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After the crash, nothing was the same. There was little chance that someone would save them. There was little chance that the Pony Express would care about their lives AT ALL.
He thought he had suffered the most out of everyone. He hadn't imagined it. He hadn't thought that something like that could even happen. It didn't make any sense. Not one bit.
Because how do you explain the fact that he was pregnant just like that? Without anything? Did he just imagine it? Was it just in his head, or was he in a coma? Was it a punishment from fate? Too many questions, but Anya should have the baby inside her, not him.
Their baby?
He was supposed to be a dad. Alone? With someone? Who was the "second"? Anya? Curly? Because Curly had acted lately like he could be one. After all, he didn't have his own family, and he wanted to start one someday. Was Curly the one who manifested it? It was a ridiculous question, but it was possible to answer?
The way Curly acted towards him. He was so supportive. More so than others from the crew.
Swansea didn't want to look at it at first, but he got used to it like everyone else. Anya avoids looking at his growing belly at every opportunity. She also does it during every ultrasound examination she does, whenever she examines Jimmy's baby and his body.
She wouldn't do it that often or hardly ever, but Curly always asked her so nicely that she couldn't refuse.
Daisuke, on the other hand, was cheerful, despite the crash that had befallen them. Anya kept it to herself, but it annoyed her that he asked her so many times how it was possible for a man to be pregnant just like a woman. She didn't know the answer; no one fucking did. How could she know the answer to such a ridiculous question? It was impossible.
Daisuke thought that since she was a nurse, she knew about such things. That she knew everything. She wasn't known for everything. She had to learn many things, but she couldn't do so little. She was able to keep herself and the Tulpar crew alive. She wasn't sure whether to agree to the interstellar travel. Pony Express believed she could handle it, and in the end, she had to go on much longer travels. To learn more in practice. To show what they and their courses had taught her.
Daisuke left her alone after a while. She ignored the fact that Jimmy argued with him whenever his belly was more and more visible. Daisuke didn't want to be rude; he liked to joke, but massaging Jimmy's belly and talking to the baby in a "sarcastic" way (according to Jimmy) made Jimmy furious. He kept his temper in check whenever Curly told him not to get nervous for his own good and the good of the baby. If it weren't for that, Daisuke would have stopped sticking around so close and trying to talk to him or joke with him a long time ago. About anything and everything.
Jimmy was really nervous lately. The worst part was that she had to keep an eye on him. She did it for their captain.
She didn't tell anyone, but she wanted Jimmy to pay for what he did to her at the beginning of their travel. It was hard to forget. Sometimes the memories of that day, Jimmy's stupid games, and the moments between them came back, but she didn't show it. Luckily they were less frequent than at the beginning.
She wanted to forget the pain he had caused her, to move on, no matter how hard it was. They were unaided on their own.
She had to deal with these thoughts.
In a way, she was glad that Jimmy was pregnant and not her.
Jimmy felt pain. It was a horrible thing to say, but she wanted him to feel more. Like she had when he had forced her into sex and she couldn't stop the pain. Like that day when he had "visited" her under a stupid pretext.
In a way, it was her fault that Jimmy was hurting now. It was ridiculous to think that what she had thought earlier had become true. After a while, she found it to be a strange working of reality.
Jimmy didn't want to admit that there was something between him and his stupid friend. It wasn't. He hated him. He was also lying to himself.
He caused this crash. He panicked. And now they were stuck on this freighter without any help.
No one is coming for them. They couldn't afford it.
After foam appeared in the cockpit, Jimmy was sure that his foolish friend at that moment would not survive this, and they would have to kill him so that he would not suffer anymore.
He had flashes about it. He didn't remember much. He felt that he hadn't helped him at all. Just Curly had simply not been able to enter the cockpit that the accident had only pushed him back until he fell. That's what he thought.
However, Curly said that it was not like he had presented it to him at all. He said that at the right time he had managed to grab his hand so that he would not enter the cockpit and moved them both away, thanks to which both of them survived the crash. There was nothing further, and he could read the lie in Curly's face.
There was something more than this.
The beginnings were difficult. They had to pull themselves together, clean many things, be careful, ration supplies, and drink that disgusting mouthwash. They weren't dying yet, they would have enough supplies for a very long time, but he needed them more than anyone else. Anya seemed quiet about it, but he knew she hated him.
