chance.”
She grabs her croissant and eats it angrily. “You’re the clumsy one, I had to move ourselves out of the way so we didn’t bump into people.”
Ken scoffs, waving his hand. “Sure, sure. You just can’t give up the reins, so you had to get us in the center of where everyone was.”
Momo throws a piece of bread at him. “Shut up! You’re supposed to name one good thing.”
Ken thinks for a moment, his fingers playing with a napkin. He looks up at her, his glasses not hiding his eyes. “I get to be with you.”
Momo’s brain short circuits. “Okay, sweet talker. I thought you were awkward.”
“I can be, I’m just an–”
“Stop talking.”
He grins into the rim of his water.
They leave the cafe, the distance between them so much more noticeable. Ken couldn’t tell her he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay. He cursed his parents for making him leave his hometown. If only it meant he could have been closer to Momo.
“Well,” he says. “It’s been a great night.”
Momo smiles at him, her expression somber. Ken moves then, his hands hovering away from him. His thoughts were to reach out and hug her.
He freezes, not sure if that would bode well. So he just touches her shoulder, two fingers at the edge. He swallows. “Thank you, for tonight, I mean.”
Momo looks at him. Her eyes gleamed. “Okarun,” she says the nickname so softly. That it makes his body melt. He feels weak in the knees. “Don’t go home.”
“Huh?” Is he dreaming? He’s gotta be dreaming. There’s no way she would say that. Did he hear her right, there was a car passing by just now. He gulps. It’s a dream right. He’s going to wake up and find himself in his dorm. He’ll be alone, just like always.
Momo’s cheeks are a perfect shade of rose. God, how does she look so beautiful? Her eyes shimmer and she looks so sweet. His heart thuds loudly.
“I mean it, would you like to stay over at my place?”
The silence in the air hangs between them. Ken is frozen solid. Not from the cold, but it’s like his brain had become white static. The cars continue to pass by, and the sounds from the cafe are still heard. People were around, life was moving, but for Ken. His whole world had come to a standstill.
He swallows. “I don’t want to–” he stops himself, trying to think of a better way to say it. God, he wants to. He wants to stay beside her forever. He just wants to lay beside her, gazing at her. If Momo had asked him to jump off a bridge he would. If she asked him to walk a million miles to the edge of the earth, he would. God he would. He’s just trying to think of a better way to say yes, I would love to.
Momo’s face falls immediately. Her eyes don’t gleam, and they look dark. Void of any feeling. “Oh,” she manages out. Her voice trembled.
Ken’s brain has to work itself quickly. He’s losing her.
“Miss Ayase, that’s not what I meant!”
She turns away from him, beginning to walk away. Ken’s brain is in overdrive and he fumbles forward, catching her by the arm.
“Hold on! Wait, please, I didn’t mean it like that!”
Momo rounds on him. “What did you mean?”
She looks even prettier while angry. He has to kick himself internally. This isn’t the time!
“I would love to, I just thought about it too long!” He groans inwardly. God! No. He’s trying to improve his wording. “I would love to, I just wanted to say something better than yes!”
Momo stares at him, and he doesn’t look away from her. What she needs is his honesty even if it’s stupid.
“You do,” she says.
“Yes, that's all I want. I don’t want to leave your side.”
He waits for her answer. He doesn’t look away, he won't, he's been looking all night directly into her eyes. Momo flushes a bright red, moving from his grasp. Her hands came up to mess her bangs up with her palm. “Ugh, this is the most cringe moment of my life!”
“What?!” Ken says.
“God, I’m sorry, I’m–” Momo lowers her head. “I know that must be weird or whatever, I just don’t want tonight to end.”
It was Ken’s turn to flush. “I don’t want it to end either,” he mutters.
“You can come if you want, it’s not like that or anything. I just still wanted to hang out. I live with my grandma, and we still have an extra room with stuff. So, that way you don’t have to go and take a train so late.”
Ken smiles, feeling his heart soar. He doesn’t mind, after all. He’s wondering if all the separation, all the dreams, and all of the struggling led him here. He’s left to his thoughts that despite being away from each other, they still would have had the chance. It was an opportunity for them. A way to change the linear curve that life is. Perhaps it had been everything spinning and having him dumped here to the present.
“I’ll go,” he says. “I’ll stay with you.”
Momo’s eyes brighten and her cheeks are red. “Okay.”
He holds out his hand, but then draws it back. “If you want, I mean to hold hands while you lead the way.”
Momo’s smile is as wide and insurmountable as the sea. He could drown in those depths if she’d let him. “Of course, dork. You’re the man of my dreams, or whatever.”
“Don’t say it like that!”
She snorts out a laugh holding her side. “God, you’re a loser.”
“You better not mean it like that,” he grumbles out.
Momo’s hand grabs his. “You’re cold, let’s go.”
LOVE AS RECOGNITION
When they arrive at the torii gate everything seems to make sense. Everything comes rushing back to him. The dreams shift and take shape before him. The aliens, the yokai, the struggling. God, and the trying. It whirls around him and it makes his head spin.
Momo doesn’t let go of his hand. She must remember because of the expression on her face.
