Chapter Text
Collapsing onto bed sheets, limbs heavy and still trembling, Lexa prayed that she’d stay there forever. Wrapped in Clarke’s arms--wrapped in the one girl that owned her heart and soul--was the only way she wanted to exist. The only way she wanted to live. And now, she knew, it was the only way she could.
She tried not to think about the fact that she would be alone again, soon.
She tried, and failed.
Clarke faced her, fingers tracing lazily up and down her exposed side. The touch was feather light, but Lexa felt as though she might break from the contact--that her skin might shatter and her ribs might cave in. It made her heart stutter in her chest, despite the fact that those same fingers had been in much more intimate places only minutes before. She swallowed at the thought. Her throat still felt raw from all moans she couldn’t help but let slip at the sky girl’s earlier ministrations.
“What’s on your mind?” The question was soft, and quiet. Lexa’s eyes came up to meet Clarke’s, blinking herself out of her thoughts. She didn’t move, letting familiar blue eyes settle on her features. She could see her reflection in the wide pupils, softened by candles and fading sunlight.
“Clarke,” she said, trying to keep her tone even. “I’ve been considering, and….” Her words trailed off as she pulled her lip between her teeth in anxiety. She watched as Clarke waited patiently, her gaze unwavering, before pushing herself to continue. “You should stay in Polis with me.” The words were out, and she could no longer stop them. She knew her love for the girl didn’t erase either of their obligations to their people, but it still stung to think that she could be ripped away from her at any moment. It stung to think that she couldn’t simply let herself be happy. “You’ll be safe here.”
Clarke took a moment to process the suggestion, brow furrowing ever so slightly. She scooted closer to Lexa, her hand leaving the girl’s side and coming to rest in the small distance between them. Their legs tangled under the furs.
“Lexa, you know what I have to do.” Clarke’s words failed to surprise her--she knew her people would always come first. Maybe, someday, they wouldn’t have to. But for now, that was how it was. It stung. But it wasn’t something she could change, despite the fact that she’d give anything to do so.
A short moment of silence fell over the two, their eyes searching each other’s through the still lingering haze of intimacy, before Lexa gave a subtle, understanding nod. Clarke had seen that nod on countless occasions before--barely so apparent as to be noticed, but so full of meaning that she felt her chest would burst every time. She couldn’t bear it. Not now, when everything felt warm, and perfect. Not now, when all she wanted was to love the girl beside her, and their combined scent still lingered in the air. “Can we talk about something else?”
Lexa stared for a second, blinking, before leaning towards Clarke and pressing their lips together. The contact was gentle, and slow--not heated and desperate, as it was minutes before. Her hand came up to cup the blonde’s jaw, sighing into the movement and the barely present swipe of a tongue, before she pulled away and pressed their foreheads together.
“Or… We can not talk at all.”
Clarke couldn’t help the giggle that ripped from her chest, as she pushed Lexa onto her back and rolled on top of her.
Her smile, Lexa thought, as lips came to play at her neck and Clarke’s hand traveled south. There was nothing she loved more than Clarke’s smile.
“Is this okay?” Clarke asked, still nipping and kissing at Lexa’s neck, as her fingers danced just above the girl’s core. She wasn’t sure Lexa was ready for more so soon, and she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
Instead of words, she got the gentle canting of hips, rolling up into her own. Her breath hitched, as she nudged Lexa’s legs apart and moved between them. Her lips made their way down Lexa’s neck, stopping to nip at her collarbone, before continuing lower.
Clarke let her hands worship the body beneath her, avoiding the most sensitive spots on purpose. Lexa felt soft under her palms--firm and lean, but soft, warm, and comforting.
She felt like home.
Clarke laid a small kiss just underneath her navel, as she came to lay under the furs, her head between Lexa’s thighs. She still avoided the places Lexa needed her most, laying small kisses on the insides of the thighs she held onto. She heard the girl whine above her, squirming.
“What?” Clarke laughed. “Got something to say?”
“Clarke…” Lexa’s laugh was soft, and light--the touch of a feather on smooth skin, and the feeling of a cool breeze on a hot summer day. Clarke swore she could listen to it forever.
Then she dipped down, pushing her tongue past Lexa’s lips, and running her tongue up the dripping length. The girl above her moaned abruptly, back arching and breath catching in surprise. “Clarke,” she repeated, softer this time. “Clarke….”
The sky girl took it slow, putting every ounce of love she had into each gentle stroke of her tongue. Lexa tasted incredible--softly sweet, salty, and intoxicatingly heady. Clarke felt her thighs quiver under her fingers, and she squeezed reassuringly, as she sighed into the heat at her mouth.