Had he become a captain like he dreamed? To be like his best friend? No. Curly was still in charge. There was no chance, not even now, that he would be in charge. He was pregnant, and Curly was completely healthy. Only he was damaged.
He was jealous of his place. He was just his assistant, his helper, not his co-pilot like he thought he would be. It didn't matter if the rank said he was. Curly had arranged this job for him as soon as he managed to get out of prison. He was hired by Pony Express. Curly thought it would keep him out of jail.
Curly told him so. He liked trouble, and trouble liked him. Surprisingly, Curly was glad Jimmy didn't get into trouble. He got a job, and he tried to control his aggressive behavior whenever someone deliberately tried to get him off balance. He tried to be close to Jimmy, because he was the only one he really had.
Jimmy had no one but him. And now, it was the same.
Now he had to take care of him and his baby. These were the most important lives he had in his hands now. And the rest of his crew as well.
He had no chance of getting any message from Pony Express, despite the partially functioning cockpit. This room was a mess, but he hoped they were planning how to get them out of here. Them and Jimmy, whom he didn't want to leave alone. They couldn't live here.
He waited for the hope that had long since faded in others. Also in Jimmy, who might not want to admit that he was afraid yet.
It was obvious that Jimmy wanted to give up, but he didn't want him to kill their baby.
But was it even one? Everyone noticed that. It wasn't just one baby.
Jimmy hid his growing belly a little more over time. His emotions were volatile, but he was mostly quiet. And most of all to Curly.
A recent ultrasound examination revealed the fact that another life was growing inside his friend. Each of them grew slowly, with frequent pain. Jimmy cursed those days, weeks, and months, but Curly couldn't help but notice one more thing about him. He looked like he was smiling. Anya found it really strange.
Jimmy had been suffering a lot.
He had been getting supplies out lately. There wasn't much of it. They were running out. He had to share them with everyone. Also mouthwash, but he couldn't give it to Jimmy. No matter how much he wanted it.
"You're being frivolous, Jimmy. You're carrying your own children in your belly. You can't just remove them just like that."
Jimmy didn't want to hear it, but he was desperate to get rid of the problem inside. Curly wouldn't let that happen.
He wanted to take care of Jimmy's children. Help him. Even if Jimmy wanted to reject his help.
He left the medical bay where Anya often spent the time. She needed to talk and be supported. He wanted to assure her that he would help her with what had happened between her and Jimmy, but she just wanted to forget about it. She didn't have the strength to work for this company. She wanted to get back to earth and just forget about it.
He wanted it too, but he had it all on his mind.
Walking back down the hallway to the lounge, he passed Swansea leaning against the door to the utility room, almost unconscious, only drinking mouthwash. He had fallen back into alcoholism, and it was hard to help him with that.
He lacked strength. Anya and Daisuke were his support, but they were also weak. Swansea didn't try. He just complained.
However, there were some good sides to it. Jimmy was less scared than he had been at first. He didn't want to commit suicide.
Jimmy tried to be supportive, even if it wasn't so often. He showed less forced laughter. He tried to be honest with him.
As soon as Curly entered through the heavy metal door, his gaze met Daisuke, who was sitting on a couch with Jimmy.
Curly decided to approach them. He took a few steps, going down the stairs to the lower level in the lobby, in a place where they used to relax so often, play games, read, and even when he and Anya watched the night sky on the big screen. He still remembered that moment. Everyone was asleep except them. They were completely alone.
He really felt like he was really on earth, and the minutes were just quick seconds.
As soon as he got closer, Daisuke stopped talking to Jimmy and stood up from the couch, meeting his eyes uncertainly with Curly.
"Thanks, Daisuke," Curly began first, looking at him with a calm gaze.
"As always, Captain- C-Curly," he corrected himself, looking down shyly, scratching the back of his neck.
"You don't have to be so formal, Daisuke. Not anymore," he said to him pleasantly. "You look tired. Go get some sleep. You need some rest," he ordered gently, patting the side of his right arm.
"That's what I need," he confirmed, barely nodding in agreement. He left without haste.
Curly turned his head, watching Daisuke's tired, slow steps. He didn't want to show his weakening will to fight, but he was probably also tired of taking care of Jimmy, who had different moods.
He couldn't always be with Jimmy. Anya and Daisuke helped him a lot. Swansea hadn't shown his uselessness in a long time. He asked him for other things. Not concerning Jimmy.
