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Dave picked at the scales on his arms, mind wandering as he walked circles in the small living room. Since Jack had left to finish tying up the loose ends, Dave found himself in a never-ending spiral of reevaluating everything from his past. Really, he had been turning through his memories since learning about the truth behind Dee’s death. Since learning about Peter’s past however, one particular memory clung to Dave like dried blood. No matter how much he scrubbed, there was always a lingering stain. The scent of iron that clung to him.
“Fuck…” Dave loots down as he breaks off a scale, a pinprick of blood surfacing as he stares down at his arm. The pain momentarily brought him out of his stupor. Just long enough to notice Steven staring at him from the corner, dial clicking quietly as he shifts and looks away.
“Somethin’ da matter, phone-face?” Dave quips, forcing a wide smile on his face.
Steven rolls his dial, seeming to look everywhere but straight at Dave. After a beat of squirming under Dave’s unblinking stare, he sighs, standing from his spot and striding over to him. From his pocket, he pulls out some bandages, a right miracle to have in the Flipside. Before he could say anything else, Steven grabs Dave’s arm, beginning to wrap the injured area in bandages.
“Dammit all, employee,” Steven mutters, “you can’t go hurting yourself before we go kick Henry’s ass. You’re putting us all at a disadvantage.”
Dave blinks, silently watching as Steven expertly tied off the bandage. He tore off the remainder before tucking the leftovers back in his suit pocket. Satisfied with his work, Steven rings quietly before looking up at Dave.
“Now, what’s got you pulling a stunt like that?”
Once again, Dave doesn’t say anything. He was still processing Steven showing a modicum of care. Of anyone, really, showing some level of concern for him. Someone that wasn’t Jack, or…
Steven buzzes, just loud enough to pull Dave from spiraling again. He stares up at him expectantly. Dave shifts, dropping his eyes down to his shoes.
“Been rememberin’ some things. Thinkin’ about shit that happened back at the circus.”
Taking a breath, Steven snakes an arm around Dave, guiding him over to the corner he had been sitting at. He was shockingly strong, easily pulling Dave along. When they reach the corner, he grabs Dave’s shoulders and forces him to sit down. He sits beside him.
“Alright, spill the beans.” Steven says.
“.....What?”
Steven gestures to Dave, “Tell me what you’re getting so stuck on. We’ve got plenty of time.”
Dave hesitates, looking around the living room. Everyone was busy talking to each other, catching up after so many years apart between making plans for the fight against Henry. They weren’t paying a lick of attention to Steven or him. Taking a deep breath, he nods.
“Alright. It was back when Henry was running the travelling circus, a month or so after he’d adopted me.”
– – –
William’s time in the circus was the best time he had ever had in his life. Only second best to maybe the time someone dropped a kebab in his tip jar. Working at the circus was everything he could have wanted and more. At the circus, he had a family. Maybe it wasn’t the perfect nuclear family that William had sometimes always heard be talked about, but it was his. The silk dancers made warm meals for everyone to enjoy, the baton twirlers taught William how to do tricks and have good hand-eye coordination. Others like the knife throwing troupe and Lion Tamer made sure to teach William how to stay safe around all the different attractions. They emphasized safety above all else, no matter your act.
Then there was the Ringmaster. Henry Miller. The center of William’s small world. He was the one that picked William out of the crowd, after all. Who insisted that he had something special in him that no one else had. He believed in William, getting him a brand-new trombone for him to practice while on the road between states. He had the seamstress make William his own set of clothing, declaring that he would be Henry’s second in command. William would help run the circus, as well as be Henry’s assistant for his magic tricks. It was like a dream come true.
The weeks came and went, Dave’s memories of anything exactly being fuzzy even after hours of mulling this time in his life over. What he did remember however was that the circus had stopped in Minnesota when it happened.