It didn’t take long before Lexa was rolling into Clarke’s mouth in a steady rhythm, moaning each time her tongue swirled around her stiff clit. Her hands drifted downward and twisted in the blonde locks, gently massaging as she felt tension coil in her belly.
“Clarke,” she began, breathless. “Can you…. Inside…. Beja.” Clarke felt a kick in her core at the words, a small moan ripping from her own chest. Fingers slid across tensing thighs, warmed by candle light and thick bed furs. She moved her mouth to Lexa’s clit and gently sucked, as her fingers slid through the slick heat. She took her time, teasing like she loved to so often, and relished the squirming above her.
Then she pushed a finger in, slow so as to avoid hurting the girl she loved, and curled it upwards. Lexa’s hips bucked upward abruptly, Clarke gently pushing her back down onto the bed with the hand still at Lexa’s thigh.
“Slow, Lexa,” she cooed. “Slow…” She began thrusting gently, curling her finger and feeling her lover clench around her.
“Klark,” Lexa gasped, eyes now closed and head tipped toward the ceiling, tugging at Clarke’s hair rather than massaging. The candlelight made each little bead of sweat glisten. “Mou, beja....” More, please.
Clarke complied, pushing a second finger in slowly, feeling Lexa tighten around her. She continued sucking and flicking at Lexa’s clit, gathering her wetness on her tongue as her fingers curled inside the girl.
Her thrusts were gentle, at first. But they grew in pace, quickening and curling more roughly against Lexa’s front wall as she bucked desperately up into the sky girl’s mouth and swirling tongue. Clarke felt heat gather in her own belly, her wetness beginning to drip down the insides of her thighs. She moaned again, a gentle vibration against Lexa’s core, as her breaths became ragged and she thrusted into Lexa harder, drinking in the feeling of her clenching and unclenching around her with her oncoming peak.
“Clarke,” Lexa moaned. “I’m…. Close….”
Clarke let Lexa buck up into her mouth as her tongue swirled around her clit, and her fingers pushed into her more roughly. She ground down against the bed, herself, searching for any sort of friction. Before long, Lexa was arching off the bed, her mouth open in a strangled moan, as she came around Clarke’s fingers, clenching and releasing wildly.
“Jok, Klark….”
Clarke eased up, stroking gently and easing her lover down from her high, before pulling her fingers out and licking up whatever remained of Lexa’s climax. She placed a small kiss at her clit, before inching her way back up, and meeting full lips again as their bodies pressed together. Lexa could taste herself in the kiss, tongue playing against Clarke’s and exploring freely. She was still trembling from the high.
“Was that okay?” Clarke asked between kisses. Lexa smiled, a small giggle gracing the air. She didn’t answer. Clarke suddenly tasted salt.
She pulled away, gaze falling to tear-streaked cheeks and sad green eyes. Her heart flipped, and she brought her thumbs up to wipe the wetness away. The aching in her own core was forgotten.
“Hey,” she said, her voice a soft whisper. “What’s wrong?”
Lexa smiled up at her, her dark waves a halo behind her ethereal features. She wet her lips, swallowing, before squeezing her eyes shut. She had to force herself to push the words out of her lungs.
“Please don’t leave me.” The plea came out as a quiet sob, her chest suddenly convulsing with each little hitching breath. Clarke had to blink back her own tears, kissing Lexa’s cheeks, eyes, nose, lips--letting her lips wander, and comfort. She wrapped her arms around the girl, holding her against herself and fingers pressing gently into her ribs. She shushed her, cooing, whispering sweet little nothings to her. Lexa suddenly felt incredibly small in her hands--like delicate porcelain, fragile and thin.
“Hey, shhh. It’s okay.” She pressed a kiss against Lexa’s cheekbone, thumb wiping away another stray drop. “I’m not. I’m not leaving, Lexa…. You’re okay….” Lexa’s eyes opened to meet blue ones again, lip quivering and body trembling. She said nothing else, but pulled the blonde down into her side, wrapping her arms around her. Clarke nuzzled her face into Lexa’s neck, as she slung and arm and a leg around her, holding her close under the warm bed furs. The golden light was fading by now, candles casting flickering light across their tangled, tired bodies. Clarke sighed into the comfort--into the feeling of home--before she closed her eyes and decided to let herself drift for a little bit.
Octavia would wait.
Before she fell into the thick embrace of sleep, she heard Lexa mumble something into her hair.
“Ai hod yu in.”
And they slept, wrapped in each other--wrapped in home, and love that waited months to emerge--and for the first time in forever, they both felt safe.
They were both where they belonged.
Though not for long.