Swansea was older than him. It was possible that he knew more, but this time he felt that he was starting to be less wise. Maybe that was the cause of this crash that Jimmy had caused.
But no one knew except him. They couldn't know that.
Curly turned his head to Jimmy, feeling less depressed. He looked at Jimmy, who wasn't paying attention to him. He was paying attention to something completely different. Was it his stomach or the floor?
Without any answer, he sat down next to Jimmy, almost touching his knee, almost waking him up from his thoughts.
"Jimmy," Curly said quietly, slowly moving his hand forward so he could grab his hand, which was resting on his stomach.
He wrapped Jimmy's hand in his own, but when Jimmy felt it, he looked at him in surprise and quickly slapped his hand away.
As if he was offended by something. As if he was offended by him.
Curly withdrew his hand, seeing Jimmy's surprised and tired face. He leaned against the support, not having the strength to get up this time, or even move further away from his friend.
Curly didn't want to give up anyway. This time, however, his hand went towards Jimmy's stomach. He moved a little to bring his hand to the center of his stomach, running his fingers over the material of his uniform.
This time, Jimmy didn't push his hand away or protest loudly like he had last time. He seemed more relaxed, or maybe he was tired of fighting Curly for the touch he allowed himself this time.
Jimmy felt a red blush appear on his face. Curly's touch began to linger, stroking his plump belly, and after a moment he covered most of his belly with his hand, slowly stroking.
Jimmy looked up and met Curly's gaze immediately, a smile on his face softening and widening as soon as their eyes met.
Maybe he felt the babies kick? Maybe he wanted to show more kindness? He always tried to show that he was trying.
Jimmy didn't pay much attention to it, because a stronger kick tore him from his thoughts. He hissed quietly, squeezing his eyes, not paying attention to the contact of their hands at the time when he wanted to grab his stomach and stroke it to reduce the pain.
Two was the limit. His stomach was so big. He had trouble standing up and stupidly had to count on Curly's help above all.
He often couldn't stand this pain. The due date was close, but he couldn't imagine giving birth in space. He didn't count how many days they had left to live. He was afraid he would die.
At first he didn't want these children, but later he felt that he was getting attached to them and was glad that he carried some life inside him. He pretended to be tough, and if it weren't for the pregnancy, he would have been gone long ago.
At least Anya didn't suffer like he did. She wasn't pregnant like he was. She didn't have it.
He was embarrassed by Curly's touch on his hand, but the pain was much stronger than usual. Before he could react, Curly was stroking his swollen belly, whispering soothing words into his ear. He could feel his breath, his delicate blond stubble on his skin. It was endearing.
He blushed more. Less focused on the touch, he looked down, begging for peace from his unborn babies. He wanted to soothe the pain with his own touch, but Curly was still touching him. This time, both hands were covering his belly.
The movements were gentle, decisive, soothing, like his friend's words. Such large and strong hands were covering his belly. He noticed that his belly was so huge. However, the pregnancy was still dragging on. That's how he felt more or less.
"C-Curly..." he shuddered quietly, swallowing hard.
He didn't care now. The pain was unbearable. Even though he would never show it, he placed his own hands on Curly's when they wanted to move away as soon as he said his name. He held them a little tighter, closed his eyes, breathing deeply, feeling Curly's hands caressing him and his warm whisper now echoing on his cheek.
"Everything will be alright. As always. Don't worry."
Curly's melodic voice echoed through the empty, dark room where he was sure he would be alone.
When the pain stopped for a moment, Curly moved his face away a little, took one hand from Jimmy's belly, and fixed his hair, directing a gentle kiss to his cheek, feeling Jimmy's dark stubble.
He had waited too long to do it. This time he had the chance.
"Everything will be alright. As always. Don't worry."
This moment didn't last long. He didn't think about that stupid kiss on his cheek. The pain was now more present than before.
It wasn't that moment yet, but he quickly found himself on the bed with the help of Curly and Daisuke. At that moment, Anya was sitting next to him, holding an ultrasound scanner in her hand, touching and moving the ultrasound transducer over his belly smeared with gel in various places, slowly and carefully, looking at the image on the machine with big concentration.
It was hard for Jimmy to undress from his work uniform, to be left only in the clothes he had underneath them, but with Curly's help, he managed to get out of them with the least amount of trouble. This time he didn't sweat like last time.