Despite having been with the circus for a while, William never quite acclimated to being around so many people. Between the loud cheers and laughter to the bright lights, it was all very overwhelming for him. So, after the Big Top show ended, he’d slip between the tents for the smaller attractions for a breather. He never strayed far from the setup, always staying within earshot in case he was needed. Sometimes he would catch another one of the performers back here too, taking a quick break in between their acts.
Tonight was no different, as William rounded a corner, he saw Henry. As always, he wore his dark red ringmaster outfit, adorned in gold lace that made him shine even in the darkness. Around him was a group of four, maybe five children. Their eyes were alight with awe as they followed Henry, listening to him talk about the history of their small circus. It was a story that William knew at heart, himself. Drifting over, William caught Henry’s eye. The children all follow Henry’s gaze over to William, as if they were all in a trance. Really, who wouldn’t be when so close to the great Henry Miller?
“Willy,” Henry greets, his voice sweet like honey, “just the assistant I wanted to see.”
William, recognizing the call, smiles in response, “Oh Henry, I’m yer only assistant! What can I do you for?”
Henry gives a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the edges. “Nothing at the moment, Willy. I am simply giving these children a special tour.”
Clasping his hands together, William smiled wide. He adored how kind Henry was, always looking to spread Joy where he could, especially to the children.
“I’ll leave you all to it, then!” William said, punctuating his exit with a deep bow.
As William turned back into the crowds of circus-goers, he smiled to himself.
– – –
“You just left them?!” Dee’s raspy voice exclaims, pulling Dave from his memory. He felt his face grow hot, staring down at his worn down shoes. He picked at the laces, not saying anything as Steven rings softly.
“It’s not like he knew what Henry was going to do.” Steven chides, “He was a kid, and Henry had practically saved his life. If you were in that position, would you really do anything different?”
Dee starts to say something, but stops herself. She crosses her arms, sitting across from Dave. When he remains quiet, she gestures for him to continue.
Dave takes a deep breath, “Lookin’ back, Henry was definitely luring those kids. He was even nearby the Lion Tamer’s tent, who was on break at th’ time. At least with those kids, I never saw any o’ them again. I did run into one o’ the parents of them, though.”
– – –
The mother of a child had approached William, brows furrowed in worry. He had just finished an act alongside some of the other jugglers. William stayed behind as the juggling pair went to clean up their set.
“Good evening ma’am!” William greeted with a tip of his hat, “Is there something I can help you with?”
She looked up at William, “Yes uhm, my son, Samuel… he-he’s wandered off.” She takes a breath, trying to calm herself.
“Oh!” William responds, answering with what Henry had taught him to say, “Do you remember where ya last saw yer child miss..?”
“Sarah.” The mother replies. “I saw Samuel last around the Lion Tamer’s tent. He wanted to find the ringmaster again.”
Sarah sighed, “That silly boy always runs off to whatever catches his eyes.”
“I totally understand th’ feelin’!” William says, “Here, follow me to th’ front of th’ circus. There I can make ‘n announcement for the workers to keep ‘n eye out fer little Samuel!”
He snakes an arm around Sarah, guiding her expertly through the crowd. “Try not ta worry too much, miss! Kids run off all th’ time! ‘Specially at places like th’ circus!”
Sighing, Sarah shakes her head. “Thank you so much for the help. I’m so sorry my little kiko has caused you so much trouble.”
William waved his hand dismissively. “Like I said, it ain’t anything to worry yer head about!”
He led Sarah to the front, using the makeshift intercoms to make the announcement. She ended up leaving after a few hours, deciding to search elsewhere, thinking that he had run off to a friend of his’ house. William wished her well before returning to his route around the circus, casting the lost boy from his mind. After all, how far could one boy go?
– – –
“I don’t know what I’m more concerned by,” Peter pipes up from the couch across the room, “The mother being so calm or that she was the only parent you saw.”
Dave nods, “There weren’t any other announcements made that night either. None that I remember, at least.”