He had read somewhere once, a short story in one of his literature classes in his third year. When his teacher mentioned something about recognizing the person you love. How they seem to jump out at you. It’s a revered way, one of recognition and not first love. The familiarity is visible within those constraints.
“Did you feel that?” Momo asks, her voice trembling.
Ken nods mutely. He looks towards her and she sees her tears falling down her cheeks.
The wetness staining his own was a mere reflection of hers.
“Yeah. I did.”
They stand there for a moment. The crunch of snow between their feet, and their breaths taking form from the cold.
“At least we’re here,” Momo says. She wipes her eyes.
“Yeah.”
Ken looks at her, his hands coming to brush the snow off the blazer he had lent her. “I’m glad you found me when you did.”
Momo’s laugh is wet, and the tears come back. All he can do is ask for permission to tentatively wipe them from her face. She bestows him this honor.
“It’s you, idiot. I think you found me.”
When he follows Momo into the home, it is quiet. The gentle creaks sound when she steps into the threshold.
“I’m home! I brought someone, granny!”
There’s a rustle, the sound of laughter coming from around the corner. Then the silence again.
Ken waits, holding his breath.
Ayase Seiko rounds the corner. “Huh? Who the hell did you bring?”
When the woman looks up she meets Ken’s eyes, shock apparent there.
Momo looks between them with bated breath. “The prodigal son returns,” Momo introduces.
“Holy shit, Four Eyes?” Seiko says, completely floored by witnessing the both of them.
“How the hell did you find him?”
“He found me. He came to my place of work and the rest is history.”
Seiko raises a brow. “Is this who you’ve been talking to?”
Momo blushes bright red. “Yes! And?!”
“And, I thought you were moving on from him.”
“Well, too late now. He’s here.”
Ken zones out, completely unaware of the conversation.
Seiko laughs a little, shaking her head. “Wow, the universe really can’t keep you two apart, can it?”
“I guess not,” Momo responds. She puffs out her cheeks, untying her boots and setting them lazily to the side.
Ken follows suit, still confused.
“Did you know about us?” He asks the older woman.
Seiko cracks her neck. “Some shitty stuff happened in the second year. There was a choice of a sacrifice instead of your life; it was your memories. We didn’t know how long it’d last.”
Ken swallows, remembering that day now. He had been desperate. He couldn’t lose Momo. Not her life. If it was between them living or their memories of one another, they both chose the same thing. Memories were easier to create, he had hoped she would find him before the world went black.
After all, at least the two of them could exist in the same timeline as always.
“It wasn’t just you,” Seiko says. “It was also the rest of your friend group. If they can come back here they’ll most likely remember.”
“They’d have to be present with us then?” Momo asks.
Seiko shrugs. “Perhaps.” The older woman gestures to the kitchen area. “There’s leftovers in the fridge. Extra clothes in the linen closet.”
Before Seiko walks away she turns back. A small smile on her face. Her expression is tender. “Welcome home, Four Eyes.”
The puff of smoke follows her as she sits down to watch her show, laughing away.
Ken’s heart warms inside of him. He’s home. She’s home. They’re here and he remembers now. She’s no longer a dream or a memory. She has existed here, always has.
He feels choked up.
“Hey, come on, let’s get ready for bed.”
“Okay,” he squeaks out, following her up the stairs.
Seiko’s voice comes from below. “Separate rooms!”
“Shut up, hag!”
He hovers outside the doorway. Should he? Momo said yes. He should be okay. He can go in. It’s fine, it’ll be fine. She said yes. She gave consent that it's okay to step into her room.
Momo stops talking and blinks. “Dude, will you just get in here.”
He shakes his head. “No! Miss Seiko said: “separate rooms”.”
Momo rolls her eyes. “You’re not going to sleep in here, I'm not making you, I wanted to give you something.”
“Huh? What?”
Momo crosses her arms, her eyes widening. She’s pouting. She’s giving him the saddest eyes. “Please, it’ll just take a second.”
He slumps forward. She’s haggling with him, she knows he’s weak. Damn it all. “Alright.” He screws his eyes closed, walking forward.
Ken winces, fearing the explosions or the possibility of Seiko lurking behind him ready to smash his head in. Luckily, none of that happens. His eyes are shut tight.
“Okay, hold out your hands. Don’t open your eyes.”
Ken flinches when he feels something cold. “What is that?”
“You can look now.”
“What is it? It’s cold.”
“Open your eyes, doofus or I’m taking it back!” She threatens.
He does so, peeking one eye out and he looks to see the tankobon with the alien on the cover. “Huh? What? Is this book from that paranormal gathering?”
Momo nods. “Yup, I bought it for you. I hope you don’t mind. An apology since I dragged you to that lame-ass party.”
Ken holds it tighter, staring at it for far too long. He hasn’t even made a sound. The blood rushes to his head like the wind pushing forth the leaves from trees. He could keel over, he could die right here and he’d be set for life. Holy shit.
“I love you,” he blurts out.
Momo flushes loudly, can a blush be loud? He can hear it from where he is. “What the hell?! Please stop.”
“I do, I think I told you that once, right?”