The pain disappeared during the examination, and Jimmy felt much better. Curly also breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Jimmy in a different mood. He was all the more calm when it turned out that nothing bad had happened. It wasn't time to give birth. The chance of a miscarriage (which Jimmy had counted on at the beginning) was negligible.
Anya did the routine examinations. She did all of Jimmy's vital signs, and at the end, she was checking on the health of the babies that he complained about.
She was relieved to know that Curly had calmed his nerves. He was calmer and more rational than all of them, but everyone was losing their minds. After all, they were off the ground, away from their families and friends.
She offered Jimmy to stay lying down while she wiped the gel off his belly, put away gear, and threw away the used gloves and other supplies she had used.
It was no surprise that Jimmy didn't want to listen to her this time. Like every time. If it weren't for Curly, he wouldn't have forced himself to lie down.
"You're amazing, Anya. I don't know what we would have done without you," Curly said, smiling, turning to her as soon as she approached them again.
"You're really welcome, Captain. I have to do my job," she said in a more confident voice, not trying to draw attention to Jimmy but to her commander.
She had heard Curly ask her not to call him that many times, but she was teasing him. She said it especially because she had been saying it since the beginning of their acquaintance at work.
She might not have counted on working together again once they got back to Earth, but she counted on meeting him sometimes. They didn't live that far apart.
"Are you often this bored? Do you like teasing me like that?" He shared a smile when he saw her reciprocate.
Their "conversation" didn't last very long due to Jimmy getting irritated, whether it was intentional or not, but he was asking about the results of the ultrasound examination.
He hated that tone towards Anya. He had never heard it during their conversations.
He hated looking at them. Listening to them. He was still jealous. More than before.
Why was she still here?
"S-so... the pregnancy is going well. The due date is closer than I had previously deduced. That's a very good sign, Jimmy," she said with little enthusiasm.
Jimmy just sighed, and before he decided to get up, his head hit the pillow again, still feeling such a weight on him. The little ones were calm, but it seemed to him that he could feel another kick after such a short time.
"A good sign? At what point? Can you imagine me giving birth in a place like space? Like this freighter? I can't imagine it myself," he began angrily, turning his gaze from the screen of the sunset sky to Anya, who was surprised by such a tone.
But Jimmy's tone changed to a gentler, more fearful one at the end of the sentence.
He was afraid of what would come.
“There's no need to panic, Jimmy. It's hard for each of us, but we have to enjoy what we have,” he comforted him.
“Yes... But you're not the one suffering here, Curly,” he said angrily, unable to look at both of them now.
He looked away. Towards the setting sun. Maybe that would bring him back to earth?
Maybe all this wasn't real.
Silence fell on the room. Curly knew that there was no point in continuing this conversation.
Jimmy couldn't get annoyed.
Jimmy, as always, considered himself a victim. He thought that he was the only one suffering. That wasn't true.
Curly signaled to Anya, pointing his gaze to the door. Anya nodded without any denial, understanding the captain's request. Ignoring Jimmy, she turned her steps towards the door and left, leaving them completely alone.
Curly turned to Jimmy, who had no intention of looking at him this time.
Curly paid attention to Jimmy's feelings. They were not foreign to him, and he wanted to help him like any best friend would.
His gaze traveled lower. He smiled. The tenderness that Jimmy offered his babies. This was something else. A different side of him.
Jimmy stroked his belly so tenderly. He always explained that it was because of the pain the little ones caused him, but Curly knew more than the rest of the crew.
They had known each other longer. And it would remain that way.
Did he want to waste this friendship?
He walked over and moved the chair close enough so that he could sit next to the bed. So that he could touch his friend.
"You don't suffer at all. Maybe at first you did, but I know that now you feel something completely different. You've grown attached to them," he announced tenderly and firmly, raising his right hand towards Jimmy's belly.
Jimmy was surprised again, and once again, he looked at his friend's touch with those eyes. Just like before.
"You're talking complete nonsense. You know that?" he asked sarcastically, hearing a chuckle from Curly after a second. “Have you drunk that stupid mouthwash? Did Swansea drink it all?”
Curly chuckled again, not taking his hand from touching Jimmy's stomach, placing his left one as well.
Jimmy didn't pull away. It was a sweet and soothing feeling.
But he wanted to do it.
“Maybe,” he snorted stupidly, not showing the seriousness on his face. “I know more than you do. I know a lot about you, and I know that this face will never lie to me.”