Dee shakes her head in disbelief, “You didn’t think there was anything suspicious about that?”
“Not n’ th’ moment! N’ why would I? Henry saved me. Th’ last thing I was gonna do was think he was doin’ was scheming!”
Steven nods in understanding, “I don’t think I would’ve in that situation either. Hell, even if I did suspect something was going on god knows I wouldn’t have done anything about it.”
“If that’s what you’re so caught up on, I can tell you it isn’t worth it.” Peter adds, “It doesn’t do any good to mull over the past.”
“As someone who did exactly that,” Steven adds, “I can confirm it only makes you feel shittier than you were before.”
Dave bobs his head, “I know, I know! I’m not sayin’ I regret anything I did or didn’t do. It’s just.. Spooky, I guess.”
“Spooky?” Dee prompts.
“Looking back at what was such a good memory for me, something that was foundational to me becoming who I am.” Dave pauses, shaking his head softly, “Realizing that there was a shadow so dark and vast that I couldn’t see past the lights.”
“Well, that certainly makes sense.” Steven says, “Shadows are cast behind you, and if you’re dazzled by the bright lights ahead why look behind you, yeah?”
Smiling a little, Dave nods. “Exactly that. In a sense, I did find that boy though.”
– – –
Of course, as with most morning after show nights, there was lots of cleaning up to be done. William was one of the first ones awake, rising with the sun as it peaked over the horizon. It was a habit he never quite shook off from his time in the streets, feeling the need to make the most of every second of sunlight. He wore some loose clothing he had picked up from a few states ago, some grey sweatpants and a lilac top. Stepping outside of the wagon he called home, he took a breath of fresh air. The brisk Autumn breeze did well as waking him up as he took a stroll around the circus, taking note of everything that needed to be done.
As William reached the outer area of the circus though, he noticed Henry lugging a particularly heavy looking trash bag. William jogged across the field to Henry, reaching him just as Henry dumped the bag into the massive bins a few yards away from the circus.
“Mornin’ Henry!” William greets as Henry cracks his back. “Yer up awfully early today!”
“Hello, William.” Henry responds, rolling his neck, “I suppose I am. Trying to get a good start to the day.”
William beams, “That’s good t’ hear! Anything I can help with?”
Henry regards William for a long moment. It felt like he was sizing William up. He stared at William, and he felt like he was staring into his very soul. Something dark reflected back at William, but as soon as he had caught a glimpse, the moment passed.
“I have quite the task I find myself facing, William. I could use a partner to delegate certain… parts too.”
Tilting his head, William smiles. “I’ll do anything you need, Mistah Miller! You saved my life, after all! If not for you….” he trails off, expression falling for a moment before he shakes his head.
In response, Henry smiles, and the world felt a little brighter. William knew, even then, that he’d follow Henry to hell and back to see him smile like that again.
– – –
Everyone stared at Dave as he finished finally, pulling his knees up to his chest. In the silence, he started to pick at his scales again, only stopping even Steven gently grabbed his hand. Squirming, he shifts to hug his knees.
BlackJack was the first to break the silence, quietly growling.
“Miller has done irreparable damage to us all. Though it does not erase your sins, I feel sympathy for what you witnessed, Afton.”
Dave snapped his head up to stare at BlackJack. He hadn’t expected him to say anything at all, let alone something vaguely kind. Dee, also stunned by the shadow doggo’s words, nods in agreement silently.
“I’m gonna beat that magenta ass into a pile of raspberry jam!” Steven hisses, dial rattling in rage. Peter gives his shoulder a gentle squeeze to calm him down.
“We’ll get our happy ending.” Peter reassures him, turning to Dave. “All of us.”
Taking a breath, Dave nods, his shoulders relaxing as he leans into Steven. Closing his eyes, he lets the peace of having let the memory go wash over him. Steven was right, it wasn’t worth holding onto anyways. Not when he had a future of fond memories to look forward to.