Momo’s face furrows and she looks to the side. She remembers. Of course, she does. “Yeah, you did.”
“So, I love you. There it is.”
“We barely know each other.”
“We’ve known each other long enough, Momo,” he scoffs. He shakes his head. It’s not a rejection, per se. He feels like it is.
Momo approaches him then, her fingers tracing against his knuckles. Her head presses against his shoulder. “Sorry,” she mumbles out.
He’s tense, coiled upright. Come on, Ken. You just said the words!
“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just scared that tomorrow you won’t be here or something.”
Ken shakes his head. “I’ll be here, I’m holding you right now.”
“No, you’re not, you’re too far away.”
He sighs, his arms hesitating over her figure. He swallows, and he knows she can hear his heart. Ken curses inwardly. He wraps his arms around her tightly. He pulls her to his chest, his face coming to hide in the space between her neck and shoulder. “I know.”
“That’s better,” she says. Her breath tickles his skin.
“Did you like it?” She asks, her voice muffled against him.
“Thank you,” he says. “I loved it.”
Momo pulls away. “I do love you, you know. I’m just hoping since all that time without each other, we can make new memories.”
“We already have been,” he brushes her bangs away, to reveal more of her face. She smiles at him.
He wants to squish her cheeks. Ken doesn’t think for once. He lets his actions speak, kissing her forehead. It’s warm beneath his lips. He thinks he could move down to her lips, but he still doesn’t have the courage for that. It’s enough for right now. He’ll work up to it.
He pulls away, to see her flush and her eyes twinkling. It was worth it after all.
“What if I head-butted you just then, huh?” She threatens, trying to hide her embarrassment with violence. Ah, there’s his girl.
“That would hurt,” he responds seriously.
She buries her head deeper into his shoulder. “I’m sleepy,” she whines.
“Then let’s go to bed,” he suggests.
She shakes her head. “Can I stay like this for a little longer?”
Who is he to deny her?
He holds her a little while longer, letting them just be.
Momo lets go first, looking down to see she had bent the pages of the novel she got him. “Oh no, I’m sorry!”
Ken snorts. “Don’t worry about it. It’s a badge of honor.”
“Some badge, I spent money on that!”
Momo moves around pulling out the bean bag. “Anyway, you can sit here. I’ll go get your room ready.”
Ken nods, looking around her room. It’s crazy how much of it hasn’t changed. He’s been here so many times. He walks over to the dresser, seeing a corkboard of photos set up.
He notices one that stands out. He peers at it and it’s the graduation photo from third year.
A red circle is drawn over two faces, an arrow pointing at one. A question mark above the other’s head. He looks closer and it’s his face. The camera had clicked when he saw her in the crowd of students. His entire head turned to look at her. Her photo is of her wide smile. He blinks, then blinks again.
She had been dreaming about him this entire time. Something in his heart aches. He remembers her now. He can’t believe it has been this long.
“Okarun,” she calls out. “Help.”
He turns quickly to see her smothered in a bundle of blankets and he moves. “Oh!”
They laugh as he grabs the thick sheets. He follows her into the other room. They move around each other easily, their laughter contagious. He’s comfortable, his chest is warm.
Everything is set.
“I set your clothes over there in the corner. I think they may fit, let me know if they don't.”
“Momo,” he says suddenly. “I love you,” he admits again. His eyes not wavering and his tone certain. He just has to tell her again. He can’t help it. The heart wants what it wants.
She stares at him, the flush returning tenfold. Heh, he’s good at this. Maybe he should do it again.
“I really will have to give you payback,” she says. She brushes her hands against her hair. He can only smile, it’s polite and tender. He’s using this to disguise how devious it makes him feel to embarrass her. It’s revenge for all the times she’s been honest enough to shake him to his core.
“Goodnight, Momo,” he tells her.
“Hey, come here, I have to tell you something,” she tells him sweetly. He’s a little suspicious, but her face is soft. Her eyes shone bright like stars. Ken’s hopeful that she may kiss him. A little. God, he hopes so.
“Yeah?” He breathes.
She reaches for him and grabs him in a chokehold. “Say uncle, you bastard!”
“Ouch, hey! What–”
“Say it! And I’ll let go!”
Ken maneuvers around, trying to grab her waist. “Quit it!”
“No! You jerk, using your sweet talking to make me nervous! Say it!”
His fingers dance against her side and she screams.
She releases him, her body tightened up like a spring. She huffs loudly, trying to smooth her clothes. Ken shakes his head. “What? Are you crazy?”
Momo doesn’t apologize. “Go to sleep, turd!”
He glares at her, and it’s half-hearted. He doesn’t mean it. He could’ve tackled her, but that probably would’ve been more weird.
Before Momo leaves, she stops. She turns back to him. “I love you too, Ken,” she mutters.
“Huh, what? What was that? I didn’t hear you?” He prods.
Momo grits her teeth. “Oh, screw off!”
Ken can only grin. He loves her so much.
When he finally lies on the futon, he can only think about Momo. His heart thrums warmly against his chest. Tomorrow it will be the same, and he hopes in the future she’s still there beside him through it all.