Work Text:
She's gone. Well, she's been gone for a while now. It's been a few months since she passed. Or rather, it's been a few months since she ascended. The dying part was before that, I guess.
It still hurts. I knew you were gone, Gia. I knew you would ascend, and yet, it still fucking hurts. Even now, after all this time, after people started moving on, I'm still here, drowning in the ache of losing you. You're everywhere I look. In the stars, in the clouds, in every flickering candle. For fuck's sake, every single thing on this godforsaken planet feels like it's wrapped up in your memory, pulling me back to you.
Erika is moving on. She's got that college life now, just like you wanted for her. She still thinks about you, I can tell, but she's living—really living. And I know damn well you wanted that for me too. You wanted me to move forward, to chase my dreams, to build a life worth living. But here I am, stuck. Drinking my sorrows away like I did when you were alive.
Alive. God. Back when you were here with me, at least. Now, it's just me—alone in this room, on the edge of passing out drunk but never drunk enough to numb the pain in my chest. Christ, I'm pathetic. I can't even bring myself to visit your grave. I'm scared—scared that if I go, it'll hit me all at once, the reality that you're really, truly gone forever. And even if I could gather the courage to go, I wouldn't even know what flowers to leave for you. I never learned your favorites. We didn't have enough time.
You know what's the worst part? It's not just the grief; it's the guilt. Every time I think about you, I start replaying everything I could've done differently. All the words I should've said, the things I should've done. I know that's not fair, that's not how it works, but my mind won't let it go.
I hate that I'm so angry too. Angry at the world, at myself, at you—how fucked up is that? I'm angry at you for leaving, even though I know it wasn't your choice. It's like this cycle of pain and rage and regret that never stops. I'm trying, Gia. I swear I'm trying to be okay, but every time I take one step forward, it feels like something pulls me ten steps back.
Sometimes I think about what you'd say if you could see me now. Would you be disappointed? I'd like to think you'd still love me, even like this. But then I think about how strong you were, how much hope you always carried, and I just feel like I'm letting you down.
The time we had was too fucking short. And now here I am, talking to the sky like an idiot, hoping you can somehow hear me. It's pathetic, isn't it? But I don't care. Please, Gia. Please come back to me. My sweet, sweet Gia. I don't know how to do this without you. I don't even know where to start. But I promise, I'll try. For you, I'll try. Just... give me a sign, okay? Something to let me know you're still out there, watching over me. Something to hold onto. Please.
And so, I waited. Hours passed, just like every other night I've done this—searching the silence for a sign that never came.