“It's hard to believe,” he interjected, slightly irritated.
“You'll admit I'm right someday. I know I can read you better now. And I know you've often been jealous. Mostly of me.”
Jimmy was surprised at these words, about to push Curly's touch away, but he moved closer.
His face. His hands. They were closer than before.
"You don't have to hide it anymore. I understand you perfectly. I felt it, but you don't have to be like that at all. There's nothing to be jealous of. You don't have to feel like a victim, because you're not," he whispered.
Jimmy felt like he heard another echo. In a completely empty room.
But he was still there. Curly, most of all.
Curly didn't look this time only with his eyes, which were plastered all over the hallway, watching his every little movement as he just walked in circles. Walking in the same direction with no exit. Begging for an exit.
He was so lost.
"Y-you know nothing about me. Stop playing a fucking hero," he hissed, frowning, not avoiding gaze with Curly's.
He was surprised when he didn't even show anger. His face softened so suddenly.
"I'm not trying to do that at all. I want to take care of you, and most of all, you, Jim." He approached Jimmy's face and said slowly, melodically.
Jimmy was surprised by this movement but fell silent this time. Feeling one hand on his stomach this time, and the other on his cheek. A thumb gently and slowly stroked his skin, hooking into his stubble.
Again, he was speechless at Curly's movement.
Now, he realized that he looked so calm. He was composed and always smiling. No matter what happened, he was always like that.
He didn't know what would surprise him at that moment.
"We'll get through this together. I'll help you. I think that... I could become their father," he sighed quietly and tenderly, this time stroking Jimmy's belly slowly and protectively.
Before Jimmy could protest another of Curly's poetry, he felt the kicks of one of the babies and the soothing touch (this time) of both of Curly's hands, which crept with their warmth under his white sweater.
Jimmy shivered at the touch. However, it wasn't cold. It was pleasant. Warm. Caring.
"I'll take care of them just like I do for you. We'll solve the situation with Anya that happened earlier. Now, take care of yourself and the babies. I'll help you, and when we get back, you'll live with me. I'll do as much as it takes.” He rubbed Jimmy's stomach again, telling him what he had been thinking for a very long time.
Curly dreamed of a family. Jimmy, not so much.
Curly wanted to provide Jimmy with everything he could. He was prepared for all of it.
It might seem crazy to anyone, but he could even be ready to live with Jimmy. He could love Jimmy and take care of the children who would never be his.
But who knew that they weren't his? Jimmy didn't know either.
He wanted to have a family. With Jimmy it was possible.
“Y-you're crazy, Curly.” He looked surprised at such brave words.
“I'm thinking clearly. I try to do it for most of you,” he replied, taking his hands off Jimmy's stomach, placing one of his hands on the bed and the other on his left cheek.
“Probably,” Jimmy lied mockingly, wanting to turn his head towards the screen so he couldn't feel the eyes on him or the touch.
But it stopped him. For longer than it should have.
“I'm glad you agree.”
Curly didn't take it as a joke.
He didn't plan on it, but he approached Jimmy's face even more confidently, observing his curious and slightly paralyzed brown eyes.
“Sure—”
Curly cut off Jimmy's words by leaning even closer, touching his lips, placing the kiss a little longer. He slowly pulled away, seeing the great surprise in Jimmy's eyes, who couldn't force a single word from his slightly opened lips.
At that moment, Curly was looking at him with such tenderness that he had never looked so openly at anyone, not even at him. He didn't notice it.
“I’ll stay as long as you want. Even if you can't say it,” he whispered, moving his finger from his cheek to his jaw, feeling their lines and the rough stubble that had long shown his attractiveness in Jimmy.
Jimmy fell silent, not having the strength for words this time. After that kiss, he ran out of breath. He didn't know his friend felt so much for him. He wasn't even disgusted by it.
He simply allowed himself to be quiet. To have a calmer rhythm in his heart. Curly wanted to help him.
Should he let him help him? Should he let him stay as close as he wanted?
All that mattered now were the children he had inside him. The support Curly gave him. And the love. Something he hadn't expected at all.
Maybe if he finally closed his eyes and opened them again, maybe they would be safe, far from the empty space.
There would be no pain, and Curly, whom he hated so much, would be with him and help him fix himself.
The demons were waking up inside him too often, and Curly could most likely protect him from them.